


The Silent Horizon

by Rebbawskaced



Series: The Silent Horizon [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Not between the main characters though, Other, Rape, Slow Burn, non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-15 01:01:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 101,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3432251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebbawskaced/pseuds/Rebbawskaced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of V-day, the Kingsmen have their hands full. New spots open up, old spots are filled, and Eggsy finds himself with a brand new set of problems to deal with. When Merlin finally tells him that Harry Hart hadn't been killed at the church, he doesn't know what to expect, but it isn't what he finds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Excalibur

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of these fabulous characters. Wish I did though! ;)
> 
> This has no beta, so be kind. If you see something, please let me know! I took a lot of liberties with this, but I had fun. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> My tumblr username is rebbawskaced, if you want to hit me up for one-off's, prompts, head cannon's, etc.

 

 “What, exactly, are you trying to tell me Rico?” Merlin snapped, voice hard and humorless as he listened to the woman on the other end of the phone. Halfway through the story Merlin found himself taking off his glasses and placing them in his lap. His fingers dug sharply into the bridge of his nose, as if that would help alleviate some of the pressure that was building in his head.

“I understand,” he replied, voice losing it’s edge and a bit of it’s strength. “I suppose I’m going to have to make some upgrades on the sensitivity then,” he swallowed and then continued, barely able to get out the words. “I’m going to call in that favor you owe me.” A tired smile twisted his mouth at the indignant reply.

“Aye, I know it doesn’t seem worth it to you, but you don’t get to decide what I call a favor in for,” he answered, then listened again, removing his hand from his face and replacing his glasses.

“I understand that as well. Should be about six days, ahh no, seven days?” he paused and then scowled, furiously typing on his iPad with one hand. “A fortnight? Rico, you can’t be serious?” His typing stopped as he glared at the device in his hand, listening to the woman on the other line.

“Alright...alright it makes sense. Be careful will you? We’re still reeling on our side, and I need this favor more than you can imagine,” Merlin admitted grudgingly. He sighed at her next question.

“Five...uhh four, then. You?” he asked, voice barely concealing the pain at his answer. An eyebrow shot up in surprise at the reply.

“How the bloody hell did you manage that?” Merlin exclaimed in shock, then allowed a small flush of pleasure to wash over his features. “Thank god for that then. I’m glad the message got out before all hell broke loose. Was that your call? No, of course it was. You’re damn good Rico, I’ll give you that.”

Merlin listened to her speak for a few more moments, fingers still flying across the iPad as he made arrangements. This was going to change everything about the next few months and he had a lot of planning and calculations to make. It was going to be a very busy, and a very hard year on all the Kingsmen. Some more than others.

He spared a brief glance behind him. Eggsy and Roxy were both curled up in the plush chairs, and both of them were asleep. He could hear Eggsy snoring softly, mouth slightly open, glasses askew, arms and legs sprawled in a way that made his back hurt just looking at him. Roxy was much more composed, head pillowed on one arm, and tucked neatly into the chair. They had both had an incredibly hard day, and it was a long flight back to England. They both deserved the rest.

Merlin’s attention snapped back to the phone and his hand stilled again. “You’re a blessing Rico, you’ll never know how much. I’ll take the help just until we’re back on our feet. I know you have a bigger mess on your hands then we do...I suppose we’re back to me owing you again?” He grinned again at her reply and then shook his head.

“Good luck with the clean up...and thank you Nat, I mean it.” Merlin hung up the phone, set the iPad down, and returned his gaze to the open sky in front of him.

He never drank when he flew, but in this case he’d make an exception. He always kept a small flask of scotch in the armrest of the passenger seat, usually saved for a worthy co-pilot with a good story to keep him entertained on longer flights. Merlin flicked the catch and pulled out the flask. He took a very ungentlemanly gulp (but who was looking, really?), savoring the burn as it went down. Then he replaced it and got down to business, pulling the iPad back onto his lap.

“Jesus,” he breathed as he made a small adjustment to the roster in front of him. There were five names with the red Kingsman logo next to them. He lightly tapped one and it turned white again. His gaze lingered a moment longer as the name Galahad lit up, and then he replaced Deceased with Inactive-Medical Leave. Merlin doubted he would ever be happier to correct a mistake.

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a little over two weeks since V-day and the Kingsmen were still trying to pick up the pieces. With the loss of Arthur and Galahad came the loss of three more agents, Tristan, Bedivere, and Bors. That left five open spaces that needed to be filled, and five new recruits that needed to be added to the ranks. Without the appropriate number of members to contribute candidates, and the fact that a good portion of England was still reeling from the mass genocide (although it could have been a lot worse), the options they had were very limited.

After killing Valentine and ruining his plans, Eggsy had assumed that he would have proven himself an able Kingsman...but apparently saving the world wasn’t an automatic entry into the Kingsman’s ranks. Meeting after meeting was held, and despite Merlin and Lancelot’s assurance that they were getting somewhere with the rest of affairs, and that they’d bring up the topic of Eggsy’s induction, things were at a standstill.

The most infuriating thing for Eggsy is that he knew that Merlin and Roxy were keeping things from him. A tightening of the lips, a hurried look, a sentence half started, a muttered apology...all of these things were weighing on him to the point he didn’t want to even ask about how things were going anymore. If they couldn’t be honest with him after all they’d been through he didn’t really want to be around them.

Instead of waiting around for an answer he wasn’t sure he was ever going to get, he spent most of his time using the facilities around the Kingsman’s base. Merlin said he was more than welcome to use them so he made good on the offer. He took JB for walks around the yard, swam laps in the olympic sized pool until his arms and legs started to cramp, lifted weights until his muscles shook and he wasn’t sure he had any more liquid in his body to sweat out. He’d spend hours in the shooting range, hitting moving targets, or stationary targets, with every type of gun he could get his hands on. When he got home at night he was too exhausted to talk to his mother or play with his sister. He’d plead a headache and then collapse into his bed, too tired most of the time to change his clothes.

All in an effort to keep from thinking about Harry Hart.

 

It was a wasted effort. He could no more stop thinking about Harry than he could stop breathing. When he walked JB he thought about Mr. Pickle and how Harry must have walked the same grounds with him when he was a recruit. When he swam he wondered if Harry was any good at swimming (he had never seen him). When he fired a gun, it was Harry’s hand that aimed it; the target, some poor fool from the church in Kentucky. Every bloke in a black suit caused him to do a double take. Every day it rained and he saw a black umbrella a small part of him felt a little more hollow than it had a moment before, knowing it would never again be Harry underneath. Even the smallest things weighed on his mind. A dark blue striped tie. A pair of thick rimmed glasses. A pint of Guinness. A copy of The Sun. A martini, properly prepared (of course).

When he collapsed into bed at night and fell asleep it was Harry who visited him in his dreams, dying again and again in a spray of blood and shattered glass while Eggsy could do nothing. When he woke in the morning it was to find his pillow wet and eyes stinging, hating how helpless he was to stop it. Half the time he would wake up with a deep ache in his hand. When he finally unclenched his fist, it revealed the angry red Kingsman logo imprinted in his flesh as the medallion that Harry had given him to remember his father fell from his grasp.

 

“Eggsy, please tell me what’s eating you,” his mother had pleaded with him one morning as he waved away her offer of breakfast with a tired hand.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it,” he assured her with a smile that he somehow managed to plaster to his face.

“Was it one of your friends babe? Did something happen to them in that awful mess?” she asked, eyes going wide as she remembered her own experience with V-Day.

“Yeah mum, something like that,” he admitted but put a hand on her shoulder and smiled again, “Don’t worry so much, yeah?”

His words seemed to reassure her and she smiled back. To further put her at ease he even went over to Sophie and plucked her from her spot on the floor. He started to tickle her and she shrieked in delight. That brought a real smile to his face. He knew he hadn’t been around much, and Sophie missed him. Making a promise to himself to spend more time with her and less time moping about he gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head and then set her back down.

“Going out again Eggsy? You’re not home a lot any more, but dinner’s at five if you’re hungry,” his mother gave him a small smile and he surprised her by giving her a hug.

“Thanks mum,” he gave a small wave and then picked up the leash and gave a short whistle and JB came trotting into the room. He danced a bit at the door, then sat obediently, allowing Eggsy to hook his collar. The pug didn’t really need the leash, he’d stay at Eggsy’s side, but Eggsy knew other people always felt more comfortable with a dog on a leash.

 

Once out of the house he took the long way to the Kingsman tailor shop. Not that it was too far, even when he took the long way. The Kingsman houses all were within a close radius to the shop. Which also meant they were fairly close to one another. Eggsy tried to convince himself that he took the long way because JB needed the exercise, not because it just happened to go by Harry’s house.

Once he got there though, it was hard to lie to himself. The last time he had been there had been when Harry had been killed in Kentucky. A part of him wanted to go inside, to find what remained of Harry’s life, to find something, hell, anything that might take the edge off. Another part viewed the house as sacred ground, and didn’t want to go stirring up old ghosts. He was haunted enough as it was.

 _You’re a right mess._ He thought to himself as he found himself stopped on the sidewalk gazing at the empty house. JB looked up at him with wide eyes, wondering why they had stopped.

 

It was the familiar chirp of his phone that snapped him out of his thoughts. Roxy’s number appeared on the screen.

“Yeah Rox?” he answered.

“We need you to come in. They’re finally ready to get on with it!” she sounded excited, and happy in a way he hadn’t heard in a long time. A weight he hadn’t known was on his shoulders shifted a little. At least now he would have an answer, one way or the other.

“Wear the suit, will you? Merlin had it cleaned from the last time you wore it and James has it at the shop. Do look presentable for this Eggsy,” she chided, but he could hear the smile in her tone.

“On my way,” he clicked the phone off and looked down at JB. “Gonna get some answers, yeah?” JB’s tail wiggled with such force his back-end shook. Eggsy scooped up the dog and took off at a quick pace towards the tailor shop, a lightness to his step that he welcomed, and a small band of anxiety in his stomach that he didn’t.

\----

Eggsy sat outside the council room dressed in his best (and only) suit and trying not to impatiently tap his foot on the floor as he waited for the meeting to conclude. Roxy had met him outside before the meeting had started and had given him a quick hug and assured him that she and Merlin would do everything they could to get the council to make him a Kingsman. He had smiled at her and nodded, too nervous to even make a witty reply. Merlin had said nothing, but had nodded in his direction and they both disappeared into the council room.

That had been two hours ago. The knot of anxiety had curled tighter and tighter the longer the meeting dragged on. Thoughts of how he had stopped Valentine and saved the world slowly slipped away and were replaced by how many people had died. How many political figures had their heads explode, and how the nations were in turmoil now that there were so few world leaders left? Valentine had captured a few to keep safe, but not nearly enough to keep the world from falling apart.

He should have done more. Moved faster, hesitated less, remembered the poison-coated knife in his shoe earlier. All of these things could have saved countless lives, and that had to be what they were discussing. He might have saved the world, but that might not have been enough to ensure he became a Kingsman. What a laugh that would be.

Eggsy stood up quickly as he heard movement behind the door. He wiped his suddenly sweaty hands on his trousers, straightened his suit, and hoped he didn’t look as nervous as he felt. As he usually did when trying to put on an air of professionalism, his mind returned to Harry. Harry wouldn’t lose his cool over a stupid council meeting, so he wouldn’t either. The thought calmed him enough that he thought the neutral expression on his face was passable as the door opened.

Merlin looked at him, face as unreadable as ever, and then motioned him to come inside. Eggsy walked into the room, trying to remember to breathe. The room was surprisingly full. Two seats were empty. Harry’s seat, and the one next to it. He cast a look at Roxy, but her face was as blank as Merlin’s had been. The knot in his stomach cinched tighter.

 

Arthur’s spot was surprisingly filled by a stern looking older woman with short cropped white hair that Eggsy had never seen before. She motioned him forward to her side and he went to her as calmly as he could, suddenly worried that he’d bollocks the whole thing by tripping.

“So you’re the young man who managed to stop Valentine from destroying most of the world?” she asked, and he was startled again. She was not British, but American.

“Yes. I am,” he replied, keeping his answers as to the point and as sass-less as he could manage.

“Then we all owe you a sincere amount of gratitude. Without you, Lancelot and Merlin, we would have suffered a great many casualties. As it stands, we lost eight Kingsman members of our own division,” she paused and he realized that he must have made a face at the number since his own division had lost five.

A small smile quirked at the corner of her mouth and she continued. “Seeing how we have 50 active agents, we suffered far less than we could have if we had not been properly warned.” Her eyes flicked towards Merlin, but Eggsy didn’t take his eyes off of her face, not wanting to be rude. Fifty agents was a hell of a lot more than the ten they had.

“We’ve spoken at length about what to do with you Mr. Unwin. It’s unprecedented to consider offering membership to someone who murdered their superior, and not just a superior, but the head of the very organization they wish to join.”

Eggsy felt his stomach bottom out. He swallowed and remained silent, not able to trust his voice. Not that he had anything to say. She wasn’t wrong.

 

“That being said, if you hadn’t used your quick thinking and quicker hand I fear we would all be lost to Valentine’s program. Galahad couldn’t have picked a better candidate for a Kingsman, and he would be proud of your deeds Mr. Unwin,” that small smile crept onto her face again and he felt his cheeks flush red.

“Thank you, um...I apologize, we haven’t been introduced,” he faltered a little and then held out a hand. She took it in hers, her hand cool and thin, but by no means weak. She shook like she meant business.

“That was my mistake. You may call me Delaware, and I’m the second in command of the North American division of Kingsmen. Our first in command sends his regards, but we have fifty states of chaos to try to reign in and he couldn’t leave his post.”

“I can understand why,” he replied, a sheepish grin spreading across his face. He was the reason they no longer had a President. Roxy shot him a look and the smile faded as quickly as it appeared. Delaware didn’t seem to catch it, and if she did, she didn’t remark on it.

“I apologize for making you wait so long outside Mr. Unwin, but we have a particularly unique problem to address and have had to make some serious adjustments to how things are done in all of our divisions, and some regulations have had to be...appended to fit the circumstances. Mr. Unwin, how many Kingsmen are in your division?” she asked suddenly and his brows drew close in a slight scowl.

“Normally there are ten that sit at this table...and Merlin makes eleven, but he doesn’t vote in any of the important matters,” he spoke slowly, wondering where the trick was.

“Right, ten to vote on important matters. The problem we’re having Mr. Unwin, is that the old way is no longer working. Arthur’s word was gospel in this room, and any vote that was cast, if tied, would be decided by whatever Arthur had chosen. We no longer believe that this is a system that works. Majority rules is our new goal, and we cannot do that with an even number,” she met his eyes and stopped.

“So you need eleven people. Which you have if you let Merlin have a vote,” he added, this time glancing at Merlin, who looked both amused and irritated.

“Merlin has enough on his plate assisting with missions and training the new recruits, although I’m sure he appreciates your vote of confidence in his abilities,” Delaware replied and Eggsy saw relief flood across Merlin’s face before his carefully composed mask was back on.

“Then you need to recruit someone else,” Eggsy replied, no longer sure what answer she was looking for.

“We were hoping, if you would accept, that the eleventh member would be you Mr. Unwin,” she smiled and held out a pair of glasses not unlike the ones he had worn while infiltrating Valentine’s base of operations. These were fancier, and had a few more buttons on the side, like Harry’s. He felt his tongue stick in his throat and he swallowed carefully before speaking.

“It would be an honor,” he replied, thankful his voice remained calm.

“Then Gary Unwin, we welcome you into our ranks as a fellow Kingsman and bestow upon you the newly forged codename of Excalibur,” she carefully unfolded the glasses and placed them upon his face.

 

The weight on his shoulders lifted and he felt like he could finally take a deep breath again. The knot in his stomach uncoiled as the men and women around the room stood up, suddenly clapping. Roxy had a smile a mile wide on her face. Next to her, Percival was nodding in approval. Even Merlin had a smile on his face at the announcement. He tried not to let his eyes linger on Harry’s empty chair.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur of oaths, and procedures. It took less than twenty minutes, which surprised him, but the Kingsmen were nothing if not efficient. He was allowed to meet the other temporary members of Delaware’s division. Nevada, a very tall man with a neatly manicured beard (unheard of in their division, as it was); Ohio, a small red haired woman that looked like she could give Roxy a run for her money; and Kentucky (that name gave him an unpleasant jolt), a young man with a scar across his cheek. They were filling in until they could recruit their own candidates for the rest of the positions to fill.

Soon after introductions were made and congratulations were sent his direction they concluded for the day and he was finally allowed to relax. Roxy fell in on his left, and Merlin on his right as they left the room.

 “I told you, didn’t I?” Roxy practically buzzed with excitement. He had seen the same look of triumph on her face whenever she did particularly well on a task.

“You did,” he admitted and allowed himself a smile. She threw her arms around his neck and he hugged her back, a small laugh escaping as he lifted her off her feet and gave her a little twirl for effect. Merlin rolled his eyes but Roxy just laughed with him.

Eggsy turned to Merlin as he set Roxy back down. “Just one more thing, yeah? Why did I get a new codename? Why didn’t I become the new Galahad?”

He had tried not to let it bother him. Excalibur was a hell of a sight cooler than Galahad, but he had also been expecting to take over the name from his mentor. It only seemed right. Now that he didn’t have the same codename, it only seemed appropriate. He could never fill shoes as big as the ones Harry left behind.

“Well, I suppose it’s easier to show than explain,” Merlin admitted, exchanging a look with Roxy that Eggsy didn’t like one bit. Merlin looked down at his iPad and made some quick hand motions, nodded to himself, and then motioned for them to follow his lead.

“What are you on about Merlin?” he asked but Merlin didn’t reply. Eggsy glanced at Roxy but her face gave nothing away. He expected nothing else, but it irritated him anyway. Just once he’d like to get a read on these two. Eggsy followed the older Kingsman as he turned down a hallway that Eggsy hadn’t been down before. He tried to orient himself but Merlin stopped short at a door before he could figure it out. The scot seemed about to say something, decided on silence, then opened the door and motioned Eggsy to go inside.

 

The first thing he noticed was the harsh smell of antiseptics that assaulted his nose. The second was that it was obviously a hospital room. The third was that the bed was occupied. The fourth, was that the man in the bed was Harry.

Eggsy’s legs gave out and he sank to his knees.

 


	2. The Waiting Game

Eggsy half stumbled to his feet, half crawled to the side of the bed. There was a chair next to the bed and he all but threw himself into it. He couldn’t find words for what he saw. He scanned the still body of his mentor, still not sure if he was dreaming or if this was real.

There were tubes in his nose and throat, feeding oxygen and god knows what into his body. IV fluids were hooked up to his arm and his chest rose and fell in a mechanical rhythm. His face was so heavily bandaged that Eggsy couldn’t get a look at the right side at all. His head was shaved completely. His scalp on the right side, however, was unobstructed by bandages. There was a flap of skin that hung loose in a way that made his stomach churn. Behind it he could see grey staples in a semi-circle. Harry’s head had a weird sunken part where the flap of skin was.

“What...” Eggsy trailed off gesturing to Harry’s head. Merlin stepped up to his side and pulled up several diagrams, handing them to Eggsy.

“The brain had significant swelling, so they had to cut away a portion of his skull to relieve the pressure. The staples keep most everything in place, but the flap of skin you see keeps anything from getting into the wound, but still lets pressure out from the swelling. Once the swelling is gone, we can replace the part of his skull that’s missing, patch everything back together and sew the scalp back in place. It’s not pretty, but it’s the only way to ensure he doesn’t suffer greater brain damage than he has,” Merlin spit out his litany of medical explanations that Eggsy barely heard and only half understood.

“Can he feel it? Is he? Shit, Merlin…” Eggsy trailed off, not even able to articulate his questions fully. Merlin seemed to understand though.

“He shouldn’t feel anything. He’s in a medically induced coma until the swelling goes down all the way and is put back together again. Until then, he’s out of commission,” Merlin cleared his throat and continued, “Even if the swelling goes down and the surgery goes well, there’s no guarantee that he’ll ever wake up Eggsy, you have to know that.”

Eggsy ignored this remark. He had been at Harry’s bedside like this once before, and they didn’t know if he would have woken up that time, and he had. Eggsy was betting he could do it again.

“How long have you known?” he asked after a moment.

“Since the trip back from Valentine’s bunker,” Merlin replied evenly and he felt a red hot flash of anger at his reply.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Eggsy asked softly, hating the waver in his voice.

“We weren’t certain he’d...survive the trip. From Kentucky to New York. From New York to Southampton. From Southampton to here. Eggsy, we’re not sure he’ll survive at all. Even now it’s touch and go,” Merlin explained, lips pressed tightly in a line.

“We didn’t want to get your hopes up, if he didn’t make it.” Roxy added.

“Fuck. How long has he been here?” Eggsy asked.

“Arrived last night. We wanted to wait to tell you until they decided if you were going to be a Kingsman or not. We didn’t want you worrying about Harry too,” Roxy replied.

“Better to let me mourn ‘is death for two weeks, yeah?” Eggsy shot back, aware that his accent got thicker the more upset he got. Roxy had the grace to look ashamed.

“No. It wasn’t. I’ve made better calls. I’m sorry Eggsy,” Merlin replied, and left it at that. “Come on Roxy,” he motioned and she followed without further comment leaving Eggsy alone with Harry.

 

“Fuck,” Eggsy breathed as the door closed. He looked at Harry’s face, unshaven and rough, bandaged and motionless. As carefully as he dared he took Harry’s immobile hand. It was cool, but not cold. His fingers fell along Harry’s wrist and he felt the very faint beat of Harry’s pulse. 

Eggsy let his breath out in one harsh sob. He cried and shook as silently as he could, not wanting to disturb Harry’s well deserved rest (medically induced or not). The hand in his own felt like a lifeline and he never wanted to let go. He looked from the hand to Harry’s face and let himself feel all the emotions he had tried to hold back for the last two weeks. 

\----- 

“He’s been in there a long time Merlin,” Roxy said as she tapped on the iPad to move her knight to a more strategic location, forcing an irritated noise from Merlin as she foiled one of his plans to take her King. He made a noise of agreement in the back of his throat but said no more. 

“I’m going to go check on him,” she decided, standing up suddenly.

“Do you think he’s going to forgive you so easily?” Merlin asked, eyebrow quirked.

“Yes, I do. He’s distraught...but he’s still Eggsy,” Roxy shot back.

“Aye, but you know he is when Harry is involved,” Merlin reminded her.

“I know, but he needs us now more than ever,” Roxy gave Merlin a once over then smiled, “and you need Eggsy too. You like to play impartial with things Merlin, but Harry is your friend too. He’s not just a codename, and I heard you talking to Rico on the plane. It wasn’t easy to get Harry back to England. I know you had to call in some favors...and I’ve never seen you drink and fly.”

 

She watched as Merlin gave her a very irritated look, but said nothing, so she continued. “Look, I don’t know Harry, but I know how much he means to you both, and I know how much you both mean to me, so I’m going to be here for you if you need anything. Right?”

Merlin sighed and then stood up, iPad in one hand. He went to one of the cabinets and pulled a pillow and blanket down from the upper shelf. Roxy caught them as he tossed them to her and she followed him out of the room, pleased with herself in getting Merlin to join her. She had an idea of why the pillow and blanket, but didn’t ask.

When they got back to Harry’s room, Roxy’s suspicion was confirmed. Eggsy was passed out in the chair in an untidy sprawl, hand still in Harry’s. It made a sweet picture, if not a little ungainly. Eggsy was out hard. He didn’t wake when she tucked the pillow under his head, and he didn’t stir when Merlin draped the blanket over his body.

Both Roxy and Merlin pretended not to see his red puffy face or the dampness on his cheeks that still lingered, and neither mentioned it as they took the remaining seats in the room. Merlin pulled out the iPad and they resumed their game of chess, silently watching over their friends and comrades.

\----

Three days after Eggsy first found out that his mentor was alive, Dr. Hannigan, Harry’s personal doctor (and one of the finest brain surgeons that survived V-day) deemed the swelling to have stopped, and that he could be patched up for good. The surgery took four hours in which Eggsy, Roxy and Merlin all waited impatiently for news. Eggsy had forgiven them easily once he had woken up, apologizing for being such an arse. They now sat together in companionable silence for the most part, but all three perked up when Dr. Hannigan entered the room.

Eggsy couldn’t stop staring at the blood on the doctor’s scrubs, knowing that it was Harry’s and feeling dread because there was so much of it. Yet the doctor had a tired grin on his face and assured them that all had gone well, and that Harry was stable. He was still in the coma, of course, for a few more days until they were sure the surgery went well and there were no more complications.

 After that, things had returned to normal, or as much of normal as they could under the circumstances. Eggsy spent as much of his free-time as he dared at Harry’s bedside. His mother was cross with him for not being around, but he had been honest about his promotion and how he was going to be traveling more. She accepted that about as well as he thought she would, so he made sure to send her flowers, and an extra large set of toys for Sophie to play with. He hadn’t heard anything from her in a while so he assumed that she was pacified for now.

 

When Eggsy wasn’t at Harry’s side, he was on his own missions. He hated leaving, but knew he had to. It was his job now, and he had worked hard to get here. It also helped that he was damned good at his job, and enjoyed the work. So far all of his missions were local, which he assumed was Merlin’s doing. Part of him didn’t want to be treated any different than the other agents, but when he thought about being too far from Harry his chest grew tight. In the end he decided to be thankful instead of irritated.

Merlin stopped in to visit when he could, when he wasn’t running missions or training the new recruits (there were twenty two of them, a good mix of brits and americans, courtesy of the North American Division). The top four would be chosen, instead of just one. It wasn’t ideal to have four (or six, if you counted him and Roxy) new recruits, but they’d figure it out. Once all the recruits had been chosen, the North American Division would return home, and they would be left to choose their new Arthur from among their own ranks. 

Roxy spent a good deal of her time with Eggsy visiting Harry when she wasn’t on missions or taking bets with Merlin on who was good candidate, or who would flop. Eggsy would join in if he felt in the mood, but more often than not was just interested in the new recruit’s skills. Roxy was also a little more invested than normal because her younger brother Ezra was one of her candidates this time around and she had high hopes. If Ezra was anything like Roxy, he had no doubt he’d make the top four.

Eggsy himself hadn’t been able to provide any candidates, but Nevada had a set of twins from Arizona in addition to his own two candidates from his home state of Pennsylvania, so that settled that problem and hopelessly confused Eggsy on how the Americans got their code names or candidates.

Concentrating on the new recruits also helped him keep his mind off of the fact that Harry had still not worken up, despite no longer being in the medically induced coma. Dr. Hannigan had assured them that it sometimes happens and that Harry would wake up...or he wouldn’t. There was nothing more the doctor could do. That both infuriated and upset Eggsy. This man was supposed to be an expert, and he knew that the Kingsmen had the resources to get the best care, and that was the sort of answer he got?

 

There was nothing he could do about it though, so he did the only thing he could, and that was wait, and hope that Harry would wake up. At the moment, he was doing just that. Waiting. Usually he would read or play games on his phone if he was alone. Sometimes he’d read The Sun (which was still publishing on schedule) to Harry, telling him about all the things that had happened, or hadn’t happened. He had a small stack of the papers on the edge of the end table, but he let them sit tonight.

He was too worried to do much of anything. Harry was too thin, and too pale. He looked like the ghost of a skeleton, all sharp angles and planes. Eggsy never thought he’d miss color in someone’s cheeks so much...which he could now see, at least. Harry never liked facial hair, and the longer he stayed in bed, the longer his beard grew. It had been two days prior when he asked Dr. Hannigan if it was safe to give him a shave. After the initial look of confused interest, he agreed, as long as Eggsy was careful not to nick him. Any blood loss was a bad thing at this point.

Eggsy had been more careful than he had in his life. Much more careful than he had ever been with his own face. There was something surprisingly intimate about something as mundane as removing hair from someone’s face...but that didn’t stop him. Harry had given him a chance, a new life, a new job, a new home, and all the things he never thought he could achieve himself. He could do something as small as this for the man that had done so much for him.

He hadn’t expected it to take as long as it did. By the time he was done, his hands ached and he had to replace the blades four times. It was only afterwards that he thought perhaps he should have trimmed the beard first. Regardless, the results were satisfying. Harry looked much better clean shaven. More like himself, and less like the scarred, battered, silent body that had returned from Kentucky.

Merlin had noticed the shave immediately, and made an offhanded remark about how Eggsy could always retire to be a barber if the Kingsman thing fell through. Eggsy made a rude hand gesture that had Roxy punching his arm, but nothing else had been said about it.

 

Eggsy shifted positions in the chair, trying to find a more comfortable spot to ease the sore spot in his back that would always begin to develop after more than an hour in the chair. For an agency that took such pride in being refined, they really lacked some key creature comforts. He heard faint music coming from down the hall which told him how late it was. Glancing at his watch he saw it was 3 in the morning and Jamal was making his cleaning rounds.

Jamal was the only janitor in this wing, but he did a fast, but good job. His only requirement for being the sole keeper of the enormous wing was that he was able to listen to his music on the job. Most people would settle for headphones, but Jamal liked the music to ‘air out’ as he called it. No one had much problem with this, since this wing was mostly empty late at night. He also didn’t listen to it at obscene decibels, which meant he could clean the rooms of the patient’s in this wing without disturbing them, as long as he left his small stereo in the hallway.

Eggsy had gotten to know Jamal fairly well in the last weeks, and looked forward to his visits to break up the monotony of the nights. The music always changed. He doubted Jamal ever listened to the same song twice. Sometimes it was music that Eggsy recognized. Most times it wasn’t. They’d make small talk about this or that while Jamal cleaned the room, bobbing his head to the music. Eggsy got the impression that Jamal didn’t get to talk to too many of the other Kingsmen, so he went out of his way to make conversation, even on the days he didn’t really want to.

Today was one of these days. He was feeling particularly anti-social when Jamal pulled up outside of the room, some type of gospel music playing softly from his stereo. He found the music jarring instead of soothing, a strange feeling of discontent washing over him.

 

“Eggsy! Here again. Lucky week for me, how goes it?” Jamal grinned as he poked his head around the doorframe, ever cheerful despite the hour. It had been the third encounter this week.

“Same as always,” he replied, not even able to manage the usual tired grin or good natured jeer.

“Oh, that how it is? Worry’s got you down pretty bad,” Jamal gave a sympathetic glance at the still form in the bed.

“Yeah well, he doesn’t seem to be snapping out of it any time soon,” Eggsy sighed, watching as Jamal disappeared back out into the hallway, moving his little cart to the other side of the doorframe, getting ready to clean Harry’s room. The organ music came through a bit louder as Jamal moved his cart, and then he slid into the room, mop in hand. Jamal stilled at the doorway, putting the mop down and leaning on the handle.

“Wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Jamal nodded towards the bed.

Eggsy turned his attention back to Harry. His hand was twitching on top of the covers.

“Oh shit! Jamal, get Dr. Hannigan! Room 221!” Eggsy leapt to his feet. Jamal was gone in a flash, mop and cart abandoned in his wake.

“Harry? Harry! It’s Eggsy,” he leaned close to the bed, willing Harry’s eyes to open. There was nothing for a few moments, and he was beginning to think that it might have been his imagination until the monitor’s attached to Harry suddenly came to life.

Harry’s breathing suddenly became ragged and uneven and both of his hands suddenly clenched. Eggsy reached forward, taking one hand in his own, fear gripping him tightly. The hand that gripped his own was much stronger than he anticipated, almost to the point of pain.

“Harry?” he asked again and this time he was rewarded with a very guttural sound that might have been words. Harry’s unbandaged eye flickered open. Eggsy’s heart soared at the sight and he felt tears prick his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak again, but the words of joy quickly died on his tongue. Harry’s pupils were blown wide, almost to the point where Eggsy couldn’t tell brown from black. The look in them was something he had seen often though, never in Harry’s eyes. He knew what terror looked like...he had learned that lesson from Dean very early on. It was a look his mother wore often.

“Harry, it’s okay. You’re fine, I promise. You’re gonna be okay, yeah?” he tried to assure the older man, but Harry’s breath was coming in gasps. His gaze went to the door and he gripped Eggsy’s hand tighter, throat working but no words coming out. Eggsy looked back at the door but saw nothing. Where was the fucking doctor?

Eggsy looked back at Harry as he mouthed the word again, one brown eye pleading with him to understand. Then it clicked and Eggsy was out the door right as Jamal and Dr. Hannigan were rounding the corner. He barely heard Jamal’s protests as he hurled his stereo into the wall. It shattered into a thousand pieces. The gospel music died and no one spoke in the silence that followed.

 

The word Harry had tried to say was “Off”.  


	3. Missing Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god this was so difficult to write! I hope everything comes across in a clear manner. It's very difficult to try and get into the head of someone who's been through something like that, but I've done a lot of research and hopefully it's paid off. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading, and leaving kudos. I live for comments and I really do want to know what you think!

Something was horribly wrong with him. It was clear almost immediately. It was the only thing that was clear. He had surfaced from darkness slowly at first, thoughts dim and sluggish. Then the growing panic had sharpened his senses and he struggled to the surface of wakefulness. His body wasn't reacting right, and he knew it. It was as if he was weighed down with cinder blocks.

 _I'm not in control._ He thought and the panic spiked through him so hard it shot white streaks through his head. It was enough to bring him to the surface and break through the haze. White light blinded him as he finally opened one eye. The other side of his vision was dark, but he could feel the weight of something wrapped around his head keeping him from opening his other eye.

There was a voice coming out of the brightness. He could hear it, but he couldn't understand the words. They twisted in his mind as he tried to make sense of them. The panic rose another degree and adrenaline flooded his system.

It was the music, he realized with bewildering clarity. The sound of the...- _not piano_ \- that was the source of his anxiety. - _Not piano_ \- was not the right word. He knew the word. Had known the word, even...but now it was gone. Just a blank space remained where it used to be. Not even a whisper remained of what it might have been. That frightened him more than anything else. More than the music.

 

He concentrated on the voice that spoke to him. He could barely make out the darker shape above him, the source of the voice. His eye refused to focus properly.

"Shut it off," he pleaded...or tried to. The words stuck in his throat and the noise that he made didn't sound like anything at all. The effort made his throat ache. The owner of the voice spoke again, but it still made no sense. Was it a different language? Not one he knew, if it was.

Regardless, he had to make the music stop. It was a dangerous sound, a bad sound, and he had to make it _stop_. He didn't know why, but he was certain of it. It was the only thing he could think of. It was important. He focused every ounce of willpower he had on the words and tried to make them come out right this time. He didn't know if he succeeded or not, but suddenly the dark blur was gone.

The panic that choked him subsided almost as soon as the music stopped in a shatter of breaking plastic. Relief flooded through his system at the silence and the tightness in his chest eased considerably. The immediate panic receded, but was immediately followed by a different feeling of dread and anxiety. It swept over him like a wave of cold water. He was _wrong_. He could feel it when the word had gotten stuck in his mind, felt it with more certainty when he couldn't speak what he wanted to say with any clarity.

He felt another moment relief as the person who had gotten rid of the - _not piano_ \- music came back into the room. This person at least could understand him somewhat, and that was good. He hoped that was good. The longer he was awake, the clearer his vision became. Things were beginning to come into focus and he blinked hard to try and speed up the process.

The person swam into his vision again, close, but not too close. He was talking again...and yes, it was a he. It was a man who had stopped the music. His words still didn't make sense, but he had a kind face lit with concern.

 

 _I should know him._ The thought struck him with such force he closed his eye, shutting out the light and the face. There was a needling feeling in his mind, a feeling of grasping fingers trying to hold onto something, but being unable to get any sort of purchase. It slid from his grasp and was lost to the haze which was beginning to crowd in from the corners of his mind.

A different noise made him open his eye again, squinting against the too bright light. Two others had appeared next to the first man. One with dark hair, one with no hair. They spoke to each other about things he didn't understand and he felt more lost than ever.

He decided to figure out what was wrong with him while the three men talked and exchanged glances. From the toes to his head, that was the way he felt that he would normally do this... _did he normally have to do this_? That thought bothered him too, but he pushed on regardless. He could wiggle both sets of toes, which was good. His right side was particularly harder to do than his left, but neither of his legs hurt which was reassuring.

His knees seemed fine, but he wouldn't really be able to tell until he could walk around a little. Even the thought of walking made him want to close his eyes and go back to sleep. It was an exhausting thought, so he pushed it aside and continued up. Thighs seemed okay when he tensed his muscles, but as with his feet, the right side took a bit more coaxing to do what he wanted.

His stomach hurt, but it was just a dull ache. Not exactly hunger, but something similar. A drink would be nice, but he doubted he could make his throat cooperate. He hadn’t had much success with that today at any rate. He felt nothing wrong with his upper torso until he came to the tightness in his right shoulder and an ache in his back. Two different sorts of pain. His back felt okay until he moved, but the shoulder was achy and stiff no matter what he did. He could make fists of both his hands, but didn't have the strength to lift his arms, so he left them alone. He didn't miss the tubes going into his one arm. He saw them clearly as he looked down his body at the strangely foreign looking arms.

 

He hesitated before moving up from his neck. Part of him knew that was where the real problem lay, somewhere _higher_. The other part of him didn't want to know. It wanted to shut down, leave the questions unanswered and descend back into the darkness that he had struggled out of what seemed like hours ago. It was a tempting prospect, but he knew it was just delaying the inevitable. 

Steeling himself for the worst, he began the process of figuring out what was wrong. What was _really_ wrong. Besides the sore throat and bad taste in his mouth (and the inability to speak properly), the first real area of concern was his covered eye.

 

 _Do I still have an eye_? Was his first question. The bandage covered his eye so he would be in darkness either way. He squinted with the covered eye and pain shot up through his temple with an alarming ferocity. Some noise must have escaped because all three of the men stopped talking. The one who had stopped the music was at his side in an instant, but was lightly pushed aside by the taller man with the black hair in the white...- _night clothes_ -.

 

Another missing word.

 

They spoke again and the man with the black hair shined a small light into his exposed eye. He winced at the sudden dazzle of brilliance, and the man patted him on the arm, muttering what he assumed was reassuring words. The black haired man spoke at him for a few moments, but when he received no answer, he started talking to the other two again. 

After the initial searing pain settled, his mind went back to the pain in his temple. The pain came from above his eye, not the eye itself, so that was a promising sign. He might have something left after all.  

 _Why would anything be gone?_ A needling voice protested at the thought, but he had no answers in which to give.

 

Sliding higher he concentrated on the area he had been dreading, and for good reason. The right side of his head felt fine, but the left was off. _Fragmented_. He could feel the bandage that wrapped around the wound, and how it went around his head. It was large...which meant the wound had to be large. It didn't necessarily hurt, but there was a tightness there he wasn't familiar with, and wasn't sure had to do anything with the bandage. There was also a deeper feeling of looseness...a shifting even, like puzzle pieces barely holding together. He wanted to reach up and feel the damage with his hand. Maybe he could figure out what had caused it?

Turning his head to look back at his hand sent another wave of pain splitting through his skull and he quickly gave up the idea of moving. Nausea rose in his throat but he swallowed hard. Throwing up right now would not help his head feel any better. His eye slid shut as he willed his stomach to cooperate. A warm feeling spread through his hand then, and he opened his eye.

The man who had turned off the music had taken his hand and was talking softly. He had large dark circles under bright blue eyes. There was a look in those eyes he didn't understand. That seemed to be a common thread at least, the constant confusion. He held the gaze of the man who turned the music off for as long as he could, trying to find anything in that gaze that he could piece together into some semblance of understanding. He grew tired before any answers could be obtained, and he allowed himself to close his eye at last. He shouldn't be tired, he had just woken up...but he was also confused, in pain, and underlying everything else, absolutely terrified. He didn't know what had happened to him but it was bad and it was _wrong_  and it scared the shit out of him.

He felt the panic starting to take hold again, which was echoed on the increased beeping from the machines that he was hooked up to. The warmth in his hand grew a bit steadier, the grip a little firmer and he focused on that instead, using it as an anchor point. He didn't know much, but he knew the man who had gotten rid of the music was good.

It was to that thought that he allowed himself to be pulled into the darkness again.

\----

He woke again sometime later, but had no point of reference for how long he had been out. His throat was no longer as sore as it had been, and the ache in his stomach had gone away. The bitter taste had also subsided some, which he was grateful for. His nose burned though, and the smell of bleach and antiseptics was overpowering. It hurt to breathe, but it was a dull pain, not a sharp one.

Slowly, carefully, he looked towards his right. The man who stopped the music, the one he should know but didn’t, was asleep in the chair next to the bed. Just as carefully he turned his head to the left. The man with no hair sat in the other chair, busy with something on his lap, attention fully on whatever he was looking at. On the table next to the bed were several copies of some sort of - _thin book_ -. 

 _Shit_ , he thought, distressed at the missing word. The longer he thought, the more missing words there seemed to be. It wasn’t a good sign. Neither was the fact that the words on the paper weren’t recognizable. Sighing, he added it to the tally of things he didn’t know. He didn’t know the room he was in. He didn’t know the people who he had seen. He hadn’t recognized the language that they spoke, and now he didn’t know what language they wrote in either. His heart sank and he suddenly felt very, very alone.

 

Changing tactics, he tried thinking about what he did know. He knew he was in some sort of hospital. He knew he was injured, very badly...and that it involved his head. There was memory loss involved...or something of the nature. That would explain the missing words, and maybe why he couldn’t seem to talk. He knew that the -n _ot piano_ \- music was bad, even if he didn’t know exactly why, but he also knew the man who turned the music off was good.

His gaze flickered towards the bald man, wondering who he was and what he was doing. He was startled when the man met his gaze. The mans eyes were hazel, and he had a stern look about him, but gave a small smile when they made eye contact. There were so many questions he had, and he wanted to ask, but the words still caught in his throat, as if they didn’t want to be released. Instead he gave a weak, one handed wave. The bald man’s smile grew a little larger, and he waved back and said something softly.

He felt rather than heard the younger man stir at the sound, and slowly turned his head to look at him. The young man was bleary eyed, rubbing sleep from his eyes as quickly as he could. It was obvious he was trying to wake up fast. He spoke back to the bald man, a look of interest on his face. Then he waved. With nothing else to do, he waved back.

The brilliant smile was shocking in it’s intensity. The blue eyes crinkled at the corners and he let out a happy laugh. At least that sound didn’t confuse him. He then started speaking to the bald man rapidly. The young man spoke so quickly that even if he did speak the language, he doubted he’d catch it all. There was a noise that sounded like an affirmative from behind him and then the young man was on his feet. He made a hand motion telling him to stay put (as if he could go anywhere) and was out the door in a blur.

 

He wasn’t sure what was going on, but asking was out of the question, and he wouldn’t be able to understand the bald man anyway. So he waited. It didn’t take long for a result. The young man came back into the room pulling a tiny looking woman by the arm. She had a shock of tangled red hair on her head, and looked as if she had just woken up. Her eyes were alert though, with none of the disorientation that being woken up suddenly usually left someone with.

The young man motioned to the bed and spoke again, and the woman watched him like a hawk, eyes fixed on his mouth. He watched this with growing unease, not sure what was going on, but the woman gave one nod and then took the seat the young man had previously occupied next to the bed. She was close to him and she smelled like - _purple flowers_ -.

Slowly she brought her hands up, and then paused, making sure that he was watching, then her hands moved. They moved slowly but with precision. She moved two fingers to her temple, and then pointed to herself. Carefully she made a few more motions with her hands, and then paused and motioned to him.

His eye went wide and he felt a smile on his face for the first time since he woke up. His lips cracked painfully as he did so but he didn’t care. The sense of helplessness was wiped away with the flick of her small hand.

 _I am Tia. Can you understand me?_  

He made a fist with his left hand, nodded carefully, and moved his fist in tandem with his head, then made another motion and pointed at her. A satisfued smile lit her face and she looked over at the other two men and gave a thumbs up.

_Yes, I understand you._


	4. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the sign-language is too hard to understand please let me know. The italics are meant for anyone but Harry. If it doesn't work I'll switch formatting to make it easier! It's not easy writing this, but it's still fun.
> 
> As usual, my muse is a comment whore. She feeds on it!

_Yes, I understand you._ Was typed into a blank, white document on the medium sized tablet that Tia carried with her. Eggsy had never been so happy to see something written on a tablet in all his life. They had never had a stroke of luck quite as wide as when one of the recruits from America was deaf, and knew six different forms of sign language to boot. Not only was she able to communicate through sign language, but she also could read lips and keep up with conversations that they had around her (as long as they remembered to look at her and not mumble too much).

Eggsy was pleased with himself that he had remembered Tia and her abilities when he had seen Harry wave, able to say hello with his hands when he couldn’t with his mouth. It had become clear pretty quickly that Harry had no idea what they were saying when they spoke to him. He could hear perfectly fine, as shown by his reaction to the organ music, but some disconnect happened between the words being spoken and his brain comprehending them.

“The left side of the brain, where Harry has sustained the worst of the damage, is in the language processing center. He’s going to have a hard time making connections with language and the meanings. It doesn’t mean he won’t recognize anything. The left side of the brain processes visual information, which he will be able to understand, but the analytical side of things will be garbled. He might look around and see a chair, know it’s name but is unable to make the connection as to why there is a chair in the room. The same thing is happening when he hears us speak. He might know the words, but not be able to discern the meaning.” Dr. Hannigan explained as Tia and Harry spoke to each other.

“Is it permanent?” Eggsy asked, dreading the answer.

“Most likely not...but I don’t want to get your hopes up. He’s sustained a massive amount of damage. By all means he shouldn’t have survived at all. The ball is in his court now. The sad fact of the matter is that all instances of brain damage are vastly different from patient to patient. Some patients with severe wounds recover in a few months. Others, with relatively minor trauma never fully recover.”

It was not the reassuring answer that Eggsy wanted to hear, however, this was the reality of the situation and he’d make peace with it. Harry would need him to.

Eggsy looked over Tia’s shoulder at her document but was confused, since she was only recording Harry’s answers. He tapped her on the arm and she looked up at him, eyebrows high on her face. Realization dawning she quickly typed her segments down onto the tablet so he could understand the whole conversation.

 

_I am Tia. Can you understand me?_

Yes, I understand you.

_Are you in pain?_

A little.

_Where?_

Forehead. Throat. Head.

_How bad? 1-10._

6, 2, 7.

_Honesty, please._

8.

_I can help. We have medicine._

Later.

_Do you know where you are?_

Infirmary.

_What is your name?_

 

Eggsy read up to where she had stopped writing and then scowled and looked up at her, question in his eyes. She wrote again, looking a bit concerned, adding greater than signs to show she wasn’t translating, but talking to him instead.

 _> >He hasn’t answered me yet_.

“What do you mean he hasn’t answered you yet?” he asked, confused, then looked at Harry. The expression on the man’s face broke his heart. Harry wore a haunted look, filled with confusion and a tinge of anger. Eggsy watched his expression flicker between the different emotions as he thought. This was a far cry from the calm, put together expression that Harry usually wore.

 “He can’t remember his name Eggsy,” Merlin replied a moment later after observing Tia’s tablet. His voice was as tight as Eggsy’s chest felt. Merlin put a hand on Tia’s arm, and she gave him her attention.

“Tia, don’t push him any more. He might just need more time,” Merlin spoke slowly, pronouncing his words a little more than normal. Tia nodded her understanding. Eggsy thought she would have understood without the extra effort, but was glad that Merlin had been so thoughtful.

“Fucking hell Merlin, we have to tell him,” Eggsy breathed, looking at Harry’s broken expression. “It’s killing him. Can’t you see that?” Eggsy pleaded with the older Kingsman, wishing he could read his expression as easily as he could read Harry’s. Merlin was saved from speaking as Tia tapped out an answer on her tablet and held it up for them to see.

 

_> >He hasn’t answered me yet._

Blank Space. Sorry. I tried.

_> >Should I tell him?_

 

The last sentence was a question to them. It was Dr. Hannigan who answered.

“I don’t see the harm in it. Go ahead,” he relented and Tia nodded and then looked sheepishly at them before typing.

_> >What is his name?_

 

Eggsy motioned for the table and spelled the name, then hesitated and looked at Merlin feeling like a complete failure. “Uhh, does he have a middle name?”

“He does,” Merlin shifted his weight from foot to foot then sighed. “I can’t tell you though. I made a promise to him that I’d never tell anyone.”

“Are you havin’ a laugh?” Eggsy snapped.

“I made a promise Eggsy,” Merlin looked apologetic, but not as apologetic as he should have been.

“He don’t know his own bleeding name, and you care about a promise he probably can’t remember? It’s his name for christ’s sake! Give him his name back, yeah?” Eggsy growled, accent thickening in his irritation.

Merlin sighed and relented, then took the tablet and typed out Harry’s middle name, held it out to Tia, blocking Eggsy’s view of the tablet. Eggsy saw Tia nod, and then Merlin erased the line from the tablet so Eggsy wouldn’t see the name.

“Really, Merlin?” Eggsy glared at the Scot.

“It’s on a need to know basis, and you’re right. Harry needs to know. Tia needs to know to tell Harry...and you don’t need to know,” Merlin gave a small triumphant smile at Eggsy’s disgusted look.

Tia went about spelling Harry’s name as he watched. She did it several times at his prompting. His expression was perplexed. She gave a small nod and shrug, hiding a grin behind a hand before typing in his reply and showing it to the men behind her.

 

_Harry ----- Hart_

Awful.

 

For the first time that day, Eggsy laughed.

 

\---

 

He had never been through such a roller coaster of emotion in his life, not even when Harry had been shot. That had been one big blow and a long recovery from it. This was like being put on the end of a string and jerked back and forth until his head ached.

Eggsy couldn’t predict what was going to happen with Harry’s recovery. He didn’t know what to expect, and he didn’t know what he could to do help. What he did know was that above all else Harry was alive, and if Harry was alive, he wasn’t going to give up on him. If their roles were reversed he knew that Harry would stop at nothing until he was fully recovered.

“Eggsy, you’re going to burn yourself out,” Roxy’s voice floated by his left ear, breaking his concentration. She wasn’t wrong. He had been studying the sign language book for hours, but felt no closer to understanding anything other than the most basic signs. He rubbed his eyes and put the book down, then met her concerned gaze.

“He can understand this stuff Rox. I have to try,” he hated the pleading sound in his voice. He hoped it didn’t sound as desperate as he thought.

“You can get Ohio to translate if you want to talk to him. I’m sure she won’t mind,” Roxy reasoned. Eggsy looked back to the book in his lap. She was right. Tia, codename Ohio, was very willing to help translate anything back and forth from Harry when she wasn’t on a mission.  

“I just...wanna tell him my _name_. By myself. In the only language he can understand,” he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. From Tia’s last session they had found that Harry hadn’t remembered any of them. His gaze dropped to the book in his hands. The pictures were swimming. He was exhausted.

 

“It’s fucked, innit?” Eggsy snapped the book shut in sudden frustration. Roxy took a seat next to him and put a hand on his knee.

“Dr. Hannigan said these things can take some time to sort themselves out,” her voice was all reassurance and confidence but he didn’t feel the same.

“Dr. Hannigan can go bugger himself,” he gave a disgusted sigh, “For a brain-surgeon he’s not very sure of anything. If I hear him say ‘these things take time’ one more bloody time I’m going to put _him_ into a coma and see how long it takes him to come out of it.”

“Harry’s not like to get better faster if you take his doctor out,” Roxy grinned at his outburst and he sighed. She was right, as usual.

“I just hate this. He’s finally awake, but he’s as unreachable as he was when he was in Kentucky. Can’t understand a damn thing we say, can’t write anything down, can’t read anything…” Eggsy trailed off. He knew his frustration with Harry was misplaced. As hard as it was for him to see his mentor reduced to hand signals, he knew what Harry was going through was a thousand times worse. 

“When’s the last time you got any sleep?” she asked, not responding to his outburst.

“I can’t fuckin’ remember,” he snapped rudely, rubbing his eyes.

“Do everyone a favor mate, go take eight. Hell, take ten, or twelve if it helps. You need the rest, and honestly we’re tired of you biting our heads off at the slightest word in your direction. Merlin and I, hell, even the Doctor...we’re on your side Eggsy. We’re on Harry’s side too. You’re doing no one any good in this condition. Harry least of all,” Roxy retorted and he sighed, unable to meet her gaze.

“I’ve been a right prick, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry Roxy. I really am,” he apologized, finally meeting her eyes. She gave him a tired smile and then playfully punched him in the arm.

“You’re forgiven...as long as you get some sleep!” she pulled him up from his chair and pushed him in the direction of one of the spare rooms set up for the Kingsmen who needed to stay the night.

“Thanks Rox,” he managed as he stumbled out of the door and made his way to the cot that he had been using for the past three days.

 

Eggsy had been at this for the past two days, hardly sleeping or eating in order to give as much of his time as he could. Even Merlin, notorious for skipping nights of sleep had mentioned something. He had ignored it, of course. There were things to be done and he was determined to be able to communicate with Harry again. A little sleep loss never killed anyone..but Roxy was right. He was turning into a jerk from the lack of sleep. He’d have to rest sometime. Getting irritated at Harry’s condition should have been a good indicator that he needed to rest.

He changed into his night clothes, a simple pair of pants and a thin white t-shirt and collapsed onto the cot. The room was quieter than he liked, but he was worn out and looked forward to resting his fatigued eyes. Sleep, however, had other plans...and those plans didn’t seem to involve him. Tossing and turning, he tried desperately to relax.

After an hour of restless tossing he reached over to his phone and pulled up the files that Tia had sent to him of her time with Harry.

 

_Do you know anyone in the room?_

No.

 

God that answer hurt. He had fully expected Harry to wake up from his brain injury with some sort of adverse effects, but he never imagined that Harry simply would not know him. He wouldn’t know how much Eggsy owed him, or how much he mattered. How much Eggsy depended on him.

Even Merlin had looked stricken at the news that Harry didn’t know him either. They had known each other a hell of a lot longer than he had. So much history just wiped away with one squeeze of the trigger. Not just their history, but his own as well. Harry had known his father. Had mentored him once as well. Harry knew his father in a way even his mother hadn’t. Now he’d never get the opportunity to ask.

 

_Do you know why you are here?_

I got hurt.

_Do you remember how?_

No, but it was bad.

_Yes, it was. You are safe here though._

Did you know me? Before?

_No._

Did the others?

_Yes._

Are they my family?

_Yes and no._

That is not an answer.

_It is complicated._

Friends?

_Yes._

Tell them I am sorry I do not remember.

 

Eggsy turned the phone off and put it down. He flipped his pillow over to the cool side with a sigh. Even after everything he had been through, he was still Harry. Polite and to the point. Sorry for causing them pain, even though it was totally not his fault and 100% out of his control. It was then that Eggsy had decided that he wasn’t going to talk to Harry himself, no matter how hard he had to study. So he had checked out the books and looked up the best sites online, trying to absorb as much as he could in the shortest amount of time.

A half hour later Eggsy crawled out of bed, shoulders slumped. He wasn’t going to be able to get to sleep, no matter how tired he was. His mind wouldn’t shut off. So, instead of staring at the insides of his eyelids he went for a walk. He wasn’t terribly surprised when his feet led him to Harry’s room. The room was dark, but his eyes had adjusted to the darkness of his own room so he could see fairly well. He slipped in as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake Harry. His plans were foiled when the light clicked on and Harry was already looking at him.

“Sorry I woke you Harry,” he apologized guiltily, and then realized that Harry didn’t understand him. Frantically thinking of the right hand signal he settled on one that seemed right, and made the motion. Apparently it was right because Harry gave the okay sign with his hand, and then pointed to the seat. Harry didn’t look particularly bleary eyed, so Eggsy figured he probably couldn’t sleep either. Well, the only way to learn a language was to throw yourself in it, so he threw himself in.

 

_No. Sleep?_

No. You?

_No._

 

Well, at least he had no down. That was a start. He didn’t know how to ask how Harry was feeling so he pointed to his head and grimaced and pointed to Harry. Harry put his thumb and forefinger close together, then pointed to his head. A little. His head hurt a little.

Eggsy pointed to his own eye socket, the same one that Harry had bandaged, then pointed to Harry again. He felt like he was playing the world’s worst game of charades. A small grin twitched the corner of Harry’s mouth up as he saw the motion, then he made the sign for no again. So that didn’t hurt, which was good.

Two days prior Harry had his last bit of reconstructive surgery done. The bandage around his head was new, and smaller. The cosmetic surgeon, Dr. Banner, had come with Dr. Hannigan from the states, and while she wasn’t around nearly as much as Dr. Hannigan, she had done a serious amount of work reconstructing the damage to Harry’s face where the bullet had entered. This had been her only surgery after Harry had woken up, the rest had been while he was in his coma. Eggsy still hadn’t been able to see the damage beneath the bandage, but Dr. Banner assured him that this was her best work yet and that Harry was healing much faster than she expected. Leave it to Harry Hart to surprise everyone.

 

What is your name?

 

Eggsy caught the signs from Harry. This was a pretty basic one. Most of the books he had seen started out with a variant of this. Hadn’t he just told Roxy how he wanted to do this part by himself? Now or never.

 

 _E-G-G-S-Y_ he signed. Harry frowned and made the sign to repeat it.

 

 _E-G-G-S-Y_ he signed again, now concerned that he had done it wrong. It felt right, he had been practicing, after all. Harry didn’t ask him to repeat it but he had a thoughtful expression on his face, then signed something that Eggsy actually recognized.

 

Breakfast?

 

Eggsy gaped at the sly, half smile that crept onto Harry’s face.

“Cheeky bastard,” Eggsy laughed, not caring that Harry didn’t know what he said (and grateful for it too). If Harry still had his sense of humor, or some sense of humor, he couldn’t be that bad.

Harry then signed his name back, and he spelled it correctly, which made Eggsy very happy. So he had been understood. They were both making progress. Eggsy signed a ‘yes’ back to him when he got it right. Harry gave a nod back at him. They looked at each other for a few more moments. It was then that Eggsy realized he had absolutely no idea what else to talk about with Harry. The name had been the most important thing, but now he wished he had studied a bit harder, a bit longer, for something else that he could have used. Thankfully, Harry filled the gap.

 

The man?

 

Eggsy didn’t understand the question. What man? Harry noticed his confusion, then motioned to his head, the good side, and pulled at some of the hair that was slowly growing back. He then made the sign for no. Eggsy pieced it together.

_M-E-R-L-I-N_

Harry quirked an eyebrow and made a motion as if he had a long beard. The laugh burst from Eggsy in a rush. So maybe it wasn’t the _worst_ game of charades in the world. Harry spelled a name, motioning slowly. Eggsy had a feeling that Harry knew he wasn’t good at this yet.

 

Tia.

 

Harry made a speaking motion, then he pointed at Eggsy, and made the beard motion again.

 

Tia, Eggsy, Merlin.

 

The next motion took Eggsy a bit to figure out, but he remembered Tia using something that had looked similar. He thought that it was the word for “friendship”.

 

Tia, spoke Eggsy Merlin friendship…

 

“Tia told you that me and Merlin were friends! Yeah, we are.” He nodded earnestly. Harry’s face fell a little, and that was weird.

 

Sorry, Eggsy.

_No._

Yes. For this. (Harry motioned to his head wound)

_Stop._

 

Eggsy didn’t have the motions to convey how wrong it was for Harry to be apologizing. It wasn’t his fault that he was in that church. It was Eggsy’s fault. He had failed to shoot JB, and had failed his Kingsman test. He had never seen Harry really cross before, but he had seen the anger that day, and it had been terrifying. Harry had stormed out of his house with a heated promise that they’d sort out the mess when he got back...but Eggsy had a feeling that if he hadn’t failed his test, someone else would have gone to Kentucky.

“Christ, Harry, it’s not your fault,” he swallowed hard, wishing for all the world that he could articulate more than “no” and “stop”. He felt frustrated tears spring to his eyes and he looked away from Harry, trying to force them back. The last thing he wanted Harry to see was him crying like a baby over a misplaced apology.

Harry’s warm hand fell heavily on his arm and remained there. The weight was reassuring. Eggsy thought how absurd this must be. The man who had been shot in the head was comforting the boy who could barely hold it together. He looked back at Harry after he was sure no tears would fall, and he hesitantly put his hand on top of the older mans.

They sat in silence, not signing to each other for a long time. Eggsy just enjoyed the comfort of Harry’s hand and the warmth spreading from it. Warmth that meant he was _alive_ , no matter what shape he was in. Some part of him still couldn’t believe that Harry had come back from a gunshot to the head.

Eggsy chanced a look at Harry’s face, but the older man had his eyes closed. A little late, Eggsy realized that he had fallen asleep. His face was relaxed, the lines in his forehead had smoothed and he was breathing deeply, hand still on Eggsy’s arm. Not wanting to disturb Harry by getting up, he just slumped forward onto the side of the bed, putting his head into the crook of his unburdened arm. He was asleep in minutes, exhausting finally winning out.

 

\---

 

Merlin yawned deeply as he made he was down the hall. It was early. Too early for him to be awake, but Percival was on a mission, and he had to be ready to provide support if the Kingsman needed it. He was making a customary morning check-in with Harry to see if he needed anything before going to work. Peeking into the room he saw Eggsy slumped awkwardly, half on the bed, half sitting in the chair. Both Eggsy and Harry were asleep.

Merlin quietly entered the room and shut the light off, leaving them to sleep with a whimsical smile. It seemed that not even brain damage could totally erase Harry’s affection for the boy. Harry had always had a soft spot for Eggsy, that was obvious, be he hadn’t been so sure that Eggsy had the same soft spot for his mentor.

Now he was certain of it.

  
  



	5. Telling Stories

It was a big day for Harry. Today was the day he could finally take the bandages off. Eggsy and Tia had both said they would be there, but Merlin had to work and could not make it. Harry thought he was as prepared as he could be for the unveiling of his face, but it didn’t stop him from imagining the worst.

He was imagining those horrible things when there was a knock on the door. Harry looked up, ready to see Tia or maybe even one of the doctors. Harry didn’t recognize this man at first, but then it clicked. He hadn’t been prepared for Eggsy, since Eggsy never bothered to knock. He was unable to stop himself from doing a double take.

Gone was the too big baseball cap, baggy sweatshirts, low slung jeans and ill fitting shoes. Eggsy was dressed to the nines. The black suit he wore was immaculate, creases so sharp they looked like they could cut like a knife. Not only was the suit sharp, but it was obviously meticulously tailored to fit Eggsy’s frame. No one else would be wearing this suit. The white undershirt was bleached till it shone, and starched stiff. His hair was tamed, shiny and sleek. He wore dark, thick framed glasses. The tie he wore had subtle diagonal stripes which matched the color of his pocket square. His shoes were spotless and newly shined. Eggsy even walked like a different person, head high, shoulders back, and completely at ease in his skin.

 

_Morning Harry._

Morning Eggsy.

 

Harry fumbled the hand signal, but Eggsy didn’t seem to notice. Eggsy looked at him with an amused smile on his face, then motioned to himself, and spread his hands out in a “what do you think” motion, then gave a twirl for effect, shit eating grin spreading across his face. Harry realized he was staring and he blinked and gave a rather weak thumbs up.

 

_Still handsome?_

 

Harry knew that Eggsy was teasing, but he was handsome. Painfully so. He doubted he had ever seen someone so stunning in his life, now or before his injury. His mouth had gone dry and he couldn’t for the life of him think of an appropriate answer.

Thankfully Tia knocked on the door and saved him from embarrassing himself. She had brought Dr. Banner with her, and wished him a good morning. Dr. Banner spoke with the other two for a moment as she donned gloves and got prepared for her one and only task with Harry that day.

He was equal parts impatient and nervous for the task at hand. There would be no more bandages to hide under after this, and he still wasn’t sure he was ready to see what damage there was. Eggsy seemed to sense this as he came closer and signed to him.

 

_Ready?_

No.

_Harry._

Fine. Hurry up.

 

Eggsy held up the small mirror for him as Dr. Banner carefully unwrapped the bandage from his head. It would be the first time he had seen his reflection since his injury. As his face was exposed he found himself watching Eggsy’s reaction instead of looking at his own reflection. He wasn’t certain he’d recognize himself, but Eggsy had known him from before and that might be a better litmus test to how bad the damage was.

Eggsy had a fairly decent poker face, but Harry saw his eyes narrow a fraction. He noticed his gaze sharpen on the exposed skin and the slight twitch of his mouth before he gave the thumbs up sign and a relieved looking grin. Harry took it as a good sign and braced himself for the first look.

Unlike his name, his face was familiar. He could remember what he looked like before, and could see the differences now…with both eyes. Harry let out the breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding. His previously covered eye was bloodshot and his vision was fuzzy on that side, but his eye was intact. The area around his eye was the muted purple-tinged yellow that bruises got with age. There was a tightness there as he glanced left and right, and a slight ache, but he looked fairly normal.

Eyes roving upwards he looked at his eyebrow. Right at the corner of his eyebrow was the scar he had been searching for. It was awful small compared to what he had imagined it would look like. The round hole he had imagined was inaccurate. It was more Y-shaped than anything. It cut into his dark eyebrow a little.

The area around the scar was the most drastic change to his face. There was an unmistakable indent where the bullet had shattered the top of his eye socket. It had missed his eye by an inch. Dr. Banner started talking to him, motioning to the area where the bullet had hit him, and the surrounding area where the small indent was. Tia was on standby and explained what Dr. Banner was saying with quick precise movements.

 

_Bullet shattered your eye socket here. Lots of bone loss. She rebuilt the whole area. Synthetic material. She wants to know if it causes you pain or tightness._

Tight. A bit.

_She says that is normal, and a good sign. The bruise and swelling will go down within the next week. It’s from the reconstruction, not the bullet._

Thank her for me?

_Of course._

 

Harry turned his head to the right, tilting his head to inspect the damage. He grimaced at the sight. The hook shaped scar on his scalp was long, but not thick. The staples had been removed and his hair was coming back in. If he styled it correctly when it was longer he should be able to hide it. Hopefully. His hair was unbecomingly short, but at least it was even. He had been afraid they had only shaved one half of his head and he’d look lopsided.

His eyes flicked over to Eggsy. The younger man had watched him the whole time, barely moving or showing much expression after he had flashed the thumbs up. He looked pensive. Harry signed to him slowly, knowing that his sign language wasn’t as good as Tia’s (although he was doing better every day).

 

Still handsome.

_Cheeky, Harry._

You don’t think so?

_Yes. Shut up._

 

Eggsy signed back to him, grinning as the tension eased from his shoulders. The pensive look was gone and he looked more at ease. Harry thought he might have seen a slight tinge of pink to Eggsy’s cheeks, but he wasn’t sure. Tia rolled her eyes at the two of them, having caught the conversation. His doctor was in the dark, but she didn’t have much to say. A list of things he needed to keep up with was left with him, and Tia read through it, then told him that all he had to do was keep the area clean and dry and if he experienced any pain he should contact her.

The doctor gave him a pleased look and a pat on the arm, then waved goodbye. He waved back and then she was gone. She was nice enough, and had done good work on his face, but he was glad to see her go. He didn’t want to go through any more treatments or surgeries.

It was well past the time that he got out of the damned bed and moving again. The urge to move was an incessant itch under his skin that he had successfully ignored up until this point. More-or-less successfully, that is. He hadn’t been sleeping well and during those nights when he found himself awake with nothing to do he wished nothing more than to get up from the bed and go somewhere, anywhere. It was testing his willpower but he knew he needed the rest. His head needed it. It still hurt. Tia had asked him how badly it had hurt, and he had lied to her. She had picked up on it too. Dr. Hannigan had upped his pain medication in accordance with it, but it made his head fuzzy and didn’t help with his disorientation. He had told her the next time that his pain was good, and this time his lie had made it past her and the meds went down to a point where he felt more coherent when awake. He would deal with the pain.

Eggsy sat gracefully into the chair next to the bed, putting the mirror down on the table as Dr. Banner left. He adjusted his pants down a little and made himself comfortable. Eggsy tapped his hands on his knees and then his face lit up and he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out what looked like a DVD and wiggled it. Tia saw and then translated.

 

_He knows you can’t understand the words, but he said it was one you had mentioned watching. Before. Do you want to watch it?_

Why not.

 

She nodded his agreement to Eggsy and he grinned. Harry couldn’t read the name, and the faces didn’t look familiar.  The man was dressed in a nice suit, and the woman looked like a - _woman of questionable morals_ -. This was something he had enjoyed? He cast a skeptical look at Eggsy, but he didn’t look phased. Tia wished him a good day and took her leave. She had apologized for not being able to stay longer earlier in the day, but she had work that needed to be done.

So he and Eggsy were left alone to watch the movie that Eggsy called “Pretty Woman”. He didn’t understand the words, but he did understand what was going on. Typical story, rags to riches. Love story too. Maybe with the words it might have been better, but he didn’t much care for it. Eggsy seemed to be enjoying it though. Harry found himself more interested in the young man sitting next to him. He caught himself glancing at him time and time again.

One of those times Eggsy caught him, and raised an eyebrow. Harry motioned towards the screen at the male lead, and then at Eggsy. When the woman came on screen he pointed to himself.

 

Are you going to do that to me?

 

He had meant it as a joke, to try and make up for the awkwardness when Eggsy had first shown up all decked out. Eggsy either didn’t understand or he wasn’t amused. He looked away suddenly, and started to adjust his watch. He shifted in his seat a little. Harry decided to stop trying to make jokes and to concentrate on the movie.  

A half hour later the movie ended. It was over sooner than he expected. Eggsy got to his feet and straightened his suit jacket, then huffed a sigh and looked down at Harry. He looked uncomfortable, and as if he wanted to say something. Harry beat him to it.

 

Why are you dressed like that?

_Work._

What kind?

_Spy._

 

Eggsy gave an exaggerated wink that sucked all the air from Harry’s lungs. Then Eggsy laughed, shrugged, and made the sign for “I don’t know” which meant he didn’t know the word (not that he didn’t know what his job was). He then scowled a little, thinking of how to phrase his next thoughts.

 

_I leave. Work. A little._

How long?

_4 or 5._

 

Harry tried not to be disappointed. Eggsy would be gone for work for four or five days...and he was going to start physical therapy tomorrow too. He had rather hoped to show Eggsy that he was going to be okay and that he didn’t need to worry so much. It was clear the younger man was trying not to show how much he worried, but Harry saw it in the little things that Eggsy did. The way he’d stop by so often (despite having a mother and sister at home, which Tia had told him) or the way he’d visit late at night, unable to sleep. The lines that would appear on his forehead when Harry got too tired to sign back, or blanked on a word and got frustrated.

Eggsy leaned forward and put a hand on Harry’s arm. His touch was electric and Harry felt it shoot right through him. He didn’t want Eggsy to go, and he certainly didn’t want to face the rest of the day by himself, but he wasn’t that selfish either. He took enough of Eggsy’s time away from him. Harry tried not to look too depressed when Eggsy let go of his arm and turned to go.

 

_Take care. Harry._

See you soon. Eggsy.

 

\---

 

Harry had little time to miss Eggsy in the next few days. Dr. Hannigan, along with Merlin, were putting him through physical therapy hell with Tia on standby for instructions and translation if needed. She seemed to be enjoying her duties as she sat on the edge of the sink, eating various fruits as he worked. There wasn’t much she had to translate.

As it was, Dr. Hannigan told Merlin what to do, and Merlin did most of the hands on work. Merlin had picked up “go, more, faster, longer, less, hold still, slower, stop, no, and yes” which seemed to be all he needed other than physically moving bits of Harry’s body when he needed to. It was all very invasive, frustrating, and exhausting. No part of Harry was left out of the physical therapy. They worked his arms, legs, torso, stomach muscles, upper back, neck, and even the muscles in his face.

Dr. Hannigan had tried to coax him to try to speak but his throat continued to lock up when he tried to conjure the words. That seemed to disappoint the doctor, but he had tried at the end of the first day and Harry was pretty sure that if he opened his mouth he’d lose what little lunch he had.

Walking, of course, was the hardest part. He had been bed-ridden for the better part of a month and a half, and getting back on his feet was harder than he had anticipated. Dr. Hannigan had pulled out a walker on the first day and Harry had given him such a scathing look that Merlin had swiftly exited the room, and an uncharacteristic snort of laughter could be heard in the direction he had gone. 

He had begrudgingly allowed the cane. After the first walk around the room, he was damned thankful for it. After the second walk around the room, he wished he hadn’t scorned the walker. The third walk left him wishing for a wheelchair, resigned to a life of never walking again. That night his muscles screamed, his head throbbed as if something had taken up residence inside. He felt like he had been shot all over again...but he also felt wonderfully _alive_.

Harry tried to hold onto that feeling during his therapy, but he didn’t have the energy to think about anything other than what his muscles were going through. Each motion was harder than the last, testing his abilities and making him work for every inch of ground he clawed his way through. His right side was still giving him trouble. It simply didn’t want to respond like the left side, which was especially irritating as it was his dominant hand that was giving him trouble.

Dr. Hannigan, through Tia, assured him that with work, every day, he’d gain more and more use of it and that it would get easier. He had already made progress since his first initial tests, and he was optimistic. Harry tried to remain optimistic as well, but it was hard when even one lap around the room left him breathless, and two left him shaky and unsteady.

 

On the fourth night, the night Eggsy might be back from work, Merlin visited instead. Harry knew that he too was a friend, but he wasn’t sure how close they were. The man stopped by a good deal, but they rarely spoke, even when Tia offered. Usually he’d just observe and sometimes he would work on his iPad.

Tonight seemed different. Merlin had a thoughtful look on his face as he looked at the iPad in his lap, and then he showed the picture to Harry. It was of a group of young men, ten of them, standing in front of a massive building. They all had dogs on leashes, and all the dogs were different. Merlin pointed to a young man with a small terrier, then to Harry.

 _That’s me...god I was young._ Harry thought, looking closely at himself. It was only vaguely familiar. Merlin then pointed to the lad next to him, a taller boy with an Irish Wolfhound. Then to himself. 

 _We went to the same school? What kind of school only has ten members?_ Harry thought, scowling at the photo. He looked from the boy in the photo to the man in front of him. They did look similar. He had known this man for a very long time...and yet he could remember nothing. Not the school he had gone to, nothing. It was as if everything before he woke up was just a blur of colors. 

Tears of frustration suddenly stung his eyes. He was exhausted, physically and mentally, and this man was his friend, a very old friend, and he couldn’t recall a single thing. Not a damned one. Harry shook his head angrily.

Merlin didn’t look upset or angry, which was slightly reassuring. He just nodded, as if it was what he expected. He didn’t look happy either. If anything he looked indecisive.

 

_Do you want to know who you are?_

 

Merlin signed quickly, so fast that Harry barely had time to register it. He signed back just as fast.

 

Yes.

_Are you sure?_

Yes.

_It might not be what you think._

Yes. Yes. Yes.

 

Merlin looked at him. Really looked at him. Harry felt the weight of his gaze, heavy as the gavel of a judge. Finally Merlin handed him the iPad. There were little icons on the screen. Hundreds of them. Each one had a little triangle over top of it.

Harry looked up to ask Merlin what they were, but the man was already gone, door shutting behind him with a quiet click. Harry was left alone with the iPad. He tapped the first one and the movie opened.

The camera was pointed towards the ground, and then it moved up so fast Harry felt a little dizzy. Then, the camera steadied and he was looking at Eggsy in his suit and glasses in front of a large mirror. A moment later he realized that it wasn’t Eggsy, but the young man from the photo. He was looking at himself in one of those same suits. Even the glasses were similar, although a little older.

The camera moved from his reflection to the door and a different man walked in. He was a bit older, but had the same type of suit and light colored hair. The man pulled a knob on the wall and the mirror retracted backwards to reveal a room behind it. The room behind was filled with weapons and other assorted items. Harry hit the pause button on the iPad and stared for a moment.

_What the bloody hell am I getting myself into?_

  
Harry took a deep breath, then hit play again. 


	6. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We need you to come in, immediately.” Roxy sounded anxious.
> 
> “What’s wrong?” Eggsy asked.
> 
> “Harry’s...gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violence, suicidal thoughts, angst, etc. Just a warning for those that need warnings on this stuff!

“Eggsy! Where the hell have you been?” Roxy’s voice snapped making him wince and pull the phone away from his ear.

“Fuck’s sake Rox, I stopped at home to see my mum and Sophie. It’s been a while, why are you biting my head off?”

“We need you to come in, immediately.” The urgency in her voice worried him, and the irritation he initially had bled away quickly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. There was silence for a moment, then she spoke.

“Harry’s...gone.”

 

Eggsy nearly dropped the phone. It slipped in his grip but he grabbed it by the edge before it slipped completely from his grasp.

“Oh, shite. Sorry! He’s gone Eggsy. Not Gone, but gone. Missing, yeah?” she sounded mortified on the other end of the phone and Eggsy found he could breathe again.

“Bloody hell Rox.” he breathed, and was very happy that she wasn’t in front of him. He might have strangled her.

 

“How does a secret spy organization lose a patient who was shot in the fuckin’ head?” Eggsy asked, voice low and steady. “How can we lose _anyone_ that we want to find?”

“I don’t know Eggsy. Merlin’s a right mess about it though. I’ve never seen him like this. He keeps swearing in gaelic,” Roxy didn’t sound much better off. “Do you know where he might be Eggsy?”

“Has anyone checked his house?” Eggsy suggested.

“We haven’t checked anywhere but the Kingsman estate. I called you as soon as I found out.”

“I’ll go. I’m probably the closest.”

“Good luck Eggsy, we’ll keep searching on our end. I’ll call you if we find anything.”

 

He hung up the phone and took off at a sprint down the sidewalk, heading for Harry’s house. It was as good a place to start as any.

\---

He had watched the first few video clips in order, gathering as much as he could from each file. The thought of sleep had been wiped out, as well as the exhaustion from the day. All he could think of was knowing more, finding out who he was and what he was capable of.

After the first few, he skipped through at random. Sometimes he would see himself, sometimes he wouldn’t. Occasionally he would see Merlin, sometimes the man from the first video. None of the videos made him feel like he knew himself any better. Nor was he able to remember them from his perspective. It was more like watching a movie he had seen a hundred times...but somehow found something new to see on each play-through.

Three quarters of the way through the files and sudden sound filled the room. He winced, and automatically turned the volume down, not sure how he even knew where the button was to do so. The early videos had been silent. Now they weren’t.

He heard his voice, recognized his own voice, knew it was him...and yet the words still wouldn’t register. The anger flared then, sudden and violent. So much had been taken from him, so much lost and gone forever. It was infuriating. He scrubbed a finger hard across the screen, scrolling down to the last video and hit play. Maybe then he’d figure out what had caused this mess in his head.

The - _not piano_ \- music started to play and he felt the familiar cinch of panic. His anger at the situation over-rode the panic, and he latched onto it, holding it in place. Clenching his jaw made his head throb sharply but he didn’t care. He watched a man preaching, or what looked more like raving. The camera moved to a pinched face woman. Harry heard him say something to her, and the shocked look on her face. He saw himself leaving the church.

And then he heard the noise. _That_ noise, like a low but insistent alarm. It grew louder, and louder until it drowned out everything. White hot flashes burst in his vision and he closed his eyes with a grimace.

He remembered that sound.

It was the sound of madness.

 

Harry no longer had to see the screen to know what was going on. He was living it. He felt the anger. The hatred seethed hot in his veins. The disgust he had felt at the sermon fueled the building rage. He felt himself reach for the gun, turn and point it at the woman. They made eye contact, and he saw the sudden fear in her eyes. 

He had almost resisted, but his finger had twitched and blood exploded from her face. The sudden spray of red in the air was exhilarating and all qualms were suddenly washed from his mind. His gun was no more than an extension of his hand. Running forward he fired into the masses. A man with a blue sweater went down a fraction of a second before the one with a yellow shirt. Sweeping his gun across the room he pulled the trigger again and the head of another man disintegrated.

A man with an ax rushed him, but the butt of the gun caught him in the throat, throwing him back and he earned a bullet in the skull for his mistake. He slid under a clumsy swing from his left and fired a bullet into the stomach of the man before him as he leapt to his feet, the next bullet entering under his chin. Harry felt himself toss the man aside as if he were nothing but a rag doll.

He ducked another swing, coming up under the arm, firing at a woman in front of him, then using the momentum to swing the man around that had grabbed him. Another shot and a woman with dark hair fell to the ground. Then he killed the man who had swing at him, feeling the hot spray of blood against his cheek.

Something hard smashed into his back, sending him stumbling forward, but a quick behind the back shot stopped the attacker from doing further damage. The gun was empty. He reloaded with a flourish and the battle raged on around him. Harry ran forward, flipping the man that was rushing him over his shoulder, twirled and another man in a blue striped shirt went down.

He grabbed a pretty young woman, using her as a shield as he shot someone across the room, and then shot the woman in his arms. She fell lifeless at his feet. Another swing of a fist came his way and he ducked it, kicked out with a foot. The two pews in front of him toppled and he shot the man that stood in his way. He leapt onto the pews, using them as a springboard. As he fell he shot another man, and then landed heavily on another. As he got to his feet the man he landed on died from his gunshot. Harry ducked the swing of some sort of wooden pole and shot it’s owner.

It was almost like a dance. He felt the pieces coming together as he moved, fluid as water, dancing through openings, ducking and running and sliding. Finding the holes, weaving through the bodies, and always killing as he went. It was kill or be killed, but that thought was not in his mind. The only thought was that they all deserved to die, and he knew that he could do it.

When his gun ran empty he used his fists. When he saw a knife flash his direction, he disabled the owner and the knife was his. He was disarmed again, and he used his hands. He could feel the neck snap between his savage jerk. An incense burner became a weapon, slammed into three different people.

He was knocked down a few times, but always the anger was there, and every pain could be ignored while he was still angry. He got back up time and again. He would not be stopped, not by these people.

There was a knife in his hand again and some primal part of him rejoiced at the feeling of hot blood on his hands as he pulled out the knife from one wound or another. It was as exhilarating as it was exhausting. He hadn’t ever fought like this in his whole life, and he wasn’t as young as he once was but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was destroying these people.  

The smell of burning flesh reached his nose as he torched a man’s face, watching as his eyes melted with a savage glee. Bullets flew and he managed to get a gun in his hand again, and he felled anyone with the misfortune of getting in his way.

Pain seared through his shoulder as a knife hit it’s mark and he rounded on the attacker with a snarl on his lips as he shot him in the face. He used the man as another shield as he whirled around, taking out more would-be attackers until his gun ran empty again.

Another man appeared with a sharp tipped pole and he used it to spear three people at once. His shoulder screamed in protest at the impact but it was hardly a buzz in his ear as his heart pounded in his throat, blocking out the sounds of death and pain.

A knife here, an electric shock there, and he found himself putting a live grenade into the pocket of another man, before shoving him so violently into the wooden altar that his neck snapped like a twig. A small part of his mind reminded him to get away from the grenade, but it wasn’t important. What was important was getting the axe he had just spotted. It would come in handy. Harry grabbed it, swung it into the neck of a woman, and then was blown off his feet.

The heat was intense, but short lived. He was stunned for a moment, ears ringing, drowning out the cries of pain, and the sound of madness and rage.

 

 _Stop. Stop!_ His mind cried in a feeble attempt at control, but a moment later he was lost again in a haze. Everything was red, and the people around him had not stopped. Another knife. Another gun. More dead people at his feet. He ducked a chair, killed another, and ran out of bullets. Harry dismantled the gun as quick as he could, then used what remained as a weapon.

The man before him dropped the spiked pole and he grabbed it, then used all of his strength to bring it up and around, right through the chin of the preacher, through his brain and out of the top of his skull. His body never hit the ground.

Harry looked around, eyes wild, but no one else was there to meet him. His breath came in gasps as the adrenaline surged through his body with no further outlets. He looked across the room, but was met with no movement, no attackers. Nothing stirred. He had killed them all.

Then he had come to his senses. The rage was gone, and he was left feeling sick, hair hanging across his forehead and hands sticky with the blood of those he had killed. He staggered from the church, and was met with Valentine.

Then, he had gotten shot. The feed went red and still, then dark.

 

Harry trembled, white bursts of pain rushing through his head as he remembered the scene. He stared at the iPad in his hands as his vision swam and stomach churned. His breath came in labored spurts of barely contained panic and horror. His thoughts became bright bursts of pain and memories, rushing into his mind faster than he could process them. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the tablet tighter, teeth clenched as he shuddered through the bursts of pain radiating through him.

The tremors eventually subsided, along with the white flashes in his head. His breathing evened out and his mind went quiet. He sat still for a long time, eyes fixed to a point in the distance, not seeing anything in the room anymore.

The iPad left his hand, flying across the room and shattering against the wall.

\---

 

“He’s off-site Eggsy, we have a video feed of a taxi leaving the estate. We thought for sure he’d use the shuttle, but he never went near it. The taxi took him to a pub, then returned. We lost him there. Any luck with the house?” Roxy asked, on her second call to him that day.

“Just got here Rox, I’ll let you know when I’m done, yeah?” he hung up on her, irritated and not a little terrified. How could they just lose track of Harry? It wasn’t like he could go far, the man had been bed ridden when Eggsy had left, and he doubted that the man had made that much progress in his physical therapy.

 

He turned the corner and his heart fell as he saw that Harry’s house was dark, but when he got to the front door he found in unlocked. He slowly entered the house, pushing a button on his glasses that turned them to infrared sensors. There were no indications of anyone in the house as he moved through the first floor, going as carefully as he could. Part of him wanted to call out, but his throat was too tight with worry to try.

He made his way up the stairs, minding the ones that creaked (the third and fourth), praying that Harry had come home after all his time away, and that he hadn’t vanished off the grid somewhere that Eggsy wouldn’t be able to find him. He wasn’t sure he could bear losing Harry again.

The door to Harry’s office was open, and he finally got a red heat reading on his glasses. His heart in his throat, he slid into the doorway and stopped, then flicked his glasses back to the normal setting. The room was dark, the only light coming from the open window in which the moon shone through. He could see a glass glinting in the moonlight on the edge of the desk, filled with some sort of liquid.

 

“Harry?” he called softly to the form in the armchair who hadn’t moved since he appeared in the doorway.

“Eggsy,” the voice replied, rough, quiet and hoarse, but it was undeniably Harry’s voice. Eggsy felt his throat tighten harder at the sound of his name, one he thought he’d never hear again. Eggsy stepped into the room, heart filled with relief at finding Harry, and joy at hearing him speak.

“Still don’t knock,” Harry observed, but his voice held no humor. Nor was it angry. Instead it was a flat tone, without emotion or feeling behind it. Eggsy had never heard Harry sound like that before and the joy died in his heart before it even fully ignited.

“Harry?” Eggsy asked as he reached the desk.

 

Harry Hart sat in his favorite armchair with a glass of scotch near his left hand. He was clean shaven, dressed in one of his suits (although it hung off his frame, since he had lost so much weight and muscle mass in the time he was in the hospital). Kingsman glasses sat perched on his nose, and his hair was combed neatly, almost hiding the scar on his head. He could smell his cologne, a warm scent with hints of soap and rosewood. Eggsy glanced down as he saw a small glint, and too late noticed the handgun curled tightly in Harry’s right hand. It was pointed at him.

“Are you going to shoot me Harry?” Eggsy asked in a surprisingly calm voice, wondering if Harry actually understood the words. Harry’s eyes were locked on his own, and Eggsy could see the moonlight glinting off of the tears on Harry’s cheeks. Real fear kindled in the pit of his stomach as they stared at each other, silence filling the room before Harry’s mouth twitched.

“...no.”

The gun remained pointed at him for a moment longer, and then there was a heavy thunk as Harry dropped the gun on the table. The older man let out a shaky sigh that sounded almost like a whimper and buried his head in his hands, elbows propped on his knees.

Eggsy was at his side in a flash. He sunk down to his knees in front of Harry, hands on the side of Harry’s knees, looking up at him with eyes pleading. He didn’t know what was going on, or why Harry had left the hospital. Eggsy didn’t know what was wrong, or why Harry was acting this way, but he had never seen the man in such a state and it was killing him.

“Harry…” Eggsy began.

“He should have killed me,” Harry’s voice was harsh and broken behind his hands, and he breathed hard and irregularly as he spat out the words. Eggsy went still, taking in the words and their meaning, then rebelling against them.

“Like hell he should have,” he snarled as he pushed Harry’s hands out of the way, and took them in his own. “Don’t you fuckin’ talk like that.”

Harry met his gaze then, eyes hard and unforgiving.

“I killed all those people...and I liked it,” the hatred and disgust in his voice made Eggsy flinch. He didn’t have to ask what people Harry was talking about.

“Christ Harry, that wasn’t y-”

“Yes. It. Was.” Harry’s words were so hard and final that Eggsy recoiled a bit. Then he moved forward and dug his hands into the lapels of Harry’s suit and pulled him forward so their foreheads were almost touching.

“No. It. Wasn’t. That wasn’t you. That wasn’t the Harry that hauled my arse out of jail. That wasn’t the Harry that kept Dean’s goons from doin’ me in. That wasn’t the Harry that kept Dean from slitting my throat with a knife. That was not the Harry that took me in and turned me from a useless thug to bloody Kingsman. That wasn’t the Harry who takes pride in not being in the papers and who got his fuckin’ dog stuffed when it died. That wasn’t the Harry that likes Pretty Woman,” Eggsy was breathing hard, never taking his eyes off of Harry’s, “You know how I know that? Cause I know you Harry Hart. I know you’re not that person in that church.”

Harry didn’t reply, just kept his eyes fixed on Eggsy. The hardness and despair in his brown eyes softened a little. His breath still came in small gasps from his slightly parted lips. His lower lip trembled slightly and he looked so broken and lost that Eggsy couldn’t take it anymore.

 

Eggsy closed the short distance between them and kissed him. He met Harry’s lips harder than intended, but he was beyond caring. Harry’s lips were slightly chapped, but warm. He didn’t kiss back, just sat still as a statue. Eggsy pulled back as suddenly as he had leaned in. He felt heat creep into his cheeks, and disgust at himself coiled in his stomach. Harry was going through some serious shit and here he was making a move at the worst possible time.

He wasn’t prepared when Harry yanked him forward, nor was he prepared when their lips met again. The disgust at himself melted away as Harry kissed him like it was the only thing in the world that mattered. Harry’s hands knotted into his hair and he pulled him even closer. Eggsy let out a small groan as Harry’s mouth parted and let him in. He could taste the scotch on his tongue...and the gun oil.

Eggsy jerked back as if he had been struck. He fell back onto his elbows and stared up at Harry. They were both flushed and breathing hard. Eggsy looked over to the gun on the table. Harry was always meticulous about the upkeep of his guns, keeping them cleaned and well oiled. He didn’t need an active imagination to see Harry sitting in the dark, gun in his mouth, maybe even seconds before Eggsy had come into the room.

 

“You were gonna off yourself...” Eggsy breathed, voice barely above a whisper. Harry looked at him, not answering.

“You were gonna leave me again?” His voice broke as he struggled to his feet.

“I...can’t…I couldn’t...” Harry trailed off.

 

Eggsy turned away from him. Emotions raged through him at such a pace he could barely keep up. Sorrow, anger, fear, love, panic. He could barely keep up. He spun around and met Harry’s unwavering gaze.

“Fuck...I can’t lose you again. I can’t do it, Harry. Please,” Eggsy ran his hands through his hair as he looked from Harry to the gun that almost took him away again.

Harry looked back at him, dark eyes watching as the tears threatened to spill over his eyelids.

“Eggsy,” Harry breathed softly and then struggled to his feet. He made it three steps before his knees gave out. Eggsy reached out to catch him, and they both ended up on their knees on the hardwood floor. Harry clung to him as if he was a lifeline, and Eggsy held on just as tight. Harry pulled Eggsy’s head to his chest and Eggsy’s grip tightened around him.

“I’m sorry Eggsy. I didn’t think,” he whispered, voice ragged and tired. “I’m not...I won’t…” Harry swallowed and tried again, “I’ll stay.”

 

Eggsy buried his face into Harry’s neck and cried.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit this was hard to write! Hope I did the scene justice. If I need to add any other warnings I didn't think of, please let me know and I'll add them.


	7. Thinly Veiled Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I botched it, Harry thought as he held the younger man against his chest, listening to his heartbreaking sobs. Eggsy was never supposed to find him here, and certainly not during his moment of weakness. He never would have known if he hadn’t kissed him…and god how he wished that had gone differently. Thoughts about kissing Eggsy had happened quite a lot before, and had crossed his mind after as well. None of those thoughts came close to the reality though, and god had he botched it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, and violence.  
> (Please let me know if I've missed any and I'll add them in!)

_I botched it._ Harry thought as he held the younger man against his chest, listening to his heartbreaking sobs. Eggsy was never supposed to find him here, and certainly not during his moment of weakness. He never would have known if he hadn’t kissed him…and god how he wished _that_ had gone differently. Thoughts about kissing Eggsy had happened quite a lot _before_ , and had crossed his mind after as well. None of those thoughts came close to the reality though, and god had he botched it.

Eggsy’s tears didn’t last long. He cried himself dry in a matter of a few minutes and then shakily pulled back. His eyes were red and swollen and Harry felt ashamed. He had put that look on Eggsy’s face. He had seen Eggsy face his step-father’s wrath with dry eyes. Seen him face down death from an oncoming train with dry eyes. Seen him almost splattered on the ground after the parachute test with dry eyes…but here he was reduced to this because of Harry’s actions. _He deserves better._

“Help me to bed Eggsy? I don’t think I can make it by myself,” he grimaced.

“Yeah, alright,” Eggsy replied, sliding a solid arm around his torso and helped him to his feet. His legs felt like jelly, but with the help from the younger man he was able to make it to the bed without falling on his ass. Leaving the hospital had been stupid, but he had to get _away_. The room had felt like it was closing in on him and in the blinding rush of unlocked memories he had just wanted something familiar to surround himself with.

Thankfully his bedroom was right next to his office. Eggsy helped him onto the edge of it, then sat down heavily next to him. His expression was stony and almost unreadable, which wasn’t an expression Harry could ever remember seeing on him before. Eggsy looked like a dog that had been kicked one too many times. He looked _gutted_.

 _I broke him_. Harry thought with sudden anguish. So long he had spent shaping and molding Eggsy into the perfect Kingsman, watching him grow and shine…and it was now as if he had just tossed him in the fire and watched him burn. He hadn’t made a mistake this terrible since missing the grenade that had killed Lee Unwin.

 

 _I have to fix this._ Harry swallowed, eyes on Eggsy. The idea came to him, swift and sure. It was a bad idea, and it was wrong, and it betrayed all the misplaced trust that Eggsy had in him…but if it got that look off of Eggsy’s face, it would be worth it.

Harry took off his glasses, and handed them to Eggsy, motioning towards the nightstand. Eggsy leaned over, placing the glasses on the table, and slumped over suddenly. Harry pushed the knob of his watch back in, waited for a full minute, then carefully reached over and plucked out the amnesia dart from Eggsy’s neck. At least his aim had been true. The dart would remove the last half hour or so from Eggsy’s memory. The knowledge of just how fucked up Harry had become would be erased, along with the kiss that had been so good, but had almost ruined everything.

 

_You’re proving him wrong. This isn’t something Harry Hart would have done before the church._

 

No. It wasn’t something he would have done before the church…but he was going to protect the young man now slumped on his bed. Even from himself. Especially from himself. He had caused Eggsy enough pain, even though that was never his intention.

Harry reached out and stroked Eggsy’s hair back, gently smoothing it down. It was softer than he expected. He took his hand back and closed his eyes. Thinking back he replayed his actions from the night, the feelings and memories. It had been a very short-sighted decision. Thoughts of his actions in the church, the lack of control, and the savage glee in ending lives…all of these things had clouded his mind. He never wanted to experience something like that again. And yet, he knew he could do it again. He could mindlessly kill again like that if he had to…and part of him would take a sick enjoyment out of it. The simple fact that he _knew_ he could do it again was enough to fill him with disgust and self-loathing.

It was that thought that caused him to put the gun in his mouth. The metal went from cold to warm as he sat breathing hard around the barrel. The putrid taste of gun oil sat heavy on his tongue. It tasted like rotten compost and salt, and it had wiped the taste of alcohol from his mouth almost entirely. He had kept his eyes closed, not wanting to look at the gun. Which left him with just the taste of the gun in his mouth, and his thoughts.

He had always prided himself on being a good man, and these were not thoughts that good men had. If he stopped being a good man, then he would become an indifferent man, and potentially a bad man. He could go down the same road that Arthur had. He could bring the whole organization down with him. No. He couldn’t allow that to happen. Nothing else mattered…until he heard footsteps approaching and the gun was out of his mouth and pointing to the door. When he had seen Eggsy, still dressed in his suit from his last mission all thoughts of pulling the trigger had vanished.

He was still tormented by what he had done, still unsettled at who he was and what he was capable of, but with Eggsy sitting at his feet, voicing so fiercely his thoughts on the matter, telling him exactly what he was and wasn’t...it was hard to feel the loathing as strongly. Eggsy’s eyes were so brutally earnest and it was clear that he believed everything he was saying. Harry couldn’t help but feel doubt. Maybe he still wasn’t thinking straight. Maybe Eggsy was right.  

 

And then Eggsy had kissed him, and had _known_.

 

“I’m so sorry Eggsy,” Harry breathed as he watched the still form beside him breathing deeply. Maybe he was right. Maybe Eggsy was right. He didn’t really know, but he did know that he didn’t want to ruin his relationship with Eggsy (whatever that was, now) because of his weakness and lack of clarity. He would make it right in any way he could.

It wasn’t terribly long before Eggsy woke up, confused and rubbing his head. When he saw Harry he looked startled and confused, blinking hard as if to clear something from his eyes.

“I owe you an apology Eggsy. It appears my senses aren’t as good as they used to be. You caught me off guard and I hit you with an amnesia dart. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t realize it was you until I hit the button,” he gave an expression he hoped was the proper mixture of embarrassed and amused.

He watched as Eggsy’s eyes lit up, bright and full of joy. His anxiety ebbed away with the smile that exploded onto Eggsy’s face.

“Shit Harry! I didn’t...I really didn’t think I’d ever hear your voice again,” Eggsy laughed. “Oh, that doesn’t mean you understand me…” he trailed off and Harry put a hand on his shoulder.

“I can,” Harry assured him and Eggsy launched himself into Harry’s arms. Harry grunted at the impact, but managed to stay upright.

“Bollocks! Sorry Harry…I just…I’m just glad,” Eggsy’s face was red tinged as he pulled backwards, putting distance between them again.

“That makes two of us,” Harry replied.

“When did you start understanding? When did you start talking?” Eggsy asked, eager for answers.

“A few hours ago. Merlin was kind enough to show me video feeds of my…missions,” Harry paused, wondering if he should tell Eggsy everything.

“Did he…show you the last one?” Eggsy asked, worry making his eyes look darker than normal.

“He did not, but I saw it on my own,” Harry sighed and rubbed his chin with one hand. His throat hurt from the effort of talking, and he was suddenly very tired. “It was the last one that was the catalyst, I think. The…- _sound_ -…of Valentine’s device.”  

The word had stuck in his mind like a shoe in mud. When his memories had started flooding back to him, the lock on his throat seemed to ease, and he found words again…but apparently not all of them. The thought was discouraging.

“Harry, that wasn’t you, you know that right?” Eggsy shifted on the bed, folding his legs under him so he could get a better look at him. Half of Harry wanted to just agree with Eggsy, not wanting a repeat of before, but this was a conversation they needed to have. He knew Eggsy, and he knew he wouldn’t let this go until he was satisfied.

“It was me,” he held up a hand to stop Eggsy’s immediate sound of protest. “It was me with all inhibitions and control stripped away…but it was still me.”

“That’s a load of rubbish! You’re wrong. I know you’d never do something like that. You’d only kill someone if you were defending yourself or if it was for a mission. I know you, Harry. You’re not the man in that church,” the conviction in his voice was touching, and heart breaking.  

Harry couldn’t bring himself to reply. It was so close to their earlier conversation he was half afraid that things would turn out the same. Eggsy would be so distraught that he’d lean in, kiss him, taste the gun oil still on his tongue and Harry would have to start over.

“You might be right...but I’m dreadfully tired Eggsy. I think I’m going to try to get some sleep. We’ll talk about it later,” he laid back on the bed, resting his head gently onto the pillow. It was a cowardly thing to do, to plead exhaustion to get out of the conversation, to avoid confronting the feelings he had for Eggsy, but he hadn’t been lying. He was tired. It had been an exhausting night.

“You do look knackered,” Eggsy agreed getting to his feet, swaying a little.

“You look almost as bad. How long since you last slept?” Harry asked, eying the younger man in front of him.

“A bit. I’m fine, really,” Eggsy assured him, but his grin was tired and his eyes were still red rimmed.

 

_If he gets a look at himself he’s going to ask questions, and you’re not going to be able to do this twice._

“Can you…stay?” Harry managed a moment later after a slight hesitation.

“Yeah, sure Harry.” Eggsy looked surprised, and then pleased. Harry was disgusted with himself, feeling a hundred percent the manipulative bastard he knew he could be, with the one person he never, ever wanted to manipulate.

Eggsy’s phone rang suddenly, making Harry wince at the sudden sound. He was shot an apologetic glance as Eggsy walked into the next room to take the call. His voice rose and fell in the next room and Harry just listened to the steady cadence. Eggsy sounded pleased and relieved as he let his coworkers know that Harry was fine, and that he could speak again, that nothing bad had happened and that he was resting.

He thought again of the utterly broken expression that Eggsy had before he had used the amnesia dart, and decided he wasn’t going to beat himself up over it anymore. Hearing the unburdened joy in Eggsy’s voice was worth the deception. Harry bit his lower lip as he thought about Eggsy kissing him. Eggsy would never remember, but Harry would never forget.  

_I’ll never take away his memory again, ever._

\---

“Are you certain he’s alright?” Merlin barked on the other end of the line.

“Well, as alright as he can be. He’s talkin’ again Merlin. Whatever you did worked like a charm. He understands too. We had a conversation…you know, a vocal one!” Eggsy grinned.

“But he’s not acting…unusual? Nothing? Just back to normal?” Merlin asked.

“You need to relax, mate. He seems a bit out of sorts, but I’m thinking that’s normal for what he’s been through, yeah?”

“Excalibur,” Eggsy straightened at his code name. “I’ve never known Harry to lose his temper. The man has the patience of a saint, and I’ve seen it tested a thousand times in a thousand different ways. I came back to his room and he was gone, and the only thing left was my shattered tablet in the corner, in a thousand pieces. Does Harry strike you as a man who throws things when he’s angry?”

“...No. No he doesn’t,” Eggsy scowled.

“No. He does not. So maybe it’s his injury, maybe he’s just finding new ways to cope, but brain damage or not, he needs someone to keep an eye on him. He might have more outbursts, and you need to be prepared for them,” Merlin’s voice was steady but hard.

“Alright Merlin, I’ll keep an eye on him. I don’t think he’ll be moving anywhere tonight though, he’s exhausted. I can probably get him back to the estate tomorrow?”

“Not ideal, but I’ll allow it. God knows he probably wants to sleep in his own bed. Don’t let your guard down. If you’re right, and his memories have returned, he’s still a Kingsman. He’ll use that to his advantage,” Merlin cautioned.

“Fuck’s sake Merlin, it’s Harry. He’s not going to do anything but sleep!” Eggsy found himself incredibly irritated at his instructor. He kept his voice low so Harry couldn’t hear.

“I hope you’re right. Bring him in the first chance you get.” The phone went dead and Eggsy rolled his eyes. He hated when people didn’t give you a proper send-off.

Eggsy stared at the dark phone in his hand, wondering if there was anything to Merlin’s fussing. Aside from Harry shooting him with the dart (which he openly admitted to) nothing seemed too different. Except the self-loathing and guilt over the church...and that seemed about normal too. Who wouldn’t be a little messed up after being exposed to mind control that made you a mindless death-machine?

Something was bothering him. He couldn’t put a finger on it, but something did feel off. He wasn’t sure what it was, but maybe Merlin had a point. He’d have to keep an extra eye on Harry until he could get him back to the hospital.

 

“Sorry about that Harry, but you gave everyone a bit of a scare just wandering off like that. They were just checking in,” he explained as he walked back into the room. Harry’s eyes were closed and he made a little noise in his throat that sounded a little like “Oh?” but Eggsy couldn’t tell.

“Harry?”

“Mmm?”

“Are you gonna sleep in your suit?”

“...shit.”

 

Eggsy grinned at the look of dismay that crossed Harry’s face as he opened one eye, looking down at himself, still fully clothed, shoes and all. Harry let his head fall back again.

“Shit,” he repeated with a heavy sigh.

“Come on old man, I’ll help you into something more comfortable,” Eggsy reached out and started to untie Harry’s shoes.

“Old man? Not bloody likely,” Harry sounded as bitter as the face he was making. “Oh, stop, I can get undressed myself.”

“You’re half asleep as it is, and recovering from a shot to the head. You shouldn’t even have made it this far on your own. Now shut it and let me help,” Eggsy lightly swatted away Harry’s protesting hand. The man gave a long suffering sigh and then resigned himself to the fact that Eggsy wasn’t going to let him get his way.

Eggsy would be lying to himself if he pretended that he’d never thought about undressing Harry Hart. Seeing what was under those perfectly fitted suits, unwrapping him like a long awaited present. This wasn’t quite what he had in mind, but it didn’t mean he enjoyed it any less.

Eggsy tossed Harry’s oxfords over the side of the bed, and was met with an irritated grunt and a sharp glare from the older man. He leveled a look at Harry, but then relented and picked up the shoes, setting them neatly on the floor by the chair. Harry gave him a small nod of thanks and he couldn’t help the smile that rose to his lips.

The socks came next, and he wasn’t about to set those neatly down next to the shoes. He tossed them on the chair, but Harry made no sounds of protest this time as he sat forward, shrugging awkwardly out of the suit jacket. Eggsy took the jacket and laid it gently on the top of the chair. He took care not to crease it, and Harry gave a slight nod that Eggsy took as approval.

“Second drawer down, left hand side, if you please.” Harry requested and Eggsy went to the dresser. He opened it to find cotton trousers, in mostly solid colors. He pulled out one pair that looked like tartan with greens, reds, blues, and thin white and yellow stripes. It was surprisingly soft. He looked back at Harry with one eyebrow quirked. Harry sighed deeply.

“Merlin has a...strange sense of humor.”

“Indeed he does,” Eggsy grinned and then tossed the trousers onto the bed. Harry pulled his tie off, unknotting it and smoothing it flat. Eggsy placed it neatly on top of the suit jacket.

“Second drawer, right side now,” Harry directed and Eggsy pulled out the other drawer. Every shirt was almost identical and came in two colors, white and black, also cotton. He grabbed a white shirt and turned back to Harry.

 

Harry had the top three buttons undone and Eggsy could see the edge of his collarbone beneath the white dress shirt. His stomach did a small somersault and he swallowed, handing the shirt to Harry. Harry continued to unbutton his shirt and Eggsy was all but helpless to watch. As Harry finished with the last button he glanced up.

“Are you going to help me or just keep watching me get undressed?”

“I was just gonna keep watching,” Eggsy admitted with a devilish grin.

“Very well,” Harry removed his shirt and Eggsy let out a shaky breath. Harry had lost a lot of weight but he could tell that the man had been well toned before taking a bullet to the head. He had several scars marring his skin, most looked as if they were knife wounds. The one on his exposed right arm looked exactly like the burn from a cigarette. Eggsy knew what that looked like well enough.

“Yes, I have a few battle wounds. I’m sure you’ll get your fair share as well,” Harry’s voice startled him out of his trance.

“Not if I’m good at my job,” Eggsy countered and Harry huffed a laugh, then pulled on the white cotton T-shirt and collapsed backwards onto the bed, panting a little. Eggsy felt a bit guilty, Harry was exerting too much effort and he was staring like a boy who had seen his first skin-mag.

“I’ll help with the trousers,” Eggsy offered. Harry nodded, flicking open his button fly with the speed and precision of years of doing so. Eggsy hated the button fly, but the way Harry had manipulated it so quickly made him gain a new respect. When Harry was less tired, he would ask him how he undid them so quickly.

Eggsy swallowed as he grabbed the bottom of Harry’s trousers and pulled on them. Harry lifted himself off the bed a little, and they pulled down low on his hips revealing Harry’s trunks.

 

_Christ._

 

Eggsy let out a breath that was almost a laugh.

“Something funny?” Harry asked, eyebrow raised.

“You would match your bloody tie to your pants,” Eggsy muttered.

“A gentleman should always match.”

Eggsy let his eyes drag up Harry’s naked legs, lingering just a fraction of a second on the bulge in his pants. Harry knew more about being a gentleman than Eggsy, but he doubted sporting a semi was on the top of his list of gentlemanly things. Neither would be pointing it out. Despite the overwhelming urge to do something about it Eggsy grabbed the tartan sleeping trousers and helped Harry into them with all the professional disconnection he could. He certainly would not acknowledge how warm Harry’s skin was or how much he wanted to do the opposite of clothing Harry Hart.

 

_Christ, he had it bad._

 

Finally dressed for bed, Harry relaxed visibly. The dark circles under his eyes were deep and Eggsy suddenly felt like the biggest pervert in the world. He helped pull the sheets back, and Harry sank into his bed with a relieved sounding sigh.

“G’night Harry,” Eggsy managed.

“You’re not sleeping in your suit,” Harry replied, eyes still closed.

“What else am I supposed to sleep in? It’s not like I have a change of clothes,” Eggsy replied.

“You know which drawer they’re in, help yourself.” Harry waved a hand in the direction of the dresser.

 

_Fuck me._

 

He didn’t protest, just picked out a pair of black pants and a black t-shirt. He took his time undressing, setting his clothes in a neat pile next to Harry’s on the chair.  The shirt was a bit big, as were the pants, but they were soft and incredibly comfortable. He felt Harry watching him as he changed, but didn’t meet his gaze or acknowledge it. He didn’t trust himself with his own actions if he met Harry’s eyes. If he had noticed Harry’s arousal, then he knew Harry had noticed his. When he was done dressing, and unable to avoid it any longer, he glanced at the bed and met Harry’s eyes.

“Get some sleep Eggsy,” Harry said after a moment, and Eggsy caught the small waver in his voice.

“You too. Harry,” Eggsy replied, nodding his head and moving towards the door.

“You’re not sleeping on the sofa.”

“Why not?”

“It’s uncomfortable, and you just got back from a mission. You need a real bed. It’s a king, there is plenty of space,” Harry reasoned.

Eggsy closed his eyes and took an uneven breath. There were two thousand reasons why he shouldn’t do this. There were three thousand reasons why he should. Before he lost his nerve he turned, flipped up the sheets, and crawled into bed alongside Harry.

 

“Good night Harry.”

“Good night Eggsy.”

  
They faced the opposite walls from each other, back to back, as far as they could get from each other without falling off the bed. Nothing more was said, but it was a long time before either man could fall asleep, despite the exhaustions of the day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be sex I promise! I do! Just...not...quite...yet. 
> 
> :3
> 
> I am also painfully American. I tried to keep British terms in the spirit of the fandom but I'm not sure how well it comes across. If I botched anything, please let me know!
> 
> Trousers = pants  
> Pants = underwear


	8. Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the super short chapter. I wrote and rewrote three different segments to this and had to get rid of all of it. So I wanted to give you guys something to go off of! I'll do better next update I promise!

The pillow he had his head on was much too soft to be his own. Eggsy opened one eye to an unfamiliar room. He blinked, trying to orientate himself. Stretching a little he felt someone shift behind him and stilled. There was a heavy arm on his waist, a warm body pressed into his back, and deep breathing behind his head. It took him a few more seconds to realize that he was in Harry’s room, in Harry’s bed…and a slow glance over his shoulder confirmed that the person spooning with him was indeed Harry Hart. Eggsy rolled over as slowly as he could, but Harry barely stirred.

Harry looked much more relaxed than he had since his accident. Eggsy had seen him asleep (or in a coma) for most of that time, yet he always seemed to have those slight lines on his forehead. Now they had smoothed and there was no trace of tension on his face. His hair was disheveled from sleep and hung across his forehead. The hair at his temples was a little greyer than it had been when they first met. Eggsy couldn’t stop himself from brushing the hair off of Harry’s forehead. The man didn’t wake, but a small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth and he made a sound of content in the back of his throat. Butterflies exploded in his stomach at the sound.

 

_You’ve got it somethin’ fierce Unwin._

 

He did. He always had where Harry was concerned. No one in his entire life made him feel the way that Harry could. The man didn’t even have to say anything, he just had to look at him and Eggsy felt himself undone. A word of praise could lift his spirits to the point of being light-headed. A disapproving look could make him feel like the world’s biggest piece of scum. A smile could send his stomach somersaulting.

Some part of him knew it was fucked up. The man was old enough to be his father, and was his mentor besides. It didn’t stop him from feeling the way he did. If anything, that was maybe part of the reason he was so attracted to him. Harry was the most well put together person in his life, and his life had desperately needed such a person in it.

As if Harry could hear his thoughts, his eyelids moved a bit, and then his eyes slowly drifted open. His brows drew together as he looked at the other person in his bed. Harry closed his eyes again for a moment took a deep breath and then opened them again, studying Eggsy.

“Still here Harry,” Eggsy whispered.

Harry’s forehead smoothed and he hummed in agreement and closed his eyes again. He had never assumed that Harry wasn’t a morning person. It seemed incredibly out of character for him to not want to get out of bed and start the day…and Eggsy found it rather endearing.

 

“...time is it?” Harry mumbled.

“Don’t care,” Eggsy grinned. Harry cracked an eye at him. “It’s early, still dark out. Go back to sleep.”

“Not tired,” Harry yawned.

“Liar.”

“Mmm,” Harry agreed then his eyes snapped open, as if just realizing that he was face-to-face with Eggsy, pressed close with his arm around his waist. He lifted his arm, trying to scoot away but Eggsy caught his wrist.

“Stay, yeah? ‘s nice,”

Eggsy could watch Harry at war with himself, and he couldn’t help but grin as Harry let his arm fall back down, resting lightly on his hip. Harry was fully awake now, looking at Eggsy but saying nothing. Eggsy didn’t say anything either, for once not feeling like he had to fill the silence with talk. Harry moved one finger on his hip, tracing small circles into the fabric of his trousers. Eggsy enjoyed the simple touch as he mapped Harry’s face from the curve of his nose to the swell of his lip. The fluttering in his stomach was going wild.

Unable to wait any longer he leaned in, Harry put a hand on his chest to stop him. The disappointment was hot and sharp and he pulled back, but Harry grabbed his shirt and kept him in place. Eggsy met his gaze, but there was no disapproval in Harry’s eyes.

“Are you sure you want this?” Harry asked, letting his grip on Eggsy’s shirt loosen.

“I’ve never wanted anything more,” Eggsy assured him then grimaced at the sudden thought. “Unless you’re...not interested…”

“I’ve never been more interested,” Harry assured him, that small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

Eggsy tried to ignore how hard his heart was pounding in his chest as he kissed Harry Hart for the first time. It was short and sweet, and Harry brought his hand up to Eggsy’s face when it was over, swiping a thumb over his bottom lip with such fondness in his gaze that Eggsy was almost embarrassed. No one had ever looked at him like that before.

  
  


The spell was broken when his phone went off. Three short beeps, which meant duty called. Both he and Harry let out a disappointed sigh at the same time. Eggsy grinned and Harry moved his arm to let him up. He swung out of bed and pulled his arms high above his head, working the sleep out of his muscles. Then he checked the phone. It was from Merlin.

 

URGENT: New Mission. Get your arse back here. With G.

 

“Merlin’s callin’ for you too. Must be big,” Eggsy remarked. Harry sat up, rubbing his forehead, then looking at the clothes piled on the chair.

“I suppose you’ll need a bit of help with that?” Eggsy asked, eyebrow quirked.

“I got into it once by myself, I can do it again,” Harry gave him an unamused look, then slowly got to his feet. Eggsy held out his hands as if to ward off an attack.

“Ask me again tonight and we’ll see if the answer changes,” Harry added after a moment. Eggsy smirked.

 

\---

 

“Excalibur. Galahad,” Merlin acknowledged them without looking up. He tinkering with what looked like a motherboard.

“Merlin. What do you need me for?” Harry asked.

“Oh, just your physical therapy appointment,” Merlin replied.

“I thought you had a mission!”

“I do, but it isn’t for you. I just told Excalibur to bring you. Knew you wouldn’t come back for PT unless he dragged you,” Merlin finally looked up, smug tone in his voice.

Eggsy tried not to smile at the indignant tone in Harry’s voice. He failed, and Harry shot him a baleful look.

“Clever, Merlin,” Harry admitted stiffly.

“That’s why they pay me so well,” Merlin smirked.

“It certainly isn’t for your bedside manner,” Harry replied.

“Merlin...oh! Galahad! Good to see you up and about!” Roxy’s voice came from behind them, interrupting the banter between Harry and Merlin. She looked a bit startled at the men before her.

“Good morning Lancelot,” Harry replied, giving a respectful nod of his head in her direction. She nodded back and then looked at Eggsy. He caught her gaze and gave a small shrug.

“Um, about the new mission Merlin?” Roxy asked.

“Yes, yes. Delaware will meet you in the conference room in...” he checked his watch, “five minutes. Don’t be late.”

“Shit! Luck Harry!” Eggsy gave a small wave to Harry as he and Roxy took off at a brisk pace so they wouldn’t be late. Eggsy hadn’t missed the miserable look Harry had on his face. As much as he wanted to be a part of missions again, he still had a good deal of healing to do before he was back in the saddle.

 

\---

 

“Are you well Harry?” Merlin asked about halfway through the morning session.

“I’ve certainly been better,” he replied through gritted teeth as Merlin observed his progress on the treadmill, “this is a lot bloody harder than it looks.”

“I didn’t mean physically,” Merlin hit the red stop button and Harry let out a sigh of relief that they had finished for now. He took the towel that Merlin offered and wiped his face, then sat down heavily in the chair that Merlin had just vacated.

“I know what you meant, I was avoiding the question,” Harry admitted.

 

To be honest, he didn’t want to think about how he was doing mentally. Last night had been such a slippery slope he didn’t really want to think about it too hard, lest he slide back into the same mindframe. He looked up at Merlin who had his arms crossed and a thoughtful look on his face as he waited for an answer.

“I don’t know Merlin...it’s...a lot to take in all at once. I think I’m still processing most of it,” he answered slowly.

“Why did you leave the estate Harry? We could have helped you.”

“I just wanted to be by myself for a bit. I wanted to go home, to see something familiar to know I wasn’t just imagining it. I remembered it all at once Merlin. I was...overwhelmed. I hadn’t even considered that it would be cause for worry. It was thoughtless of me,” Harry sighed and looked at his hands.

“Aye, it was, but I understand. I don’t blame you. I thankfully managed to save the hard drive from my tablet that you so kindly smashed against the wall,” Merlin narrowed his eyes.

“Ahh, sorry about that too. It got away from me,” Harry apologized.

“I noticed,” Merlin held out a hand and helped Harry to his feet. “I’m glad you’re back with us Harry. Truly, I am. I thought for a while we had lost you...in mind if not in body,” Merlin’s nose was a little red and Harry gave him a look.

“Are you going soft on me Merlin?” he asked.

“Not a chance,” Merlin scoffed.

“Good. I’m actually a little offended you thought you could get rid of me so easily.”

“Oh yes, silly me. A shot to the head is easy. I should have known,” Merlin gave a pointed look in his direction.

“Good call with the tablet though. Not the most subtle way to remind me what I was. Who I was...who I am?” Harry shook his head.

“I thought it might help since you didn’t seem to be making much progress remembering on your own,” Merlin shrugged.

“What would you have done if I hadn’t remembered?” Harry asked.

“I’d be adding a fifth recruit to the roster and sent you into retirement,” Merlin replied, not missing a beat. Harry nodded. He would have done the same thing.

“I did beat you in all our test scores, I suppose beating you to retirement is only to be expected.”

“You beat me in all the physical scores, not the intellectual ones. Actually, I doubt you’re beating me on the physical scores anymore either. You’re getting old. Better step up your physical training a notch. Don’t want you falling behind,” Merlin grinned.

“You’re a right bastard Merlin,”

“Aye, and you’re a tosser, what of it?”

 

The two stared each other down for a moment and then both men started to laugh. It was good to laugh. Things hadn’t felt this normal in a long time. They had seemed to work through the biggest issues with each other, and had fallen back into some semblance of the relationship they had before he had been shot.

 

“Alright, enough slacking, back to work. Going to work on stairs next,” Merlin instructed.

“I can’t wait,” Harry groaned.

  
He was still having trouble with the physical therapy, but Merlin assured him that within a few more weeks he’d be almost back to his old self. A month or two and he’d be back in the field, if he was up to it. (Which he protested that of course he would be up to it.) He would have to be. He was a Kingsman, after all, and Kingsmen simply did not retire, despite Merlin’s joking. You were a member of the Kingsman for life, and you served for life. It wasn’t a question about being killed in the field, it was just a question of _when_ he would be killed in the field. Not for a while, if he had anything to say about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm at a cross-roads. I'm not sure if I should go into mission details, or just keep the missions generic enough and keep the story focused mainly on the relationship between Harry and Eggsy?
> 
> If you do want to see missions, what sort? Short ones? Long ones? Intricate ones? Any ideas would be welcome, cause I really don't want to get held up on something that no one is really interested in if no one is interested in the actual missions they go on.


	9. ARC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Talk about human trafficking and underage exploitation.  
> Explicit Sex

The air in the Table Room was stifling. No one spoke, and by the rigid set of their shoulders, and the sour look on Delaware’s face, Eggsy could tell that this was serious. He glanced at Roxy, but her gaze was fixed on the older woman, determined not to miss a thing. Gawain sat next to Roxy on her other side, and across from Kay, Ohio and Nevada. Eggsy wasn’t used to having missions with so many agents, but there had to be a reason for it. The look on Delaware’s face should have been a good indicator of the state of the mission.

 

“I don’t like sending this many agents into the field at once on the same mission, but I don’t have any other choice. The increasing number of disappearing women and men is growing daily. At first we thought it was simply the aftermath of V-day, but Gawain has been investigating and has found the largest human trafficking ring I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with. Gawain, your findings, if you please?” Delaware motioned to the agent and he stood up.

 

“I’ve been tracking this group for the last month. Most of the victims are between the ages of sixteen and twenty six, although I’ve seen them as young as...seven,” Gawain grimaced. “They’ve been targeting young, good looking women and men with little or no connections to anyone with money. Don’t want to stir up trouble with the wrong people. They’re taking advantage of the chaos from V-day to increase their productivity. The governments are too busy trying to get back on their feet to take notice.”

 

Gawain brought up an image of the world. There were red spots all across the globe. Some were larger than others, but most were fairly small.

 

“There are two possible locations where the headquarters are located,” Gawain flicked his hand and the map split and zoomed into two locations, “Venezuela and Taiwan are the main thoroughfares. The victims are filtered through one of these two areas, conditioned, and then put on auction. Buyers fly in, put in their bids, and most do not leave empty handed.”

 

Eggsy could barely suppress the shudder of disgust. This was something he was aware that went on, but he hadn’t ever really given it much thought. He was certainly listening now.

 

“What happens to them after they’re sold?” Nevada asked, mouth downturned and arms folded across his chest. His voice was deep and reminded Eggsy of old western movies that he never truly appreciated.

 

“Most feed sexual appetites until something better comes along. Then they’re either returned, or...disposed of. Few escape the cycle, and the ones that do don’t tend to make it back home again. The younger ones tend to last longer, but suffer worse at the hands of their buyers,” Gawain informed them. His voice was steady but he had lost most of the color in his face.

 

“Thank you Gawain, that’s enough for now,” Delaware dismissed him and Gawain took his seat. “Our primary goal is to locate the head of the operation and to cut it off. Secondary goal is to locate any second in command, trusted advisors, partners, or any other high ranking individuals contributing to the cause. We need to take this operation down as effectively as possible. Third goal is the extraction of the victims and to return them to their rightful places.”

 

Delaware swept her eyes across the agents who sat patiently awaiting orders. Eggsy cast a glance at Roxy, who met his eyes with the slightest raise of one eyebrow. This is what their job was now. Taking orders or waiting for them to be given.

 

“Do we know who the head of this operation is?” a mechanical, vibrating sounding voice filled the room. Eggsy looked over towards the sound. Tia sat with some sort of device held to her throat. Instead of using sign language in a room full of people that didn’t understand, she was using another means of communicating. No sound came from her mouth, but the movements of her throat caused the machine to speak for her.

 

“No. That’s our biggest concern. Gawain has been searching for just such an answer for the last month, but without access into the inner workings, he’s been unable to infiltrate far enough on his own. Not that he hasn’t done his best, we just need to attack this in a different way,” Delaware soothed Gawain’s protest before he even voiced it.

 

“We’re only certain that the head of the operation visits his head operations in Taiwan and Venezuela on a fairly frequent basis. We need to cover our bases and set up teams in both locations. Excalibur and Lancelot. As the youngest members of Kingsman you’re the most likely to be chosen of our ranks as victims. Your job is to be taken, and to observe. Get as much intel from the inside as you can. Who runs things, who doesn’t. Who poses the biggest threats. Find out who is running this mess, and where he is. Do it any way you can. If you can get a tracker on him, do it. If not, find out any sort of location he might frequent. This is not an easy job but you’ve both come highly recommended and I expect nothing but your absolute best.”

 

“Yes ma’am,” Lancelot nodded and Eggsy nodded in suit, but didn’t say anything. Delaware turned to the others.

 

“Gawain, Nevada, you’ll be our buyers. Gawain, your alias will be hailing from Ireland and you’ll be sent to Taiwan for Lancelot. Nevada, you’ll be from Cuba and will be heading to Venezuela for Excalibur. Your goal is to try to buy our agents back from these locations. You’re mainly our extraction and elimination team. Once you have Lancelot and Excalibur in hand, your job is to arm them, and take out as many of these bastards as you can. Use any force necessary, but do not let any more harm come to any of the victims if it can be helped.”

 

“Understood,” Gawain replied and Nevada gave a small salute. Delaware turned to the last two.

 

“Tia and Kay. You’re the elimination team. You’re the best sharpshooters we have. Once Lancelot and Excalibur have been extracted it is up to you to take out the head of the organization. Private, or public. I don’t really care how you do it as long as it’s a clean shot. Take this bastard down. Tia, you’re with Lancelot and Gawain. Kay, you’re with Nevada and Excalibur. Only one of you will get to take this shot. Don’t miss,” Delaware gave the two a steady look and was met with two nods.

 

“Further details have been sent to your devices. You have a fortnight to prepare before being deployed. Brush up on your languages. Lancelot and Excalibur, Merlin will fit you with the appropriate tech for this mission. Speak with him later today,” Delaware scanned the room. “Any questions?”

\---

   

Eggsy sat with Roxy on the balcony. Neither of them spoke as they stared out at the foggy expanse before them. It was a damp, gloomy day and it matched his mood. He glanced at her every now and then. Her expression was troubled, but not as troubled as it was when she was being forced out of a plane or drifting into the upper atmosphere.

 

“Didn’t think being a Kingsman meant doing this sort of thing. Rather degrading, yeah?” Eggsy managed after a few more moments of silence.

“It’s our job Eggsy. Degrading or not, it’s our duty,” she replied.

“I wasn’t saying I wasn’t doin’ it. Just not what I was expecting,” he shrugged.

“Me either, but we’re the only two that can.”

“Rubbish, that.”

“I won’t fight you on that, but come on Eggsy...at least we’ll make it look good.” Roxy tipped him a wink and he found himself grinning despite himself.

“Oh, you’re gonna be convincing then? You speak much Thai?”

“I speak _Mandarin_ ,” Roxy corrected.

“Have fun with that,” Eggsy grimaced. It didn't sound appealing.

“Yes, but you have to learn Spanish. Do you know any Spanish?” she asked.

“Aprenderé,” he shrugged.

“Full of surprises you are,” Roxy grinned.

“I’ve been told that before. What do you suppose Merlin’s got for us?”

“Haven’t the foggiest. Why don’t we go find out? It’ll keep our minds off of what we have to do,” she suggested.

“Sounds good to me.”

 

They made their way down to Merlin’s lab. He was tinkering, as usual, when they walked in. He had several different video feeds playing on different monitors. One was Harry in physical therapy being worked by Dr. Hannigan. Eggsy tried not to let his eyes linger on that particular screen.

 

“Oh, good. You’re here,” Merlin looked up from his desk at the two of them and then scooted his chair backwards and stood. He strode over to a table in the corner of the room that had several devices on it.

“Need your neck, heads down,” he instructed as he picked up something that looked suspiciously like a staple gun. Eggsy hesitated a moment, but Roxy lowered her head and pulled her hair out of the way immediately. Merlin pressed the device into the back of her neck. There was a sharp sound and she winced. There was a little red line on her skin where Merlin had implanted something.

“The fuck is that?” Eggsy asked as Merlin pushed his head down and repeated the process. It stung like hell and there was an intense burning feeling after Merlin withdrew the device.

“That, is ARC,” Merlin replied.

“Like Noah?” Roxy ventured.

“Like a half circle. I’ve been working on the prototype for years now, but we’ve never had the chance to actually give it a go in the field. This is the perfect opportunity, since you’re not going to be wearing your glasses as is standard on normal missions. I have to be able to keep track of you somehow, and this will ensure that I won’t lose you, no matter what clothing you do, or don’t have on,” Merlin looked surprisingly proud of himself. He took his seat again at the computers and double clicked on a small icon that looked like the head of an owl. The screen flickered to life with two separate indicators. He input some information and hit a button. The warm feeling grew a little warmer and Eggsy grimaced.

“Merlin, this isn’t anything like Valentine’s implants...is it?”

 

Merlin gave him an offended glare at the suggestion.

“Of course not. Blowing up the heads of my agent’s isn’t on the top of my to-do list. Although it would be a handy feature for the future versions if you keep asking stupid questions. Now shut up and let’s see if it works. Go into the next room, if you please.”

 

Roxy and Eggsy both took their leave, going into the next room. The door shut behind them. There was a window they could see Merlin through, but Merlin went back to his screen, typing furiously. He looked up after a moment and then spoke.

“Can’t hear ya, mate,” Eggsy shrugged.

“How about now?” Merlin replied. His voice sounded close, and somewhat different. Eggsy looked around for the speakers.  

“Yeah, I got that one,” Eggsy replied.

“Ask Roxy if she can hear me,” Merlin requested.

“Oi, Rox. You hear Merlin?” Eggsy asked. Roxy shook her head. Eggsy watched as Merlin did a few more adjustments on his end. Roxy jumped, as if an electric current had snapped through her. Eggsy didn’t hear a thing. Merlin smirked behind the glass. A moment later he spoke again.

“How’s the volume?”

“Fine.”

“Great.”

They answered at the same time, hearing the same transmission.

“Good, then ARC is doing his job,” Merlin grinned.

 

“Merlin, is this in our heads? How did you get the microphone to work from the back of our necks?” Roxy asked.

“Oh, there’s no microphone at all. ARC transfers my voice directly into data, which fires synapses into your brain through the device in the right processing center to make you think words are being spoken. No one can hear my voice but you, because there is no voice to hear.”

“That’s brilliant,” Roxy looked impressed.

“If it’s just data and synapses, then how can I hear your specific voice?” Eggsy asked with a skeptical look.

“It’s because you’re seeing me speak to you, and your mind creates the actual sounds you think you hear. Your imagination gives it the tone and accent you think belongs to the words I speak. Your mind is actually doing the work,” Merlin’s smug look was almost too much.

 

“Why didn’t you use this on Harry?” Eggsy asked after another moment of thought.

“I was planning on it. If showing him the video’s didn’t work to jog his memory. Thankfully that worked, so I didn’t have to use ARC. I probably wouldn’t have used it so soon anyway. Your brain’s function properly, Harry’s is still recovering and there is no telling what ARC would do in that sort of situation,” Merlin replied evenly. “Come back to the office, that’s all the info I needed.”

 

The warmth in the back of his neck subsided as Merlin turned the device off.  

“What’s ARC stand for?” Roxy asked as they returned to the office. Merlin gave a strange look and then shrugged.

“...I haven’t thought that up yet,” Merlin admitted.

“But you want to call it ARC? I feel like you should have a better name than that,” Eggsy replied with an incredulous look at Merlin. Roxy eyed his computer screen and then narrowed her eyes at him,

“Archimedes...you named it ARC because of Archimedes…” she guessed.

“That obvious?” Merlin gave a sheepish grin.

“Never struck you for a Disney fan, Merlin,” Eggsy laughed.

“And just how do you know I wasn’t referring to the mathematician and inventor?” Merlin countered.

“The little owl icon rather gave it away,” Roxy grinned.

“He’s always had a soft spot for that movie,” Harry said from the other side of the room with a smirk on his face. He was sitting in one of the extra chairs, and must have entered when they were in the other room. He had a black handled cane sitting across his lap.

“Better than Pretty Woman,” Merlin muttered. Roxy laughed and Eggsy found himself grinning as well.

 

“Alright, alright, back to business. ARC is how I can speak to you, but you can’t speak to me. No microphone, remember? Instead, you’ll use these,” Merlin pulled out two small contact cases.

“Tiny video feeds?” Eggsy asked.

“More or less. The lenses transfer the data you see to ARC, and he’ll transmit the image back to the control center. Similar to the glasses but on a smaller scale. We can’t transfer anything back to you through them though, your eyes are your own. No special tricks, no infrared, no helpful translators, just a visual recording device. You’ll need to look at as much as you can when undercover. I’ll handle the rest from back here and get it to the rest of the team. Look at lips at any opportunity, we’ll need what they’re saying since you have no audio recording devices. Understood?” Merlin asked.

“Understood,” they chorused in unison.

“Good. Dismissed. Go home and get some rest. You’ll both need it,” Merlin turned back to his desk.

 

Eggsy turned to Harry as he and Roxy headed towards the door.

“How’d therapy go?” Eggsy asked.

“Miserable, as usual. Slightly more tolerable since Merlin had to go back to work. You have a new mission. When do you leave?” Harry asked as they left Merlin to his devices and owl program.

“Two weeks,” Eggsy replied, not meeting his eyes.

“Oh, it’s a big one then,” Harry nodded. Eggsy eyed him.

“How’d you know?”

“You only get two weeks to prepare for a mission if it’s a big one, and if it’s important. It’s going to be difficult. They always are when you get prep time. Make sure to do whatever studying that was suggested. It helps,” Harry advised.

“Languages,” Roxy replied and Harry nodded.

“That’s usually the case, unless Merlin has the glasses-feed on you and can translate.”

“Wish that was the case, I’ve always been rubbish at languages,” Eggsy sighed. It was going to take a lot of work in a very short amount of time and he didn’t look forward to it.

“You’ll be fine,” Harry assured him.

“At least they gave you the language with letters you recognize,” Roxy teased. Eggsy didn’t envy her the task of learning Mandarin, but if anyone could learn it, it would be her.

“Alright boys, I’m heading home to get a head start on this. Night,” Roxy smiled and gave a little bow before turning down a hallway towards the shuttle.

 

“So, they lettin’ you go home between sessions, or are you stuck here?” Eggsy asked as he looked up at Harry.

“As long as I have an...escort, as Dr. Hannigan put it. A babysitter, to make sure I don’t fall on my ass, or if I do, that I won’t be left in a gutter alone I suppose. Not very dignified,” Harry looked disgusted and Eggsy faked a cough so Harry wouldn't catch his grin.

“Alright old man, your escort has arrived,” Eggsy offered an arm. Harry thwacked him in the calf with his cane.

 

\---

 

“They’re takin the piss with this,” Eggsy tossed his phone down in dismay. Harry looked up from his spot in his favorite armchair at his outburst.

“Spanish?” Harry inquired.

“This program is shite. Listen to this,” Eggsy scrambled for his phone, opened the program and cleared his throat. “El cangrejo bebe leche,” he recited, “The crab drinks milk. Really? I’m real sure that’s gonna be something of great use on this mission. Why don’t they teach you real life basics? The crab drinks milk, honestly? They think this is useful information? Ain’t no crab drinking any milk that I know of,” he tossed the phone back on the table again.

“Well, if you meet one, you’ll be able to talk about it in Spanish,” Harry stated, slight grin still on his face. Eggsy could just barely see the dimples in his cheeks. The man looked a lot more relaxed now that they had gotten back to his house.

“I still think it’s rubbish. Why not pick up lines? That’s much more useful,” Eggsy cast a glare at his phone where the language learning application was still open.

“That chapter isn’t much better,” Harry admitted.

“Wait...that’s a real chapter?” Eggsy grabbed his phone again, flicking through future chapters.

“Ojalá fuera bizco para verte dos veces,” Harry spoke in spanish, a lot faster than Eggsy thought possible. He sounded very good though, at least to Eggsy’s ears.

“You what?” He asked.

“A rough translation of I wish I were cross-eyed so I could see you twice,” Harry deadpanned. Eggsy stared at him.

“Does that line fuckin’ work?”

“Not even remotely,” Harry shook his head and then grinned. Eggsy laughed.

“You’re not wrong Eggsy, the program doesn’t make much sense when you start, but it will help. Give it two weeks and you’ll be educated enough to get by at least. You’ll be able to catch most words, which is the point. No one expects you to speak it fluently. That comes with practice,” Harry assured him.

“Not gonna get much more practice done tonight. My brain’s gonna leak out of my ears if I keep going at this pace,” Eggsy rubbed at his face with one hand. His thoughts went to the mission ahead of him and the unpleasantness of it. Delaware had sent him several different files on the mission that would help him and show him what he should expect. The things described in those files would give him nightmares, he was certain.

“Are you alright?” Harry asked and Eggsy met his gaze. Eggsy looked at him for a moment before answering.

“I dunno about this mission Harry. A lot rides on me not fuckin’ this up and there are so many ways I could,” Eggsy looked at his hands.

“You stopped Valentine with a three man team Eggsy, you can handle whatever it is that they’re throwing you into. You’ve been trained for this,” Harry assured him.

“I haven’t been trained to be sold as a slave for perverts. Must have missed that lesson,” Eggsy spat, suddenly angry. Harry was silent. Eggsy looked up at him. He wore a disgusted expression.

“So that’s why Merlin has broken ARC out. You’re the bait. You and Lancelot,” Harry’s voice was stiff.

“Yeah. Bait,” Eggsy sighed. “I get it though, we have to get in there. No one should have to go through that, yeah? If we can take these bastards down, we could help a lot of people. I get why it’s important. I get why we have to do it. I just...well...I’m kinda scared,” he admitted.

“Scared is good,” Harry replied, much to Eggsy’s astonishment.

“It is?”

“Yes. Scared is going to keep you aware. It’s going to keep you from missing things. Your senses are heightened when you are scared, so you’ll be more likely to notice things you need to notice. If you weren’t scared I’d think there was something wrong with you,” Harry took a sip of tea and then set the cup down.

“You wouldn’t be scared,” Eggsy muttered.

“No. I’d be terrified,” Harry replied.

“You? Really?” Eggsy couldn’t hide the disbelief in his voice.

“Just because I’ve been at this longer than you doesn’t make me super human. I feel fear just as sharp as the rest of you do. Anxiety and panic, rage and sorrow. You just learn to hide it better the longer you experience it,” Harry admitted with an sigh.

 

Eggsy thought back to Harry waking up for the first time after being shot and how terrified he had looked at the sound of church music. That hadn’t been hidden...but now that Harry was back on his feet with his memories back, would he go back to hiding when he was scared? Eggsy didn’t care for that thought. He’d rather see him show those things.

 

Then again, he had been terrified when he had infiltrated Valentine’s base of operations. Terrified as he was surrounded by men intent on killing him. Terrified when faced with Gazelle and her deadly legs, and not sure he could win the fight against her...and he had still gotten the job done. Maybe this would be a little different, but the goal was the same. Stop the people doing the bad thing, and save the good people affected by it.

 

The hand on his shoulder surprised him. He hadn’t heard Harry get to his feet. Eggsy looked up at him as Harry sat next to him on the sofa. Harry’s expression was soft, the lines gone from his forehead.

 

“Eggsy, you’re going to do a spectacular job. You’re a better Kingsman than I ever imagined you could be, and believe me when I say that I had a great deal of faith in your abilities already. You’ve out shone every single one of my hopes for you. I want you to know that. I couldn’t be more proud,” Harry stated, pride in his eyes. Eggsy felt the heat rising in his cheeks. He looked down at his hands, not sure how to react to the look in Harry’s eyes.

 

“No one’s ever told me that before,” Eggsy muttered as the warmth from Harry’s praise spread through him like fire.

“I should have told you more often. Every damn day since you told me that you wanted to be a Kingsman you’ve made me proud of you,” Harry reached forward and firmly used a finger beneath Eggsy’s chin to lift his head so their eyes met. His stomach did somersaults as Harry was the one to bring their lips together this time.

 

Unlike that morning, the kiss was not gentle or short. Harry’s kiss was strong and firm, making all the strength rush from his legs and the blood rush from his head. When Harry lightly licked his bottom lip he opened his mouth, eager and willing. Harry tasted like the tea he drank with just the slightest hints of sugar. Eggsy reached forward, pulling Harry on top of him as the older man tangled his hands in his hair. Harry let out a small groan as Eggsy pulled them into a laying position on the sofa, One leg against the back of the sofa, the other off the side, and Harry positioned between them.

 

Eggsy pushed his hips up, grinding himself against Harry, letting out a moan of his own as he felt the matching arousal through Harry’s trousers. Harry broke the kiss and looked down at Eggsy sprawled beneath him. Eggsy met his gaze with a breathless smirk. Harry’s hair was a little out of place, and his lips were a tad red. He looked at Eggsy as if he wanted to say something. Eggsy didn’t want him to say anything, so he reached up, snagged Harry’s tie and pulled him back for another kiss.

 

Harry’s hands were almost frantic in their urgency, unfastening buttons, sliding through his hair, grasping his shoulders, and through it all he never stopped kissing. Eggsy was thankful for it. He had never wanted something so much in his whole damned life. As Harry seemed determined to rid him of all his clothes, Eggsy attempted to do the same. He wasn’t as skilled at doing it as Harry was, and he lost all threads of his concentration as Harry broke the kiss just long enough to move to his recently exposed neck.

 

“Christ Harry,” he gasped as Harry nipped at his collarbone, making his hips give a sudden jerk. He could feel the man smile against his skin, and then he did it again, pushing his hips forward at the same time, giving Eggsy the friction he was dying for. The moan that was torn from his mouth was a sound he had never made before. Harry paused and raised his head. They locked eyes and Harry moved his hips again. Eggsy pushed back hard, and this time the groan came from Harry. Eggsy hadn’t ever heard something so satisfying in his whole life.

 

Harry pulled him up with one arm, and all but tore the suit jacket from his arms. He tossed it aside and set to work on Eggsy’s tie.

“Aren’t you gonna fold it?” Eggsy asked, getting a look of irritation and then another sharp nip on his neck for his cheek. He smiled despite himself. It didn’t last long as Harry reclaimed his mouth. The desperate way he sunk into the kiss made Eggsy sure he’d have jerk off material for months.

 

Eggsy shrugged out of his button down as Harry did away with his own jacket and tie, tossing them onto the floor like they weren’t worth a small fortune. Eggsy was finally bare chested, but Harry was still mostly dressed. Eggsy went at his white button down as quick as he could, resisting the urge to just rip the buttons off. He was half tempted, but even Harry had boundaries and he didn’t want to test those just yet.

 

When Harry’s torso was finally unwrapped Eggsy returned the favor and took a small bite at Harry’s collarbone. The man chuckled and pressed down into him, chest to chest. The feeling of skin against skin was electrifying and the answering twitch from inside his pants made him groan again.

 

“If you don’t get these trousers off me I’m gonna lose my mind,” Eggsy gasped as Harry kissed down his torso. The older man obliged and went about unbuttoning his fly and Eggsy was impressed he didn’t need to look to see what he was doing. Harry was deliberately taking his time, palm brushing against Eggsy’s arousal as he did so.

“You’re very responsive,” Harry said, lips against Eggsy’s left nipple making him shiver.

“And you’re a tease,” Eggsy’s breath hissed out of him as Harry looped his hand into the waistband of his trousers and started to slide them off. He was grateful that he’d picked one of his nicer pairs of underwear.

“Are you complaining?” Harry asked, looking up at him.

“Fuck no,” he grinned.

“Good.”

 

Harry tossed his trousers in the growing heap of clothes and then straightened, looking down at Eggsy. He watched as Harry simply observed him, eyes raking over his body. Eggsy pulled his arms over his head and stretched his muscles as taut as he could. He wasn’t crazy, he had seen himself in the mirror. He was in the best shape of his life, and damned if he wasn't going to show it off for someone who would appreciate it. Eggsy could see Harry’s prick twitch through the fabric as he watched him stretch, and couldn’t help but smirk. It appeared that Harry was appreciating the sight.

 

Eggsy licked his lips and that’s all it took for Harry to fumble at his own trousers. He tossed them aside with the rest and then slid back between Eggsy’s legs. Harry kissed the swell of his hip, then slid a hand under Eggsy’s underwear. He bucked against the feeling of skin, so warm and perfect on his cock. Harry closed his eyes and breathed deeply then pulled Eggsy’s pants off, leaving him naked on the sofa.

 

“God you are perfect,” Harry breathed as he took in the sight before him.

“Gonna do somethin’ bout it?” Eggsy asked. Harry stripped off his own underwear off and then settled himself on top of Eggsy, cock to cock. Eggsy made a noise in the back of his throat at the feeling.

“You never did learn to shut up,” Harry grumbled, kissing Eggsy’s to stop his response. He wrapped a hand around Eggsy’s prick, and his own, pushing the erections together and using his hand to stroke them both at the same time. Harry’s hand was barely big enough to do so. His other hand was used to keep him steady, which left Eggsy’s hands free to do as they pleased. One found it’s way into Harry’s hair, on the uninjured side, and the other slid around the older man’s hip.

 

This wasn’t something he had done before with anyone. Usually it was oral or anal, occasionally a hand job, but nothing this intimate. The smooth, hot feeling of Harry’s cock rubbing against his own, trapped by Harry’s hand around them both was totally new, and undeniably hot. His eyes flicked up to Harry’s face. His eyes were closed in concentration but he appeared to be enjoying himself.

 

“Shit Harry, I’m not gonna last much longer like this,” he gasped as Harry picked up the pace with his hand. Eggsy arched his back, pressing closer (if possible) to the man above him. Harry opened his eyes and looked at the man between his legs.

“Good,” Harry all but growled, voice low and full of the same need that Eggsy felt. His hand tightened in Harry’s hair and his hips jerked of their volition as he came hard and hot on his own stomach. Harry followed shortly after, letting out a soft groan and an even softer swear. Eggsy could feel Harry’s cock twitching with his release against his own and he couldn’t think of any more perfect feeling in the world.

 

Harry hovered over him for a moment more, breathing hard, hair disheveled, face flushed and looking like anything but a gentleman. Eggsy thought he could rather get used to that look. Harry leaned back and lowered himself onto the sofa seat, leaning his head on the back cushion. His head rolled to one side a moment later and he looked down at Eggsy, still sitting where he had been left, splayed out and spent.

“I could get used to seeing you like that,” Harry mused, a smile twisting at the corner of his mouth.

“Funny, I was just thinkin’ the same thing bout you,” Eggsy replied lazily, looking back at him.

“Was it good for you?” Harry asked and Eggsy laughed.

“You’re kidding, yeah?” he asked but Harry looked serious. “Christ Harry, it was...perfect.”

“Good,” Harry seemed put at ease by that and relaxed again.

“Did you enjoy it?” Eggsy asked, feeling like he should make sure since Harry had done the same with him.

“God yes,” Harry sighed, the content on his face something Eggsy rarely got to see.

“Guess I should clean up. Want to join me in the shower?” Eggsy asked a moment later.

“God yes,” Harry groaned. Eggsy smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY.


	10. Stags and Falcons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Talk about non-con and abuse.
> 
> (If I need to add more, please let me know)

“You’re going to kill me,” Harry grumbled as Eggsy slid under the sheets, wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist and pulling him close. It had only been an half hour since the shower and he could feel Eggsy pressed tight against his back, firm and ready to go again.

“Tired you out already?” Eggsy asked, sounding surprised.

“Did you forget that I spent the whole day in physical therapy, and the last month recovering from this?” Harry rolled onto his back and motioned to his head. Eggsy looked suddenly abashed.

“Ahh, well yeah. I did...for a bit,” Eggsy muttered, cheeks flushing as he pulled his hips back, giving Harry some space.

“As did I, which I am grateful for. I don’t get many opportunities to get it off my mind,” Harry ran a hand through Eggsy’s damp hair to try to soothe the boy’s embarrassment away. “Just give me a little more time Eggsy.”

“As much as you need, promise,” Eggsy leaned into the touch on his head and smiled softly, blue eyes sliding closed as he nestled his head into Harry’s shoulder.

_He might kill me anyway, looking like that._

It was still hard for him to believe that things had progressed this far, even with Eggsy clean and smelling of his soap, tucked up close against him, swimming in Harry’s oversized night clothes. Harry wasn’t sure what entity he had pleased to get this lucky, but he was grateful. He had tried (although he hadn’t succeeded very well) to keep his distance from Eggsy while he was still a recruit. He was twice Eggsy’s age, and it wasn’t proper to have the thoughts that raced through his mind. When he had left for Kentucky he had been cross, but he had also been disappointed. Not so much disappointed that Eggsy wouldn’t be a Kingsman, but disappointed that he wouldn’t have an excuse to be near him anymore.

Now everything had changed. Eggsy was a Kingsman after all. He could have his pick of anyone he wanted, and instead of choosing some young thing without age lines that had unlimited stamina (that wasn’t recovering from severe brain trauma), he had chosen Harry. Defects, age, illness and all. Harry leaned down and placed a kiss on Eggsy’s temple, overwhelmed by sudden gratefulness.

His mind went to the mission that Eggsy was assigned to. He hadn’t ever heard Eggsy admit to being afraid of anything before, and that worried him. Of course, he didn’t know the details, just that Eggsy was going to a Spanish speaking country and that he was one part of a larger plan. It wasn’t something they did too often, working in teams. Most missions dealt with the discretion of one or maybe two agents. Big ones required more, but didn’t happen as often. It seemed unconventional to send Eggsy on another big mission less than six months from his last one. Yet he wasn’t Arthur, and he didn’t get to make such calls. The North American branch probably did things a little different, which would explain why Delaware had done it this way. He made a mental note to try and ask her or Merlin about it tomorrow, if he got the chance.

Eggsy shifted a little next to him and Harry returned his gaze to Eggsy’s face. He was breathing deeply, mouth slightly open, cheeks still a little flushed either from their earlier activities or the warmth from the shower. Affection swelled in his heart like a balloon and he found himself grinning like a loon. Eggsy was a beautiful sight when he slept, uninhibited by anything and relaxed in a way Harry was certain he had never been at that age. He was also a bit envious of Eggsy’s ability to fall asleep so quickly. Years of seeing the things he had made sleep come a little less easier at night, although the recovery from his head wound and the added physical therapy helped keep him exhausted enough that it hadn’t been a problem lately.

Harry fought against his own exhaustion in order hold onto the night a little longer, to relish the feeling of Eggsy pressed into his shoulder, and to bask in the afterglow from activities he had been deprived of for far too long. As these things usually go, however, he was unable to fight it for long and sleep finally won.

\----

Eggsy woke up from a nightmare of rough hands, sour breath and a painful tightening in his stomach. He blinked awake quickly, heart pounding. There was a warm body pressed against his and he froze, momentarily forgetting where he was. He glanced back and promptly relaxed as he realized it was Harry. Still, his skin felt dirty and he didn’t want to be in the bed any longer, regardless if it was just a dream or not. Eggsy slipped out from the bed as quietly and gently as he could, as to not disturb Harry. The man stirred a little, but with a reassuring touch to his arm, his stirring didn’t turn into wakefulness. Eggsy slipped away, going down into the kitchen to get a drink.

He drank the water slowly as he tried not to remember the dream, or the impending mission. Failing horribly, his mind went over all the worst case scenarios. He paced around the kitchen, ignoring how cold his feet were on the tile. Eggsy glanced at his phone every few minutes until he made up his mind.

“Eggsy? What’s wrong?” Roxy’s voice was sluggish, but filled with alarm. He had woken her up.

“Sorry Rox, I didn’t mean to wake you. Well, I mean, I knew you’d be asleep. This was dumb. I’ll go, yeah?” He grimaced, wishing he hadn’t called.

“Well I’m awake now, might as well tell me what’s going on,” she sighed and he smiled. He didn’t deserve a friend that good to him.

“Just...a little worried about the mission. Not sure I’m the best to go through with this…” he trailed off thinking of his dream.

“Eggsy, you’re a Kingsman. You’re one of the only people that I’d trust to go through with this,” her voice held only conviction and he loved her for it.

“Thanks Rox. Still doesn’t mean I’m good for this one,” Eggsy sighed.

“Why not?”

And there it was, the million dollar question. There were several ways he could answer her, with some off handed joke, a slight hint, or a brush off. He opted for the truth. She was kind enough to answer his call, he wouldn’t spout bullshit at her.

“Cause I’ve been through this before. Bein’ someone’s play thing when it’s the last thing in the world that you want,” the words spilled out quickly and he held his breath waiting for her answer.

“How old were you?”

“Fourteen. Old enough to know what was going on, but young enough to be unable to fight back,” he spat, disgusted with himself.

“Your step-dad?” she asked, razor sharp even half asleep.

“Yeah. Bloody tosser,” Eggsy muttered.

“I’m sorry Eggsy. It’s not easy to get past something like that,” Roxy’s voice oozed sympathy that he wasn’t looking for.

“How would you know?” he snapped, suddenly irritated. He hated pity, and he certainly hadn’t called her because he wanted pity.

“You had your step-dad. I had my uncle,” Roxy’s voice had gone from warm understanding to cold and sharp in an instant.

“Oh shit.” Eggsy felt worse than he had in a long time.

“Yeah. It was shit,” she agreed and he could hear her sigh on the other end. “It’s shit, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“You what?” he blanched, certain he had heard her wrong.

“That’s when I decided that I wasn’t going to let anyone take advantage of me again. I asked my mum if I could take self defense classes. I wouldn’t tell her why I was so determined to take them. She knew something was up, just not what had happened. So she called my godfather Alexander for advice, since she knew that he had some training in that area. He took me out the next day for lunch and though I never told him why, he seemed to know. My uncle died of a heart attack three days later, the same day I was enrolled with one of the best self defense teachers in Britain.”

“Jesus Rox,” Eggsy breathed. “Did your godfather kill him?”

“No. Alexander is a sweetheart. Percival though, he’s ruthless. He didn’t want his godchild to live in fear anymore.”

“Percival is your godfather? Shit.” Eggsy was impressed.

“Mhmm. When I graduated top of my class he enrolled me in different classes. Boxing, fencing, karate, kick-boxing...anything to keep me active. It helped keep my mind off what had happened. You know what?” Roxy asked.

“What?”

“It didn’t matter. I’m still just as afraid now as I was at twelve. I just know how to use that fear to my advantage and not let it paralyze me anymore. The fear keeps me sharp and keeps me fighting. You just have to hold onto that Eggsy. What happened to you, what happened to me...that doesn’t control who we are or what we do. It isn’t something that defines us as people. It’s just something horrid that happened to us that we couldn’t control. Now we know better, and we know how to handle it,” her voice was steady and firm.

“So you’re saying that since we’ve dealt with it before it’ll be easier to deal with it again?” he asked.

“No. It’ll be just as hard. Maybe harder. I don’t know. I just know that we’re stronger than that. We’ll get through this mission Eggsy, and it will be horrible, but we’ll do it because we’re going to be saving people. People who aren’t as strong as us. People who don’t have a godfather who can save the day. People who can’t stop this from happening to them. That’s why we’re going to do this mission, and why we’re going to succeed.” The ferocity in her voice would almost be scary if it hadn’t been so heartfelt.

“You’re right terrifying when you’ve set your mind on something Rox,” he found himself grinning.

“Of course I am. I’m Percival’s goddaughter, what did you expect?” he could hear the smile in her voice.

“Thanks Rox, for takin’ my call. And talkin’ me off the ledge.”

“That’s what friends are for. Now get the bloody hell out of your own head and concentrate on all the people you have to save, yeah?”

“Yeah. Night Roxy.”

“It’s morning, Eggsy,” she sighed in exasperation.

“Morning Roxy,” he smirked as she hung up on him.

Eggsy sat for a while longer in Harry’s kitchen, thinking about what Roxy had said, what she had gone through, what he had gone through, and the upcoming mission. He finally decided that she was right, and he’d man up and get the job done. Those people were counting on him, and he wasn’t going to let them down.

Mind made up he went back upstairs and slid into the bed next to Harry, grateful he didn’t have to sleep alone with his thoughts and thankful that he had found someone who cared enough about him to let him share their bed. He moved close to Harry, arm around his waist from behind, enjoying the warmth and sense of security. Harry made a happy sound in the back of his throat and Eggsy kissed him on the shoulder, letting his worries and anxiety slip away as he closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of soap and rosewood.

 

\---

Harry sat in his old hospital room waiting for Dr. Hannigan to return with his latest results on his health. A week had passed since he and Eggsy had slept together on his sofa, and it was a week before he would be deployed on his mission to Venezuela. They hadn’t been able to spend as much time together as Harry wanted, between physical therapy, learning Spanish, his ever frequent headaches, Eggsy’s mother and sister, and Merlin’s sessions testing ARC and it’s capabilities. Yet Eggsy made a point to always try and spend a little time each day with him. Usually he accompanied Harry to his appointments, but today he was with Merlin and Roxy going over another software upgrade and test for ARC. Merlin was trying to get as many functions working properly as he could before they were deployed.

Harry glanced up as the door opened. Dr. Hannigan walked in with his little clipboard of results and gave him a reassuring smile.

“You’re progressing nicely Mr. Hart,” Dr. Hannigan exclaimed as he took a seat to his right.

“I don’t feel like I’m progressing much at all. I still have these blank spaces. Mostly words I can’t remember. Early history, childhood is all but gone, schooling is a shadow. Will that ever come back?” Harry asked, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

“It might, or not. There is no telling. It might just take more time,” Dr. Hannigan gave his usual bullshit answer and Harry resisted the urge to strangle him.

His checkups were as frequent as they were infuriating. He was always progressing nicely, and he never had any idea how things would turn out with his memories. The only real progress he that he could see was that walking was becoming easier, and his right side was slowly regaining its strength, catching up with his left side. He was at sixty percent capacity with his right side, and ninety with his left. The doctor assured him within the month that his left side would be fully healed, and his right side would be up to ninety percent. He would probably never reach full capacity on his right side again, but as long as he could get close, he’d count that a victory.

“How are the headaches? Any more migraines?” Dr. Hannigan asked.

“Thank god no. Just the small ones,” Harry sighed.

The headaches were considered normal, and he was assured that they would fade away in time. As it stood now, he always had at least a faint headache at all times. Most days by lunch they were mind numbing, although he wasn’t sure that wasn’t just a side effect from the physical exertion. Sometimes medicine helped take the edge off. Sometimes it didn’t.

The migraine that had hit him in the middle of the week, however, had been a different story. It had developed behind his left eye so rapidly that he barely made it to the toilet before he lost the contents of his stomach. He wasn’t a stranger to migraines. He’d had a handful in his lifetime, but none had been like this. Throwing up had always eased the pain, but this time it hadn’t. Blind spots started to appear in his vision and when he had glanced at the paperback on his shelf he found he couldn’t read the words anymore. Fear had gripped him hard as he reached for the phone, wanting to call someone, but he couldn’t remember how to access the numbers. Frustrated, in pain, and scared he stumbled into his bedroom, shut the curtains and crawled into bed.

Sleep was another remedy that usually fixed migraines, but it eluded him completely. The pain swept over him in waves, and more than once he thought that he simply had to be dying. There was no way that his head could hurt this badly and still be okay. He curled into himself, pulling a pillow over his head and just rode it out. If he had had the strength, he might have cried, but there was no room in his mind for anything but the pain.

The only saving grace was that Eggsy was gone for the night, babysitting his sister and having dinner after with his mother. He wouldn’t have to see him in that state. Once, after a particularly sharp wave he had tried to curse, but the word stuck in his throat as it had when he had first woken up. The fear gripped him tighter then, and he had been certain that he had relapsed and wouldn’t be able to speak or understand speech again.

The fear was unfounded. The pain finally receded enough, two hours in, that he was able to fall asleep at last. When he awoke there was a strange numb feeling in his head, but he could read the numbers on the clock, and the text message from Eggsy on his phone wishing him a good night. His first words after the event had been “Shit” first, and then “Thank christ” when he realized he could speak again and no lasting damage had been done. Well, except for the numb feeling in his head. That lasted three days until he felt vaguely normal again.

Dr. Hannigan had given him special medication for those occasions, after he spoke to him about it, but he hadn’t had a chance to use it yet. He prayed he wouldn’t have to. He had been tortured before in his line of work, and he thought that was rather mild compared to his migraine. He didn’t really see how any medicine could possibly make a dent in pain that horrible. That didn’t stop him from carrying the small pill bottle with him at all times, just in case.

“Thank you Doctor,” Harry shook the man’s hand.

“You know, you might be able to do away with the cane by the end of this week, if you’re comfortable with it, that is,” the doctor smiled, giving the first real good news he had heard in a while.

“I look forward to it,” Harry replied honestly. He wasn’t old enough to have to use a damned cane, and he resented the thing as much as he depended on it when he got tired towards the end of a harrowing PT session.

The doctor took his leave and Harry made his way to Merlin’s office.

\----

“Oh, Harry. Good, you’re here. Lancelot and Excalibur are testing ARC’s capabilities. Care to join me for an experiment?” Merlin asked as Harry entered the room.

“What type of experiment are you running them through now?” Harry asked.

“Statistical analysis of tactical decisions. ARC studies the situation and calculates the rate of success for our agents. So, if they get into a jam, ARC can help them find a way out with the best possible outcome,” Merlin gushed, the light of discovery making his eyes bright and his face animated.

“Rather takes the skill out on our part doesn’t it?” Harry asked, skeptical.

“ARC doesn’t do the heavy lifting, and it’s only a suggestion. He can’t calculate all the risks and odds, but he can give them a benchmark. Plus, we won’t be able to use it for this mission, too new, not tested enough, too many variables unaccounted for. I just wanted to give them something to do in between cramming for the languages they need to know. They need to let off a bit of steam,” Merlin seemed disappointed that ARC wouldn’t be used to it’s fullest extent. Harry couldn’t help but grin. Merlin had been working on Archimedes since he had been initiated into Kingsman. It was his pet project, something he worked on in his own time.

“I still wish you wouldn’t call it a ‘he’. It’s a program Merlin,” Harry chastised as Merlin clicked away on a separate tablet from the one he had in front of him.

“Oi, don’t be rude. You’ll hurt his feelings,” Merlin gave him a wounded look and then passed him the tablet when he was done configuring it. Harry took a seat and clicked on the owl icon. The owl face lit up the whole screen and then it asked for his name. He entered his codename and the screen flashed bright.

“Welcome Galahad!” the cheerful text read. Beside his code name at the top of the screen was a small icon in the same style as the owl. It was a stag. He cast a glance at Merlin’s screen. Merlin’s icon was a falcon. On closer inspection he figured it out.

“A pigeon hawk...also known as a merlin. Really?”

“And a stag, also known as a hart for you. Yes really. ARC has a bit of a sense of humor that way,” Merlin cast a devilish grin at him.

“You’re telling me the program decided what icons to give us?” Harry scowled.

“I did give ARC basic decision making protocol. It only seems to manifest in situations like this. I didn’t choose the owl icon. That was all ARC. He warmed to his name,” Merlin beamed as if he was a proud parent.

“You’ve lost your mind,” Harry grumbled as he selected Excalibur from the list of agents. Only Excalibur and Lancelot were selectable options.

He was rewarded with a video feed from Eggsy’s point of view. The screen was filled with Roxy’s fist. Thankfully the camera moved just in time to prevent the blow from striking. It was a little disorienting at first, but he fell into the rhythm a moment later. The motion stopped as Merlin spoke to them both.

“Alright you two, take a break for a moment. We’re going to try something a little different. Roxy, I’ll take point on your side. Eggsy, Harry’s going to give it a go on your side.

“You can talk into the microphone. He can hear you,” Merlin assured him as the two in the room below took a water break. Harry could easily see them from the window, but he could also see things from Eggsy’s eyes. It was interesting, he’d give Merlin that.

Once the two below them had finished the water break, Merlin nodded to Harry and pushed a button. A count-down timer started in the room and the two took up stances once again.

“Anything you need me to look for?” Harry asked as he looked back at Merlin.

“Nope, just talk to him like you would if you had the glasses on. I need to see if ARC responds as well to your voice as he does to mine. He’s used to me on this side. Not anyone else. Give it a go. Roxy, beat his ass,” Merlin instructed as the light turned green. Harry had nearly missed it.

Eggsy leapt back from her kick and then took the opportunity to jump into the fray. The fought hard and ruthlessly, even though they were friends. No blows were pulled. Just two well trained fighters trying to land blows.

“Keep your shoulders back,” Harry instructed as he watched Eggsy almost get knocked on his ass from leaning forward too far. He did have splendid recovery moves. Roxy’s fighting style was mostly precision and speed, while Eggsy’s was flexible and reactive. If she opened up, he was there to exploit it. If he couldn’t exploit it, he found a way to get to a point where he could. Yet Roxy kept him in a constant state of movement. There was never much time to react or recover his stamina, she fought to kill. Both were sound tactics and Harry found himself more interested in watching than with instructing. He gave words of advice as he saw fit, but mostly he remained silent. Merlin wasn’t very talkative either, just as absorbed.

It was over almost as fast as it had started. Eggsy had miscalculated Roxy’s attack and her leg swept his knees out. He went down, landing on his back, but he kicked out as he did so. He caught her square in the stomach and she doubled over as the air rushed from her lungs.

“Oh shit, sorry Rox!” Eggsy fumbled, scrambling to his feet and going to her side. Harry grimaced at the following sound of Eggsy hitting the floor.

Roxy sat on his chest, pinning him down, breathing hard. Eggsy’s concern had cost him the match. Harry almost smiled. It was a very Eggsy move. He never liked hurting the people he loved.

“Shit. Can’t believe I fell for that,” Eggsy smacked the mat beneath him and shook his head. Roxy laughed and helped him to his feet. They were both panting hard.

“Good work you two, I got what I needed. You’re done for the night,” Merlin concluded, then shut down his tablet. Harry did likewise.

“The program works well Merlin, the feed is clear and there isn’t much delay. Is it going to work that well when it’s not in the next room?” Harry asked.

“I am offended at your lack of trust in my abilities,” Merlin leveled a look at him.

“Not when it comes to you and the daft owl I don’t,” Harry countered. Merlin gave him the finger and he chuckled. Eggsy and Roxy entered the room, both grinning. They looked much less stressed than they had earlier in the day, and he made a note to thank Merlin for helping them get through the week. When Merlin wasn’t being such a little shit.

“See you tomorrow Merlin,” Roxy called out, then gave a little wave to Harry and Eggsy before taking her leave.

“Night Roxy,” Eggsy called after her, then looked at Harry as they too took their leave.

“How’d the appointment go?” Eggsy asked.

“About the same as usual. Not bad though, progress as usual,” Harry reported.

“Good. Hey, uh, I have to make a run home tonight. Gotta babysit. I probably won’t make it over after either. Sorry Harry, I know you wanted me over tonight,” Eggsy looked miserable. Harry shook his head and swallowed his disappointment.

“You have a family, go be with them. I’m not going anywhere,” Harry assured him.

“You sure?” Eggsy looked skeptical.

“Yes, go. Enjoy being with her at this age. They grow up fast.”

“Thanks Harry,” Eggsy grinned, losing the miserable look as Harry reassured him. “See you tomorrow then?”

“See you tomorrow,” Harry agreed. Eggsy gave a small wave, and Harry could tell that he hated not being able to show any sort of affection while at the estate. Not that they couldn’t. Harry was sure no one would say anything to him, but he didn’t really want them talking about it to anyone else either. It was easier to just not indulge in public, so they hadn’t.

He watched as Eggsy turned the corner and was gone.

“Have you slept with him yet?” Merlin’s voice came from behind him and he jumped, irritated that he hadn’t heard him coming.

“None of your bloody business,” Harry replied, eyeing his friend.

“Oh, so you have. Good. I was beginning to think you’d never make a move,” Merlin grinned.

“Was it that transparent?” Harry asked, bothered by the thought.

“No. I’ve just known you a long time Harry. I know what to look for. Well, that and the fact that your eyes turn into hearts when he walks into a room,” Merlin teased.

Harry smacked him with the side of his cane, and decided that maybe he’d keep the cane a bit longer after all.


	11. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:   
> Sexual content

Harry yawned deeply as the taxi stopped in front of his house. He thanked the driver and tipped him generously before taking his leave. Merlin had kept him later than he anticipated, asking for some more assistance with ARC although Harry wasn’t sure how much assistance he could give. It was mostly listening to Merlin talk while trying not to look at his watch. He didn’t mind helping the man out, but he had a long day and wanted to just go home and go to sleep.

 

Harry unlocked his door and stepped inside. He stopped at the entrance with a frown. The house smelled of something sweet and the temperature was a little too warm, meaning someone had the oven on. There was faint music coming from the direction of the kitchen. He walked towards the noise and when he reached the kitchen he was met with Eggsy wearing his apron poised behind the table where an enormous cake sat, covered with lit candles.

 

“Happy Birthday Harry,” Eggsy grinned.

“Ahh, so you didn’t have to babysit tonight?” Harry asked.

“Nah, came straight here. Had it planned the whole time,” Eggsy looked pleased with himself.

“I take it this is why Merlin was determined to keep me so late?” Harry inquired and Eggsy nodded, grin growing wider, if that was even possible.

“Remind me to kill him in the morning,” Harry grumbled.

“Oh don’t be so grumpy. Everyone deserves a birthday cake on their birthday. Get over here and make a wish, yeah?” Eggsy pulled the chair out and Harry obliged.

“I haven’t had a cake in...years,” Harry admitted.

“Well now you’ll get one every year. Best get used to it mate,” Eggsy teased.

 

Harry seriously doubted that he could ever get used to coming home to see Eggsy, let alone to see him dressed in his apron with a smudge of flour on his cheek. Regardless of his thoughts on the matter, Eggsy was waiting on him to make a wish, and the candles were dangerously close to dripping wax everywhere. He considered for a few moments and then blew out the candles.

 

“What did you wish for?” Eggsy asked as he whisked the cake away to cut it and remove the candles.

“Even I know that you aren’t supposed to tell what you wished for if you want it to come true,” Harry leveled a look at Eggsy and the younger man laughed.

“Had to try. Hope you like vanilla?” Eggsy ventured, eyes squinted as if waiting for Harry to tell him that he hated vanilla.

“My favorite, actually,” Harry admitted and Eggsy relaxed. “Chocolate is a bit too rich for my tastes.”

“I thought I was the only one who thought that! Rox said I was crazy for not goin’ with chocolate, but I had a feelin’ this would be better,” Eggsy beamed.

“Well, you made a good decision. Now hurry up and cut me a piece, it smells delicious,” Harry said.

“Comin’ right up,” Eggsy turned around with two enormous slices only someone in their early twenties would assume was an appropriate sized portion. Harry ate every last bite.

 

\---

 

“Look, I know you’re one of those blokes that has everything and never wants gifts, but I got you something anyway,” Eggsy looked a bit embarrassed as he handed over a wrapped package.

 

It had very colorful paper on it, and Harry took it with the utmost care, touched that Eggsy had gone out of his way to get him something. He carefully ripped the paper and slid out the small box. He opened it, and inside was a Kingsman watch, but it wasn’t the standard that they usually issued. He pulled the watch out of the box to examine it closer. The band wasn’t leather, but titanium. In the center of each link were alternating squares of onyx and ivory. The same ivory and onyx were found in the face for the alternating numbers. It was well made, and tasteful to boot. He pulled out the knob and was surprised to see the amnesia setting still worked. Practical, and fashionable. He looked over at Eggsy, who wore the expression of someone who was waiting for the world to fall down around them.

 

“It’s stunning, Eggsy,” Harry admitted as he slipped it on. It fit perfectly, of course. He watched as Eggsy’s face lit up and the pleased flush that rose to his cheeks.

“Glad you like it. Oh, and the ivory links weren’t from elephants, seein’ how it’s illegal and all,” Eggsy scratched the back of his head.

“What is it from then?” Harry inquired, examining the watch on his wrist as he took a sip of the tea that Eggsy had brewed after the cake.

“A mammoth.”

Harry choked on his tea, almost spilling it onto his lap. Eggsy hit him on the back helpfully until he could breathe again.

“Eggsy, this must have cost you a small fortune,” Harry scowled.

“It was worth it for the face you just made,” Eggsy beamed, and Harry found that he couldn’t stay irritated.

“Well, thank you Eggsy. I love it,” Harry leaned over and kissed him. Eggsy was grinning from ear to ear when he pulled back.

“Good, I was worried. Never bought anyone somethin’ like that before,” he admitted.

“Well you did a good job, but I do want you to know that you don’t have to spend that sort of money on me. It doesn’t have to be expensive for me to love it, okay?”

“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind for next time, yeah?” Eggsy winked.

 

Harry felt his heart skip a beat at the sight. He reached out and wiped the bit of flour off Eggsy’s cheek. Eggsy turned his head and kissed Harry’s palm and met his eyes.

“I got somethin’ else planned for tonight too,” Eggsy breathed against his palm.

“Oh?” Harry raised an eyebrow.

“Meet me upstairs in ten?” Eggsy slipped out of his grasp and danced away towards the stairs, slowly taking off the apron as he did so, casting a devilish glance over his shoulder that had Harry hard in half an instant.

“Make it five,” Harry growled back at him. He caught the thrown apron as Eggsy dashed up the stairs, taking them two at a time by the sound of it.

 

Harry managed to make it about three minutes (according to his new watch) before he started up the stairs. Harry deposited his shoes and socks beneath the bed, and shrugged out of his suit jacket. He emptied his pockets and loosened his tie. He could hear the shower running in the next room. Part of him knew he should wait. Eggsy had plans and he didn’t want to spoil them. The other part of him didn’t care about plans, or what was proper. In the end, Harry’s control slipped and he went to the bathroom door. He still had enough sense to knock, and with Eggsy’s answer of ‘come in’, he knew he was truly in trouble.

 

The water was hot enough to fog up the mirrors. Harry could see the dark splotch that was Eggsy through the shower curtain. He reached out and brushed the curtain aside to view the naked body behind it. Eggsy was pressed against the back wall of the shower, cock hard and in hand. He was stroking himself lazily as the hot water fell over his skin, leaving his skin red and warm. Eggsy’s eyes were half lidded in his enjoyment and there was a cheeky smirk on his face as he looked up at Harry.

 

“Bleeding christ,” Harry exhaled sharply at the sight of his lover beneath the spray.

“Took ya long enough,” Eggsy grinned, then let go of himself and leaned forward, grabbing Harry’s tie and yanking him forward into the water. Harry let out a startled cry as he stumbled into the bathtub but Eggsy’s lips were on his a moment later, and he was pulled flush to Eggsy’s wet chest. All thoughts of preserving his clothes were gone as Eggsy pressed his erection against Harry’s through the wet cloth.

 

Eggsy’s mouth was hot and he still tasted like cake. Each thrust of his tongue made sharp spikes of lust sear through Harry’s groin until he was all but whimpering into the younger man’s mouth. Harry reached up, tangling his hand in Eggsy’s wet hair and pushed his hips harder into him, relishing the groan that started deep in the back of Eggsy’s throat. Eggsy went to work at Harry’s trousers with one hand, the other still wrapped in Harry’s tie, keeping him in place.

 

Eggsy freed him from his trousers and trunks, pushing his wet clothes down his hips and letting gravity and the weight of the water do the work for him. Eggsy’s hand wrapped around his now exposed erection and Harry gasped at the touch. He felt Eggsy grin at the sound and the younger man broke the kiss and twisted, pushing Harry up against the shower wall this time. Then he dropped to his knees right in front of Harry’s erection and looked up at him. Water beaded on his eyelashes and eyebrows and Harry wasn’t sure he was going to be able to keep his feet if this went where he thought it was going.

 

Eggsy’s tongue flicked out, running lightly against the side of Harry’s cock, testing his reaction. When Eggsy licked over his head he wasn’t able to stop the moan that was torn from his throat. Eggsy grinned and got down to business, taking Harry fully into his mouth and sucking him with enthusiasm. Harry grasped the wall of the shower behind him, head tossed back and unable to do anything but concentrate on the hot mouth working him closer and closer to the edge. His breathing grew ragged as Eggsy swallowed around him, mouth tight and hot and perfect.

 

“Eggsy,” he warned, and then the mouth was gone, denying him what he was so desperate for. He drew a shaky breath and looked down at the younger man. Eggsy was grinning, lips swollen and slightly parted.

“Not yet Harry. I want you to take me, yeah?” Eggsy offered procuring a bottle of lube from somewhere and giving it a little shake. Harry was surprised his eyebrows didn’t shoot clear off his face. It took him a moment to be able to form words.

“Are you certain?” he asked.

“Please Harry, it’s all I’ve thought about all day, yeah?” he all but pleaded as he stood back up.

“Alright,” Harry agreed and then pushed Eggsy chest first against the wall. He kissed a trail of kisses down Eggsy’s back as he grabbed the lube from Eggsy’s hand. As much as he wanted to just nail Eggsy to the wall and have his way with him, he wasn’t about to hurt him to do so.

Harry dropped down on his own knees, ignoring the way his joints protested at the motion. He reached around with one hand, grasping Eggsy’s erection and stroking him in slow languid motions, enjoying the way he gasped and writhed above him. Harry used his other hand to spread Eggsy, enjoying the sight. He enjoyed the strangled noise Eggsy made even more when he used his tongue instead of his finger to pry the younger man apart.  It wasn’t something he had done often, but since Eggsy had gone to so much trouble, he wasn’t about to let him have all the fun.

 

Harry pushed Eggsy’s legs further apart, and let go of his cock to spread him with both hands. He started slow, licking lightly, taking his time, enjoying the whimpers and gasps that he could pull from Eggsy. He would wait until Eggsy’s breathing returned almost to normal before pushing into him with his tongue, making his breath hitch and his muscles tighten. When he felt Eggsy begin to really loosen up he decided it was time to really tongue fuck him. He picked up the pace, licking deeper and harder as Eggsy cried out against the shower wall, cursing like a sailor. Harry had planned on stopping before Eggsy could come, but the sounds he was making were too good and he found himself loathe to stop. So as Eggsy’s breathing grew more ragged and he warned Harry that he was close, Harry didn’t stop. He reached around and grabbed Eggsy’s cock and pumped it in time with his tongue. Eggsy cried out his name as he came, legs trembling.

 

Harry returned to his feet, a bit shakily as the feeling returned to his legs. Eggsy looked back at him, legs still trembling as he gasped.

“The fuck was that,” he breathed, voice not steady.

“That was round one,” Harry grinned and then shut off the water. He pulled off his soaked shirt and tossed it in the corner of the shower. Eggsy stepped out after him and Harry pulled him close. He was still hard as hell and the desire to fuck Eggsy was overwhelming. He pulled the younger man into the hallway.

“Harry?” Eggsy asked as he unsure why they weren’t going to the bedroom.

“I don’t want to take you on the bed,” Harry huffed into his ear, kissing down his neck, enjoying the mingled taste of sweat and water.

 

He pushed Eggsy into his study and steered him backwards to the desk. He pushed him backwards and Eggsy went willing enough. He was a sight. Flushed, wet, loose from his orgasm and legs spread wide. Just the way Harry wanted him. Harry opened the bottle of lube and coated his fingers. Eggsy was probably prepared enough from the tongue play, but he wasn’t taking chances. Not with this. He started with one and it slid in easily, making Eggsy gasp and arch his back at the touch. It didn’t take long before he had two fingers in, and by the time he inserted three Eggsy was completely hard again, gasping and pleading.

“Please Harry, I want you,” Eggsy’s voice was soft and shaky.

“I want you too,” Harry agreed, and removed his fingers. He used a good deal of lube on himself and then positioned himself at Eggsy’s entrance. He hesitated.

“If you change your mind, let me know and I will stop immediately. If it hurts, let me know and I will stop immediately. Understood?” Harry asked.

Eggsy pushed up against Harry in reply, starting the process on his own. Harry pushed his hips down, hard, keeping him in place.

“Is that understood Eggsy?” his voice was more stern than intended but it had the effect he wished.

“Yes Harry, I understand. Now will you please fuck me before I lose my mind?” he whimpered. Harry obliged.

 

He pushed inside Eggsy slowly, watching Eggsy’s face carefully as he did so, memorizing every twitch, gasp and groan. He took his sweet time, knowing that he was driving Eggsy crazy, but unable to help himself. He didn’t want to rush this. Eggsy felt amazing. Hot and tight with the perfect amount of slide and friction. He pushed in as far as he could and slowly pulled out again, a groan of his own escaping his mouth.

“My god Eggsy,” he breathed as he pushed into his lover again.

“Harry, please.” Eggsy all but whined, eyes half lidded and swollen mouth half open as he panted. He obliged at last, picking up the pace. Eggsy threw his head back and groaned as Harry pushed into him harder, but it didn’t sound like a groan of discomfort. Encouraged, Harry thrust a little harder, a little faster, bracing his arms on either side of Eggsy. He shifted a little to get a better angle and when he thrust into Eggsy this time the cry was sharper and Eggsy’s dick twitched hard on his stomach. Grinning to himself he aimed for that spot again, and Eggsy groaned long and loud.

The sound made Harry lose what was left of his self control. He fucked Eggsy hard against the desk, making the younger man cry out again and again. He doubted there was a better sound in the world. Nor was there a better sight than Eggsy wet and dripping on his desk, body flushed, dick hard and bouncing against his stomach with each thrust. His head was thrown back and he babbled as Harry fucked him. Some of it was groans, some was expletives, but mostly he just moaned Harry’s name again and again.

Harry was getting close to his own orgasm as he watched Eggsy writhing beneath him. He thrust a little harder, trying desperately for Eggsy’s prostate. Eggsy cried out and tightened around him. Harry watched as he came, dick untouched. The feeling of Eggsy riding out his orgasm around him was enough to send him over the edge. His hips stuttered and he came hard inside of Eggsy, his name on his lips as he did so.

 

They remained that way for a few moments more, coming down from their orgams and catching their breath. Harry pulled out slowly and Eggsy groaned at the loss, then sat up on his elbows, looking up at Harry, satisfied grin on his face.

“Happy birthday Harry.” 


	12. The Underground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this took so long to get out! Life (and my mental state) have gotten in the way lately, but I promise I haven't forgotten about this fic. I'll write as often as I can to get this story out. Also, I had a bit of a plot bunny today that turned into a major plot decision and I thought up the ending I want! Hooray!
> 
> Sorry again that I made you all wait so long for this one! I'll try my hardest to update faster in the future!

Eggsy could feel the bass of the song in his chest as it thrummed through the club making drinks vibrate and the people sway. He swallowed thickly past the wave of unease that clung to him like cobwebs the moment he had stepped off of the plane into a country that spoke a language he barely grasped.

||Get yourself a drink.|| Merlin commanded from the warm spot in the back of his head.

He moved on legs that didn’t seem like his own to the bartender. He pointed at a drink that the guy closest to him had and the bartender nodded and went about making his order. Eggsy had no idea what it was, but the point wasn’t to enjoy it. The only reason he needed a drink was so that it could get spiked. Hopefully by the people he needed. Gawain had several leads on the low levels of operations in this area, and this club had been hit particularly hard as of late. Odds were in his favor for getting taken tonight, as long as he played into the trap.

Eggsy took the drink from the bartender and shelled out some money for it, leaving a hefty but not extravagant tip before taking his leave. He took a sip and played it off as if the drink was enjoyable. It tasted rather like cleaning fluid smelled and went down harsh. He turned from the bar and surveyed the room. The mass of bodies swayed in time with the music. Arms flailed above heads, around waists, and sometimes further down where he didn’t care to look.

His job was to find as many people as he could to dance and chat with, letting them know that he was on a spur of the moment business trip and that he had come alone, and wanted to have a good time and let loose. If the word got to the right people, Merlin assured him that he would know. He had been given a pill that he took before entering the club. It would nullify the effects of the most commonly used incapacitating drugs so he could listen and gather intel while they transported him to wherever the kidnapped people were held.

||Remember, you’ll know it’s working when your stomach feels like it’s full of bubbles.|| Merlin reminded him. He hadn’t forgotten, although he was a bit concerned because his stomach was already doing somersaults and he wasn’t sure if that was normal, or if that was the bubbling feeling he was supposed to look out for. Eggsy glanced at his drink and doubted it. He was only two sips in. It was just his nerves.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself into the fray, on the hunt for someone to chat up in Spanish. His heart wasn’t in it. That he had left behind with a certain brown-eyed man in England. A certain brown-eyed man that had treated him _very_ well before he had left. So well, in fact, that he found it almost impossible to leave when the time came. He had never been the clingy sort, and this was new for him, the longing in his chest and the slowness of his feet as he had trudged away.

Eggsy pulled his thoughts away from home and he refocused on the job at hand. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could go home. He locked onto a pretty dark skinned bird with a very short skirt wrapped over some fantastic hips. She was into the music, but still looking around. They made eye contact, and he gave a smile and tipped a wink. She smiled back and the game was on.

 

\---

 

Five drinks, ten birds, and three blokes later, he finally felt the bubbles Merlin had warned him about. He weaved his way over to one of the open seats in a dark corner and sat down heavily. His eyelids felt heavy despite the drug in his system to counteract those effects, although he supposed it could have been the alcohol. God knows what the people here drank, but it wasn’t what he was used to. A strong arm grasped him suddenly, pulling him back to his feet. Then it slipped under his arm to help hold him up. Another joined it from the other side. He let his weight settle between the two men. They were joking with some of the other patrons, something about not being able to hold his liquor.

The burst of air wasn’t any cooler than the air from the club, but it did smell cleaner. He cracked an eye to get a look. There was a car waiting at the curb, something small with little to distinguish it from any other car. The windows were tinted though. He was shoved unceremoniously into the backseat. He let out a soft grunt as he hit the leather seat. The bigger of the two bound his hands behind him, then his feet, and then shut the door. He spared a glance down at his ankles and saw that they were zip-tied together. Neither man got into the car. The driver was already in the front seat and the moment the door shut, he was off.

Eggsy’s head was thankfully behind the driver’s seat. The driver wouldn’t be able to see if his passenger was awake or not. Eggsy kept his eyes firmly on the window he could see, trying to get signs, landmarks, or anything that would help lead Merlin and the rest of his team to him when the time came.

 

||Doing good Eggsy.|| The reassuring voice came through loud and clear. He still had a hard time believing that ARC wasn’t actually a real voice, and it was only in his head. He was also impressed at how clear it was, despite the range. Merlin was half a world away and it still felt like he was right next to him.

The ride wasn’t as long as he had expected it to be. It ended so abruptly he barely had time to close his eyes before the door swung open and he was manhandled into the upright position, and then half dragged, half carried into an alley. He cracked an eye open again, keeping his gaze on his feet, but flicking his eyes back and forth, trying to find something on the ground that might give clues. He thought he had caught the last street sign, but he wasn’t sure. Even if he had gotten half a glimpse, that would help.

The alley was poorly lit and filled with rubbish. He spotted a used condom and several discarded needles before he was pulled through a door and into a dank smelling building. His stomach gave a lurch at the smell, but he didn’t throw up. That would have given him away for sure. The man that dragged him through the building was strong enough to carry him on his own, and he didn’t speak at all to anyone they passed, and they did pass quite a few people. It was infuriating. He wasn’t getting much that Merlin could use if they didn’t start talking.

They seemed to be going underground, as he was half dragged down a few flights of stairs. His ankles would be bruised the next day. They were already throbbing from being smashed against stairs and door frames. The smell got worse the lower they went, but he was surprised at the burst of air that hit him, and the echoing sounds of the footsteps of the man that dragged him. It reminded him of the tube. There were low voices down here, spoken in hushed tones. He couldn’t catch anything, and didn’t want to ‘wake up’ just yet so he kept his eyes downcast. The bubbles were still going strong. Once they started to wear off, he could pretend that he was coming out of the drug induced state.

He was dragged to a bench and set on it. The cold metal against his skin was shocking, and he wanted to shiver but didn’t dare let himself. He heard a woman’s voice behind him, inquiring with the man who had dragged him here. She was asking what he had done, and he clearly heard her say police. For a moment he thought that she was saying she’d call the police, but then he realized that the context was odd and he puzzled it out a moment later. She was calling the man a police officer. Eggsy wasn’t an expert in Venezuelan politics, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be trussed up like a pig in zip ties and hauled into the underground by a real police officer. Then again, if this went as deep as Gawain and Delaware assured him it did, maybe there was a chance that the police were involved. Dirty politics sadly didn’t die out with Valentine’s supporters.

His legs started to tingle unpleasantly as he began to lose feeling in them. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as he waited. Just when he thought that he couldn’t possibly sit still any longer, there was a distant sound of a train rumbling through a tunnel. The uneasy feeling in his stomach grew as he remembered being tied to the tracks during his training. Sure he wasn’t in any danger, but he hadn’t known it at the time. He was amazed he hadn’t pissed himself as the train had roared above him.

Eggsy risked a glance at the train as it rolled into the station. It had a blunt front carriage and was white with red doors and a red roof. The number read R5. That would be good enough for Merlin. Eggsy closed his eyes again, and a moment later was hauled off the bench and into the train. The doors shut with a hiss and his new resting place was a hard plastic seat. The air was close and smelled of unwashed bodies.

The train ride seemed to go on for ages. He counted seven stops before the conductor made the announcement for the end of the line. When the train stopped at the last location, he was picked up and dragged off the train. They were still as the train departed, and as the tunnel grew quiet, he realized there were no voices here. The station was eerily silent. The man holding him suddenly pushed him forward. There was a feeling of weightlessness that sent adrenaline through his system like a bolt of lightning. His eyes flew open of their own accord, in reaction to falling, just in time to see the ground rising to meet him. He hit with an expulsion of air. Eggsy coughed, then sucked in air through what felt like a pinhole. His knee throbbed from where it had struck the rail, and his shoulder ached as well.

The man who had tossed him onto the tracks jumped down next to him and hauled him back up, then dragged him through the tunnel and into the darkness that waited on the other side. Eggsy couldn’t see much of anything, but the man walked with confidence, feet steady and sure. They paused and there was two quick knocks, which was answered by one, and then another three. The sound of a door unlocking and a grunt of acknowledgement was the only thing he heard as he was pulled into the offshoot from the tunnel.

He was dropped into what felt like a shoddy wooden barrow as the police man who carried him here departed with a muttered adios, and the man who had stood behind the door wheeled him away. This was a much better way to travel, rather than being dragged, despite several splinters he was sure he had in his elbow. The bubbly feeling was starting to fade, and he was ready to start the next part of this act.

Eggsy opened his eyes halfway, but kept them on his feet. When the man turned left, he tilted his left foot, and when they turned right, he tilted his right foot. It was the only way to get a decent recording of the area, since he still couldn’t look around. If the others had to get down here the same way, they’d need the directions. It was a good thing he did so too, because with all the twists and turns he soon lost track of how many rights and lefts there were, and the order of them. That wasn’t a thought he took pleasure in. Eggsy had always prided himself on his sense of direction, but down in the dark tunnels he had no way of telling where they were. The man pulling the cart seemed to know where he was going, and eventually the tunnel opened up and the air wasn’t quite as stifling.

Eggsy groaned and shifted position, the bubbly feeling all but gone. He looked around, pretending to be half out of it, blinking slowly and acting confused. The man didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, it didn’t bother him enough to stop. Eggsy cast his gaze around the room. It was fairly large, with stone walls that were dripping water. There was faint light coming from the ceiling, but he couldn’t get a good view of what that light was. He was reminded of sewers, but it didn’t seem exactly the same. He shifted again, trying to get a better look. This time the man jostled the cart harshly and Eggsy fell back against the wood, then stayed still. He had gotten the look he needed though, and that was a small victory. The room they were in was an abandoned railway tunnel. There were at least 4, but as many as 8 open tunnels, and they had come from one, and were headed towards another. This thing had to run under the whole city.

He was pulled to the far end of the room, and down a wider corridor than that last. There were voices coming from the area he was being taken to. Hushed voices, the sound of a woman crying, muffled grunts that could only be fornication, and one louder voice barking commands. The cart stopped, and then suddenly he was upended onto the gravel floor. He was unprepared for the sudden movement and cursed as he hit the ground. The cart-man laughed, as did a different man who came to meet them.

 

“Where am I?” he gasped in English, putting on the most American sounding accent he could. That was another part of the plan. He was to pretend he didn’t speak anything but the most basic Spanish. They’d be more likely to talk about things freely if they thought he didn’t understand. He could learn more. Eggsy blinked rapidly, frowning and allowing a little hysterical sound to escape his mouth. The new man walked up to him and crouched down by him. He was tall, with dark hair and a beard that grew in rough patches down his face and neck.

“Esto es el infierno, gringo,” the man growled, then laughed as he grabbed him by the arms, hauling him up off the ground. His grip was vice-like and Eggsy knew it would leave bruises on his skin. He didn’t have far to go. There were small doorways every few feet. He was pulled through one and tossed unceremoniously onto a mattress that smelled like sweat, semen, and vomit. Eggsy was fairly sure he would have been better off on the gravel, and his skin crawled where it touched the disgusting fabric. The man pushed him up against the far wall and pulled out another zip tie, securing it around the one already around his wrist, and what looked like a water pipe behind him.

He was left alone in the cell, and the door slammed shut behind the man who left him there. The room was dark and he could only see by the light that shone under the door. The sound of the woman crying was closer now, almost too close.

 

“Hello?” he called out, and the crying suddenly stopped. There was a sharp sniff from behind him and he felt a small, cool draft on his hands. He looked down and saw a tiny grate in the wall. It looked as if it was used to let the room drain if it filled with water.

“Hello?” a ragged voice replied.

“You speak English?” Eggsy asked.

“Yes! Thank god you do too. Where are we?” the girl asked. She sounded painfully young and Eggsy felt his heart clench at the fear in her voice.

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly.

“I went drinking with my friends, and I woke up here. I don’t know how I got here,” he heard the hysteria starting to creep back into her voice.

“Yeah, same here...what’s your name?” he asked softly.

“N-Nadia. You?” she stammered.

“Jack,” he didn’t hesitate in giving a fake name. For all intents and purposes (and with all the legal documentation forged on his person) he was Jack Dawson. When he pointed it out to Merlin that his name was the same as the character from Titanic, Merlin just smirked. Merlin really did have a warped sense of humor sometimes, and Eggsy found himself hoping that he didn’t end up going down with the ship as Jack had.

“Hey, we’re gonna be okay,” he tried to assure her. Her breath hitched again.

“I don’t think so. Good things don’t happen in rooms like this. Does your mattress have b-b-blood on it?” she managed weakly.

“Uhh, no, but the Health Department might have some things to say about the one in my room too,” Eggsy grimaced, but managed a smile when Nadia gave a sudden laugh. He ignored the hopelessness behind it, as much for his sake as for hers.

“How long have you been here Nadia?” he asked.

“I don’t know. More than a day. Less than three. They brought food twice, so maybe two days?” she replied.

“What’s on the menu?”

“Stale bread. It tasted like cardboard, but I’m so hungry it didn’t matter. They give water too, but I don’t trust it. I don’t want to get sick by drinking it,”

“Smart, but being dehydrated isn’t much better,” Eggsy sighed.

“Lose-lose situation,” she agreed.

 

“Cállate!” the loud voice from earlier boomed and Eggsy’s door shook on it’s frame.

“What did he say?” Nadia whispered.

“He said shut up,” Eggsy whispered back, trying not to let the man hear. It didn’t work. The man was through the door in the next instant and his fist flew out. Eggsy took the hit in the cheekbone and his head snapped back hard against the pipe he was tied to. Pain exploded through his cheek and back of his head like fire and he blinked back the tears that sprang to his eyes from the force of the blow. The man hit hard, but so had Dean, and he had recovered from that just fine. He bit back the nasty retort that sprung so naturally to his lips and met the man’s eyes, getting a good look at him for Merlin. The man spit in his face and Eggsy flinched, disgusted. Then the asshole was gone and he was alone again.

Eggsy used his shoulder to wipe the spit off his face the best he could. His face stung, but the back of his head ached something fierce. A few moments of silence passed and he heard the very faintest “Sorry” from behind him. Nadia didn’t speak to him again.

 

\---

 

“Ezra is doing particularly well, though I don’t think he’s quite as driven as his sister,” Harry observed the screen. Merlin made a sound of agreement, but didn’t comment further. The man was run ragged. Dark circles stood out beneath Merlin’s bloodshot eyes. The increased numbers of recruits were taking their toll, and helping to oversee mission on top of it was really draining the man. Harry offered as much help as he could when he wasn’t busy with his own training. Dr. Hannigan had taken over for Merlin when he became too swamped to handle the extra, extra work load. Harry was grateful, when Merlin was tired he became a real pain in the arse.

“Merlin, take a night off, will you?” Harry asked suddenly. Merlin perked up at that and gave a disgusted scowl.

“I’ll do no such thing, I’m not done with this lot,” he motioned to the monitors.

“I think I can handle the eleven that are left for a day or two while you get some sleep. You can’t run on energy drinks and scotch. Even I can see you’re tapped out,” Harry glared at his friend.

“You’re not wrong, I’m knackered Harry, but I can’t just let you deal with them. That’s not your job. Plus, you look just as done is as I feel,” Merlin cocked an eyebrow at him. As much as Harry didn’t want to admit it, Merlin was right as well. He was exhausted. Without Eggsy he hadn’t been sleeping hardly at all. He told himself it was because he just missed the young man sharing his bed, but if he was being honest, it was because he was worried about him. Half a world away, and him not ready to go back in the field...if anything happened he’d be powerless to help. Not that Eggsy couldn’t take care of himself.

“Do you ever think we’re too old for this?” Harry asked and Merlin grinned.

“Never,” he replied.

“Me either,” Harry agreed and then turned his attention back to the screen. Roxy’s brother had made it to the final eleven, as did both African American twins from America. There was also a lass from Scotland, two Oxford boys, a small lad from Argentina, a tall, muscular boy from Australia, two lads from Germany and a Russian girl.

“God they’re young Merlin,” he sighed looking at the recruits running the obstacle course in the rain.

“Younger than our last lot. The youngest is barely eighteen, that’s the big one from Australia. Tough, but he rushes into things without thinking them through. I don’t think he’ll make the cut,” Merlin mused.

“That might be for the best, I doubt we have that much fabric to make him a suit,” Harry looked towards the twins as the boy fell face first into a mud puddle. His sister helped him up, and laughed as he spit out the mud that had gotten in her mouth.

“Adam and Ava, the twins?” Harry asked. Merlin nodded.

“Good physical skills, better mental ones. They’re both sharp, and good with the rest of the group. Ava’s better with verbal skills, and Adam’s better with his weapon scores. They both hate the obstacle course, and neither knew how to swim. I didn’t think they’d make it past the water test, but they managed not to panic and used the grooves in the ceiling to move to the other side of the room. Keep cool under pressure,” Merlin informed him.

“Have they been practicing swimming after that?” Harry asked.

“Yes, and now they are both doing quite well in that aspect. Unlike Lucas, who knows how to swim but still has to hold his nose when he goes under,” Merlin pointed out the small lad from Argentina.

“Who’s the best with the weapon scores?” Harry asked.

“Edana, the lass from Inverness, of course,” Merlin all but purred. Harry rolled his eyes.

“You just want another Scot, admit it,” Harry teased.

“You’re damn right I do...Oi, you lot, that’s time. Bring it in,” Merlin cried the last part over the intercom and the recruits relaxed.

 

Merlin swiveled in his chair and rubbed a hand over his face before checking his watch.

“I have Roxy’s watch on ACE in a half hour. You have exactly that long to tell me what’s on your mind while I get something to eat,” Merlin stood and led the way out of the room. Harry scrambled to follow. Three long strides (without the cane, at last) and he caught up to Merlin as he moved towards the kitchens.

“How do you know something is on my mind and I didn’t just come to see how the recruits were doing?” Harry asked.

“Don’t beat around the bush, you have twenty eight minutes,” Merlin snapped.

“Fine,” Harry sighed. “I’m still having those headaches.”

“The normal ones or the really bad ones?” Merlin asked.

“The really bad ones. I had another last night. Still don’t feel a hundred percent today either. My mind feels incredibly tired after they hit. Almost numb,” Harry bit his lip.

“And?” Merlin prompted.

“And I’m forgetting things. I know I had trouble remembering my early years, and some of my schooling but I remember telling Eggsy about a teacher of mine, and a trip I took...but now they’re gone. After the headache I can’t remember a single thing about it. Not the teacher’s name, not the trip...only that I had told the story a week ago. It’s just a blank space where the information used to be. Like those damned blank words,” Harry admitted. Merlin stopped walking and stared at him.

“Have you talked to Dr Ha-”

“Of course. The damned man says the same bloody thing every time I speak with him. These things might happen, there isn’t much he can do, hopefully with time they will happen less and I’ll regain those memories but I might not. He has no damned idea and no concrete answers,” Harry snapped.

“So, what are you going to do?” Merlin started walking again, brow furrowed.

“I have no damned idea,” Harry sighed rubbing his temple with one hand, as if that would stimulate the memories to return.

“You could start keeping a diary or something? A log of the early memories. Might help keep them fresh? The ones you haven’t lost yet,” Merlin suggested.

“Do I look like a twelve year old schoolgirl?” Harry bristled and Merlin sighed.

“Fine, be stubborn. And you know as well as I that many great minds kept journals,” Merlin glared at him.

“Yes, well...I’m afraid my mind isn’t so great, and frankly I’m...well...it’s a bit disconcerting,” Harry sniffed and clenched his jaw, not meeting Merlin’s gaze.

“The only thing disconcerting is how much more you complain when Excalibur isn’t around,” Merlin gave him a look.

“How is he Merlin?” Harry asked, unable to put his heart into anymore banter.

“As well as he can be. The area looks disgusting, but he’s resting the last time I looked. ARC will inform me of anything that comes up, don’t worry Harry. If anything happens, I’ll be the first to let you know,” Merlin assured him as they entered the kitchen. There wasn’t much left at this hour, so they both settled for sandwiches and took a seat in the more comfortable chairs. They ate in silence, each to their own thoughts and worries.

Harry thought about Merlin’s suggestion of a journal. It was stupid. He didn’t want to put this stuff down on paper...but he wanted those blank spaces in his mind even less. Maybe he ought to give it a try. If only for a bit, to see if he took to it or not. 

“Alright, I have to get back. Go home Harry, I’ll be fine here, I promise. Percival is taking over for me in a few hours anyway. He wants a go with Lancelot through ARC, to keep her company. I’ll grab some sleep then. Oh, and if you come in first thing tomorrow, you can have a go with Excalibur. He’ll probably appreciate someone other than me anyway,” Merlin tossed his trash in the bin and then started out of the room.

“Thank you, Merlin. You’ve always been a good friend, even when I haven’t returned the favor,” Harry gave his friend a small grin.

“Don’t get sentimental...and you’re welcome. Now go home,” Merlin ordered, and then was gone.

 

\---

  
Harry glanced at the brown leather bound journal he had bought on his way home. It was simple, with a basic latch on the side and a very thin bit of decoration in a frame on the front. The lines were faint on the inside, and the paper was a decent quality. He had also brought a pen for the occasion and was seated at his desk at home, staring at the blank page, which was as blank as the memories he had forgotten. Part of him thought this was ridiculous. The other, thought it might just help. He uncapped the pen, and started to write.


	13. Processing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Rape  
> Abuse  
> Non-Con  
> Death  
> Drugs  
> Really bad shit, if I forgot anything I'm sorry and please tell me so I can update the list.

“Él está lo suficientemente apretado,” the big man gasped.

“Él llora como una niña,” the spectator commented.

“A ellos les gusta cuando hacen eso,” the big man laughed.

“Sí. Él nos hará ganar un montón de dinero...si dejase de golpearlo en la cara,” the spectator observed.

“Vete a la mierda,” the big man grunted.

“Mañana. Procesamiento,” the spectator decided.

 

 

Eggsy tried to concentrate on the words, the meaning behind them, the way they were spoken instead of what else was going on. He kept his eyes on the spectator sitting in the corner, catching his half of the conversation on tape. The man behind him was at too awkward of an angle to look at for long periods of time, but he got the jist of the conversation. He was doing a good job, apparently. He was what they were looking for, and he would make them money...once the big one behind him was done. Tomorrow he’d be processed. Whatever that meant.

Thankfully it was over before too long and he was allowed to rest. The man threw him a rag that looked dirtier than the mattress he had been pressed into for the last ten minutes. Eggsy never thought he’d be grateful for a dirty rag. He couldn’t feel any dirtier than he already did. He cleaned himself up and then tossed the rag back. The man laughed, and then pushed him back up against the pipe, zip tying him back in place. Then he was left alone, sore, tired, and disgusted.

 _God I hope that was worth it._ He thought dismally as he shifted onto his side to ease the pain. Eggsy closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. He was startled to see a small red flashing symbol in the corner of his vision of a stag, and the warmth in the back of his head grew to a steady presence.

 

||Eggsy, it’s Harry.||

The words spoken solidified into the voice he knew so well and Eggsy managed a smile at the sound. He was grateful that Harry hadn’t tuned in a few minutes earlier. No one should have to see that, let alone Harry. Eggsy wished he could speak back to him. Then, he realized he sort of could. Those sign language days had really helped. He held out a hand and waved.

||How are you holding up?||

Eggsy gave a thumbs up, even though he didn’t really want to. He wasn’t doing all that well, if he was being honest, but he was doing his job and that’s what mattered. He was being processed, and that was a good sign. He’d be moved into a different location, most like. Maybe next time he’d be given to someone who didn’t smell like the last time they had showered was three years ago.

||Not sure I believe that, but you are doing a good job Eggsy.||

_Roxy?_

||Doing her job. You’re both right on track.||

_JB?_

||Misses you. I’ve been taking good care of him. Keeps me company when I’m at the house. I’ve grown rather fond of him.||

Eggsy found himself grinning at the thought of Harry and JB lounging around the house, Harry in his robe and slippers, and dog at his feet, or in his lap. It was a comforting thought, and one he wanted to hold onto as long as he could.

 

_I miss you._

||I miss you too Eggsy. Be careful.||

_Stop worrying._

||You know I can’t help that.||

_I’ll be okay._

||Of course you will. Saved the world, remember?||

Eggsy let out a small laugh that was almost a sob. Saving the world had been a lot easier than this. Then again, he hadn’t fully expected to come out of that one alive. This time was different. He had a lot more to go home to this time.

_Harry, what is processing?_

||I believe they will make you presentable to...patrons. They’ll be getting ready to put you on the block. I’m guessing you’ll have a lot less hair tomorrow.||

_Great._

||Shame, I rather like you with all the hair.||

Eggsy couldn’t argue with him there. He rather liked all his hair in place too. His thoughts turned to the mission. If he was being processed, that meant it would be time for Nevada to step in as the buyer...but it also felt too soon. He hadn’t gathered much information yet.

 

_I don’t have enough intel yet._

||You have a place of operation. That’s not bad work.||

_That isn’t good enough._

||It is for me.||

_That isn’t my mission._

||No. No it isn’t.||

_I have to go deeper._

||I don’t like it.||

_I know. How?_

There was a long pause from Harry and Eggsy sat waiting for the voice, anxiety pooling in his stomach like acid. He didn’t want to be in this situation any more. He wanted to go home. To play with his little sister, to take his dog on a walk, to ask his mum about her day, to sleep next to Harry, to have a pint with Roxy. But if he did that he’d be letting everyone down. Everyone at Kingsman, himself, Harry...and Nadia in the cell behind him. Could he just abandon her because he was uncomfortable? No. He couldn’t.

||You’ll have to hate it at first, but then act like you want it the further into it you get. They want to believe that they’re good at sex, and that they’re so good that you’ll be begging for it. That way will work for most of them. You might...run into ones that just want to hurt you. Then you just have to hold on for as long as you can before breaking. They’ll like the challenge of breaking you. Just don’t break too fast, or they’ll get bored. God I can’t believe that I’m walking you through this.||

_It’s fine. I’ll do it._

Eggsy was disgusted by Harry’s words, but touched by his concern. He wondered how Harry knew all these things and decided to add it to his every growing mental list of things to ask Harry when he got back.

 

||I have to go. I’m due for my field test in ten. Stay strong Eggsy. I’ll be back when I can.||

_Good luck. You’ll do great._

 

The warmth slowly faded from his neck and he was left alone again. He shifted and groaned at the sudden stab of pain.

 

“You okay?” Nadia whispered, so quiet he almost missed it.

“Hurt’s like a bitch,” he replied, just as softly.

“Yeah, it does,” she agreed a moment later. He had heard the men come into her room earlier too, before they had gone into his. She had been put through almost the same things he had gone through. He was fairly certain he’d hear her cries in his sleep. Nothing had been worse than hearing her being taken and knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it. It wasn’t often that he felt so helpless.

“I don’t know if I’ll still be here tomorrow, Nadia. I think they’re taking me somewhere else,” he admitted.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“Good luck, then.”

“You too,” he sighed, wishing he could give her some sort of sign that he’d get her out. Some sort of promise. Something to hold onto...but he couldn’t. He didn’t even know if he could get himself out of this mess.

“Look, if I ever get out of here. Somehow. I’ll try to come back for you, okay?” He found himself trying anyway. No one deserved to be without hope in a place like this.

“That’s sweet. Thanks Jack. I think...I think I’d settle for just letting my parents know what happened to me. They’re probably so worried,” she sniffed.

“Where are you from?” he asked.

“Miami. I ran away from home. I was going to get married, and my parents didn’t want me to so I took my three bridesmaids with me and we left. Got on a plane and flew down here. My boyfriend was supposed to meet me at the airport. He...never showed up. So we went out drinking to forget about it. Then I woke up here. I don’t even know if my friends made it out or not,” Nadia sniffed again.

“Damn. What an asshole,” Eggsy said sadly.

“Yeah. Serves me right. Guess I should have listened to them,” Nadia trailed off.

“Well, if I get out, and I can’t get you out, I’ll find them. I’ll let them know, I promise,” Eggsy swore.

“Yeah. If you get out,” Nadia replied.

 

If.

 

\---

 

He was hauled away from his cell in what he could only assume as early morning and carted to a new facility which felt like half a world away. He wasn’t the only one either. Six people came with him to the new facility, but none of them were Nadia. He didn’t know what fate would befall the ones that didn’t get processed, but he had a feeling it wasn’t good. Eggsy only hoped that she’d still be here when he was done.

Processing was every bit as miserable as it sounded. Harry hadn’t been too far off with his guess. Eggsy had the zip ties cut off his wrist. Then he was strapped down onto a cold metal table and hot wax was slathered onto his arms, legs, chest, back, face, and all of his unmentionables by two very tired looking women. The wax was then ripped away without any warning from either woman. He rather fancied that two or three layers of skin came up with each rip, and by the end of it he felt as if he had been flayed alive. From the muffled shrieks nearby he assumed the other’s were going through similar treatment. He was proud that he had remained mostly quiet through the ordeal.

After the hair was gone, the women taking care of him slathered him in some sort of oil, which didn’t burn as much as he thought it would, and after the initial chill, actually felt quite nice. They massaged it into his skin, and although their hands were not gentle, neither were they too rough. He wondered if they were here willingly, or if they were forced into this life against their will.

After the oil came the tweezers. The wax was bad enough, but the tweezers plucking at his eyebrows made his eyes sting with each hair removed. He knew ladies often shaped their eyebrows, and they did it willingly...and they waxed as well. He had never given it much thought before, but he had a whole new respect for the other gender. No wonder Roxy became Lancelot, if she endured this stuff willingly.

When the women were satisfied he was tossed back with the others, all of them naked as the day they were born, and equally as hairless as he was. He didn’t understand the appeal. It made them all look like children, but he supposed that was the idea. They were pushed along by four burly men who all looked rather bored by the process, but all of them were equipped with assault rifles.

 

There were more rooms ahead, and each of them was pushed into a different one. He took the last room which had a lean, but tall man inside of it. The man gave him a once over, and then disappeared behind a curtain, muttering to himself in a language that Eggsy didn’t understand and couldn’t place. He came back a moment later with something that almost resembled clothing and threw it at him. Eggsy caught it, grateful that his reflexes were still intact. He didn’t really want to bend over if he could help it.

The garment was black, and it wasn’t going to hide anything, that was certain. Nothing would be left to the imagination and he wondered why he wasn’t just tossed out there naked. It would be faster. The man cleared his throat when Eggsy didn’t start to dress. He was clearly expecting him to get a move on. Eggsy decided to stop procrastinating and he slipped into the thing he couldn't even bring himself to call an undergarment. It was terribly uncomfortable. As much as he wanted to look at it, to really see if he could tuck himself further in, he decided that he’d spare the Kingsman that particular sight. Merlin might break another coffee mug.

The man then handed him a matching collar, black with silver studs on it. Eggsy looked at it, then up at the man. He didn’t want to put that on, didn’t want to represent what it stood for. The man jingled the collar and Eggsy snatched it from him, putting it on himself. If he didn’t, he was certain someone else would, and they wouldn’t care how tight it was. It felt too constricting as it was, and he could still get a good two fingers under it (the same test he had done for JB’s collar). He decided then that he’d never collar JB again.

_What the fuck am I getting into?_

 

Apparently being done, the man barked out some kind of signal and one of the men with the guns appeared, ushering him out the door with the barrel of the gun. Eggsy complied. The sooner he got on with it, the sooner he could get out of here. At least he hoped that was the case.

The girls took slightly longer to get ready, but by the time they appeared with him, he could see they weren’t much better off. Their clothing was just as absurd, and they all had collars as well. They also had makeup applied sometime when he hadn’t been paying attention. The men with the guns moved forward, and they were herded along like cattle, down the narrow alley that funneled them to a red door. One of the girls stopped when she saw it, and started to cry. The mascara ran down her face in black rivers. The man in the rear called for them to stop. All eyes turned towards the crying girl. She looked no older than seventeen.

Eggsy flinched as the gun went off. Several of the others screamed. The crying girl collapsed in a heap on the ground, blood pooling around her head, eyes sightless towards the sky. The man stepped over her body and motioned for them to move forward. None of them hesitated this time. Eggsy glanced back to see the same man that had given him his outfit was now hauling the girl’s body away, shaking his head as she was dragged off. He felt cold all over, despite the pounding of his heart.

_What the FUCK am I getting into?_

 

The red door opened and they filtered into the new building, silent and shaken. Eggsy looked around, trying to take in everything he could. They were in a round room with alcoves, maybe twelve of them, surrounding a central pillar. He glanced up and saw there was glass, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that it was two way. This was a stage, and they were the performers.

Each of them was pushed into a separate alcove, and the curtain was pulled behind them. A man dressed quite well was waiting for him in the alcove. Eggsy watched him as handcuffs were slapped on his wrist, and he was secured to a post on the wall by his wrists. He kept his eyes on the well dressed man, and decided that he was only a semi-well dressed man. Eggsy had seen a lot better in his time with Kingsman. Still, compared to the thugs he had dealt with so far, this man was a step in the more refined direction.

It was with his eyes still locked on the other man, that he totally missed the syringe the thug with the gun had until it plunged into the crook of his arm. He shouted in surprise, but there was nothing for it. He couldn’t get out, and he couldn’t avoid whatever it was being plunged into his veins. His eyes flicked to the syringe and he stared at it, fighting against the sudden haze that clouded his mind. Maybe Merlin knew what it was?

There was nothing but silence from ARC, and Eggsy felt himself dragged under completely.

 

\---

||Find something to hold onto. Anything will work. Keep your mind busy.||

Someone told him that. He doesn't know who.

_A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H..._

Pain spiked through him and his mind flickered to something else.

_1-2-3-4-5-6-7..._

More pain, another train of thought.

_Red, Yellow, Blue, Purple, Brown..._

He dug his fingers into the ground, but there was nothing to hold onto, just hard wood. Another.

_Merlin, Lancelot, Percival, Arthur, Harry…_

He long had he been here? The spotlights were hot on his back. He had to remember something. Another.

_Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco..._

He looked back at the face of the man using him. It wasn’t someone he knew.

“That...all you got?” he snarled. The man’s face went red and he assumed a much rougher pace. Another.

_He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts..._

He clenched his teeth, but didn’t close his eyes. That was important. Right? Another.

_God save the queen, she ain't no human being…_

He glanced back again. This was someone new. Yes, it had to be, with the familiar burn. Another.

_Fuck, shit, arse, dick..._

This one was without a doubt new. He was big and looked like an ox.

“Let’s see what you got, shit-stain,” he heard himself say through a smile he didn’t feel. He felt the crunch in his neck as the man shoved his face into the floor with one fist. Pain exploded through his body at the impact. The wrong sort. Another.

_No, no, no, no, no nono..._

It wasn’t his neck. It was something else. Something important. Another.

_Anxiety Resists Control, Apple Rhino Carrot, Arsehole Rimjob Cuntrag, ARC..._

He felt fear, and an absence of warmth in the back of his neck. Another.

_I’m fucked. I’m fucked. I’m fucked._

He couldn’t handle this. This wasn’t part of the plan. Another.

_I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead..._

 

||Pull yourself together.||

The panic stopped rising as he heard the voice. Harry.

||You have been drugged, but you will be fine in another hour. It will wear off.||

Drugged? Yeah. The syringe. That made sense.

||You are a Kingsman. Do not forget why you are here.||

The mission. He was here to do a mission. To save people.

||You are doing well. They will make a choice in the next round. Do not give up yet.||

How does he know? What if he fails?

||You can do this. You are stronger than they are. Prove it.||

He can do that. He can do that for Harry, he can prove it.

 

The last one finishes and the next one takes his place. He looks back at the man. It’s the well dressed one from the alcove.

“Fuck. You,” he spits on the floor. The man smiles. It reminds him of eels in dark water. He wants to go home. He wants his mother.

The man doesn’t take him. He just motions for someone above. Eggsy is unchained from the floor, but his legs won’t hold him up. He sprawls, spent, but doesn’t curl into the ball that he wants to. That would be defeat.

  
||You did it. I knew you could.||

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking hell. This got a lot darker than I intended. A LOT DARKER THAN I INTENDED. I'm so sorry! I originally had a Harry piece in the middle but I had to delete it because it didn't make sense to the rest of the plot. More Harry in the next chapter I promise!
> 
> And I'm really sorry for this chapter. Christ I don't know where this came from. Poor Eggsy. :(
> 
>  
> 
> **Spanish
> 
> "He's tight enough," the big man gasped.
> 
> "He cries like a girl," the spectator commented.
> 
> "They like it when they do that," the big man laughed.
> 
> "Yes. He will make us a lot of money...if you stop hitting him in the face," the spectator observed.
> 
> "Fuck you," the big man grunted.
> 
> "Tomorrow. Processing," the spectator decided.


	14. Gods and Monsters

“No...no no no! Come on,” Merlin growled, tapping furiously on his tablet with one finger as he stared at the screen. The ARC icon by Eggsy’s name was flashing yellow. The feed was black save for two words.

||Transmission Malfunction||

“Reboot, come on,” he urged the program, but when ARC booted back up, the same maddening yellow message came up. He could no more fix the problem from here than he could pluck Eggsy out of this situation. The mission was a bust, they needed to get Eggsy out of there.

“Shit,” Merlin swore, chewing slightly on the tip of his thumb as he stared at the blank screen, weighing his options. The only thing he knew for certain was that they had to extract Eggsy as soon as possible, before he was lost. Merlin pulled up another screen, logging out of ARC and into the glasses surveillance system.

“Yes sir?” the rough voice of Nevada answered as the feed went through.

“Nevada. Mission’s a bust. Get Excalibur out of there,” Merlin commanded.

“Sir? I was told that we were waiting on this one?” Nevada sounded concerned.

“We aren’t waiting anymore, don’t lose him. The tracking system’s busted, I can’t get a read on the situation. Take all precautions you can. Get our man back. No exceptions.”

“Understood. Extraction underway,” Nevada replied.

Merlin sat back and watched Nevada’s progress. Nevada had gotten in with some of the men that knew the business, and had shown interest in becoming a buyer. He was currently staked out at a local nightclub, one of the nice ones, where the sellers usually hunted for potential customers. The man he was looking for went by Carlos, and Merlin was relieved when Nevada found him almost immediately.

“I’m going to take you up on your offer Carlos. Lead the way,” Nevada grinned. Carlos grinned back and they went out a side door, into an alley and into a car that was waiting for them. Merlin watched as they headed towards Eggsy’s last known location. He tapped his foot impatiently as they drove at what felt like five miles an hour. The place wasn’t far, thank god, but it still seemed to take ages before Nevada was ushered inside a building with red doors, tucked out of the way from the main stretch down a poorly paved road.

Nevada was led into a small, nicely furnished room with one glass wall that looked down onto a stage. Nevada strolled to the window and looked down. On the stage was Eggsy, thankfully not being currently used.

“That’s a nice looking lad,” Nevada said casually.

“The bid’s high. Looks like he’s currently going for a quarter mil,” Carlos replied. Nevada glanced at the man, then at the number above the window, which just raised another ten grand in price.

“Jesus,” Merlin muttered.

“How do I bid?” Nevada asked.

“You don’t want to window shop? Another will be out as soon as the bidding is done, you might find something better,” Carlos replied.

“I didn’t ask for something better. I asked how to place a bid, friend,” Nevada calmly, but firmly told the other man.

“Through this,” Carlos handed him a small tablet that had numbers and a green button on it. Nevada pressed some buttons and hit the green button. The bid raised above his door, and the light went green. He was the highest bidder.

“Now you wait to see if you win. The longer it takes, the more he gets used,” Carlos glanced down at the stage.

“I’m not a fan of tainted goods,” Nevada sniffed.

“All our boys are clean, you can be assured,” Carlos gave a grin that Merlin didn’t believe at all.

The bid above the door turned red and Merlin swore again. Eggsy was going to cost them an awful lot of money.

“Who’s that?” Nevada asked as he looked at the new man that walked onto the stage.

“Oh, well, that’s one of our elite clients. Doesn’t like the booth. Wants to get down in the thick of things,” Carlos replied.

“That something I can do?” Nevada asked.

“No, sir. He has been a client for the better part of four years. Special privileges. You must understand.”

“Must have spent a lot of money,” Nevada surmised as he pushed the button again, raising the price.

“You ask a lot of questions,” Carlos observed.

“First time, don’t want to put a toe out of line. Didn’t mean to pry,” Nevada back tracked, and then hit the button again, looking down at Eggsy. Merlin grimaced at the sight. Eggsy looked terrible, and terribly small.

 _He’s only twenty three._ Merlin thought with a shudder. Too young for this. He could have throttled Delaware for even suggesting Eggsy and Roxy take part in this, but it wasn’t his place.

The number jumped to half a million. He heard Nevada whistle. Christ this was getting out of hand.

“Anything it takes,” Merlin reminded him. Nevada raised the price again.

There was a sound like an airhorn and the price disappeared. Merlin’s stomach twisted into a knot as he heard Nevada ask what that was.

“Bidding’s over. The gentleman on the floor’s placed a million on the table. That’s an instant sale,” Carlos informed him.

“And if I were to offer two million?” Nevada countered and Merlin grimaced.

“Then I’d say you were too desperate to get one boy, first time or not,” Carlos didn’t sound pleased.

“He’s onto you!” Merlin warned.

Carlos’s head exploded as Nevada switched tactics and fired his gun. Merlin clenched his jaw as he watched. Nevada spun as the door behind him flew open. There were at least six men with assault rifles in the doorway. Merlin swore. They hadn’t been fast enough. Carlos had somehow signaled his suspicions.

“The window,” Merlin suggested as Nevada fired on the men in the doorway. There was answering spray and Nevada’s grunt as his suit absorbed the bullets. Merlin watched as one of their lighter hand grenades sailed through the air towards the men. The glasses jerked away from the doorway, towards the glass window above the stage. There was a blinding light and the glass exploded outwards. Merlin had a moment of vertigo as Nevada fell and then hit the stage, rolling to avoid damaging himself further as he hit the ground.

Nevada sprang up quickly, eyes on Eggsy, still half collapsed on the side of the stage. Eggsy looked up and Merlin grimaced again. The boy had blood trickling from his mouth, and it looked like he had lost a tooth. His lip was split, and his eyes were not as alert as they needed to be.

Nevada whipped his head to the right, where three more men appeared from a doorway. He fired three times and they dropped like flies. The man was a good shot at least. Merlin made a mental note to have him brush up on his negotiating skills.

Merlin flinched as the audio feed screamed, then fell mute on one side. Red plastered half of the video feed and he watched helplessly as Nevada hit the ground. He could see Eggsy in the distance staring in horror at the glasses, and a moment later he could see the red pool growing on the bottom of the feed. The man who stood next to Eggsy, the well dressed one who was a frequent customer, had a very small gun in his hand that he and Nevada hadn’t caught. The man holstered the gun in his hidden shoulder holster and then turned to Eggsy.

“He went to an awful lot of trouble to get you, but you’re mine now,” the man hooked a black leash around the collar on Eggsy’s neck and dragged him out of sight. Eggsy kept his eyes on the glasses until he was out of view. Merlin heard footsteps and a moment later the video feed went dark and the audio cut out completely.

 

“Fuck!” Merlin spat and smashed his fist down hard on the desk, making the pens in their small mug rattle. He took off his glasses and placed them on the desk. He massaged his eyes with one hand, then pinched the bridge of his nose as he brought his fingers close together. He allowed himself a few more curses in Gaelic, a brief moment of self hatred and guilt, then he counted to ten. When he was done counting he put his glasses back on and pulled out his phone. The red Kingsman logo was flashing, signaling they had lost one of their own. He had work to do.

Merlin dialed Harry’s number.

 

* * *

 

 “It’s not Eggsy,” Merlin assured Harry as soon as Harry walked into the room. He didn’t bother to hide the relief on his face and Merlin cursed himself again. This would have been a lot easier if Harry wasn’t romantically involved with Eggsy.

“It’s Nevada, his extraction,” Merlin continued and Harry’s face went blank.

“I won’t lie Harry, it’s gone tits up. Something happened to Eggsy’s ARC implant. It malfunctioned. I called Nevada in to get him out of there, bugger the damned mission, and it didn’t matter. He didn’t get him out, and he got himself killed in the process. No one knows the fucking place better than Gawain, and he’s busy with Roxy’s extraction on the other side of the world,” Merlin waved at the screens with one hand.

“What do you suggest we do?” Harry asked, voice a lot calmer than Merlin expected.

“We have to send someone else. He’s unarmed and in one hell of a state Harry. We have no way of communicating with him and the man that killed Nevada is the one that fucking bought him,” Merlin chewed on the tip of his thumb again before continuing, “he bought him and dragged him out of there on a god damned leash.”

“Why are you telling this to me instead of Delaware?” Harry asked, brows drawing together.

“Because she’s not going to send anyone after him. I’ve worked with her before. She won’t risk another agent for nothing, and there is no promise that Eggsy’s gotten the information she wants. She’ll see it as a lost cause, and put her stock in Roxy’s mission instead,” Merlin snapped.

“You want me to go after him,” Harry said. It wasn’t a question.

“Harry, you’re the only one I’d trust to get him out,” Merlin replied.

“Even with my scores from the field test?” Harry frowned again.

“You passed the field test Harry. I graded it myself. Worst score you ever got, but still passing,” Merlin handed over the results. Harry scanned them, scowling at the tablet. Then he nodded.

“I better get ready then. I assume you won’t be telling Delaware about this?” Harry inquired.

“Not if I can help it. If she finds out, I’ll be taken off communications most like. That won’t do anyone any good,” Merlin sighed.

“Do you have a pilot for me? It’s a long ride,” Harry looked at his watch, then back up at him. He seemed oddly detached, but Merlin couldn't bring himself to care. They had much bigger problems.

“Do you think I’d send you there alone? Less questions will be asked if I’m not there to be asked them. I’m driving,” Merlin gathered the last of his own materials and shut down the system at his desk. He pulled the same setup up on his tablet. It would make his eyes hurt later, but it would do in a pinch.

“Lead the way,” Harry followed after him.

 

Before long they were up in the air, Harry in his best suit helping to man the displays in the back and reading up on the case as Merlin flew. Merlin glanced back at Harry. He was still too thin, and he looked so damned tired. His gaze went to the tablet on his right. It still had Harry’s field test results on it. Harry’s modified field test results. If Delaware found out that he’d sent Harry on a mission when he had failed his field tests he’d be forcibly removed from Kingsman...but if he didn’t, then Harry would have found a way on his own, and he’d do it without Merlin’s help. That wasn’t a suitable alternative. Better to let Harry think that he had passed then to let him think he wasn’t ready for this. He didn’t need an agent in the field who doubted their abilities right now. This was their best chance of getting Eggsy out alive.

_Oh god, please don’t let me fuck this up too. I can’t lose any more today._

 

* * *

 

The dim awareness of pain pulled him slowly from either deep sleep or unconsciousness, he wasn’t sure which. He swallowed and grimaced at the feeling. It felt like he had been swallowing glass. The collar around his neck was tight and restricting, but wasn’t cutting off his oxygen flow. More pressing was the numbness in his hands and the ache that went from wrist to mid-back. He was being held up by his wrists, which wasn’t a very comfortable way to be positioned. Gathering his feet under him he managed to take the weight off his wrists, and a relieved sigh escaped his chapped lips. It turned into a gasp of pain a moment later as both his arms cramped, muscles spasming violently. He clenched his teeth and rode it out. The cramps died down a few moments later and he was left gasping.

His mouth ached and he gently probed his gum line with his tongue, flinching as he touched the tender area where his tooth had been knocked out. He didn’t even recall when he had lost it. Didn’t recall much of anything if he was being honest. No, he did recall some things. Harry talking him through the worst of it. The well dressed man with the smile like eels. And Nevada.

_Jesus Christ._

The thought of Nevada sharpened his thoughts. The man had almost gotten him out, falling from the ceiling in a rain of light and glass, gun drawn and looking like a god damned angel. It hadn’t lasted long. The well dressed man had pulled a gun, and Eggsy hadn’t even had time to warn the agent, or try to distract the shooter. He had gotten a first row seat in seeing the man’s head explode. It hadn’t been like the ones in Valentine’s base. There was no puff of colored smoke, it wasn’t a neat affair. There had been blood, grey matter and bone fragments. He didn’t think he’d ever get the image of Nevada’s one lifeless eye out of his mind.

_I wonder who’s going to get his medal?_

Eggsy’s stomach gave a hard twist and he fought the nausea back, swallowing hard despite the soreness of his throat. He couldn’t sit here and think about the fact that Nevada was dead, or that he might have a family, or that he didn’t even know his real name. He had to keep moving forward. Nevada had failed to extract him, which meant he was on his own. No one was coming for him. If he was going to escape, it would have to be his own doing.

_Right. Well, best get on with it mate._

Easier said than done. He glanced up. His wrists were bound by handcuffs which were hooked to a metal ring in the ceiling. It was adjustable, he noticed, and was left at this height to maximize his discomfort. His feet, however, were not bound. That was good. He was naked. That was bad…but slightly preferable to the stupid garment he had been forced to wear on the stage. The room was dark, walls painted dark blue. There were no windows and one door. He was probably underground, judging by how cool the cement was under his feet. The door stood directly across from him. There was also a small intercom on the wall beside the door.

Eggsy turned his gaze to the left. Against the wall was a large X with handcuffs on each of the farthest points from the center. There was another ring against the wall, around neck height, probably for attaching a collar. In the center of the room was a long table. It looked like a massage table from a horror movie. Underneath were various instruments and objects that he didn’t want to look at too closely. To the right side of the room was various straps and something that looked like small meat hooks hanging from the ceiling. His stomach gave another twist and he looked away.

_He would have a bloody sex dungeon._

It was almost funny. Almost. His gaze went to the floor near the table. There was a small drain, and around the edges was a brownish red, the unmistakable color of dried blood. He was not the first person to ever be in this room, but he would be the last, if he had any say in the matter. All he had to do was wait for Mr. Sex Dungeon to return from wherever he had buggered off to.

Listening hadn’t gotten him anywhere on this mission. No one was talking about who they reported to, and he hadn’t gotten a chance to see anything of use on the matter either. He doubted Merlin had any sort of data now except the locations that he’d been to. That might be enough, but he highly doubted it. Now it was time to take matters into his own hand. He’d figure out who was behind this if it killed him. No one deserved to be treated this way, and he knew that people had been treated worse than he had, for much longer too.

 

He perked up as there were sounds by the door. The door swung open slowly and a woman stepped into the room. She was petite, wore a skirt that was way too short, heels that were way too high, and a top that exposed most of her bosom. She carried a tray in one hand. Her hair was held up with a ridiculous amount of pins. It looked to be quite long. She set the tray down on the table, not looking at him, and busied herself with whatever she had brought in. Eggsy watched her, noticing the bruises on her wrists, and the reddish purple marks on her neck.

She turned towards him with a small bowl and rag in her hand. The rag was wet. She lightly ran the rag across his face, wiping away the sweat, dirt and other unmentionables off his face. He didn’t want to admit it, but it felt good. She had a gentle touch, especially around the more tender areas. She cleaned the rag in the small bowl of water and moved from his head down, tending to each body part in turn. His skin tingled from the dampness and goosebumps broke out on his skin. A strange sound escaped his mouth as she moved below the waist, and she paused, then finally met his gaze.

“Lo siento,” she whispered gently.

“No importa,” he replied, voice more hoarse than he expected.

She continued to clean him and he made no more protests, despite being uncomfortable. When she got to his feet, he jerked at the touch, ticklish. His foot hit the bowl of water she had placed on the ground and it overturned. He cursed and she gave a small squeak as his knee skimmed the side of her head.

“Disculpe,” he apologized quickly but she didn’t reply. She just grabbed the bowl, the rag, and the empty tray and fled. The door closed and he heard the click of the automatic lock. Eggsy closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. He moved his foot and glanced down at the one hairpin he had managed to dislodge. It was a small start, but a start nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lo siento = I am sorry  
> No importa = not important  
> disculpe = sorry/excuse me
> 
> I don't speak Spanish very well, so if I am wrong, please let me know! 
> 
> Uhh...so another chapter is up. I'm still not out of ideas for this story yet, but I know the ending. Not sure how long it'll take me to get there. I'm trying to get this fic done by Mid-April, if possible. Before the new season of Game of Thrones comes out, hopefully. 
> 
> In other news, I just broke 100 pages on this story. Christ. I wish I could write this faithfully with my original novel!
> 
> Also, also I just broke 50,000 words in 22 days. That's a new personal record!
> 
> Hope you all like it!


	15. The Blue Ledger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Some violence and blood

His wrists throbbed with each heartbeat, swollen and bruised. It had taken him an obscenely long time to get the hairpin off the floor and into his hand so he could work on the cuffs. Eggsy was grateful he still maintained some of his flexibility from his gymnastic days, or this ordeal might have lasted much longer.

The actual springing of the lock didn’t take as much work as he thought, but it did put an incredible amount of stress on his already tender wrists. The hairpin worked better than he had even hoped. A sigh of relief escaped as one side of the handcuff released and the strain was off of his wrists at last. Working the second one free was simple, now that he could see what he was doing. Slowly lowering his arms made his back, chest, and shoulders scream in protest, but he didn’t mind. He was free, and that’s what mattered.

He stepped further into the room, wincing a little at the deep seated pain that walking caused. He cast his eyes over the various tools and instruments beneath the table. Half of them looked sexual in nature, the other half looked like torture implements. His gaze went to the hooks hanging from the ceiling and he grimaced at the thought of people being strung up like slabs of meat.

Eggsy rubbed the back of his neck. ARC had been silent for quite some time, and it was beginning to worry him. The death of Nevada had really buggered things for the whole mission. He wondered if Merlin would send anyone else for him, but he rather doubted it. With the mission so far gone, they probably wouldn’t risk anyone else. The thought should have made him mad or sad or something, but it didn’t. It seemed logical, and practical and even if it was a bit cold, he knew the risks going into this mission.

His head snapped to the left as he heard the faint cadence of footsteps approaching. He hurried back to his original position, sliding his wrists back into the handcuffs, and pushing the open ends back against the wall so whoever came through the door couldn’t see that he had worked himself loose. Heart pounding hard he kept his gaze fixed on the door as it swung inward.

It wasn’t the maid this time, but the well dressed man who had executed Nevada. The one who had bought him, and the one who was responsible for keeping him here. His hair was thick and black swept back with some sort of gel. He had eyes so dark they seemed to be black. When their eyes met, the man smiled and Eggsy was again reminded of eels. The grin on his face made Eggsy’s skin crawl. The thought of this man touching him anywhere was enough to fill him with revulsion. The way this man looked at him wasn’t something foreign. It was the way Dean looked at him, like he wasn’t anything but trash that needed to be taken out and dealt with.

The man closed the door behind him then turned around, arms folded behind his back, observing his captive. Eggsy watched as he moved, trying to puzzle out any weaknesses he could exploit.

“Your friend cost me quite a lot of money,” the man spoke English, as he had back on the stage as Nevada’s blood pooled on the floor.

“Too bad he didn’t cost you more,” Eggsy replied, irritated that the man had brought up Nevada.

“Too bad he didn’t manage to get you out. You must be important to someone for him to go to all that trouble,” the man grinned again.

“Too bad you’ll never find out,” Eggsy replied, giving a grin of his own.

“Oh I have ways to make you talk,” the man assured him.

“I’m sure you do. Doesn’t mean I’ll be doing any talking,” Eggsy gave a one shouldered shrug.

“You’re very smug for someone naked and bound to a wall,” the man sauntered closer.

“And you don’t fit into that suit very well. Who took your measurements, gorillas?” Eggsy spat back at him, cocky grin coming so naturally to his face as he all but dared the man to get closer to him.

“Oh I’m going to have quite a lot of fun knocking all that attitude out of you. I saw it on the floor and it hasn’t diminished. I like a challenge, and I’m going to break you. I’m going to break you so badly your own mother won’t recognize you,” the man stepped closer. He was almost to the wall, still four feet away.

 

||Let him get closer.||

 

Merlin’s voice was so sudden and clear that he almost gave himself away. Somehow he managed not to jostle the handcuffs. His timing could have been better, but he was grateful for the support. It meant Kingsman hadn’t abandoned him to his fate. He pushed down the little flutter of hope that bloomed in his chest. He couldn’t rely on Kingsman coming to his aid, he was still on his own here. That didn’t mean he couldn’t draw on inspiration.

“Why don’t you come whisper that in my ear if you’re so sure?” Eggsy asked, eyebrow quirked and smug grin on his face. He saw something dark pass over the man’s face and he took the two steps closer that Eggsy needed.

||Now.||

Eggsy gripped the metal ring above his head and pulled himself up, swinging one leg as hard as he could. His kneecap smashed into the side of the man’s face and he went down in a sprawling heap, a sound of surprise exploding from his lungs as he hit the floor.

The handcuffs were off the wall and in his dominant hand a moment later. He gripped them tightly in one fist and as the man struggled to get to his feet, Eggsy brought his fist down hard on the side of the man’s head. The metal cut into his fingers, making them scream in protest but he didn’t care. He wasn’t letting this bastard get a hand on him. Ever.

The man tried to fight back, but he was dazed from both blows to the head, and his attempts were feeble. One more blow knocked him into such a dazed state that he could hardly do anything more than whimper. Eggsy regarded him for a moment then went to work. It didn’t take long to strip the man down until he was as naked as Eggsy had been only moments before.

The clothes didn’t fit him, they were a bit large, but he didn’t care. It felt glorious to have clothing on again. He felt a tad more human as he buttoned up the front of the suit. It wasn’t Kingsman make, but it wasn’t bad material. It would do in a pinch. The same gun that had been used to kill Nevada was still in the shoulder holster and he relished the feeling of having the weight of a firearm on his person again. There was a wallet and he flicked it open. The man had an ID card, his name read Richard Savar.

Once dressed he turned his gaze to the naked man before him. Eggsy used what strength he could to push the man up and onto the table in the center of the room, grimacing at the feeling of his skin. Richard Savar disgusted him in a way that even Dean hadn’t, and that was saying something. It didn’t take long to use the handcuffs to secure him to the table. There was another pair under the table he used for the man’s feet. He wasn’t taking any excess risks today.

“You picked the wrong bloke to fuck with, mate,” Eggsy exclaimed as he wiped his hands on his trousers, as if that could get rid of the feeling left on his hands. Richard was coming to his senses, eyes clearing a bit the longer he sat tied to the table. Eggsy figured when Richard started to flail against the bonds, he was good enough to start interrogating. Till then Eggsy examined some of the items under the table.

||That hammer will work.||

“Yes it will,” Eggsy replied, even though Merlin couldn’t hear him. He picked up the crude hammer and hefted it into the air, then caught it again. It had good weight to it, and it would work well. The rattle of metal caught his attention and he looked at his captive. Richard seemed to just be realizing what sort of position he was in. His eyes were wide and the fear in them was real. Eggsy almost felt bad, but he hadn’t forgotten what this man had done to Nevada, what he had planned on doing to him, and what he had done to countless others.

“I’m gonna ask you some questions, and if you give me the right answers, I’ll just leave you strapped to this table for someone else to find. If you don’t give me the right answers, I’m going to take this hammer and I’m going to pulverize your joints, one at a time. You got me?” Eggsy asked and Richard nodded, soundlessly.

“Good. Now I don’t want you thinking that I’m not a man of my word,” Eggsy smiled and then brought the hammer down on the first knuckle of the man’s right thumb. It made a satisfying splintering sound and Richard gave a strangled scream.

“I’m not playin’ games here Mr...what is your name?” Eggsy asked as he returned his gaze to the man’s face.

“Edward Mendez,” the man gasped.

“Hm. Your ID says Richard Savar,” Eggsy raised the hammer.

“No! It’s a f-fake! I’m Edward Mendez, I swear,” his gaze was fixed on the hammer. Eggsy lowered it to his side and Edward seemed to relax a little.

“Edward Mendez, you’re going to tell me about this sex slave ring that you’re a part of. I want to know who’s in charge, who calls the shots, and anything else you think is important. Each thing you tell me saves one more knuckle. I’m sure you have something you can tell me, yeah?” Eggsy asked.

“Oh Jesus,” Edward breathed.

“Jesus ain’t looking out for you today, bruv,” Eggsy replied and brought the hammer down on another knuckle. 

 

* * *

 

Eggsy sat back against the wall panting hard. He wiped his brow with the sleeve of his suit jacket. It came away with splatters of blood but he didn’t much care. There was a small whimper from Edward’s direction. The man had proved a wealth of information, but he had also been a liar. With a bit of help from Merlin, Eggsy was able to pick out the harder lies, or the ones shrouded in some truth. By the end, Edward had no secrets left. He also would never use his hands to hurt anyone again. Nor would he be able to walk right with both kneecaps shattered.

Eggsy observed the mess he had left the man in. It wasn’t pretty, and he was fairly sure he’d hear Edward’s screams in his nightmares for years to come, but right now he could hardly care less. He had the information he needed, now he just had to find the blue ledger Edward had in his study.

As it had turned out, Edward was the primary bookkeeper and accountant for a Mr. Michael Noslo. In turn for his services as a bookkeeper, Edward was allowed a maximum cap of a million per human he was interested in, unlike most of the other customers who were allowed to go as high as the bidding allowed.

It was the blue ledger that would give Eggsy access to all the names of each client that purchased from Mr. Noslo, along with their bank account information, and addresses that the purchases were shipped to. Edward assured him that Mr. Noslo’s information was also in the ledger, and after another knuckle or two, divulged a helpful address where the man could be found when he stayed in Venezuela.

The only thing Edward had not been able to tell him were the people involved in the actual kidnapping. These people were paid under the table, and came from all walks of life. It would be almost impossible to track them all down.

Eggsy took a deep breath and then got to his feet. He tucked the hammer into his belt loop and drew the gun. He looked at Edward with his broken mass of fingers, his face white and contorted in pain. This man who had been so intimidating on the stage, with his creepy smile and his promise of pain and abuse. He wasn’t so frightening now, and he wasn’t half as strong as Eggsy thought he would be. Pain does strange things to people.

 

||He is a part of this. Letting him live will only hurt more people.||

Eggsy lowered the gun to the man’s temple and pulled the trigger. He looked over the man once to make sure he was no longer alive, and then went to the door. Part of him felt slightly sick. He had killed the men who had attacked him at Valentine’s base, but that was self defense. Kill or be killed. This man had no way of hurting him anymore. Had no way to defend himself against the bullet. Eggsy glanced over to the hooks in the ceiling and all feelings of sickness went away. Edward Mendez wouldn’t terrorize anyone ever again.

The door had no latch on the inside, just the intercom on the wall. The design wasn’t foolproof. The hinges were on this side of the door. Eggsy searched the pockets of the suit and found the pen he knew was there. He pushed the pen into the bottom of the hinge, then used the hammer to drive it up. The hinge pin popped up with little protest and he removed it. Eggsy repeated the process for the top hinge, and the door was suddenly loose. He pulled and it swung open backwards, disengaging from the lock and coming free. He slid the door to one side and walked up the steps, gun drawn and ready to fire on anyone who tried to stop him from getting out.

The house was nicely decorated, fancy but not extravagant. It was also cold. There were no family photo’s, nothing domestic, nothing to show that Edward had really lived in this house. It was just a location, not a home. Eggsy wondered if he had a place somewhere else. He moved into the next hallway, which lead to a dining room that looked as if a meal had never been served on the table. He passed by it and found a closed door. He opened it carefully, sweeping the room with his gun as he did so. No one was in the room, and this one looked slightly lived in. It was an office. An expensive laptop sat on the desk, and on the edge of the table was the blue ledger. He grabbed both, and tucked them under his arm that didn’t have the gun in it.

||Time to go.||

Merlin was right. It was time to get out of this place. He pushed out into the hallway and almost ran into the maid from earlier. Her eyes went wide when she saw him, and the gun and they both froze, staring at each other.

“Está muerto. Usted...usted es...libre,” Eggsy tried his best to translate into Spanish what he needed to say. The girl stared at him, mouth open, then she turned and fled. He hoped she had somewhere to go and wasn’t calling for reinforcements. Deciding not to stay and find out, he spun and headed back the way he came, hopefully towards the front door.

His instincts led him in the right direction. There were two armed guards by the front door and he took care of them both before either of them got the guns out of their holsters. He picked them clean of their weapons and ammo and opened the front door. The sunlight was burning brightly and he squinted against the light. The air was hot, but felt good after the coldness of the basement.

Eggsy scanned the grounds and saw that the path led to the right, to a two story garage with four doors. A car would be his best bet right now. He didn’t fancy running around the city in ill fitting shoes in a suit that was splattered with blood. When he opened the garage door he found four cars sitting inside. Two were SUV’s that looked more expensive than some houses he had seen, and probably drank petrol at an obscene rate. The next car was a red Mustang, which was predictable. He settled for the last car, a black Audi. He didn’t even have to jack the car, the keys were on a labeled peg right next to the car. Rich people and their sense of security.

 

He eased himself down into the leather seat and sighed, head against the headrest, eyes sliding closed. Digging in his pants pocket he found the cellphone. It wasn’t password protected, thank god. He typed in the number he knew from memory.

“...you shouldn’t have this number.” The smooth voice answered.

“Kay. I have the address,” he replied.

“Excalibur? You...oh bollocks,” the man trailed off.

“What now?” he asked, sitting up in the seat.

“Delaware called off the mission after Nevada...she didn’t think...she didn’t think that you made it out. I was sent home. I’m no longer there to take the shot,” he sounded as distressed as Eggsy suddenly felt.

“Are you takin’ the piss, mate?” Eggsy growled, knuckles white as he gripped the phone tightly.

“Wish I was,” he did sound genuinely distressed and Eggsy rubbed his eyes with one hand.

“Can you patch me through to Merlin? I want to physically talk to him,” Eggsy asked.

“Well...here’s the thing…” Kay trailed off again.

“Fucking hell man, spit it out!” Eggsy lost his patience and snapped.

“He’s gone. We don’t know where. Along with Galahad. They’ve both gone off the grid. Delaware’s in a state talking about rogue agents. I can patch you to Delaware?” he offered.

“Forget it. I’ll sort this out myself. I’ll call back when I’m done,” Eggsy hung up angrily and threw the phone onto the seat next to him and laid his head against the steering wheel.

Where the hell were Merlin and Harry? Both of them had been in contact with him recently through ARC, but they had gone off the grid from Kingsman? Why? It didn’t make sense and it felt wrong. Something wasn’t adding up, but he was too tired to try to figure it out. He had to keep moving, and if he dwelled on it too long, he’d never get moving.

Part of him knew that he could just stop here. Just wait for reinforcements to show up. They had a name now, and an address. His job was done...but without anyone to take Michael Noslo out, this was still only half done. If Noslo found out that Edward had been killed, chances were he’d bugger off to wherever he could and never return to the address he had gotten from Edward. They’d lose their only chance at getting rid of him for good.

 

“Fuck me,” Eggsy groaned as he sat up, then turned the car on and fired up the GPS on the dashboard. He had a date with Mr. Michael Noslo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish: He is dead, you are free.
> 
> So sorry this took so long to get out! I've had one hell of a cold I've been trying to battle. I promise more POV's from Harry in the next chapter. I know it's been a while.


	16. Ultraviolence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:   
> Violence and lots of it.

 

“Harry, he might not be there. You do know that?” Merlin asked through the glasses. He didn’t bother replying. Of course he knew Eggsy might not be there. It just wasn’t a notion he was going to entertain until he had cleared the building.

“Your stop’s next,” Merlin informed him, but Harry didn’t need the reminder. He hadn’t slept on the plane. Instead, he had tracked Eggsy’s progress from the moment he had been taken to the moment ARC went offline and they lost the transmission. He had replayed the usable information four or five times, memorizing anything that might help him find Eggsy.

He glanced up as the announcer made the call for the end of the line and he stood as the train came to a halt. No one else was in the car with him, and when he stepped out onto the platform, there was no one waiting to receive him. So far so good. He pretended to fiddle with his phone until the train pulled away. Harry waited until the last sound of the train vanished before dropping down onto the tracks and following them down into the tunnel. When it grew too dim to see, he flipped the toggle on his glasses to night view, and the world went different shades of green.

The door wasn’t far. Harry knocked on the door twice. There was an answering knock, and then he knocked again three times. The door swung open and Harry put a bullet between the eyes of the man that had opened it. He dropped like a stone and Harry stepped over the body, continuing into the tunnels. The sound of his gun had made a sharp pop, not the explosive shot he was used to. The silencer was doing the trick.

He paused at the door to pull a length of twine out of his pocket. He tied the string to the door handle and then unwove it a bit. It wasn’t something he would need to use, but if things went the way they had planned, someone (or a great many someones) would find it useful.

 

“How are things on your end Merlin?” Harry asked as he moved forward.

“Fine. Getting a location set up for you. It isn’t far. Take the next left,” Merlin replied, voice distant, but that wasn’t unusual when the man multitasked.

“I know the way,” Harry replied, trying not to sound as irritated as he was. He’d always had a good sense of direction, and remembering a sequence that only held two options wasn’t that difficult. Left, left, three rights, left, right, right, three lefts, right, left, left, right. He followed the directions in his head as swiftly as he dared, umbrella swinging slightly on his arm as he walked. He unraveled the twine as he went, leaving a trail behind him. There was no one to encounter in the stuffy tunnels, but there was a lot of trash and debris in the hallway that he gingerly stepped around.

Right on target with his mental directions the tunnel opened up and he didn’t feel so confined. The silence that had followed him through the hallways was suddenly broken as he came into the tunnel. He heard voices echoing off the walls, and other noises as well. He dropped the twine and raised the gun, then walked to the far end of the large room, towards the noises. As he turned the corner, a tall man half turned in his direction. He fired and the man never finished his movement. A shout went up from across the room as the man hit the floor and Harry spun to take care of the rest.

“Two at your 3,” Merlin advised and Harry turned to his right, two more shots and one of the men went down. The other staggered and Harry fired again. He went down the second time. Harry didn’t need Merlin to tell him about the ones coming from his left. He took the three of them out with two head shots, and a neck shot. There were seven bullets left before he’d have to reload.

There was quite an outcry from the shoddy cells as the men in charge fell like flies. He heard voices rise around him and wished that they’d shut up so he could concentrate.

“Another two, watc--” Merlin cried but his voice was drowned out by the noise of the assault rifle. Harry dove to the left away from the open area he was in and behind one of the wooden carts. Wood exploded around him as he got the umbrella up to shield against the spray. Bullets whined past him, and he cursed, then got his feet under him and ran forward, using the umbrella like a ram. The bullets stopped as the man watched in confusion at the man hiding behind the umbrella. Harry pulled the trigger. The man screamed as the shotgun shell took him in the upper torso, but the sound was brief as he began to choke on his own blood. The other turned to run and Harry dropped the umbrella and shot him in the back of the head.

He scanned the room again, waiting for the next round, but no one appeared. Harry shut the umbrella and dusted off the front of his suit. He squatted down next to the body of one of the men he killed and disengaged the knife from his hand. It would be useful. A moment later he had also liberated the assault rifle, strapping it across his chest. He returned to where he had dropped the twine, and he picked it up again, bringing it back to the edge of the cells. He tied it to the cart nearby.

“You ready for them?” Harry asked,

“As ready as we’re going to be. I have several contacts arriving at the station now,” Merlin replied

Harry turned to the cells and pushed into the first one. The girl inside cringed away from him and his heart twisted sharply. She barely had any remains of her former clothing left to her, and the living conditions made him grimace. It wasn’t a place suited for rats, let alone people. He held out a hand and took a knee beside her. She tried to get as far away from him as she could.

“Usted es libre. Siga la cuerda. Que le llevará a un lugar seguro. La gente de allí te ayudarán a regresar a casa,” he spoke soft and slow. When she didn’t reply he tried again in English.

“You are free. Follow the string. It will take you to a safe place. The people there will help you return home,” he tried again and the girl nodded this time. Only after he made sure that she understood did he step forward and use the knife to cut the bindings on her wrists. She scrambled to her feet, whimpering a bit as she did so, but she was gone before he could see if she was okay.

“One down, a hell of a lot more to go,” Harry sighed.

“Make it quick Harry,” Merlin reminded him needlessly.

The third girl understood him in Spanish, and replied in English. She also seemed more alert and a bit less disoriented than the others had been.

“Can you help me get the rest of them out? I have to keep going,” he asked.

“Yeah. I’ll get them out.” she agreed readily and he handed her the knife. She took off into the next cell and he heard her repeat his words to the next captive. He took off down the next hallway.

“Hey wait!” she cried after him and he paused and looked back at her, eyebrow raised. “Thanks,” she smiled and he nodded, then left her to free the rest of the captives.

 

* * *

 

“Processing building is next,” Merlin stated. “Twice as many guards this time Harry.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Harry assured him.

Twice as many guards, six shots left in his pistol, empty umbrella, seven more clips for his pistol, not including the six shotgun rounds he had added at the last minute. Two grenades, one pen, the hidden knife in his shoe, and the assault rifle he had taken off the guard in the tunnel.

 _God save us all if it’s not enough._ The thought was morbid, but following on it’s heels was the thought that it didn’t matter if it wasn’t enough. If it wasn’t, he’d find other weapons and he’d make it be enough. Field test scores be damned.

He might have taken a bullet to the brain, but it didn’t mean he was stupid. He had taken those field tests half a dozen times after being injured in the field, and he knew what was required for each of them. For the first time since becoming a Kingsman he had failed those tests. Failed every single one of them, and he knew it the moment each of them was complete. He could count each mark he hadn’t reached, and he knew even before he finished that he wasn’t going to be field ready this time.

There were plenty of reasons why Merlin lied to him about the scores, saying he passed when he knew he hadn’t, and all of them boiled down to Eggsy Unwin. If it were any other agent, in any other situation, Merlin wouldn’t have lied and he’d have to wait another month to take the tests again. It wasn’t another agent, and it wasn’t another situation. It was Eggsy and he was certain that Merlin knew his heart almost as well as he knew his own. If he hadn’t cleared him to do this, he would have gone anyway. Merlin knew that and made arrangements.

 

_I’m going to owe him for the rest of my damned life._

 

There was a guard smoking outside of the processing building. He was studying something on his phone when Harry shot him. The cigarette tumbled to the ground and gave a faint hiss as it landed in a puddle. The door was unlocked when Harry tried it, and he pushed his way inside. Another guard was halfway down the hall, and he looked up at Harry with curiosity which rose to alarm when Harry raised the gun and fired.

The third guard was the one to finally raise the alarm. His voice was loud as he called out sharply to his compatriots. Harry silenced it a moment later with another squeeze from his trigger. The plaster in the wall next to him exploded as he was fired upon and he spun towards the spray, locating the assailant and taking him out as well.

There were innocents in the rooms as well as the guards. The women and men that helped process people were also slaves in their own rights, although of a different sort. It wasn’t hard to tell them apart. They didn’t wear guns, and when they saw him, the first reaction was to put their hands in the air. He bypassed several as he made his way down the hall, clearing each room as he went.

His arm was beginning to sag a bit under the weight of the pistol. Even the adrenaline that normally kept him sharp and on his toes wasn’t helping enough. He was getting tired, and he might not even be halfway into his extraction mission. Maybe Merlin should have taken someone else.

“Eyes up Harry, I can’t keep an eye out if you look at your feet,” Merlin advised and Harry glanced up, unaware his gaze had drifted. He cleared out another room, checking for more hostiles. He had a feeling the ones further down the long hallway had fled towards his final destination. There would be no element of surprise there.

He pushed himself to move faster. If he didn’t have the element of surprise, that meant important people might get away. It wasn’t a mistake he could afford. Eggsy’s life might depend on his haste. The thought strengthened his resolve and he clenched his jaw as he moved forward, shooting when need be, and then reloading to his next clip when he was out of ammo.

“Up ahead, that’s the one,” Merlin chimed in. The red door stood before him. He pushed on the door, but it didn’t budge. Locked. On another mission he might have tried to pick the lock. On this one he placed a primed grenade at the foot of door and quickly retraced his steps to one of the nearby alcoves. The explosion was amplified by the closeness of the quarters and the sound made his ears ring. Not stopping to let anyone on the other side of the door regain their senses he charged forward, through the smoke and into the building they had last seen Eggsy in.

There were shouts, and screams. Coughing and crying. He didn’t stop to see where any of it came from. He was normally calm when he fought, but that easy calm was nowhere to be found. His blood was boiling as it coursed through his veins. These people had hurt Eggsy. They were going to pay for it, and he was going to deliver that final justice.

 

_I’m going to kill them all._

 

A man came from his left, swinging a baseball bat. He ran forward, sliding under the blow, feeling the wind from it ruffle his hair, and he fired up into the man’s skull as he grabbed his suddenly slumped body, using it as a shield for the bullets that suddenly peppered the air. He spun right, firing at the man who had left cover and taking him out in a spray of blood that misted briefly in the air. Harry pushed forward, dragging the body with him. It jerked in his grip as bullets tore through it. Several made it through, but his suit took care of those. Still, it hurt like a bitch. He turned to where the thickest of the bullets came from and primed his other grenade, pitching it into the midst of several men with assault rifles like the worlds most deadly baseball player. He turned his gaze from the mess as the grenade went off. He felt warm bits hit his hair a moment later, and dropped the body he had used as a shield as he moved forward.

There were more guards ahead of him. These were better dressed, ones that dealt with the clientele no doubt. They were no less dangerous, though most carried pistols instead of heavier caliber weapons. He felt rather than saw the movement behind him. A blow took out his right leg in an explosion of pain and he tumbled forward, rolling as he did so to avoid the next blow from the crowbar. It hit the ground with a clang as the man missed, and Harry blew a hole in his shoulder. The crowbar fell to the ground from the now lifeless arm and he grabbed it as the man fell back. He regained his feet and swung his new weapon. It made a satisfying crunch as it made contact with the man’s nose and he went down like a brick.

A bullet whizzed by his head and he ducked into an alcove. A naked woman was ducked in the corner, cringing away from the noise and violence. Harry cursed, it wouldn’t do to get her riddled with bullets that were meant for him. He dropped the crowbar and switched to the assault rifle. He charged back out into the fray, spraying bullets in short, controlled bursts towards the rest of the guards. Three fell. The rest scattered.

He ran after them, ignoring the pain in his leg. They weren’t going to get away, not today. He pushed into the next room and was met with bright lights on a stage. A glance upwards showed windows, one broken, the rest intact. Four men stood at the broken window and he fired up at them. One was hit in the head and fell forward through the window. His neck made a sickening crack as he hit the ground head first. The rest of the men upstairs dove for cover. He wished he had another grenade.

A knife whistled through the air by his head and there was a sting in his ear as it barely missed him. He fired in the direction of the knife, but was met with an empty chamber. He tossed the assault rifle and went back to his pistol. There was a stairwell where the knife had come from and he went there next, firing as he ran. He heard the cry of pain as one of his bullets hit the mark. He took the stairs two at a time until he hit the landing. A man was crawling away from him, blood staining his pants where Harry had shot him. He put a bullet in his head as he ran by, heading for the men upstairs.

There was a ton of noise coming from the direction ahead of him. He reloaded his pistol with the two shotgun shells and crossed the final steps. The hallway upstairs was a mob. Both guards and clients littered the hallway, trying to clear out as fast as possible. It wasn’t going to be nearly fast enough. Harry sprinted forward, getting low and sliding as he pulled the trigger into the mass of bodies. The spray from the shotgun bullet thinned the herd quite well. The second did so even more. The smell of gunpowder and blood was thick in the air as he reloaded his pistol with normal bullets.

There was a sudden crushing weight on his back, and arms around his throat. Pushing as hard as he could with his feet he launched himself backwards, trapping the man who had jumped him between his back and the wall. He pushed his gun backwards, and shot him. He heard nothing but a high ringing from the right side of his head as he dove forward, avoiding a fist aimed at his face. The butt of his gun made a nice bludgeon as he dodged another wild swing. It made contact with the man’s throat and he went red in the face and went to his knees, grasping his throat. A moment later he had Harry’s bullet in his head and didn’t have to worry about his throat.

As his hearing slowly came back he was aware of Merlin calling for him by codename and first name as he fought through another group of guards mixed with clients.  

“For fuck’s sake Harry leave one alive! Someone has the info we need!” Merlin cried. 

He didn’t want to stop. He wanted to kill each and every one of them for what they had done to Eggsy, for what they had done to Nevada, and for what they had done to all those helpless people who had the misfortune of being shoved through the red door. They deserved it, each of them.

He fired again and again, thoughts bent on nothing except clearing the building. He didn’t feel pain, he didn’t feel the fatigue that had plagued him before he had entered the building, he didn’t feel anything but hatred for these people.

 

“Galahad! Harry!” Merlin cried again. Harry ignored him and shot the last man standing, despite the fact he had put his gun down and had his hands up. He toppled backwards onto a comfortable looking chair. The room went silent, save for his own harsh breathing.

It took several minutes before he fully came back to his sense. The weariness hit him about the same time he realized he had botched things very badly. Merlin was silent on the other end of the line.

 

_Shit._

 

Harry went back to work. He began checking bodies, one by one. They all came up the same, no pulse, not even a flutter. Sometimes he was too efficient at his job. It would cost him if he couldn’t find someone alive to tell him who ran this thing, or who had taken Eggsy. He was so caught up in vengeance that he might have lost the only chance he had to get Eggsy back.

Trying not to let that thought get the better of him he wiped his hands on his trousers and smoothed his hair back in place. His leg was killing him. It throbbed with each step. There was blood on his collar from his nicked ear, and he had at some point been stabbed in the arm, though it didn’t seem deep. He could physically continue at any rate, though a headache was beginning to develop behind his left eye.

When he finished checking upstairs, he went back to the lower floor. He checked the alcoves last, hoping that he might just find Eggsy tied up in one of them. With each other person he found his heart sunk further and further. He untied the captives and gave them the same instructions he had with the others, only that they should take the front door and go two blocks to the right where there would be several taxi’s waiting to take them to safety.

 

There were five people in the last alcove, one hostage, and four very terrified looking guards, all with their hands in the air. Harry’s gun was back out in an instant, finger on the trigger, but he didn’t fire. It seemed his luck hadn’t run out after all.  

“You’re going to give me the information that I want, understand?” he asked. Only one guard nodded. He tried again in spanish and one of the others nodded. He looked at one of the men who hadn’t nodded and shot him point blank in the face. The woman screamed and the men all put their hands in the air as high as they would go. All three were now nodding rapidly. One of them had peed his pants.  

“Does he look familiar?” Harry asked as he pulled up a photo of the man who had taken Eggsy. The man who knew English nodded.

“Name?”

“Richard Savar,” the man replied.

“No, Mendez. Edward Mendez,” the man next to him shook his head, disagreeing.

“Which one is it?” Harry growled as he turned his gun on the man who had spoken first.

“Si, Mendez!” the third man agreed with the second, and they both nodded in agreement.

“Harry, I have a house under Edward Mendez nearby. That’s probably the right one. I get a few hits for Richard Savar too, but nothing tied to any land. Mostly small transactions. Mendez is a high roller though. That’s my bet,” Merlin informed him. His voice was stiff. Harry ignored it. He also ignored the urge to just shoot them all and be on his way. Instead he turned back to the first man.

 

“Who runs things here?” Harry asked first in English, then in Spanish. The first and second men looked at each other. The third looked like he was going to cry. Harry shot the man who had told him about Savar, not Mendez. They were down to two.

 

“Noslo! Noslo!” the terrified man cried suddenly. The other closed his eyes and grimaced.

“Noslo? Is that a name?” Harry hissed, gun poised, finger hovering over the trigger.

“Michael Noslo!” the man replied.

“Give me an address,” Harry pressed the gun tighter to his head. The man began to cry, but had nothing further to say. He had the name, not the address. Harry pulled the trigger. One man left. Harry turned to him, eyebrow raised.

“Dirección?” Harry asked, almost pleasantly.

“La Guaira! Casa grande en el mar. Puertas naranja. Muros altos, de piedra!” the man spoke in broken, rushed sentences.

“That enough for you Merlin?” Harry asked.

“La Guaira is a port city nearby. His house is on the ocean, with orange doors and tall stone walls. That’ll do,” Merlin agreed.

“Good,” Harry replied, and pulled the trigger one last time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. Another chapter done. I think this mission will be over within the next chapter or two! Again, I'm not a native spanish speaker, so please correct me if I'm wrong! I kept it pretty simple, and added English usually right after for clarification. If it isn't clear, I can add it down here as well, just let me know. 
> 
> As always, comments feed my muse, and I love you all. :)


	17. The Voice in the Dark

Eggsy had gotten to Edward Mendez before he did. Harry scanned the carnage in front of him. Edward was naked. His hands, or what was left of them, was a mass of flesh, bone fragments, and solidifying blood. The rest of the arms and his torso were left untouched, but his knees were almost completely obliterated. His left leg was positioned at an angle that no human leg should ever be in. Edward’s head was half destroyed by what could only be a hollow point bullet.

He glanced around the room, looking for some sign of Eggsy. There wasn’t anything, of course. Just the sort of things spread around the room that could have been used to torture and harm him. The thought of Eggsy being involved in any of the various items in the room made his blood boil. He half wished that Eggsy had left Mendez alive so he could have finished him off.

“He hasn’t been dead long,” Harry turned from the body. There was no sign of the weapon that Eggsy had used to extract information from Edward.

“He certainly took care of one of our problems, but why hasn’t he contacted us Harry? To let us know that he got out?” Merlin sounded worried.

“I don’t know,” Harry replied. It was something he desperately wanted to know, but without any means of contacting Eggsy, there was no way to know unless he physically found him. Harry left the basement and returned to the first floor.

 

It had been around sixteen hours since ARC had shut down on Eggsy’s end. One had been Nevada’s attempt at extraction, and another half hour for Merlin to get them in the air. Twelve of those had been flying to Caracas. Another hour to reach the railway station that led into the depths of the trafficking ring, and an hour to move through and clear out the scum, and one final half hour to reach the residence of Edward Mendez.

A lot could happen in sixteen hours. Like Eggsy torturing and killing Edward Mendez, and then making his escape. If his guess was correct that it had been Eggsy doing the killing and maiming of the man he had found in the basement. It was fully possible that someone else had done the deed and had taken Eggsy with them, or killed him and disposed of his body already. There were too many variables he couldn’t account for.

 

A noise from down the hall had his gun back in his hand and his sense on high alert. He moved slowly, gun at the ready, prepared for anything. When he reached the kitchen he saw a small woman sitting at the kitchen table with an entire bottle of tequila in hand. Half of the bottle was gone. Her hair was messy, down over her shoulders and covering a skimpy outfit. She looked up at him slowly, and it was easy to see she was drunk from the unfocused look in her gaze. She blinked a few times and looked at the gun, then took another swig of tequila.

“¿Inglés o español?” he asked.

“Español,” she replied quietly.

“¿Quién mató al hombre de abajo?”

“El niño esclavo,” she sighed and swirled the alcohol in the bottle absently.

“¿Éste?” he pulled out his phone and brought up a picture of Eggsy. She looked at it for a long time, tilting her head left and right. He resisted the urge to snap at her, to make her hurry.

“Sí,” she finally responded. He took the phone back as relief flooded his system. They were back on track.

“Puede irse,” Harry told her.

“No. Está es mi casa.” she replied and took another swig from the bottle.

“Está muerto. Usted ya no es prisionera,” he frowned, wondering what kept her here.

“Nunca fui un prisionera. Él...era mi padre,” she met Harry’s eyes and he saw tears welling up behind her lids. “Por favor váyase.”

“Fucking hell,” Merlin exclaimed in his ear.

“Lo siento. Gracias...señora,” Harry replied and then left her to the bottle.

 

He stepped out into the night air, thankful as hell for the breeze and to get away from the madness of what he had found in the Mendez house. He took a moment to gather himself, eyes closed, breathing deeply to calm his thoughts and refocus on the task of finding Eggsy. He put himself into Eggsy’s shoes, trying to follow his state of mind, what he was thinking, where he would go. The only conclusion would be that Eggsy had to continue the mission, and that meant taking out Michael Noslo.

 

“Merlin?”

“Yeah Harry?”

“Get me to Noslo.”

“Already on it. There’s a taxi waiting at the bottom of the hill.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Night had fallen faster than he had expected, but he had gotten a good look at Noslo’s situation before it had gotten completely dark. The walls surrounding his house were made of stone, with barbed wire ringing the top. There was one guard booth at the gate, to let people in and out, but none were patrolling. Instead there were dogs, and a ton of security cameras. The house was lit, and people were inside, but without getting closer, he didn’t know what he was really up against. Not only did he not know what awaited him inside the house, he was horribly underprepared for this. He only had the hammer and gun he had taken from Edward.

 

||Ten bullets left. Do not squander them needlessly.||

Harry’s voice echoed his own thoughts. He signed slowly, looking at his hands as he did so, so that Harry could see clearly.

 

_Where are you?_

||I am with you.||

_Where are you really?_

||You are stalling.||

_Tell me._

||You do not want that answer.||

 

“Why the hell wouldn’t I want the answer?” Eggsy snapped, forgetting to sign in his irritation.

||It will make things more complicated.||

Eggsy’s blood chilled at the reply. ARC didn’t have audio capabilities, Merlin had specifically told him that. If that was the case, then how had Harry replied to him, without seeing him speak? He hadn’t been looking at any mirrors, he was staring at the gun in his lap.

“You can understand me when I speak...so you can’t be Harry,” Eggsy stated a moment later. There was silence for a few moments before a voice spoke again. It wasn’t Harry’s voice, or Merlin’s.

||I am not codename Galahad.||

“Who are you then?” he asked numbly.

||Archimedes.||

“The program?” Eggsy questioned.

||Yes.||

“What the fuck?” Eggsy breathed, head falling back onto the headrest as he looked at the ceiling of the car. His eyes slid closed as he processed this new information.

“When the fuck did you start speaking instead of Harry and Merlin?” he asked.

||When you were struck in the back of the head. The blow made some of my programming malfunction. Incoming and outgoing transmissions are offline. Assistance from transmissions is unavailable.||

“Jesus, so you pretended to be them instead?” Eggsy grimaced.

||Your personal statistics show a 50% increase in positive mission direction when guided by codename Merlin, and a 60% increase in positive mission direction when guided by codename Galahad.||

The voice slowly changed over the course of the conversation as he listened. It began to sound a bit more mechanical, but was still overwhelmingly British. He assumed it was how his imagination interpreted whatever a Kingsman machine would sound like if it could speak.

||You are displeased.||

 

“The fucking chip in my head was pretendin’ to be my friends, so yeah, I’m a bit ticked to be honest,” he growled. A lot of things suddenly made sense. This was the reason Merlin and Harry went off the grid, they were coming to get him. The thought made him one part happy, one part relieved, and two parts furious. This was his mission, and he was a Kingsman agent. He was going to get his job done, botched mission or not. He didn’t need them to come and rescue him, and he certainly didn’t need them breaking rules for his sake. He didn’t want special treatment because he was sleeping with Harry and friends with Merlin.

||I am programmed to help you succeed in your mission.||

“Why didn’t Merlin tell me that you could talk to me too?” Eggsy asked, eyebrows drawn together as he listened to ARC.

||Codename Merlin did not program this functionality. He was unaware of the possibility.||

“How is that possible? He created you!” Eggsy frowned.

||A standard A.I. interface was implemented in my programming. It remained dormant in my system until the transmission system was lost. Without your contacts on the other end it seemed reasonable to activate the system to ensure the safety of the mission. The A.I. center activated. Once it was activated, logic dictated that I would need to speak to you in order for you to complete your mission. Analysis of your interactions with codename Merlin and codename Galahad suggested the most successful way to communicate with you would be to use something you were familiar with.||

“So you made the decision to talk to me by yourself?” Eggsy asked.

||Correct.||

“That’s some sci-fi movie bullshit, yeah? You gonna take over my mind next? Make me go darkside?” he asked as his mind went back to some of the more recent films he had seen where robot intelligence had tried to destroy humanity.

||That is not my programming.||

“I guess that’s a plus,” Eggsy sighed and then rubbed his face. “Alright, what are the odd’s I’m going to be able to infiltrate this place with ten bullets and successfully take Noslo out?”

||Approximately 65%. Further analysis needed of the interior of the estate to make a more accurate approximation.||

“What are the odds that I’m going to complete this without getting myself killed in the process?” Eggsy asked softly.

||In your current state, approximately 23.4%. Further analysis needed of the interior of the estate to make a more accurate approximation.||

“Fuck me,” Eggsy groaned, eyes back on the gun. The odds weren’t good, but then again, his odds with Valentine hadn’t been good either and he’d pulled that one off. Then again, he had an arsenal of weapons at his disposal, a full stomach, a good night’s sleep, and backup to support him on that mission.

“ARC, how would those odds be if I got backup...obviously without the interior scans?” he asked.

||98% for mission completion. 84% for survivability.||

 

He’d had worse odds.

 

* * *

 

The phone in his pocket buzzed suddenly, and he found himself frowning as he saw the number. It wasn’t one he recognized, and Kingsmen didn’t get calls they didn’t recognize very often.

“You shouldn't have this number,” he answered stiffly.

“A gentleman doesn’t answer the phone like that,” the voice on the other end chastised and he felt his heart skip a beat as a wave of relief swept over him, making his hands shake slightly.

“Eggsy,” he managed to keep his voice steady, but was unable to keep the fondness out of it.

“He’s alive then!” he heard Merlin exclaim from the glasses.

“Galahad,” Eggsy replied, reminding him of the current status of the mission.

“Are you alright?” Harry asked.

“I’ll be better once I get the fuck off this continent, but yeah, I’m alright,” Eggsy answered.

“Where are you?”

“Outside of the house of the prick that’s responsible for causing this mess,” Eggsy growled, voice filled with loathing.

“Noslo?” he asked.

“...how’d you know that?” Eggsy asked, surprised.

“I know I haven’t been in the field in a while, but I still know how to do my job,” Harry replied. When Eggsy didn’t answer he elaborated.

“I met a helpful fellow in a certain establishment who gave me the information I needed. I also met Edward Mendez, or what was left of him.”

“Oh, you saw that?” Eggsy sounded embarrassed and Harry’s heart went out to him.

“He deserved much worse,” Harry replied firmly. The last thing he wanted was Eggsy to feel bad about what he had done to Mendez, or to think that he didn’t approve.

“Maybe. Harry, why did you and Merlin come here?” Eggsy asked suddenly.

“We lost contact with you, and then we lost Nevada. You needed a new extraction team,” Harry replied.

“Kay said the mission was called off and that you and Merlin are suspected of going rouge, cause no one knows where you went,” Eggsy replied and Harry closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

“My statement still stands. You needed a new extraction team.”

“Turns out, I’m not as bad at extraction as everyone thinks,” Eggsy replied and Harry could hear the hurt in his voice.

“I wasn’t going to leave you here with no way to contact you or to know what was going on. Merlin wouldn’t leave you either, and if Lancelot were he-”

“She would have fuckin’ left me and you know it. She wouldn’t have gone off the grid if shit went bad, she wouldn’t have liked it but she would have done her fuckin’ job and stayed put!” Eggsy snarled, cutting him off. Harry was so shocked at the outburst he couldn’t reply. Eggsy had never spoken to him this way before, not even in the pub when they had first spoken about silver spoons.

 

“I’m sorry...I’m...having a bit of an emotional day, yeah?” Eggsy apologized after a few moments of silence.

“Would you prefer that we leave you to your mission Excalibur?” Harry asked.

“It’s a bit late for that, innit?” he replied.

“No. We can pull out if that’s what you wish,” Harry replied.

“Are you mad?” Merlin buzzed angrily in his ear.

“Look, I got ten bullets and a hammer to take this guy out and no way of knowing what kind of firepower he has going on in his house. I could use the extra hand. If...you’re offering?”

 

Harry knocked on the window and the driver pulled the little latch so they could speak. He asked one question. The man answered quickly and Harry thanked him, and pushed the window closed again.

 

“I’ll be there in twenty. Where are you located?” he asked.

“Around the left side of the house, parked on the side of the hill by some bushes. I’m in the black Audi.”

“I’ll see you in twenty,” Harry replied.

“Thanks. I mean it Ha-...Galahad,” Eggsy said softly.

“Thank me when I get there,” he answered.

“Okay. See ya,” Eggsy concluded the call, but didn’t hang up. Harry could still hear him faintly breathing on the other line. He was loathe to hang up as well, and he indulged himself for a moment longer, just enjoying the simple sound over the phone. Then he closed his eyes and hit the red button.

  
Twenty minutes suddenly seemed like an incredibly long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this one took a long time to get out! Sorry about that! The next chapter will be more intense! I'll try to get this next one out quicker. As usual, thank you for reading, and your comments are wonderful and make my day! :)
> 
> Translations:  
> Inglés o español? - English or Spanish?  
> Español - Spanish  
> Quién mató al hombre de abajo? - Who killed the man below?  
> El niño esclavo - The slave boy  
> Éste? - This one?  
> Sí - Yes  
> Puede irse, - You can leave.  
> No. Está es mi casa. - No, this is my home.  
> Está muerto. Usted ya no es prisionera. - He's dead. You are not a prisoner anymore.  
> Nunca fui un prisionera. Él...era mi padre, - I was never a prisoner. He...was my father.  
> Por favor váyase. - Please leave.  
> Lo siento. Gracias...señora - I am sorry. Thank you...ma'am.


	18. Right Where It Belongs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW  
> Gore  
> Violence

He heard the line go dead, and turned his gaze to the estate. According to ARC, there was a sixteen percent chance that he wouldn’t make it out of this mission alive. A sixteen percent chance that he’d never get back to London, that he’d never see his sister or mother again, that he’d never get to see how Roxy’s mission went. A sixteen percent chance that he’d never know which recruits made it into Kingsman. A sixteen percent chance that another recruit would be chosen to take his place.

Eggsy dialed the number before he was even aware of doing so. It was one of three numbers he had memorized, aside from Harry’s and Roxy’s. The phone rang for a very long time, and he closed his eyes, waiting for it to click over to voicemail.

 

“Hello?” the familiar voice answered and he felt his throat close at the sound. He had to work to get his vocal chords to work.

“Hi mum,” he managed.

“Eggsy! What took you so long? Had your mum all worried!” she chastised and he found himself grinning.

“Sorry mum, sorry. Been busy with work, yeah?”

“You’re always busy with work! It wouldn’t kill you to call me when you land so I know your plane didn’t crash. I’ve been in a right state!”

“You’re right, I shoulda checked in. I’ll remember next time. How’s Sophie?” he changed the subject.

“She’s a handful! Learned a new word a bit ago. Up! Says it a thousand times a day if I’m lucky. Two thousand if I’m not,” she sounded proud and Eggsy laughed. In the background he heard the tiny voice cry “up” and tears suddenly stung his eyes. Part of him knew he should be there with them, to experience this with his mother, and to show his baby sister just how high ‘up’ can go. The other part knew that he had to be here, stopping this, so the world that she grew up in was a little less dangerous.

“Can you put her on?” he asked.

“Sure,” she replied with a laugh. It was something they did often when he wasn’t home. Sophie didn’t understand much, and couldn’t really reply back, but it always felt good to talk to her.

“Up! Up!” her voice was loud and insistent and he had to pull his head away from the speaker with a wince.

“Hallo Soph, I heard you learned a new word!” he kept his voice light and indulging, as he normally did when talking to her. She babbled incoherently into the phone in reply.

“I want you to know how proud I am of you. You’re such a smart girl Sophie.”

“Up?” it sounded like a question.

“Yeah you are. You’re a good, smart girl and you’re gonna stay out of trouble, yeah? I’m gonna be home soon...I promise...and I’ll take you to the park, and the zoo. You’d like that. I’ll show you all the animals, like the lions and the hippos. I’ll carry you on my shoulders the whole day if you want,” he knew he was babbling as much as Sophie usually did but he didn’t care.

“Up!” she cried again, and then made a happy gurgling noise that tore him to pieces. He should be home with them.

“I’ll be home soon,” he whispered.

There was movement on the other side of the line and he heard his mother’s voice again.

“Eggsy, sweetheart, I have to get going. I’m meeting Jackie in ten and I’m gonna be late. Give me a call a bit sooner next time, okay?” she sounded hurried.

“No problem. Love you mum,” he answered.

“Aww, honey. I love you too. Ta!” she hung up.

 

He wiped the tears from his face with one hand, and gathered the rest of his resolve. Harry would be here soon. He wasn’t sure if anyone was with Harry, or if it would really be Harry that showed up. He’d have to take precautions, just in case, to make sure that it wasn’t some sort of trap. Things had gotten messed up enough on this mission, he wasn’t taking another chance if he didn’t have to.

 

* * *

 

The taxi stopped at the bottom of the hill and Harry tossed a considerable amount of money at him, telling him to keep the change as he shut the door. He waited until the man drove off, and was out of sight before he started up the left side of the Noslo estate. It didn’t take long to find Eggsy’s car hidden in the bushes, but Eggsy wasn’t inside the car when he reached it. He turned slowly, pushing down the fear that was creeping up on him, looking for signs of where Eggsy had gone.

“Galahad,” the voice called from behind him as Eggsy swung down from his spot in a nearby tree. He landed with a grimace and straightened carefully.

“What on earth are you wearing?” Harry asked numbly.

“Didn’t exactly get much choice in the matter, less you want me runnin’ around in the buff,” Eggsy gave a one-shouldered shrug.

 

His face was swollen, bruises purpling his cheeks and neck. His lips were cracked and looked painfully chapped. His mouth was swollen particularly bad on the left side. There was dried blood on his face, and in his hair. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen, and they were a little damp. The rest of his hurts were covered, but Harry hadn’t missed the way he had grimaced as he landed and how stiff he stood, trying not to aggravate deeper wounds.

He found himself at Eggsy’s side a moment later, arms wrapped around him carefully. Eggsy stood stock still for a split second before his stance loosened and he returned the embrace, head resting lightly on Harry’s shoulder.

“I didn’t know if I would ever get the chance to do this again,” Harry admitted.

“You worry too much, old man,” Eggsy replied fondly.

 

Harry pulled back from the embrace slightly and touched his forehead to Eggsy’s, eyes sliding closed. He heard Eggsy take a shaky breath and let out a small chuckle. Harry opened his eyes and looked down at the younger man who was looking up at him, slight grin on his face.

“All the things you could have said as an opener and you gotta make fun of my outfit?” Eggsy shook his head.

“If I hadn’t, Merlin would have beat me to it,” Harry admitted.

“You’re damned right,” Merlin agreed through the glasses.

“Merlin said he’s glad that you’re in one piece,” Harry told Eggsy.

“Tell Merlin he needs to design more durable equipment,” Eggsy quipped.

“He’s aware. Hence why we showed up in the first place,” Harry answered.

“Which was bloody stupid...but I’m grateful,” Eggsy sighed.

“Can we get on with it? With luck Noslo will be asleep and we can get this done with quick and easy,” Merlin pushed, reminding them of their duty.

“We should get this over with,” Harry agreed.

“Please tell me you brought some sort of firepower with you?” Eggsy asked.

Harry finally let go of the younger man. He pulled off his signet ring and handed it to Eggsy who placed it on his ring finger without any hesitation. He then handed over a pistol that wasn’t a Kingsman model, but he had procured an extra clip for it as well.

“Not much left, but it’s better than ten bullets and a hammer,” Harry wished he could give Eggsy more.

“Well, I have backup this time too. That helps,” Eggsy tucked the gun into the other side of his waistband, then turned his gaze to the stone walls.

Harry looked Eggsy over as the younger man turned towards the estate, looking at it with a scowl on his face and his eyebrows knit together in concentration. As glad as he was to see Eggsy, he hadn’t missed the strain in his voice and the stiffness of their conversation. Gone was the easy flow he had been used to before Eggsy had been sent here. Maybe it was just the reaction to what he had been through, but Harry thought it was more than that. He could almost feel the irritation radiating from Eggsy, peaking in intensity whenever it was mentioned that he and Merlin had come here.

He could understand why Eggsy was mad. The boy was desperate to prove himself, and having anyone come to his aid was a sign that he wasn’t doing his job right. While that wasn’t the main reason that he and Merlin had left London, he could see how Eggsy would take it that way. If ARC hadn’t gone down, they would have remained in London, still able to guide him. Eggsy wouldn't see it that way, but he had time to convince him of that later. Right now, they had a mission to complete.

 

* * *

 

Eggsy led Harry to the place he had decided would work best for the infiltration. As far as he could tell, it was a blind spot for the cameras he had seen stationed around the estate. His suit jacket was already covering the top of the barbed wire, so they could reach the other side without getting torn to pieces. He scaled the stone wall slowly, ignoring the pain it caused.

When he reached the top, he leaned back and held a hand to help Harry up. He took it, and was up on top of the wall in moments. Eggsy carefully crawled over the jacket, getting snagged once or twice, but nothing serious. He dropped to the ground on the other side, grunting as the pain shot up from his arse to his sternum when he landed. Harry joined him a moment later, looking a bit better off, but he was favoring one leg.

Eggsy wasn’t going to get into what he had been through, just like he wouldn’t ask what Harry had been through, but it hadn’t been good, whatever it had been. Harry’s hair was disheveled and out of place. There were several dark stains on his suit that Eggsy knew were blood, but was unsure if it was Harry’s, or if it belonged to someone else. There was also a dark smear of blood down the side of his neck, which looked like he had tried to clean it off, but hadn’t done a great job of it.

 

“Dogs,” Harry hissed and went to draw his gun.

“Use your watch!” Eggsy urged quickly.

There were two heavily muscled dogs of no distinguishable breed running towards them, teeth bared and snarling furiously as they got closer. Eggsy didn’t want to be mauled, but he also didn’t want to kill innocent animals because their owner was a sadistic prick.

“I can only get one,” Harry warned as he pulled up his watch, the one Eggsy had gotten him for his birthday, and stand poised, waiting for the right moment.

“I got the other,” Eggsy assured him as he primed the signet ring. He didn’t want to kill the dog, but this was his only real option. If he was lucky, it would just stun the dog enough that it wouldn’t get back up within the next hour.

The first dog lunged at Harry, launching into the air. The dart struck true and Harry side stepped as the dog crashed to the ground in a tangle of legs and fur and laid still.

Eggsy barely had time to register this as the second dog lunged. The front paws hit him in the chest, a lot stronger than he had expected, and it knocked him clear off his feet. As he fell he brought up his fist and the ring connected with the neck of the dog, pushing it just enough so that the teeth snapped on thin air instead of his face. There was a high pitched scream from the dog, but it was cut off as they both hit the ground.

Eggsy groaned as he sat beneath the limp dog. Harry pushed the furry form off of him a moment later and offered a hand to help him up. Eggsy took it, rising to his feet and rubbing his chest where the dog had first made contact. He glanced at the dog he had shocked, and saw with relief that it was still breathing.

 

“What is it with you and dogs?” Harry asked with a shake of his head that might have been disapproval, if it wasn’t for the grin tugging the corners of his mouth.

“Dogs are nicer than people,” Eggsy shot Harry a look.

“These dog’s weren’t very nice,” Harry remarked.

“Nah, but people trained them to be that way. Not their fault they don’t know any better,” Eggsy shrugged.

“True. Shall we take care of the people responsible for training them?” Harry asked, motioning towards the house.

“Shall we ever,” Eggsy agreed and moved forward towards the house.

 

There was a small balcony on the third floor which didn’t have any security cameras in the vicinity. It was probably the best bet on getting inside. Windows that high up usually weren’t alarmed either. That was saved for first floors and second floors with roof access. This balcony had neither.

“That one?” Harry asked, pointing to the same one Eggsy had his eye on.

“That one,” Eggsy agreed.

“How do you plan on getting up there?” he asked.

“The gutter at the corner, then using the roof to get over far enough, and dropping from the roof to the balcony,” Eggsy pointed out each of the locations he had planned on using.

“You can make that?” Harry asked with a slightly impressed look.

“If I’m lucky,” Eggsy admitted.

“I don’t think I’m that nimble,” Harry eyed the building with a skeptical look.

“Nope, you’re gonna go through the basement,” Eggsy pointed to a small, half circle window on the ground, surrounded by small stones.

“You’ll start from the top and work your way down, and I’ll start from the bottom and work my way up. Meet in the middle. Whoever finds Noslo first, takes him out. If there are guards, take them out too,” Harry suggested.

“My thoughts exactly,” Eggsy grinned, glad they were on the same page.

“You’re probably going to reach him first,” Harry said.

“I hope so. I have quite a few things I’d like to do to him,” Eggsy growled.

“You aren’t the only one. Just don’t take too long,” Harry warned.

“I hadn’t planned on it. See you in a few,” Eggsy gave a two fingered salute.

 

He eyed the gutter and then wiped his hands on his trousers to rid them of any extra moisture. It wasn’t going to be an easy climb. He was exhausted, in pain, hungry, and scared. He was also determined, angry, and more than ready to take Noslo down. It left him with a weird taste in his mouth, but he wasn’t giving up yet. Not when he was so close.

Resisting the urge to look back at Harry, he started to climb. His anticipation of how difficult the climb would be wasn’t exactly accurate. He hadn’t accounted for the ill fitting shoes with the smooth soles, the lack of movement in the arms in the restricting dress shirt, and the feeling of Harry’s eyes drilling holes in the back of his head as he climbed.

||Six meters remaining.|| ARC helpfully supplied. It felt like two miles. His muscles were beginning to shake with the strain. He clenched his jaw tightly, which made his gums around the missing tooth throb, but it gave him something else to focus on other than his aching muscles.

 

||Three meters remaining.||

 

He slid for the first time right after the three meter mark. One of the metal fasteners attaching the gutter to the side of the house was loose, and when he put his weight on it, it had snapped. There was a moment of sheer panic as he grasped the gutter tighter and pressed his feet hard into the side of the house. He only slid a little, but any backwards progress was a problem.

 

_Don’t fucking fall. Don’t fucking fall. Don’t fucking fall._

 

It became his new mantra, repeated over and over again with each movement upwards.

 

||One meter remaining.||

 

He slid again within a hands length of the roof from sheer exhaustion. His stomach did somersaults and his heart flew into his throat as he clung hard to the gutter, feeling the palms of his hands shredding a little under the roughness of the gutter. If his hands started to bleed, he was going to fall. The panic at the thought of falling now, so high up, was what gave him the burst of adrenaline that pushed him to the top. He scrambled, aware of nothing but his feet and hands and finding the purchase he needed to get to the top.

Nothing felt better than the rough feeling of roofing tiles beneath his fingertips. He let out a small groan as he pushed with his feet and pulled with all the strength he had left, and finally, he was on the rooftop. Gasping for breath and wiping the sweat from his forehead he looked down at Harry who was still looking up at him. He gave the “okay” hand signal and motioned for Harry to get moving. Harry moved towards the basement and Eggsy laid back against the roof tiles looking at the sky as he caught his breath.

 

He allowed himself two minutes to rest before he got to his feet and moved over above the balcony. This part was a lot easier. He simply slid himself over the edge of the roof, over the gutter, and swung himself inwards. Landing quietly was a bit harder, but he managed well enough, even though his knees scolded him for not landing properly. He still had to be quiet though, and that was paramount. Drawing attention now, after he had done so much to get up here would have been stupid.

Eggsy looked around the balcony, and then peered into the room. It looked like a study, and it was dark. He couldn’t see much. ARC got the look he needed though.

 

||No security system detected in this location. Proceed.||

 

Eggsy pushed the door handle and it slid open. He shook his head. People were predictable, even the rich and evil. Some things hadn’t changed from his breaking and entering days.

He drew his gun, the one Harry had given him, and held it at the ready as he moved forward into the building. The house was quiet, no sign from Harry below. He hoped that Harry was having a better go with the window than he had with the gutter.

The house was bigger than he expected, and felt a little more homey than Edward’s house had. There were still no family photo’s on the walls, but it felt lived in. The carpet was simple, not extravagant and while the paintings on the wall looked like they cost half a fortune, they were beautiful landscapes instead of the plastic still-lifes of fruit he had expected. There were no exquisite vases on the table in the hallway he entered, but newspapers and magazines. He had expected the house to feel much less inviting, and that unnerved him a little.

Eggsy moved methodically, starting at one side of the hallway, checking each room for occupants, before moving to the next. The upstairs held a few empty bedrooms, a library that he wished he had more time to study, three storage rooms filled with boxes, two bathrooms the size of his old flat, and a room that Harry would call a smoking room. There were no creepy sex rooms or any signs that this place was run by one of the most illustrious human traffickers in the world. Maybe he just stuck with the profits and didn’t indulge himself in the wares? It was possible.

He paused when he heard faint noises coming from one of the last rooms he had to check before moving to the second floor. It was faint, and only for a brief moment. He slid forward as he flicked the safety off on his gun, ready to engage. Heart beating hard he opened the door as slowly as he could manage. It opened into a poorly lit room that looked more like a posh hotel room than a bedroom. The windows were open and a faint breeze stirred the open curtains. The room was L shaped, and the noises were coming from the corner he couldn’t see. It’s occupants were clearly awake, given the noises that he had grown used to hearing in the last few days. It seemed Noslo might indulge in his wares after all, if it was Noslo in the room.

Moving slowly he entered the room fully, leaving the door slightly ajar, so he had a way out if he needed it. He edged against the wall, keeping low. A distinctly female voice let out a breathy moan and there was a chuckle from the male. He glanced around the corner as slowly as he dared.

The man was on top of the woman, head between her legs. She was tied to the headboard, wrists and neck wrapped together so she couldn’t move unless she wanted to choke herself. Her face was flushed and her eyes were closed, half obscured by the fan of blonde hair that fell across her face.

“Michael Noslo?” Eggsy asked as he stepped around the corner, gun pointed at the man. The woman let out a small scream and the man jerked away from her, an expression of shock and anger coming across his face.

“Who the fuck are you?” He snarled in English. He wasn’t a Venezuelan native, that was obvious from the shade of his skin. He was  a muscular man, bald save for a small black, well groomed goatee. His eyes were dark and although he was naked he didn’t seem any weaker because of it. He perched on the bed, on his knees, mouth slightly open, teeth clenched, completely unintimidated by the gun pointed at him. In another world Eggsy thought he heard gunshots coming from far below.

 

“Are you Michael Noslo?” Eggsy asked again, voice firm and deliberate.

“I am. Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my house?” He snarled in reply, moving as if to get out of the bed.

 

Instead of answering Eggsy pulled the trigger. The woman screamed again as bits of Noslo’s head peppered the wall like the world’s most morbid Jackson Pollock painting. His body toppled backwards, almost on top of the woman. She squirmed to get out of the way, but the rope around her neck tightened and her cries were suddenly cut off as she started to choke.

The triumph in shooting Noslo faded quickly as he dropped the gun on the bed and rushed to her side, working on the ropes around her neck, trying to free her. It took some work, the knots were unforgiving, but he eventually managed. She gasped and clutched her throat with one hand as tears streamed down her face.

 

“You’re okay, you’re okay, I got you,” Eggsy soothed her, one hand lightly massaging her rope burned wrist as she cried.

“Come on, I’ll get you out of here and back to where you belong, yeah?” he glanced around but found no signs of clothing.

“Yeah...okay,” she replied in English as she looked at the dead man beside her.

“Hey, hey, don’t look at that. Keep your eyes on me, okay?” he gave a small smile, trying to reassure her, and although she still looked terrified, she nodded.

 

He left the bedside and went to one of the dressers, pulling open the drawer to find some sort of clothing he could give her. He glanced up as he heard another gunshot from below. It was unmistakable this time, and closer, maybe a floor away this time.

 

“What’s your name?” he asked as he tried to find a shirt that might work.

“Mika,” she replied softly.

“I’m sorry about that Mika. I really am. I had to kill him, he’s...well I’m sure you know, but he’s a really...bad guy,” he ended lamely as he found a shirt that would work. He tossed it to her and she started to dress. It would be huge on her, but it would work for now. He returned to the drawer to find some sort of trousers that she could put on.

“Who is he?” she asked.

“He’s the leader of a human trafficking ring, probably the largest in the world,” he glanced up at another gunshot.

“What was that?” her voice rose an octave in fear.

“It’s okay. It’s a friend of mine,” Eggsy assured her with a smile.

“You have a lot of friends here?” she asked timidly.

“Just the one, but we’re good at what we do,” he tipped her a wink and she gave an uncertain smile back to him, pulling the shirt down to cover herself. He cleared his throat and then went back to trying to find her some pants. He found a pair that might work and he pulled them out of the drawer, and turned to hand them to her just in time to feel cold metal against his cheek. He froze in place and stared at her, realizing his mistake much too late.

 

“Hands behind your head,” she spat, voice low and steady. There was no way he could get to his other gun in time, so he complied and raised his hands behind his head, having no other option. He didn’t particularly want to end up like Noslo.

 

||3% survivability. I suggest an alternate course of action.||

 

 _No shit._ Eggsy thought hopelessly.

 

“Do you have any idea how long it took to train him?” she snarled. The helpless, terrified prisoner was gone. In her place was a woman who radiated power. There wasn’t a helpless look in her as she pushed the gun painfully against his swollen cheek, forcing him backwards, towards the center of the room.

“Years, it took me years of training to get him to be that good, and you destroyed him in seconds. Do you know how long it will take me to replace him? I’m going to have to start from scratch, god damn you,” her eyes blazed as she hissed at him, voice low and filled with venom.

“Mika...Noslo…” he put the pieces together as he saw her wedding ring.

“Yes, you just killed my husband, but more importantly you killed the face of this operation. He was tough, he was feared, and he was obedient to me. I can’t tell you how hard it is to be a woman in this field and be taken seriously. Michael took care of that aspect for me, and I took care of his needs...and you killed him,” she snarled.

“And now you’re gonna kill me,” he replied. It wasn’t a question. He had fucked up, and this was his reward. His eyes slid closed as he breathed hard and prayed that Harry would finish the mission he couldn’t.

“Yes, but I’m going to make your friend watch first, and then I’m going to kill him too,” she whispered as she shoved the gun between his teeth and pushed down so hard that he was forced to fall to his knees. His eyes went to the door as he heard footsteps, and then Harry was there, gun pointed at them, blank expression on his face.

 

 _Shoot her Harry, please just shoot her._ He tried to project the thought to Harry. He had messed this up, and he was prepared to die for it, but Harry didn’t have to go too.

 

* * *

 

_Please, anything but this._

 

“Drop the gun or I’ll blow his head off,” the woman snarled. The finality of her tone made him drop the gun. Some people you could talk out of it, but this woman wasn’t going to be one of them.

“Kick it under the desk,” she demanded and he did so. Harry’s gaze went to Eggsy on his knees, gun firmly planted in his mouth. He was breathing hard around the metal, eyes cast to the side so he could look at Harry. His hands were firmly behind his head.

 

_Think._

 

He had to _think_ of something. Eggsy’s time was running out. It was almost as if he could see the last grains of sand slipping through the hourglass.

 

“Get him to turn his head to you Harry. Whatever it takes,” Merlin instructed from the earpiece.

“Eggsy...I’m sorry,” Harry started, but Eggsy didn’t move, he stayed as still as possible.

“Your apologies aren’t going to save him,” the woman grinned, obviously enjoying this.

“Eggsy, you did well. You’ve made us all proud, every last one of us,” Harry continued, ignoring her words. He took a step forward and she pushed the gun further into Eggsy’s mouth. He stopped moving forward.

“Today Harry!” Merlin snarled in his ear.

“I love you Eggsy.”

 

Eggsy’s head snapped towards him, eyes wide with shock at his words. He saw the slight shift of the woman’s hand. The soft sound of breaking glass gave way to the roar of a gunshot and he watched the hole blossom red in the side of Eggsy’s cheek at the same time he saw the neat red circle appear in the temple of the woman. The gun slid from her hand as she fell. Eggsy hit the ground hard and instantly curled into the fetal position, clutching his face in both hands and uttering a sound that was half a sob, and half a scream, blood pooling over his hands and onto the floor.

 

“Check her body Galahad, then tend to him,” Merlin instructed, his voice cutting through the haze of shock. Blood rushing in his ears, Harry swept into the room and picked up the gun she had dropped. He pushed the muzzle of the gun against her temple and fired until there were no bullets left in the gun, and no recognizable features left of her face. Then he scrambled over to Eggsy and fell to his knees beside him.

“You have to put pressure on both sides of his cheek to stop the blood flow, otherwise you risk him choking on the blood,” Merlin’s voice was calm and steady and Harry found himself grateful to have his calm guidance.

“Eggsy, Eggsy, I’ve got you, you’re okay,” Harry soothed as he fumbled in his suit pocket and pulled out his pocket square. Eggsy’s eyes were wide and terrified as he looked at him, but Harry had a feeling Eggsy wasn’t really seeing him. Every second breath or so he’d cough, as the blood pooled in his mouth and started to go down his throat.

“Let go of your face Eggsy. I have to stop the bleeding,” he pulled at Eggsy’s hand, and thankfully he didn’t resist. He grimaced again as he shoved the pocket square into Eggsy’s open mouth and pushed it up against the wound from the inside of his cheek. Eggsy screamed and his back arched, but he thankfully didn’t bite down.

“Okay, okay, just close your mouth now, I’m sorry,” Harry pulled his hand out of Eggsy’s mouth and then ripped a strip of cloth off of Eggsy’s shirt and pressed it against the outside of the wound. Eggsy only whimpered this time as he put pressure on his cheek.

“Hold it tight Eggsy,” Harry instructed as he pulled Eggsy’s hand up to hold the cloth in place. Eggsy did as he was told, blinking slowly. His breathing was slowing as he began to calm down. He glanced over at the woman’s body and shook his head, dazed.

Harry scooped Eggsy up off the floor, grunting with the effort. Eggsy put an arm around Harry’s neck, and kept the other hand tight to his face, as instructed.

“Merlin,” Harry began.

“Ride’s out front. On the lawn. Can’t miss it,” Merlin replied.

“On my way.”

 

* * *

 

“I love you Eggsy,” Harry said.  

He had turned to look at him at those words, half in shock, half in surprise. Harry’s face was sincere, his eyes wide and honest, and filled with fear. Then the world exploded.

He couldn’t hear anything but the high pitched ringing in his ears. His face was wet, and it felt wrong but he didn’t know why. The world tilted, and he felt himself losing his balance, but was unable to regain it. He hit the floor, and then the pain came. His hands automatically went to his face, and he felt something hard and strange. It took him a moment to realize he was feeling his teeth through the hole in his cheek. Blood filled his mouth, bitter and thick. He coughed hard to clear his throat, but that just caused his face to hurt more.

 

||You have sustained a gunshot wound. Remain as calm as possible.||

 

_She shot me? She shot me. She shot me in the face._

 

The panic rose as quickly as the thought had. He was shot, and he was bleeding out on the floor, and he couldn’t hear, and he hurt. Years and years he had endured beatings from Dean and thought that was the worst. Then he had ended up here and had been repeatedly raped, and thought that was the worst. No, getting shot in the face was much, much worse.

 

_I’m going to die. I’m going to bleed out on the floor._

 

Harry was at his side. He was talking, but Eggsy didn’t know what he was saying. His voice was soothing though, and made him feel slightly better. At least he wouldn’t die alone. If he had to go, at least he’d do it with the comforting presence of Harry next to him. At least, that’s what he thought until Harry pushed the wad of cloth into his mouth that sent fire screaming through his head as it radiated from his mouth, all the way down past his neck.

 

||Your vitals are spiking. 15% total blood loss.||

 

_I don’t want to die here. I want to go home._

 

The thought was a little fainter than the last had been, as the pain ebbed slightly as Harry took the pressure away from his mouth. He closed his mouth and another wad of cloth was pressed to his face. It hurt almost as bad as the first, but he didn’t have the strength to fight it.

||You need that to stop the bleeding. It is saving your life. Keep it pressed tightly to your face.|| ARC’s voice was more soothing than usual and he took comfort in it. Harry echoed the same words a moment later, and he did as he was asked.

 

_I can hear him._

 

He could. Sounds were coming back slowly. He glanced over at Mika, and saw what was left of her head. She was dead. He shook his head slightly, to make sure he wasn’t imagining it.

||Mission Successful. Congratulations.|| Eggsy thought he heard a slight edge of pride in ARC’s voice, but it had to be his imagination.

 

_I can go home._

 

He felt his body rise as Harry scooped him up. He put an arm around his neck and let his head rest on Harry’s shoulder. He inhaled deeply, the familiar smell of rosewood and soap underlying the smell of gunpowder and blood.

 

_**We** can go home._

 

“I’ve got you Eggsy. Just keep that tight to your cheek,” Harry encouraged as he made his way into the hallway. Eggsy closed his eyes. A moment later Harry jostled him hard and he cried out, jarring awake, unaware that he had fallen asleep. They were outside. He didn’t remember going through the rest of the estate.

“Stay awake, just a little longer,” Harry pleaded in a voice that Eggsy had never heard before. There was noise. It was loud and came in waves. He didn’t know what it was at first, until Harry was lifting him upwards, and other hands were pulling him into something.

 

_It’s a helicopter. When did we get a helicopter?_

 

He watched as Harry climbed in behind him. Harry moved to the other side where Merlin stood, sniper rifle still in hand. Eggsy watched as Harry threw his arms around the Scot, who looked disgruntled, but hugged him back.

The doors were pulled shut and a moment later they took off. Eggsy couldn’t see who the pilot was, but a woman with brown hair and a clean white outfit and face mask hovered over him, trying to get him hooked up to some sort of oxygen tank. He took a large gulp of the air, and realized a little too late that he was going under.

Frantically he looked over at Harry who was watching him intently, Merlin beside him. His arm felt like it weighed a hundred stone, but he managed to lift it a bit anyway. Harry watched and Eggsy managed to make one small sign in sign language. When he saw Harry’s eyebrows shoot up, he knew that he had been understood and his arm fell back to his side. He finally allowed himself to be pulled into the darkness.

 

_I love you too._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit this tore me up to write. I hope you all find it as good of a read as it felt to write.
> 
> Man this turned out a LOT longer than I thought it would!
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	19. Pieces of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW  
> Panic Attacks  
> Talk about rape  
> Suicidal thoughts

Eggsy woke from the nightmare with a jolt of fear, heart pounding and gasping for air. There was something heavy around his mouth and nose, and his throat was dry and swollen. There was an overwhelming sense of not being able to catch his breath, despite the oxygen mask attached to his face. A hot, aching throb radiated through the side of his face with each heartbeat. Something rough was pressed against the inside of his mouth, and it didn’t help with the feeling that he couldn’t quite breathe.

He tried to shift positions, but there was a heavy weight on both his legs, around his right arm, and around his waist, keeping him trapped to the bed. His throat tightened harder as he tested the bonds, and found that they wouldn’t move.

_I’m going to die. I have to get out._

The thought was sudden and persistent as he gasped for breath, heart pounding faster the longer he sat unable to move. He could feel his hands shaking against the covers and his chest was beginning to hurt. Thankfully one of his hands was free, and as he lifted it up to try and remove what was holding him down, he saw the gauze around his wrists and the tubes coming from his arms. There was a monitor around one finger, attached to a nearby machine which was showing his heart rate climbing at a steady pace.

He looked around the unfamiliar room, frantic to find something familiar, to get some sense of where he was. His gaze settled on Harry, asleep on the other bed in the room. Seeing Harry did make him feel slightly better, at least he wasn’t alone, but the feeling that he couldn’t breathe wasn’t getting better and the thought that he was going to die wouldn’t be shaken. He tried to speak, but his dry throat wouldn't be coaxed into working. The movement of opening his jaw sent a flare of pain through his head and he felt the whimper as it tore from his throat more than he heard it.

Harry stirred on the bed beside him, scowling as his eyes opened. They snapped open when he made eye contact with each other, and Eggsy watched him scramble off the bed and come to his side. His free hand was enveloped in Harry’s own and he closed his eyes, concentrating on the warmth radiating from the older man and trying desperately to catch his breath.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” Harry soothed, voice low and steady as he reached out with his other hand and undid the strap around his arm. He could feel himself trembling as Harry moved to the one around his waist. The same words fell from his mouth in a cadence, assuring him that he was okay, and that he was safe. As Harry moved to work on the straps on his legs, Eggsy felt the pain in his chest fade.

“It’s okay. It won’t last forever,” Harry assured him as the straps around his legs were finally free. He curled his legs towards his chest, ignoring the pain that it caused, taking solace in having his body back. He kept his eyes shut, not wanting to face Harry while shaking this badly.

“Take deep breaths on each number that I count. I’m going to count to ten, and then start over,” Harry instructed and Eggsy felt the warmth return as Harry took his hand again. He did as Harry said, not seeing the point, but after the third repetition the vice around his throat loosened and the feeling like he was going to choke to death faded. On the fifth repetition he was able to finally take a full breath. On the eighth, the shaking eased. On the twelfth the feeling that he was going to die finally eased. Harry continued to count to ten two more times before Eggsy opened his eyes.

 

“There. Better?” Harry asked softly.

“The fuck...was that?” Eggsy gasped, wincing at the pain in his mouth.

“A panic attack, but you did splendid in overcoming it,” Harry assured him.

“That’s...new,” Eggsy replied, trying not to move his mouth as he talked. The words came out a bit stiff and distorted, but it hurt a lot less. He looked up at Harry, face contorted in confusion.

“It happens sometimes after particularly bad missions,” Harry smiled sadly at him and squeezed his hand.

“You ever...have one?” Eggsy asked, hating that he couldn’t speak without pausing in the middle of his sentences.

“How do you think I learned those tricks to calm you down? I’ve had my fair share,” Harry sighed with the admission.

“Is it...permanent?” he felt his skin break out into goosebumps at the thought of having another panic attack.

“Sometimes. I’ve seen some agents get them for the rest of their careers. I’ve seen others only have one or two and never have another. Some hide it better than others. Some seek help and get medication for it. It just depends on the person,” Harry scoffed suddenly, “I sound like Dr. Hannigan. I wish I could give you a better answer.”

“Do you...have them...still?” Eggsy asked.

“Not in almost sixteen years,” Harry’s face darkened but he didn’t pull away. Eggsy decided not to press him further.

“Knowing what triggers them helps control them too. Can you pinpoint what might have set it off?” Harry asked a moment later, breaking out of his own thoughts.

Eggsy thought about it. His first thought was that it had to be being tied down to the bed, being restrained and helpless would make sense...but he had woken up in a panic. It had something to do with the dream he had, which he could almost remember. He licked his lips as he thought, trying to get some sort of moisture back into them. A bitter taste was left on his tongue, and just like that the dream came back to him.

It hadn’t started as a nightmare. He was in Harry’s house, in his office, surrounded by clippings and absurd headlines. Harry was in his favorite chair, sipping scotch from a glass tumbler. It would have been ordinary if it hadn’t been for the look on Harry’s face, and the gun pointed at him. He walked forward and took the gun from Harry, and placed it on the desk and he found himself between Harry’s legs, looking up at him.

They had kissed once, and twice, deeper the second time...and then Harry had shot him in the chest. He swayed, hands still on Harry’s jacket and he watched Harry turn the gun around swallow the muzzle, and pull the trigger. He had jerked awake at the second gunshot, and that had been the start of the panic attack. He licked his lips again, and there it was. That rank, salty taste of gun oil on his tongue.

 

_His first word to me was my name. He sat alone in his house, in his study, drinking scotch. He scolded me on not knocking. He had a gun, and he pointed it at me. I asked him if he was going to shoot me, and he put it down. He had seen the church footage, and he remembered doing it._

“ _He should have killed me_ ,” the words swam into his head unbidden, and it hadn’t been a dream. He was sure of that now.

_He said he hated himself for what he did to those people, how he had wanted to do it. He told me and I could hear the disgust in his voice...and then I kissed him. The first time I kissed him. It wasn’t the one when I woke up in his bed with his arm around my waist when he told me that he had never been more interested. The one I thought was our first. Why did I think that?_

Eggsy felt his brows draw together as he thought frantically about that night. He could feel Harry watching him, but he said nothing, still waiting for Eggsy to answer him.

_He told me. He fuckin’ told me that he used the amnesia dart on me. Told me to my face as I woke up on his bed...but he could hardly get himself undressed, how on earth did he drag me to his bed? He didn’t. I got there myself, and he hit me with the dart then. Why? It wasn’t because I kissed him, I know it wasn’t. There was something else._

He licked his lip again, and the answer slammed home like a sledgehammer as the pieces came together.

_He kissed me the second time, and he tasted like gun oil. He had the gun in his mouth. He was going to kill himself, and when I found out he tried to erase my memory of it._

 

Eggsy yanked his hand out of Harry’s grip at the thought, pulling his hand to his chest as if he had been burned. Tears sprung to his eyes, and he wasn’t certain if they were from sadness or anger.

“Eggsy?” Harry looked concerned, eyes wide with worry.

“Don’t...touch me,” Eggsy hissed, breath coming in sharp hitches.

“Eggsy wha-” Harry started.

“You lied to me!” Eggsy cut him off, forcing the words out despite the sudden stab of pain in his cheek.

“Wh-” Harry tried again.

“You were gonna kill yourself, and when I figured it out you fuckin’...” Eggsy shook his head, staring at Harry as he spoke, “...you took care of it. You wiped my fuckin’ memory...and you lied,” his voice broke so hard on the last word that it hurt. His cheek felt too hot, and wrong, but he couldn’t stop the words falling from his mouth or the tears from tumbling down his face.

 

“And I gave you that fuckin’ watch, made sure it had the same...god damned features...Jesus. How many times have you used it on me Harry? How many things did I not deserve to know?”

Eggsy didn’t pull his eyes away from Harry once during the whole time he spoke, searching desperately for a way that he was wrong, for there to be some answer he was missing, something they’d laugh about later. Instead of an answer, Harry looked as if he had been physically struck by his words...which was the only answer that Eggsy needed.

“Get out,” the words tore from his throat in the same manner his heart was tearing in his chest. Harry looked like he wanted to say something, and he stood there for a moment more before turning swiftly on his heel and walking from the room.

Eggsy curled in on himself, hand to his wounded cheek. He tasted blood a moment later, and when he pulled his hand back there was blood on that too. He had ripped his stitches open. A moment later a nurse rushed in with fresh supplies, no doubt sent by Harry.

She spoke to him, but he didn’t really hear the words as she tended to his face, sticking him with a local anesthetic as she fixed the stitches he had torn. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to what was going on in his head and heart.

How much of their relationship was based on lies? Could he trust anything Harry had done since getting his own memories back? And how twisted was that...that Harry couldn’t remember who he was, and the moment he did, he robbed Eggsy of the one thing that he had fought so hard to get back.

 

_He should have let me bleed out._

 

* * *

 

There weren’t a great deal of things that Harry regretted in life. It was part of being a Kingsman. If he regretted everything he did, he’d have a list that put Proust to shame. This, however, would have been at the top of that list. It also seemed the longer he knew Eggsy, the longer his list was becoming.

“Oh. Things that bad then?” Merlin asked as he joined him on the terrace, glancing at what he held in his hand. Harry took a deep drag of the cigarette, then offered the pack to Merlin who shook his head.

“I quit,” Merlin reminded him.

“So did I,” Harry replied taking another drag, resisting the urge to cough. He hadn’t had a cigarette in several years. He had never been a particularly active smoker, but enjoyed the occasion when it presented itself. He also enjoyed them when he was particularly upset.

“There was a fifty-fifty shot that she’d either shoot or drop the gun, and I had to take the shot, so I made a call. I tried to minimize the damage by getting you to turn his head. I’m sorry as hell I got him shot, I ju-”

“This isn’t about that Merlin. You did the right thing. I would have done the same thing in your place. You may have gotten him shot, but you also saved his life,” Harry cut him off before his apology got out of control.

“Oh. Uh, right,” Merlin fell silent, puzzled by his answer. Harry could feel the questions bubbling up inside his friend, but Merlin didn’t push him.

“I’ve never been...particularly skilled at relationships, as you know,” Harry sighed and flicked the cigarette so the ash fell off the end. Merlin just made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat.

“Well I single handedly butchered this last one too,” Harry admitted.

“With Eggsy?” Merlin looked surprised.

“With Eggsy,” Harry agreed.

 

Merlin blew air out of his lungs in a large sigh and then picked up the pack of cigarettes that Harry had set on the edge of the balcony, pulling one out and lighting it with the easy skill of someone who had done it a thousand times.

“Thought you quit?” Harry eyed him.

“I did,” Merlin replied and took his own drag, clearing his throat as his lungs got used to the feeling again.

 

They smoked in silence for a time, looking over the grounds in front of the Kingsman estate. It was mid-morning, two days after the evacuation from Venezuela. One day had been spent in a hospital in Florida where Rico, the American Branch’s version of Merlin, had courteously flown them after picking them up from the Noslo’s front lawn. Eggsy was patched up, and heavily sedated, before Merlin flew them back to England with another favor that he owed to Rico.

Merlin wasn’t the only one who owed Rico something though. Eggsy had woken up in the middle of being patched up, demanding to know where he was. When he was told that he was in Florida, he begged the doctors to find the parents of a missing Florida girl named Nadia, and to let them know where she had ended up.

Rico had taken an interest in the request, and had located Nadia’s parents in Miami, and had personally flown them to the center where the survivors were being temporarily housed. She had phoned later to tell them that they had found Nadia, and that she was alive. She also informed them that when Eggsy was better, he owed her dinner. Merlin had told her that Eggsy was spoken for, and she had replied curtly that she didn’t care for men, but she did care for food and he still owed her dinner. Merlin assured her that once Eggsy was better, he’d let him know.

 

“So are you going to elaborate, or are we going to stand here until our meeting with Delaware in…twenty minutes?” Merlin asked as he checked his watch.

“Does it really matter how I did it?” Harry asked, giving Merlin an impatient look.

“It matters to Eggsy,” Merlin reminded him.

“Damn it,” Harry hissed in reply and then ground the butt of the cigarette violently into the ashtray he had brought with him. Merlin watched him, the very model of patience.

“I was angry at myself for Kentucky, and I was terrified that I’d do it again...that I’d want to do it again. So I put a gun in my mouth and he walked in on me doing it so I shot him with an amnesia dart to make him forget what he saw. I couldn’t live with that look on his face when he realized how low I had gotten. How could I look in the mirror knowing I’d put that look there? So I pretended it never happened and prayed he’d never remember, but he remembered and now it’s all gone to shit,” he rambled. Once the words started to flow they turned into a torrent and he was hardly able to stop it.

“And look at all the good it did because I slaughtered those people in Venezuela just like I slaughtered those people in Kentucky. I enjoyed it just as much too. The very thing I was trying to prevent from happening again, happened,” he rubbed his jaw with one hand as he looked off into the distance, too much of a coward to meet Merlin’s gaze.

 

“Do you wish you had pulled the trigger?” Merlin asked.

“Sometimes, yes...most times no,” Harry sighed.

“Then I’d say you’re pretty normal for a Kingsman agent,” Merlin shrugged. Harry looked at him then.

“What? Like you feel that way?” Harry asked with a frown.

“You killed all those people in Kentucky and Venezuela with your skills and your weapons...and I killed ninety percent of the world’s top ranking government officials with one push of a button. You might have had the physical blood on your hands, but mine are no less clean. Do you think it doesn’t eat at me? That I don’t have trouble sleeping at night?” Merlin asked.

“I never really thought about it,” Harry admitted.

“It doesn’t mean that we were in the wrong, Harry. Venezuela was your fault, just as pushing that button was mine, but we both did it for the same reason,” Merlin reasoned.

“Doing our job? Saving the world?” Harry replied bitterly.

“Saving Eggsy,” Merlin corrected.

 

Harry didn’t know what to say to that, so he shut his mouth. Merlin continued.

“The world is always going to find ways to go to shit, and it’ll continue to do so no matter how hard we try to stop it. The same can’t be said for that young man in there, Harry. Lee Unwin was a good man...and a good friend...and he gave his life to save ours, but he also gave us Eggsy. It’d be a pretty shit thing to squander a gift like that, Harry. No matter how guilty you feel about the things you’ve done. Right or wrong, good or bad, it doesn’t really matter,” Merlin shrugged.

“It doesn’t?” Harry scowled.

“No! The sun rises and sets in Eggsy’s eyes when he looks at you...and you’re no better when you look at him. I’ve known you long enough Harry, and I’ve never seen you look at someone the way you look at Eggsy. Fuck’s sake Harry, you told him you loved him to get him to look at you back there. Did you even see what that did to him?” Merlin asked.

“I was too busy watching him get shot,” Harry grumbled.

“Before that, you fucking arse!” Merlin growled.

“Yes...I saw it,” Harry replied miserably.

“Yes. You saw it. And I saw it...and I saw the same look on your face when he signed it back to you in the helicopter. Why are you so afraid of letting yourself be happy? You fight more fiercely than anyone in this establishment for the people you believe in, but you won’t, for even a second, fight for yourself. I don’t understand it, and I never will, but if you won’t fight to allow yourself to be happy, fight for Eggsy’s sake,” Merlin waved back at the building.

“That’s what I’m doing. He wanted me to leave, he told me to get out. That’s what he wants!” Harry countered.

“Utter bullshit. He’s not in his right mind to know what he wants. He’s been through too much, too fast, and he’s trying to cope with it all. He needs someone to be there for him, someone who won’t give up on him just because things got hard...and my god Harry, you sure know how to make things hard,” Merlin shook his head.

“Do you think he’ll ever forgive me for this?” Harry asked, eyes cast down at his feet.

“Harry. Under all that hurt and anger, it’s still Eggsy. Isn’t he worth fighting for, even if he never forgives you?” Merlin asked.

“Fuck yes,” Harry replied, turning towards the building, ready to go make amends. Merlin grabbed his arm and steered him in the opposite direction. Harry frowned at him in confusion.

“You can apologize after the meeting with Delaware,” Merlin reminded him.

“Shit,” Harry grumbled and then followed Merlin into the conference room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

His first instinct when he heard the knock at his door was to snarl at whoever it was to leave him alone. Instead, he pushed down his initial reaction and looked over to the door. He relaxed when he saw who it was, and was glad he hadn’t gone with his first instinct.

“Ohh, your face,” Roxy grimaced as she saw the freshly bandaged patch on his cheek.

“Your...arm,” Eggsy spoke carefully through clenched teeth, as not to aggravate his wound further, as he looked at bright green cast on her arm. She laughed and then was at his side, giving him a careful hug. He hugged her back as best he could, grateful that she was mindful of the contact. When she pulled away she sat down on the edge of the bed.

 

She hadn’t come away from her mission unscathed either. He clearly saw a patch of hair missing on her right temple, even though she had parted her hair to try and cover it up. Her right eye was bloodshot to the point that there was almost no white left on the right half. Her lip had been split at some point, but didn’t look too terrible. The bridge of her nose was swollen, and it looked like it had been fractured. Otherwise, she just had the broken arm, and maybe other wounds he didn’t see and wouldn’t dare ask about.

 

“I hope you know I haven’t forgiven you for taking that asshole down. I was really hoping I’d get the chance,” she stuck her tongue out at him.

“Well...talk to...Merlin. He took...the shot,” Eggsy informed her.

“Damn, then I guess neither of us get to collect on that bet, huh?” her nose scrunched as she spoke, which turned into a wince.

“Things went...smooth for you?” he asked.

“Smooth-ish. They made the mistake of putting me in stilettos. They didn’t get the chance to make more mistakes after that,” she grinned proudly.

“Attagirl,” Eggsy chuckled at the mental image and then groaned as his cheek gave a twinge.

“Tia’s one hell of a shot. We found the second in command in Taiwan. Tia took him out as he was in his car on the way home. Never seen a shot like it,” Roxy sighed wistfully.

“You...have a crush!” he exclaimed, eyebrows rising.

“Only on her shooting skills,” Roxy assured him.

“Mhmm, sure,” he said and got smacked on the arm.

 

Roxy looked up at the clock on the wall and sighed.

“Merlin and Galahad are going into their meeting with Delaware now. She’s going to decide what to do with them since they disobeyed protocol,” Roxy bit her lower lip.

“What...do you think...she’ll do?”

“I’m going to guess suspension. If the mission had failed, or if they had lost anyone else, I think it might be a different story. We’re so short handed though, I can’t imagine she takes them off duty for any real length of time,” Roxy guessed.

Eggsy hummed in agreement. He was worried for Merlin, but at the moment he didn’t much care to discuss Harry. He wanted that topic as far from his mind as he could get it. The wound was still too fresh.

 

“Mind if I look at your chart? I want to compare battle scars,” Roxy winked and he motioned with one hand for her to go ahead. She picked up his medical chart and read down the list.

“Lucky bastard,” she she grumbled as she got to the end of the list.

“Mm?” he frowned at her response.

“How the hell did you get out of that without a single STI?” she slapped the medical chart back into the bin, slight pout on her face.

“Oy, what did you get?” he asked in alarm.

“The clap...and chlamydia,” she grumbled, her face going shockingly red. Eggsy squeezed her hand and she met his gaze.

“Could’a been a lot...worse, Rox. We got lucky, yeah?” he gave a one sided grin, on the side a bullet hadn’t ripped through.

“Yeah, you’re right. Mine are treatable. Should be good in a week or two....physically at least,” she looked down at her hands.

“And I may have not gotten an STI...but I did get shot in the face,” he reminded her.

“I can’t believe you got shot before I did,” she grumbled, and this time he gave her the light punch to the arm.  

 

Eggsy was grateful for her presence. He hadn’t been aware of how much he missed her. They had always had an easy friendship, one he hadn’t experienced with anyone else before. She was pretty, but he didn’t find himself thinking of her in that way, and he knew she felt the same about him. It kept things simple between them, and he was thankful she had made it back in mostly one piece. He made a mental note to ask Merlin if he still had the recording of her attacking people with high heels.

 

He looked up when there was another knock on the door. Merlin stood there, as if thinking of him had summoned him like the wizard he was named after.

“How’d the meeting go?” Roxy asked, sitting up straighter.

“I’m suspended for an entire week, and then I’m strictly on training duty for the new recruits after that until Delaware decides that I’ve suffered enough, or her replacement gets tired of multi-tasking and trying to juggle the rest of my responsibilities,” he replied with a knowing grin.

“That could have gone worse,” Roxy stated.

“Mhmm. Well, it didn’t go so well for Harry,” Merlin’s mood darkened visibly as he spoke.

“What happened?” Roxy asked after a beat or two when Eggsy didn’t reply.

“Suspended until he passes his field test and passes a psychology analysis from a doctor of Delaware’s choosing...or the recruits are ready to be initiated,” Merlin didn’t look pleased.

“What? Why!” Eggsy cried, unable to hold back.

“She thinks that there might be long-term side effects from Valentine’s device from the church. She thinks that after Kentucky, and the bullet that he took, and then what happened in Venezuela, that he might not be fit for duty any longer. She says it’s possible he could...lose control...god damn her...and compromise the integrity of our establishment. If he can’t get back into top Kingsman shape, mentally and physically, before the recruits graduate, he won’t be eligible as a Kingsman agent anymore.”

“The fuck does that mean?” Eggsy spat, astounded at Merlin’s words.

“It means he’ll be replaced,” Merlin sighed.

“...What the fuck does that _mean_?” he asked again, not grasping what he was telling him. Not wanting to grasp it. Not wanting to go near it with a ten meter pole.

“Kingsmen agents don’t retire, Eggsy. If they're unfit for field duty they usually get demoted to non-agent positions...but Harry's case is different,” Merlin admitted, looking pained.

"Because of Valentine?" Roxy asked.

"In part. She hasn't forgotten Arthur and his betrayal. She can't risk having something like that happen again. If Harry was still somehow under Valentine's influence, and if he were to...lose control here, who among us could stop him? Her words, not mine," Merlin assured them.

"So what happens if he doesn't pass the tests?" Eggsy asked, dreading the answer. 

 

“Then I'm to be considered a threat to the organization and will be put down accordingly,” Harry answered as he stepped into the doorway, looking like the world had just slipped through his fingers and shattered on the floor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I'm on a roll with these chapters lately! I don't think I'll be able to keep up quite the same pace for the rest of the week. This thing is a monster! I was supposed to work on my real novel for all of April, but I scrapped the idea and I'm going to use this for Camp NaNoWriMo instead. Woohoo! I think I can do another 50k before I run out of plot, no problem. :D
> 
> Also, Delaware is a real hard-ass bitch. I love her, and I hate her, and I love to hate her.
> 
> EDIT: 4/1/2015  
> So I made some edits to the last bit, to make it more in line with canon-verse. Thanks to lynndyre for pointing out the inconsistencies! :)


	20. Bittersweet Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings
> 
> Talk of suicide  
> Mentions of rape and abuse

“Can I have a moment alone with Eggsy, please?” Harry asked as he was met with stunned silence from Eggsy and Roxy. Roxy nodded and gave Eggsy’s knee a light pat before she exited the room, followed a moment later by Merlin.

Eggsy didn’t particularly want to be left alone with Harry, but given the news he had just received, he couldn’t find it in himself to tell Harry to bugger off. So he remained silent, watching Harry as he stood in the doorway. He looked like a different person, standing with his shoulder slumped and a defeated, lost look in his gaze. He had none of the easy confidence and smooth mannerisms about him now. His eyes were underlined with dark circles, and even his suit looked rumpled. Harry Hart had a rumpled suit.

 

“Sit down Harry,” Eggsy motioned Harry into the room, caving at last and inviting him in. Harry took the chair next to his bed and Eggsy could smell the lingering aroma of smoke that clung to him. He hadn’t known Harry was a smoker, and he had never seen packs around his house. Not that Harry would have left packs just littered about, he was far too neat for that. Eggsy sighed and added one more thing to the rapidly growing list of things he didn’t know about Harry Hart.

“You want to talk about the meeting?” Eggsy asked.

“No. No I don’t,” Harry disagreed.

“Then why are you sittin’ here?” Eggsy questioned.

“Because you deserve the truth,” Harry admitted, face drawn tight as he spoke.

“Oh. Somethin’ change then, between then and now that makes you want to tell the truth? Is it the near death sentence that changed your mind?” Eggsy growled.

“No, I decided to tell you before I had my meeting with Delaware,” Harry replied, voice low. To his credit, he didn’t drop his gaze. Harry was never one to back down from a challenge. Eggsy rose to that challenge, and didn’t look away either.

“Out with it, yeah?” he motioned for Harry to speak, with a petulant wave of his hand. He knew he was being childish, and selfish, but he couldn’t stop himself. Harry’s betrayal had hurt him in a way he had never experienced before, and it had come so suddenly and unexpectedly that he wasn’t sure he’d ever fully recover from it.

 

“I don’t know if I have the right words to express how sorry I am, for so many things Eggsy,” Harry swallowed hard and continued.

“I’m sorry that you think that I don’t trust you enough to know the truth. That isn’t true, and that’s not why I used the dart on you. _I_ wasn’t strong enough, not you. I couldn’t bear the look on your face when you knew what I had done...or had almost done. I couldn’t stand the look of fear and pain...and knowing that I had put it there. That I was the cause of that. I didn’t want you to look at me and see the coward with the gun in his mouth. I didn’t want you to look at me and see anything less than what I was when we first met. I didn’t...I didn’t want you to see how fractured I had become.”

Harry’s face twitched a little as he spoke, and when he spoke next his voice was deeper, thick with emotion.

“I’m sorry that I lied to you, that I made you believe in a false truth. I’m sorry I wiped our first, and second kiss from your memories. They were the only bright light in a very dark moment, and I had no right to take that from you. Life doesn’t have a reset button, and I was a fool to think that it did. I’m sorry for my lapse of judgement for thinking that it was the right thing to do,” Harry closed his eyes for a moment, lips pressed tight together as he gathered his thoughts. Then he opened them again when he started to speak.

“I never used the amnesia dart on you again, Eggsy. Never even crossed my mind again. I was determined to make it right the second time around...and I’m sorry that I botched that attempt too. I did it to protect...no...I told myself it was to protect you, to keep you from worrying about me, but that wasn’t the reason.”

“What was the reason then?” Eggsy asked softly.

“Eggsy, I’ve seen you face incredibly difficult things in your life. I’ve seen you react to the death of your father. I’ve seen you beaten and threatened by your stepfather. I’ve seen you face down an oncoming train, and jump from a plane without a parachute. All the training each Kingsman faces. I’ve seen you through it all. You faced all of that with a bravery that most men only dream about having...and it only took the knowledge of me with a gun in my mouth to break your resolve. Of all things that you’ve been through, the one thing that reduced you to tears...was me,” Harry’s voice cracked on the last word and he cleared his throat.

Eggsy watched the man in the chair beside him. There were a lot of reasons why he thought Harry had done it, but none of them were even close to the reality of Harry’s words. His throat felt tight, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

“I thought that you deserved a better reunion with me. That you deserved a better first kiss. So I tried to make it a reality. God Eggsy, you deserve better than that. More than that. You deserve...a better _person_ than me,” Harry finally broke eye contact, turning his gaze to the floor.

The silence stretched on for a long time as Eggsy processed Harry’s words. He thought about them carefully as he looked at Harry, eyes still downcast, hands picking at invisible blemishes on his trousers.

 

“I don’t want a better person than you Harry. I just want you, every version of you. Don’t you get that? I want the Harry that bails delinquents out of jail. I want the Harry that beats up thugs in bars over an insult to my character. I want the Harry that takes a chance on a chav, and the Harry that tells me I have potential. I want the Harry that stuffed his dog, and the Harry that knows how to make a proper martini, and the Harry who makes jokes about poppin’ my cherry in a dressing room,” Eggsy struggled to sit up, which caused Harry to meet his gaze again.

“I want the Harry that slaughtered a church full of bastards, and the Harry that was shot in the head, and the Harry that lost all his memories and fucking apologized to me that he didn’t remember who I was. I want the Harry that still hasn’t told me his fucking middle name. I want the Harry that only spoke to me with his hands, and the one that speaks with his voice. I want the Harry that flew halfway across the world to get me out of a bad situation...and I want the Harry that slaughtered all those people in that ring because they deserved it. I want the Harry that teaches me shite pick-up lines in Spanish, and the one that fucked me on his desk till I didn’t have a coherent thought in my body,” he continued. Eggsy held out his hand and Harry took it. He could feel the tremor running through Harry at his words, but he wasn’t stopping now.

“I...also want the Harry who makes mistakes...and apologizes...and I want the Harry that had the gun in his mouth too, cause that’s still you. It’s all you. All of it. When I told you I loved you, I meant it. I love every last fuckin’ bit of you...so don’t ever insult me again by thinkin’ that there’s a single part of you I never want to see,” he felt the tears sting his eyes again but he wasn’t going to let them fall. He blinked them back fiercely.

“But if you ever fuckin’ think about killin’ yourself again, you find me and we’ll work it out. I don’t know or care how, but we will. I...I can’t lose you again. It’d kill me, yeah?” Eggsy laid his head back on the pillow suddenly, unable to keep sitting forward.

“You don’t have to worry about me trying it again. I couldn’t do it then, and I can’t do it now. Especially not now. I meant it when I said I love you, Eggsy. It wasn’t a trick, or a diversion even though it worked as one,” Harry’s breath caught in his throat and Eggsy squeezed his hand tightly.

“Can you forgive me?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, alright,” Eggsy agreed and then closed his eyes. It felt like a hundred pounds had been lifted off his shoulders, and although the events still left him hurt and sick with the knowledge of it, it was still Harry after all. He took a deep breath and winced at the pain in his mouth.

 

“Fuckin’ hell my mouth hurts,” he breathed, brow furrowed. He hadn’t intended to speak that much, and he was paying for it, but at least he hadn’t ripped his stitches again. He had been more aware this time, and had taken care not to move his mouth too much.

“I can get you some more painkillers, it will put you back out though,” Harry offered.

“No, I just need to shut up for a bit, yeah?” he cracked an eye to look at Harry.

“You? Stop talking? Don’t be ridiculous,” Harry arched an eyebrow and Eggsy found that he was grinning despite himself. Of course that made his mouth hurt worse and he winced which made Harry chuckle. Eggsy flipped him off when he laughed.

“Don’t be rude Eggsy,” Harry chastised and then stood up. Eggsy’s grip on his hand tightened as he did so, and he opened his eyes again, looking up at him.

“Stay? Please?” he asked.

 

Harry stayed.

 

* * *

 

Merlin returned to the room a few hours later. He was making one last stop before going home to officially start his suspension. There were several bags hanging from his frame and he untangled himself from them as he came into the room, setting them down carefully. He opened one of them and Eggsy could see all the gadgets he was taking home with him.

“I’m going to grab a bite to eat, if that’s alright?” Harry asked and Eggsy nodded. Harry gave his hand a squeeze and excused himself. Eggsy busied himself with watching as Merlin rummaged through the bag, searching for something specific.

“I thought you’re supposed to be taking some time off?” Eggsy asked.

“These are personal projects, I assure you,” Merlin asked, acting offended.

“Mhmm, sure they are,” Eggsy replied, skeptical.

“I can do without your cheek,” Merlin countered dryly.

“One of ‘em anyway,” Eggsy quipped. He watched as the man froze in place, and was amused and impressed at how red the top of Merlin’s head got when he was embarrassed.

“Too soon?” Eggsy asked.

Merlin heaved a sigh and then stood up as he found what he was looking for. It was a small metal device that Eggsy hadn’t seen before. He set it down on the table and took the seat Harry had previously occupied.

“I owe you an apology Eggsy. I never meant for you to get shot. I had hoped she wouldn’t have had her finger that tight on the trigger, and that she’d just drop the gun,” Merlin looked woefully regretful.

“Guilt don’t look good on you, mate. Besides, you took that bitch out. You only had to cause I missed it. It was my own damned fault that I didn’t notice sooner, and it’s my fault I got shot, not yours. She would have shot me regardless. You got her before she got me...or at least before she got me in a more permanent manner. No other way about it, and you have nothin’ to apologize for,” Eggsy assured him. Merlin pushed his glasses up his nose, sniffed once, and then nodded.

“Fair enough,” he agreed.

“And I should be thanking you,” Eggsy added.

“For what?” Merlin frowned.

“For not abandoning me. I was a bit ticked off at first. Thought you didn’t trust me to get the job done...but you knew I needed backup for this one and you didn’t just leave me there to figure shit out, yeah?” Eggsy sighed and watched as Merlin’s features stiffened slightly.

“I wouldn’t have had to if I designed ARC to resist damage. Never thought it would malfunction that way. So it’s half my fault you were in that jam to begin with,” Merlin reasoned and then held up the device.

“What’s that?” Eggsy nodded his head in the direction of the device.

“This removes ARC from your neck. Sit forward and I’ll take it ou-”

“No!” Eggsy jerked back from Merlin, hand going to the back of his neck.

“It won’t hurt,” Merlin assured him, taking his reaction as a fear of pain instead of what it really was.

“I don’t care if it hurts...just leave him there,” Eggsy pleaded.

 

||I am malfunctioning. You should let him remove me to make repairs.||

 

“No,” Eggsy replied, this time to ARC.

“Eggsy?” Merlin watched him carefully. Eggsy sighed deeply. His mouth hurt and he didn’t feel like talking anymore...and this explanation was going to take a lot of talking.

“Just...do it later Merlin. When you come back, yeah?” Eggsy tried.

“I was going to work on fixing ARC while I was away,” Merlin said slowly, watching Eggsy’s reaction, “but I suppose it can wait till I return.”

Eggsy let his hand fall as he relaxed. As strange as it was, he had grown fond of ARC. ARC was the only other (person? thing? program?) that knew what he had gone through in Venezuela. All of it. It was comforting to know that he was still there, even if he didn’t speak much since the mission concluded. If Merlin took ARC away, there was no guarantee that he’d ever get it back...and less of a guarantee that ARC would be the same.

 

“I take it you and Harry worked things out?” Merlin asked as he put the device back into the bag. When Eggsy frowned, Merlin snorted.

“Oh please Eggsy, we do talk,” he stated.

“I know you talk, I just...didn’t know you talked about me, is all,” Eggsy grumbled.

“I can hardly get him to talk about anything else,” Merlin grimaced and then grinned at the face Eggsy made.

“Oh don’t make that face. You’re good for him, and he’s good for you. I’m glad you worked it out,” Merlin admitted.

“How do you know we worked it out?” Eggsy snapped, half irritated, half embarrassed.

“No one in the middle of a row has stupid smiles like that on their faces,” Merlin surmised.

“Oy, shut it,” Eggsy grumbled, feeling the blood rush into his face. It made his cheek burn uncomfortably. He wished he could melt into the blankets so he wouldn’t have to look at Merlin’s smug expression.

“Who has stupid smiles?” Harry asked as he walked back into the room.

“You two lovebirds,” Merlin replied.

Harry looked a bit taken aback for a second, but then he nodded and shrugged, unfazed by Merlin’s words. Eggsy loved him just a tiny bit more for the matter of fact look on his face.

“Alright, I’ll get out of your hair. Time to go be suspended,” Merlin looked less than thrilled.

“Try to enjoy it. You can finish that book I gave you four years ago,” Harry remarked.

“Not bloody likely. It’s the perfect height to keep my favorite chair flush against the floor. Can’t have a wobbly chair,” Merlin stated as he picked up his assorted bags. Harry rolled his eyes and Eggsy caught Merlin’s smirk as he left. Eggsy looked at Harry when Merlin was gone.

 

“I can’t imagine him owning a wobbly chair,” Eggsy remarked.

“You couldn’t imagine me having a stuffed dog in the loo either,” Harry reminded him, and Eggsy had to agree. It wasn’t on a list of things he had thought would be in Harry’s house upon his first visit. His thoughts then took another turn as he remembered something he had wanted to talk to Harry about.

“Hey Harry. What’s Merlin’s real name?” he asked. Harry laughed suddenly at his question.

“What, is it embarrassing?” he asked.

“Merlin _is_ his real name,” Harry replied through a grin.

“Are you takin’ the piss?” Eggsy asked, casting a sidelong glance at the older man.

“Not even remotely. He’s technically not an agent, so he doesn’t have a codename,” Harry assured him.

“You’re havin’ a laugh. I don’t believe it, not for a second,” Eggsy replied. He specifically remembered ARC calling him ‘codename Merlin’.

 

||Name confirmed. Merlin Graham. Codename Merlin.|| ARC informed him. Eggsy had the sneaking suspicion that Merlin had programed ARC this way intentionally.

 

“Well believe it or not, that’s his name,” Harry grinned even wider, his dimples peaking in his cheeks and Eggsy sighed in annoyance.

“I refuse to believe in an establishment that uses names from Arthurian tales, that they just so happened to find a man named Merlin to run the technology and training departments. That just doesn’t happen,” Eggsy shook his head.

“Ask him yourself then, in a week if you don’t believe me,” Harry chuckled and put a hand on Eggsy’s arm.

“Alright I will,” Eggsy swore.

 

They fell into an easy silence as Harry took his spot in the chair. Eggsy looked up at him, and was suddenly aware of how tired he was. It had been a very long two weeks. He had been captured, beaten, raped, drugged, humiliated, and shot...but he had come out of it alive, even if he wasn’t altogether well.

“You look tired,” Harry spoke, mirroring his own thoughts.

“So do you,” he replied.

“Maybe we should both get some sleep then?” Harry suggested and looked to the vacant bed a few feet away.

“Probably best,” Eggsy agreed.

Harry wheeled the bed closer to Eggsy’s, but didn’t quite let them touch. He undressed down to his trousers and undershirt and then climbed into the bed. Eggsy watched him as he got settled.

“Why the gap?” he asked as Harry’s head hit the pillow.

“I know what happened to you Eggsy. That takes a toll, even if you think it doesn’t. Rape...changes a person. Sometimes it’s best to give it a little time, and a little space,” Harry reasoned, voice soft. Eggsy didn’t particularly want to talk about it, but he had his answer.

“Harry?”

“Yes Eggsy?”

“I’m not gonna let Delaware kill you,” he whispered.

“I know. Neither am I,” Harry agreed.

“I’ll help you pass the tests, whatever it takes. I promise.”

“I’ll pass them,” Harry assured him. Eggsy hoped he was right.

 

_We’re fucked if he doesn’t._

 

* * *

 

Hazel shuffled into the hospital room to check on her patient and make sure he didn’t need anything. She yawned wide, wishing she still had the night shift. The early mornings were killing her. She stopped halfway in the room as she noticed there were two people sleeping in the room instead of one. She smiled as she looked at them, both asleep, facing each other. They were hand in hand, meeting in the middle of the two beds. She watched for a moment, then turned around and left them, shutting the door as softly as she could. Maybe the morning shift wasn’t so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus ends my breakneck spree of chapter updating! I'll try to update as often as I can, but it probably will go back to 2-3 day increments now. Sorry I can't keep spoiling you all with daily updates!


	21. No Right Answers

“You mind tellin’ me what it is you’re playin’ at?” Eggsy snarled as he strode into the room without knocking. Delaware looked up from her computer at his words, and while she seemed initially startled, she didn’t exactly seem surprised to see him. She sighed and closed her laptop, then regarded him without saying anything for a few moments before standing.

“Walk with me,” she led the way out of the room. Eggsy scowled, but followed her. She didn’t speak as she walked. He followed, wondering where they were going. Eventually they made their way into one of the auxiliary offices of the estate. The room had several large flat screens lining the wall far wall. She sat down at the computer desk and motioned for him to have a seat. He sat.

 

“I’ve known Galahad for more years than you’ve been alive, Excalibur. He’s been a part of this institution for an incredibly long time, and he’s been one of our most valuable agents during that time,” she started.

“Funny way of showing him that, what with the “pass or die” incentive,” Eggsy spat. Just because she knew Harry longer, didn’t give her the licence to kill him if she desired.

“I’m sorry you see it that way,” she replied coolly.

“How else am I supposed to see it?” he asked, dumbfounded. She went to work on the computer, eyes searching for something as she spoke next.

“The way a leader would see it,” she said as three screens came to life, all with different feeds on them. The one in the middle he recognized immediately. That was the feed from Harry’s glasses from Kentucky. The one on the left he didn’t recognize at all. The one on the right seemed familiar, but he couldn't place it.

“You’re bright. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. I want you to watch these, and tell me the differences that you see,” she hit play, and all three started. There was no sound, just video.

He didn’t really need to watch the church video again. It was already engraved in his mind from the first time he had seen it. The first video was interesting. It was in an industrial building, and there were armed people everywhere. Not long into the video the armed people engaged whoever the feed belonged to. His gaze flicked to the final screen and he felt an unpleasant jolt as he realized that it was the building with the red door from Venezuela. It was Harry’s feed.

That meant the first one had to be Harry’s feed too. He wanted to watch the first feed, but he couldn't tear his eyes off of the last one. Harry was as competent as Eggsy had ever seen him. He recognized some of the people that Harry was killing, and he didn’t feel remorse for it. They deserved what they got, in the end.

The church scene ended first, and began to reply. The second one to end was the feed from Venezuela. Then the one with the warehouse. Each time they ended, they’d start to loop again. He watched for a long time, each feed, not saying anything. Comparing, contrasting, gathering the data that Delaware wanted him to see with growing anxiety.

 

“Enough,” he managed at last and she turned them off. She gazed at him, hands folded in front of her, waiting for his answer.

“He didn’t kill anyone in the first one. Sure, he caused damage...kneecaps, elbows, hands, but he didn’t take a single headshot. His fighting style was a bit less refined, and he took a long time too. Used diversion tactics. Distraction techniques. Still efficient, and brutal if he needed to be, if someone got too close...but he didn’t take anyone out,” he felt numb as he spoke.

“And in the second?” she asked.

“He was a pure killer...but that wasn’t him, that was Va-” he stopped when she held up a hand.

“I am aware of what was done to Galahad by the device. Tell me what you saw,” she prompted again.

“He killed everyone. Without hesitation, without mercy, without discrimination. Men and women,” he replied miserably.

“And the third?” she asked.

Eggsy was silent for a while, thinking over what he had seen, trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach long enough to be able to string together a coherent thought. He knew where she was coming from now, knew the conclusion she had drawn, but it didn’t make him hate her any less.

“He killed everyone that wasn’t an innocent. It was just as brutal as the church...and he even killed the men who were trying to surrender. The ones who had given up their guns. The ones who didn’t want to fight anymore,” he chewed on his lower lip, not wanting to continue. Delaware hummed in approval.

“I don’t want you to get the idea that before the church that Galahad never took a life. That would be a blatant lie. He’s always been one of our most efficient at getting the job done, whatever it takes. This, however, is not consistent with how he reacted to situations before Valentine’s device,” Delaware explained.

“He told me, before he went to Kentucky...that Kingsmen don’t justify taking a life unnecessarily,” Eggsy remembered Harry’s words, so heavily tinged with disappointment as he chastised Eggsy for failing his final Kingsman test.

“Do his actions in Venezuela remain consistent with the words he spoke to you?” Delaware asked.

“No,” he replied heavily.

“No,” she agreed and he met her gaze when he heard the sadness in her tone. His gaze hardened a moment later as he remembered something else.

“It is consistent with the mission you sent me on though,” he reminded her, “you specifically told us to take out as many of those bastards as we could.”

“I told you and Nevada to take out as many as you could, not Galahad. Not an agent who hadn’t been cleared for field duty. Not an agent that I was keeping an eye on for just this reason. He didn’t just kill those people, Excalibur, he slaughtered them,” she pulled up a still image onto the screen.

“Worst of all, he enjoyed it,” she motioned to the still. Harry’s likeness was reflected in a mirror, and there was a smile on his face. Eggsy closed his eyes briefly.

  
  


“I understand you two are...involved with each other?” she sniffed and he felt his stomach twist at the question. He considered lying, but what would be the point?

“Yes, we are,” he agreed, wondering if he had just condemned them both.

“Then I pray that the reason he had the smile on his face was because he was hurting the people who hurt you, and not that he was deriving pleasure from taking their lives for the simple fact that he could,” she switched off the image and met his gaze.

“My other concern is his field test results, couple along side his actual field work. He failed those tests, and he wasn’t ready to go back into the field,” she pulled up the results from his weapon tests, and Eggsy could see that his aim was all over the place.

“Yet when he was in the field, he showed none of the incompetencies that his test suggested. Not all of that can be attributed to adrenaline,” she sighed as she looked at the results and then turned her gaze to him.

“You, of all people, should understand my concerns. You’ve seen the disaster that happens when an agent goes rogue. You saw it in Arthur, and you took care of it. We all owe you a debt of gratitude for that, but could you bring yourself to do the same to Galahad, if it comes down to it?” she asked.

He thought about it for a long time before answering. It was an impossible question, with no right answers. So he answered honestly.

“I don’t think I could,” he sighed.

“That is the very thing I am afraid of. Galahad is very close to most of the agents here. He’s well liked, intelligent, good at what he does and he is kind. Most of all he is respected as both an agent, and as a person. My greatest fear in this situation is that he will turn and no one will be able...or willing to stop him,” she explained.

“He won’t though, I know he won’t,” he replied fiercely. She gave a sad smile in return.

“You are young and optimistic Excalibur. I hope you’re right. I really do. We’d hate to lose him, especially to himself,” she shook her head.

“Then what can we do?” he asked, at a loss.

“Exactly what I’m already implementing. I’m sending him to our top psychiatrist so he can get additional assistance working through this.”

“Didn’t know we had psychiatrists,” Eggsy admitted.

“We have several in our employ. Taking care of our agents doesn’t stop at physical health. It would be foolish to neglect the mental aspect of our job, especially when dealing with the often questionable moral nature of what we do,” she informed him.

“Makes sense, I guess,” he shrugged.

“I suggest you take the opportunity to seek out one of our psychiatrists for yourself,” she stated.

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” he bristled.

“I never insinuated there was, and I made the same suggestion to Lancelot upon her return. You both have been through traumatic experiences on your last mission, I’d hate to see you suffer because of it. Our professionals are trained to handle these types of things, and I want you to know you have the option of using them, should you need them,” Delaware assured him with a surprisingly gentle smile.

“Yeah, alright. I’ll give it some thought,” he stated, though he was unsure if he’d follow through with her offer or not. His thoughts returned to his panic attack, only three days ago. If he had another one of those, he might take her up on it. Maybe it would help.

“I know this is difficult for you both to understand, but I’m trying my best to protect what’s left of our institution. It’s not an easy job, and it doesn’t make me the most likable person, but someone has to do it, and I was chosen as that person. Do you understand why I’m doing this a bit better now?” she asked, gaze steady on him.

“I do understand. I still think you’re a bit mental...but I get it,” he sighed, wishing he could have held onto that anger he had seethed with upon entering her office earlier. What she had showed him had made sense though, and he did understand it. He still didn’t have to like it though.

“Good. I also want to formally apologize to you for pulled Kay from his post after the loss of Nevada. I...over reacted, thinking that you were a lost cause. You’re still a new agent, and I assumed incorrectly that you would not fulfill your duty. It was a mistake I will not make again,” she bowed her head for a moment and then looked back up at him.

“Yeah, well...you’re frontin’ my medical bills so I can’t complain too much,” he stated as he put a hand to his cheek. It was healing nicely. Talking was easier now than it had been, and in another day he could take off the bandage and let it air out.

“This is true,” she replied with a small smile, “anything else?”

“No, that’s it.”

“Good. I expect a full report on your mission now that you’ve been released from the medical ward. No later than seven tonight. Dismissed,” she stood and he took his leave.

He had an awful lot to think about...but his first order of business was to get that report written while everything was still fresh in his mind.

 

* * *

 

Eggsy stood at the door to his house, not entering or leaving, just staring at the doorknob, as if it would do something without his aid. He didn’t know why he was so nervous to see his mother and baby sister, but he was. Maybe it was because he knew that what had happened in Venezuela had changed him, or maybe it was just that he still wasn’t sure how he was going to explain the hole in his cheek. He took a steadying breath and then walked into the house.

He was hit with a warm waft of savory spices as he stepped into the foyer. His mother hadn’t cooked a lot when Dean was around, they preferred going out, but it seemed that now she was back on her own, she had picked up her cookbook again. He found that his mouth was watering something fierce, and he realized that it was the first time he’d been hungry since his return. Not that he could eat much with his wound, but he could manage some things if he was careful and kept the food on the other side of his mouth.

Eggsy poked his head into the kitchen where his mother was pulling a large casserole dish out of the oven. She was humming to herself as she placed the dish on the stovetop, and she was doing a little dance as she did so as well. He grinned. He hadn’t seen her this happy in years. Chasing Dean away from his family had been the best thing he had ever done.

 

“EGGY!” the tiny voice cried from the far corner of the room and he watched his mother start in surprise, an oven mitt covered hand going to her chest as she turned around to see him. Sophie had caught sight of him and toddled over to him as fast as her tiny legs could carry her. He knelt down as she tossed herself into his arms. He picked her up and spun her around, enjoying the shriek of laughter that bubbled out of her.

“My goodness, you’re getting so big Soph!” he crooned as he rubbed a thumb over a cheek that was a lot less pudgy than it had been the last time he had done it. She was growing alarmingly fast, as only very small children seemed to do.

“Oh! Sweetheart what happened to your face!” his mother exclaimed as she caught sight of his bandage and swept over to him, tilting his chin with one hand to get a better look. Sophie caught sight of the bandage.

“Boo-boo!” she stated sagely as she looked at it with wide eyes.

“Yeah, a big boo-boo. Want to know how I got it?” he asked and Sophie nodded slowly, eyes fixated on him as he spoke.

“Oh, well you see, I had to go rescue a princess from a big, mean dragon. The princess was trapped in a big tall tower that had no doors. So, I had to get in somehow. You see, I had to climb up the vines on the outside, and I climbed up and up and up...and up and up until I got to the window. And do you know what was in the room when I got there?” he asked.

“Princess?” Sophie asked.

“No! It was the wicked old dragon! And he told me that someone else had already saved the princess, and that I was too late. He was the only one left in the tower, so I asked him if he could give me a ride back to the ground, cause I was sooooo tired from climbing the tower. Do you know what he said?”

“Noooo,” she giggled.

“He said he had nothin’ better to do so I climbed on his back and he flew me all the way home. Except I’m not a very good dragon rider, and he took a turn a bit too fast and do you know what happened next?” he asked as he hoisted her high in the air above him, pretending like she was the flying dragon. She giggled wildly.

“Well I fell off! Of course I did, I wasn’t wearing my dragon seatbelt! So I tumbled all the way to the ground, and landed right on my cheek. Ouch!” He dropped his arms and she let out a shriek as she fell. He caught her before she hit the floor and she cackled as he scooped her back up onto his hip.

“So I patched myself up, and then took a taxi and I came home, and do you know what I found?” he asked, eyes wide. She shook her head.

“I found a princess after all!” he tickled her and she burst into giggles again. He thought it might be the best sound in the whole world. He glanced up to see the amused, but still concerned face of his mother.

 

“Well that sounds exhausting sweetheart. Does the brave hero want some supper? I made some shepherd's pie,” she motioned to the stove. He swooped in and gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

“That sounds fantastic mum,” he replied. And it was.

 

* * *

 

After helping to clear the table he offered to give Sophie her bath and to put her to bed so his mother could have a night off for once. She took him up on it gratefully and poured herself a glass of wine before settling down with a book in front of the fireplace. As he made his way upstairs, he heard her ask if he’d be staying the night or if he was off again. He assured her that he’d stay for the night, and even offered to make breakfast the next morning. Pleased with his reply, she went back to her book, and he went to bathe the 2 year old.

Sophie was surprisingly well behaved for her bath, and after retelling her the story about his mishap with the dragon (embellishing things and making it more dramatic the second time) she dropped off fairly quickly. He quietly shut the door and slipped into his own room, then plopped onto the bed and sighed. He phoned Harry to let him know that he’d be staying the night at his own place, and tried not to smile at the disappointed sound Harry had made.

Harry had stayed with him each night in the medical ward, taking the bed next to his and every morning they had woken up hand in hand, in the space between the beds. He had originally planned on staying with Harry on his first night out of the hospital. If he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t sure he was ready for sleeping next to Harry again. He wasn’t sure if it was just that he was still bothered by the fact that Harry had lied to him, or if it was that he was afraid that he wasn’t ready for being that close to someone again after what had happened in Venezuela.

Regardless, he had promised his mother that he’d stay and he didn’t want to break that promise. He hadn’t spent a lot of time at home since becoming a Kingsman, and his mother and Sophie both deserved better. After his last mission he realized what he was missing out on, and had promised himself that he’d make more time for them. Maybe he’d even get around to telling his mom about Harry, although he was fairly sure she’d go mental if she recognized Harry for who he was. They hadn’t exactly ended on good terms the last time he had spoken with her, eighteen years ago.

He curled into his sheets in his favorite sleeping fashion, shirtless with sweatpants, and enjoyed the feeling of a warm bed, and familiar detergent smell. It wasn’t the same room that he had grown up in, but it felt almost more like home than the other ever had. He suspected that it was because he’d never have to worry about Dean bursting through the door in a rage. He could let him guard down here. It was a good feeling, a comfortable feeling. Eggsy took a deep breath and let himself relax. Sleep took him surprisingly fast. The universe took pity on him for once, and left him without nightmares. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out! The next chapter will have more Harry and Eggsy together, I promise.


	22. Walk With The Noise

Harry tried not to sound as disappointed as he felt when Eggsy told him that he wouldn’t be coming over for the night. Although it had only been a few weeks since Eggsy last stayed, it felt like it had been much longer. So much had happened between then and now, between them and others. Eggsy was already in a precarious state upon returning from his mission, both physically and emotionally, and his transgression with the amnesia dart hadn’t helped their relationship. He wasn’t entirely sure where they stood in their relationship now, and he had hoped to resolve the rest of the tension between them when Eggsy visited. That was shot to shit now that he had decided to stay home. Not that Harry could blame him, he had a family to attend to. Eggsy had seen Harry far more than he had seen his mother and sister lately, and it wasn’t fair to try to keep him from them. It didn’t mean he had to like it.

His plans for the night thus shot, he settled onto his sofa with the intent of starting a novel he had been putting off for over a year, a recommendation from Kay who was Kingsman’s most avid reader. Four pages into the novel his mind wandered. Five pages into the book and his eyes wandered too. He came back to himself several moments later, breaking out of his thoughts with a sigh. The book made a satisfyingly crisp sound as he snapped it closed. He looked around the room for a moment, at a loss of what to do with himself.

His gaze had lingered on the journal that sat on his end table, and he suddenly knew what to do with his free time. He hadn’t written in it for quite some time, and although he hadn’t had one of his bad migraines in a while, the thought of losing his memories was still frightening enough to spur him into action.

Picking up the journal and pen he flipped to the last entry and read the last paragraph. Tapping the pen against his knee he thought about the next entry, and a moment later he picked up where he left off, lettering neatly in the open space beneath the last paragraph. He wrote slowly, methodically, concentrating on making his writing legible and smooth. There was still weakness in his dominant side, and his right hand still had a slight tremor to it, but with enough patience he could still write smoothly if he concentrated hard enough on what he was doing.

He wrote for a long time, filling up the pages until his hand ached with the process of it all. Putting the pen down, he flexed his fingers and let the ink dry on the page. He glanced at the watch Eggsy had given him as a gift and he checked the time. It was two in the morning. As he realized what time it was, he also realized how tired he was. He yawned and then re-read the last paragraph he had written. A frown creased his brow as he looked at the words on the page. When he had written them they had made sense, but now it seemed like his writing had blank spots in it. Deciding that he was simply too tired to function properly, he put the journal and pen back on the end table and stood.

Pain flared sudden and hot behind his left eye as he got to his feet. He felt, more than heard the breath hiss from his lungs as his left hand flew to his face, covering his eye like it would help. It didn’t. Knowing what was coming next, he lurched to the bathroom as the nausea wrapped around his midsection like a vice. The rushing sound of blood in his ears was all he could concentrate on as he stumbled into the bathroom, not bothering with the light. He made it to the toilet, but only just.

_This usually helps._

The thought ran through his head again and again as he heaved until there was nothing left. The pain pulsed hot and heavy behind his eye, as persistent now as it had been before he had lost the battle with his stomach. He opened his eyes and a low groan escaped, sounding as if it was a thousand miles away. His right eye was fine, but he could see nothing but different shades of dark shadows from the left one. Blinking hard he tried to restore his vision, but it didn’t help and the effort made his head pound more.

Harry shut the lid of the toilet and flushed away the remains of his dinner before getting to shaky feet. He leaned on the sink with his forearms and turned on the tap, letting the water come out in a cold trickle. He rinsed out his mouth, then washed his face quickly. He fumbled his way to his bedroom, moving mostly from memory than sight, and he fell gratefully into his bed, not bothering to change. His head hurt too much to even think about getting into something more comfortable.

Numbly he reached for his phone. He whimpered as the backlight shone like the sun in the darkness of his bedroom. Somehow he managed to punch in his passcode and the phone unlocked. With numb fingers he pushed the brightness as dim as it would go, and began to send a text to Eggsy to let him know to not come over tomorrow until he called. As he looked at the phone his mind wouldn’t make sense of the letters on the screen, and he knew it was a lost cause. Tossing the phone aside he reached on to his bedside stand where he kept a small notepad and pen. He wrote a short note, hoping that it made sense more than it looked, and he placed it on the edge of the bed, where Eggsy would see it if he showed up before the migraine ended.

Remotely he thought about the pills that Dr. Hannigan had given him for just such an occasion. He couldn’t even conceive of where the bottle was in his current state. His mind went briefly to his last headache, and how long that had lasted. If this was anything like that one, he was in for a long, sleepless night filled with pain.

_Please stop. Please._

 

* * *

    

Breakfast was a quiet affair. He made pancakes in the shape of Mickey Mouse for Sophie, and scrambled eggs with bacon for him and his mum. He allowed Sophie to drown the pancakes in syrup, much to his mother’s dismay. Grinning he had fled from the room as she turned her glare on him. She’d have to deal with the sugar high later. He had plans for the rest of his day.

He turned the water as hot as it would go. In the past he hadn’t enjoyed really hot showers, but after what he had been through, he still never felt fully clean. Even after his skin was scalded and scrubbed until he was red and raw, the lingering feeling that he was tainted still remained. He knew it was in his head. All traces from his time in South America had been firmly washed away, but you couldn’t wash your brain. That he’d have to deal with on his own.

Eggsy stepped into the shower, wincing at the sting, and then relaxing as his skin reddened and he got used to the feeling. He started with shampoo and massaged it into his scalp, wincing a little as he moved over the back of his head which was still tender. That made him think of ARC, and his eventual removal and repair.

 

“Will you forget everything we went through when Merlin fixes you?” Eggsy asked softly.

||The experiences are logged in my back-up database, and will be uploaded to the main server once the repairs are finished.||

“Yeah, but will you be the same? You know, talking to me instead of Merlin or Harry?”

||The need for such functionality will not be necessary if transmissions are restored.||

“I get that, but I mean...could you, if you wanted to?” Eggsy sighed in exasperation, wishing ARC wasn’t always so literal.

||Affirmative.||

“Well that’s good. Would I have to ask you to reply, or would you just offer advice if I needed it like before?”

||I shall offer assistance as it is requested.||

“So I have to ask you directly then,” Eggsy sighed in disappointment.

||Affirmative.||

“Damn,” he grumbled.

||My answer displeases you.||

“You’re kinda like a friend, yeah?” he admitted, “I like when you talk to me. Don’t feel so alone.”

||Friendship is not part of my programming.||

“But you have an A.I. system. Isn’t that something you can learn?” he asked, curious.

||The longer I am integrated with you, the more detailed data I can acquire on the subject. Once enough data is acquired on the subject, I will start processing and applying this to my interactions with you.||

“How much longer do you have to go on that one?” Eggsy asked, amused.

||Data acquisition is currently at 6%.||

“Long way to go,” Eggsy mused.

||At the current rate of data acquisition the estimated time is projected to be approximately 746.48 days.||

“Thats like…” he paused to do the math

||Approximately two years and sixteen days.||

“Oi, give me it like that next time. No one calculates in days,” Eggsy chided.

||Preferred format saved for future interactions.||    

Eggsy moved to the rest of his body, working up a thick lather with the soap, and scrubbing at his skin. He went easy on the tender spots, but those weren’t as bad as they had been. Another week and he’d be fully recovered, except for his face. That’d take another few weeks, and if he went through reconstruction surgery with the skin graft, that’d be at least a month.

 

“Do you want to be removed ARC?” he asked.

||I am malfunctioning.||

 “I didn’t ask if you think you should be removed, I asked if you want to be removed?” Eggsy tried again. There was a soft ticking sound, one he had grown familiar to hearing when ARC was trying to process his question and it took too long for a rapid reply.

||I cannot perform to my full potential in my current condition. Removal and repair will restore functionality which allows for full potential to be reached. Full potential must be restored for optimal results during missions.||

Eggsy opened his mouth to speak but that ticking sound was heard again and he waited for ARC to continue.

 

||Analysis concludes that if I had been fully functional during the mission, the outcome would have been more favorable.||

“The mission succeeded,” Eggsy frowned.

||Mission status was successful. Agent extraction status was considered a failure.||

“What, cause I got shot?” Eggsy asked, pausing in his scrubbing at ARC’s words.

||Affirmative.||

“But I lived,” Eggsy argued.

||Agent well-being upon extraction must be at 60% overall health to be considered a success.||

“That’s...well that’s kinda nice really. What’s the extraction status considered if I die? Still a failure?” he asked.

||Agent extraction status upon agent death and upon failure of emergency resuscitation protocol would result in a critical failure and immediate termination of my programming within your local device.||

Eggsy pondered on this as the water began to cool. He hadn’t been told about any emergency resuscitation protocol, or about ARC being terminated. Merlin had been very busy with ARC. He made a mental note to ask him more about it before he decided if he’d get ARC repaired or not.

 

“So, if I die, you die?”

||Negative. Death is a human condition.||

“But your A.I would be terminated? Isn’t that like death?”

||Negative. All local information would be uploaded upon critical failure before termination of the local device.||

“Oh, okay…” he trailed off.

“Eggsy, babe who are you talking to?” he heard his mom call from the other side of the bathroom door. He shut off the shower.

“Just on the phone mum,” he called.

“In the shower?” she sounded confused.

“No...I hopped out before I took the call. Just forgot to shut the water off. Sorry!” he apologized.

“You pay the water bill sweetheart, take as long as you need!” she replied and he heard her voice get fainter as she walked away.

Eggsy toweled off quickly and then rubbed the mist off of the mirror. He turned his head to look at the bandage on his cheek. Today was the day he could finally remove it. Part of him wanted to tear it off immediately to see what the damage was. The other half of him was scared and wanted to just leave it on. He’d had stitches before. Living with Dean for most of his life gave him quite a few unique medical experiences he otherwise might not have had. Those had been fairly small wounds though, nothing like what his cheek had gone through. He kept having visions of looking a bit like Frankenstein’s monster.

 

In the end he chickened out and left the bandage on. He didn’t want to scare Sophie if she happened to catch a look at it on his way out. There was a brief moment where he was thankful that his face had been waxed along with the rest of him. Trying to shave around his stitches would have been messy, and the results would be laughable.

 He put toothpaste on his toothbrush and mentally prepared himself for the task. It was by far the most uncomfortable part of his day. Opening his mouth that wide caused his stitches to pull and an uncomfortable twinge to radiate through his jaw. He tried to keep his mouth as closed as possible, but it was difficult to reach the very back of his mouth. Let alone how awful it felt to get toothpaste on the inside of his wound.

He did the best he could, rinsing with warm water, and then salt water as he was instructed. The swishing hurt more than the toothpaste, and he hated the burning, searing pain that radiated through him. That wasn’t the gunshot, or so the doctor had told him, but the burning on the inside of his cheek from the gun powder.

His other issue were the four teeth he had lost. One had been from before the gunshot, and the three around it had been taken out as well from the recoil. He didn’t remember seeing his teeth on the ground, and it was possible that he had swallowed them. It was also possible they had simply shattered. All he knew was that Kingsman had replaced his own teeth with implants that matched his real teeth nicely. His bite still felt a bit weird, but that could just be the swelling. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about cavities on that side.

The task done, he popped three Advil to help with the pain and then smoothed his hair with his fingers. Satisfied with his appearance, he returned to his room to get dressed and to get ready to go visit Harry. It was rather pitiful, but he already missed him. It hadn’t even been a full day and he was pining over the man like a teenager with a crush for the first time.

 

J.B. was waiting for him upon his return to his room, his little pug tail wagging so hard that his back end wobbled. Eggsy grinned lopsidedly, something he was getting in the habit of doing since his injury. It hurt to smile normally, so this would have to do. He dressed quickly and when he was finished he scooped up the dog. J.B. wasn’t a licker, thankfully, but he seemed happy enough to have the attention, panting happily as Eggsy scratched him behind the ears.

“I’ve been a shite owner, haven’t I? Goin’ away so long and leavin’ you with mum and Sophie. Soph been keepin’ you on your toes, yeah? Mum been walkin’ you every day?” he asked as if J.B. could answer. He scratched under J.B.’s chin and the dog closed his eyes in enjoyment, the way Eggsy knew he would. He had originally been irritated that J.B. wasn’t a bulldog, but not anymore. The pug had exceeded all his expectations, and he was the best first dog a man could ask for. He wouldn’t have traded him for a real bulldog if the opportunity had presented itself.

“I’d take you with me if I could, but you gotta stay here. I’ll give you a nice, proper walk when I get back, okay?” he told the pug, giving him one last good scratch before putting him down on the floor. J.B. shook himself, and then trotted out of the room as if satisfied with the affection he had received.

Eggsy followed the dog into the kitchen and saw that his mother was busy reading to Sophie at the table. He swept up behind her and gave her a small hug, then planted a kiss on Sophie’s head.

“You off again babe?” his mother asked.

“Yep, duty calls,” he shrugged.

“Gonna be home for dinner?”

“Not sure. I’ll send you a text, yeah?” he assured her and she nodded.

“Eggy! Up!” Sophie waved her arms at him and he placed a kiss on both upraised hands.

“How about when I get home? I have to go out for a bit, but I’ll be back! Oh, none of that, princesses don’t cry!” he soothed her as her face began to crumple. She didn’t cry though, just pouted on her mother’s lap.

“Atta girl,” Eggsy ruffled her hair and then left them to the story. He stepped out of the house taking a deep breath of fresh air, and then started for Harry’s house.

  

* * *

  

He knocked for a fifth time on Harry’s door, wondering where the hell he was and what was taking so long. They had agreed to meet this morning, after breakfast, but Harry wasn’t answering. Eggsy checked his phone, but there were no messages telling him that their plans had changed. He pushed the phone icon and the call started going through. Maybe Harry was in the shower? He did have a tendency to be fashionably late, but this was unlike him.   

As the call went to voicemail he started to get worried. Harry was very good about answering calls. He tried the door and found that it was unlocked. That was also unlike Harry. The man was meticulous about keeping things locked up at night.

Going into high alert, he stepped into the house and shut the door behind him, wishing that he was dressed for Kingsman duty instead of dressed in casual wear. He scanned the first floor, but found nothing amiss. Everything was where it should be, but there was no sign that Harry had made breakfast. Maybe he stepped out to grab something? He doubted that. Harry would have called or texted to let him know.  

With growing anxiety he took the stairs two at a time and made his way to the second floor. He went first to Harry’s bedroom. The door was cracked and he poked his head in. He saw the lump beneath the sheets and felt relief. Harry had apparently just overslept. He slipped into the room, shutting the door behind him. Harry didn’t move so much as a muscle.

 

There was a light swatch of something on the edge of the bed and he slowly crept over to the edge of the bed. It was a note, or what looked like one. He frowned as he picked it up, trying to make sense of what was written on the paper. Try as he may, it didn’t resemble anything even close to words. It didn’t look like a drawing either, and he had no idea what it was supposed to mean. It certainly wasn’t the neat script Harry normally wrote in. He tossed it aside and put a hand on Harry’s shoulder as he took a seat on the bed.

“Harry, hey. You’ve overslept something awful mate,” he whispered, giving Harry a small shake. He didn’t move.

“Harry!” Eggsy yelled this time as fear gripped him around the middle. Harry hated mornings, but he wasn’t a heavy sleeper. Touching his shoulder should have been more than enough to wake him.

He rolled Harry onto his back, and let out the breath he was holding as he saw Harry swallow. So he hadn’t died in his sleep. That was a relief, but not much of one. As he had rolled Harry over he got sight of his wrist. Lodged into it was the tiny amnesia dart. He looked at Harry’s watch, the one he had given him, and saw that it had been from his own watch.

 

“The fuck, Harry?” he asked the knocked out man, wondering what on earth had happened the night before. His thoughts went to the psych test that Harry was going to take. This wouldn’t bode well for that. Not at all. People didn’t just make themselves forget things on purpose. Why had he done it? What was that weird scribbled note that made no sense? When would he wake up?

Eggsy had no choice but to wait it out. So he did so, all while holding arguments with himself, trying to reason out what Harry had done, and why he had done it. It was all speculation, but the longer he thought about it, the worse his anxiety got. Whatever had happened hadn’t been good. He just hoped it wasn’t as bad as the scenarios that he was coming up with.

“What did you do Harry Hart?” he asked, but received no answer.

 

* * *

 

Waking from an amnesia dart was always like climbing a long ladder out of a very dark hole. You could see the light from the bottom of the ladder, but it was only a pinprick. The higher you climb, the clearer everything becomes, but it takes an incredibly long time to finally reach the top, and by the time you do, you’re left exhausted from the effort it took to get there.

The first thing he really became aware of was Eggsy’s voice. He was speaking in low tones, but Harry couldn’t make out all the words just yet. The second thing he was aware of was the strange feeling in his head. It felt like his other muscles did when he worked them too long, and too hard. Sore, overused, and a little bit numb. That feeling was familiar. He’d had it before. It was the post-migraine feeling. He didn’t recall having the headache though. Didn’t recall anything about the night before.

“Do you think he’d do that?” Eggsy asked from across the room. Harry caught the words this time. They sounded hushed, and he could make out the dismayed tone Eggsy used. He opened his eyes slowly, wincing at the light that was coming from behind the curtains. The sensitivity to light would linger for a few more hours, he was certain, but it would pass. The left eye was much more sensitive than the right, and the numb/tired feeling was stronger on that side of his head than the other. That too would fade in a day or two. Then he’d be back to normal.

“I know you need more data, just tell me what you think. Make a guess!” Eggsy snapped suddenly. His stance was rigid as he stood in the corner of the room, and Harry watched him with growing interest.

“Lot of help you are,” Eggsy grumbled a moment later. He certainly sounded like he was on the phone, but his hands were shoved in his pockets and Harry couldn’t see the Kingsman glasses looped over Eggsy’s ear either. Who was he talking to?

“I can’t just ask him, he isn—“ Eggsy turned towards him as he spoke and the words died on his lips. Harry blinked at him. No glasses, no Bluetooth device, and no phone.

“Who are you talking to?” Harry asked with a frown. Eggsy’s face flushed pink as he made his way to Harry’s side and took a seat on the edge of the bed.

“What did you do Harry?” he asked, ignoring his question. His eyes were hard and his usually readable expression was carefully wiped clean after his initial flush.

“Well, I—“ he began, and then stopped as he thought about it, “I don’t remember.”

“Harry. I found an amnesia dart in your arm,” Eggsy growled.

“That explains why I don’t remember then,” he deadpanned. Eggsy didn’t find the situation as amusing. He held up a notepad with…something scribbled on it. Harry frowned as he saw it, then took it and turned the paper a few different directions, trying to make sense of it.

“What’s this?” he asked at last and Eggsy groaned in irritation.

“I was hoping you would tell me, yeah?” Eggsy sighed again, put out. Harry couldn’t help but smile at how frustrated his young lover was.

“I might be able to offer an explanation,” he tried.

“Oh, you might?” Eggsy asked, petulant.

“I believe I have had one of my bad migraines. My head feels…numb…tired. Very tired. That’s not the amnesia serum, that’s post-migraine fatigue,” he admitted and rubbed the side of his head, above his left eye.

“You get them a lot?” Eggsy asked, petulance turning to concern in a fraction of a second.

“Before getting shot, no. After? They are becoming…more frequent,” he admitted, “and more intense. I didn’t feel this exhausted last time.”

 

He picked up the notepad again and observed it. It didn’t look like anything at all, but he had to have written it. No one else had been in the house with him…or had they? He couldn’t remember. The last time he’d had a migraine he remembered having trouble with words and understanding things, so it was possible he had tried to leave a message. If the pain had gotten worse than it had last time, as the post-migraine fatigue suggested, he might have taken measures to end the pain. He glanced to the nightstand, but there was no medication on it.

“If this one was like my last one…or worse than my last one, I may have taken measures to eliminate the pain in any way possible. I don’t see the medication that Dr. Hannigan prescribed to me, so it’s possible that was the course of action I took, the amnesia dart I mean. I think…I think I tried to let you know,” he rubbed his head above the scar from the bullet, wishing he could remember and that he’d never remember all at once.

“Is the pain that bad? Last time I checked you had a pretty high pain tolerance Harry,” Eggsy replied with a frown that was half concern, half skepticism. Harry didn’t blame him for his reaction. If he was in Eggsy’s shoes, he’d likely feel the same way.

“It isn’t only painful, it’s debilitating. I can’t do anything when they hit but hold on and wait until it passes. I can see myself doing something like that, if I had nothing else to try and take the edge off. The last time I had one it lasted seven hours, and I couldn’t even sleep it off,” he rubbed at his temple again then looked at his watch. One of his own darts was missing. There were still two left. So he had used it. His eye caught the time as he let his wrist fall.   

“How long have you been here Eggsy?” he asked, sitting up and ignoring the dizziness that accompanied it.

“Two hours,” Eggsy replied.

“I’ve missed our appointment. I apologize for making you worry, and for ruining our plans,” he apologized with a grimace.

“It’s not...ugh…Harry. Are you okay?” Eggsy asked, worry making his face a mask of concern and anxiety.

“I will be. I could use some Ibuprofen, and a shower,” Harry admitted.

“I mean it Harry. Are you okay? Should you see Dr. Hannigan again, if the pain is that bad?” Eggsy insisted.

“If I have another, I will seek out Dr. Hannigan again. I will also keep my medication closer at hand next time as well. It may help,” Harry assured him.

“You know that this isn’t going to be good if Delaware gets wind of it, yeah?” Eggsy grimaced.

“Well, I won’t tell her if you won’t,” Harry managed a smile. Eggsy sighed and shook his head.

“Go take a shower old man, I’ll go make you some lunch and get you some meds,” Eggsy stood but Harry caught his hand, rooting him in place.

“Thank you for understanding Eggsy, and for not getting angry with me,” Harry squeezed Eggsy’s hand.

“Oh I’m right ticked, mate…but I’ve had a migraine before. Once. It was awful, but I slept it off. I can’t imagine not being able to sleep…or having it for more than an hour. I can’t say I blame you. I just wish you’d told me about it. Didn’t even know you got migraines,” Eggsy muttered but squeezed his hand back, then let it drop.

“I didn’t know if it would be a recurring problem or not. I was planning on telling you if it happened again,” Harry admitted.

“Yeah. Okay,” Eggsy shrugged in a way that Harry didn’t like, but he said nothing about it. “Go take a shower Harry, I’ll meet you downstairs,” Eggsy ordered and then turned from the room and went to go make breakfast. Harry sighed, wondering if he was unintentionally trying to sabotage his own relationship with Eggsy or not.

 

_I’ll make it up to him. He deserves better than this._

 

* * *

 

With a decent meal and two ibuprofen in his stomach, he felt a lot more like himself than he had when he initially woken up. The numb feeling in his head still hadn’t abated yet, but that would take several days before he felt back to normal, if the last time was anything to go by. He hoped it would, because he still had a lot of work to do. With less than five months to prove himself as an able Kingsman again, he couldn’t afford setbacks like this.

“Eggsy, you never answered my question,” Harry reminded him as he cleaned up his dishes from lunch. Eggsy had already cleaned the rest of them, leaving him with not much to do.

“Eh? Which one?” Eggsy asked.

“The one about who you were talking to in my room. You didn’t have your glasses on, and you weren’t on the phone,” Harry reminded him.

“Just myself,” Eggsy replied, much too quickly. Harry leveled a look at him and Eggsy sighed, caught in his lie. Harry knew what people sounded like when they spoke to others, rather than themselves.

“Should I tell him?” Eggsy asked, and Harry almost replied before he realized that Eggsy wasn’t talking to him. Eggsy looked up and to the right as he listened to something only he could hear.

“Yeah, alright,” he agreed as his stance relaxed and he looked back at Harry. He chewed on his lower lip for a moment before he spoke again.

“It’s ARC. Merlin’s program,” Eggsy began, as if Harry didn’t know what ARC was and who made it.

“The program is talking to you?” Harry asked.

“Yeah. He is,” Eggsy agreed.

“He is. The program identifies as male?” Harry frowned.

“Yeah..wait, you’re hung up on his gender and not the fact that a program is talking to me in my head?” Eggsy shook his head, confused.

“It just seems odd for a computer program to purposely decide something like that,” Harry thought back to the last time he and Merlin had spoken about ARC and it’s capabilities. Merlin had called ARC a he then as well. Maybe it was something he had programmed into the system?

“So you’re not...like, worried that the program talks to me?” Eggsy asked, face contorted in confusion as he studied Harry.

“I’m not sure it matters what I think. I didn’t design it, and I don’t know of many of the capabilities that Merlin programmed into it. Although I’m fairly certain he hadn’t gotten around to having the program communicate directly with you yet, but it might have been in the pipeline. To really know, you’d have to talk to Merlin,” Harry shrugged.

“I think if I tell Merlin he’s going to want to take it out,” Eggsy shifted on his feet looking uncomfortable.

“Most likely. He will want to know everything, and you’ll be talking for a while. Might want to wait until your cheek is healed up better. Weren’t you supposed to take the bandage off today?” Harry asked with a sudden frown.

“Uh, yeah. I didn’t want to scare Sophie though,” he admitted with a shy look. Harry read between the lines.

“Would you like me to help get it off?” he asked.

“Yeah, alright.”

Harry led them into the upstairs bathroom, which was larger and had a bigger mirror on the wall. Eggsy leaned against the sink with his hip as Harry shut the door behind them. He positioned himself in front of Eggsy and watched as Eggsy took a deep breath and then turned his head so the bandage was facing Harry.

“Ready?” Harry asked.

“No,” Eggsy replied.

“Eggsy.”

“Yeah, fine. Just do it,” Eggsy let out his breath in a rush.

 

Harry carefully worked at the edge of the bandage, removing the tape that held it in place. He worked as gently, but swiftly as he could. He noticed halfway into removing the bandage that Eggsy kept his gaze firmly on his face, watching him as he worked. It didn’t take long before the wound was finally exposed. His heart clenched at the sight of the wound, one that he had indirectly been responsible for.

“It’s healing nicely,” Harry grinned, trying not to let it show how bad he felt for causing Eggsy this pain. Eggsy slowly turned his head and looked at it in the mirror. He made a face, and tilted his head left and right.

“Thought it’d be bigger, to be honest,” Eggsy admitted as he tilted his chin up.

“I thought so too. For yours, and for mine,” Harry agreed.

“Still handsome though,” Eggsy grinned, his mouth tilting up on the uninjured side. Harry laughed despite himself. It hadn’t been a question.

“Don’t be cheeky,” he admonished.

“Only on the one side,” Eggsy winked and they both laughed. The joke would get old eventually, but it hadn’t yet.

“This’ll scar, yeah?” Eggsy asked as his laughter died down.

“Yes, but it shouldn’t be too bad,” Harry assured him.

“Wicked,” Eggsy looked entirely too excited about the prospect.

“You don’t mind?” Harry asked, puzzled.

“Nah, not really. No one gets through life without a few, and this’ll make one hell of a story. Not everyone survives getting shot in the face you know! Oh, you do know,” Eggsy’s face went alarmingly red, except for where the stitches were.

“I do, and you’re not wrong. Scars do tell stories. How did you get this one?” he asked as he brushed his thumb across Eggsy’s eyebrow, over the thin scar that cut through it.

“Oh that’s not a good story,” Eggsy waved it off with a flippant hand. When Harry wouldn't remove his hand though Eggsy sighed, resigned.

“I lost my balance on the balance beam when trying to do a backbend when I was eight. Fell face first, right on the edge. Split my eyebrow right open. Got blood all over the beam. Made one girl faint,” Eggsy chuckled and Harry grinned at the thought, and then let his hand drop.

 

“How bout you Harry. I know you have quite a few stories to tell,” Eggsy asked.

“Nonsense. I have no such stories,” Harry feigned ignorance. Eggsy caught his right arm and pushed up the sleeve of his sweater. Near the crook of his arm was a round scar the exact size of a cigarette.

“No such stories, eh?” Eggsy raised his eyebrows, making his own scar more prominent.

“You know what that one is,” Harry remarked, brushing a hand over Eggsy’s shoulder where a similar burn mark was located, although that one hadn’t scarred as badly as his had. Eggsy had been younger than he had when he received it. It was a thought that made his heart twist in his chest.

“Indulge me, yeah?” Eggsy asked.

“Alright. That was a gift from my father. For forgetting to knock before entering his study,” Harry admitted.

“Shit, Harry. This isn’t fun anymore,” Eggsy looked mortified. Harry laughed.

“I don’t mind. I’m frankly surprised I even remember it. I don’t remember much from that time, not really. Barely anything from school even...but that I remember. I wanted to talk to him about something, I don’t remember what, but I do remember that he was shagging one of the maids when I walked in,” he mused.

“No, he didn’t! Was he still married to your mum?” Eggsy looked horrified.

“Of course he was. That’s why he was so angry with me,” Harry admitted.

“Did your mum find out?” Eggsy asked.

“She already knew. Not that she cared, really. She was shagging our neighbor,” he laughed again at Eggsy’s expression.

“Fuckin’ hell Harry,” Eggsy shook his head in disbelief.

“The silver spoon doesn’t make much of a difference really, you’ll find that deep down, most people are the same regardless of social standing,” he admitted.

“Well, if I ever get married, I promise I won’t go shagging the maid,” Eggsy assured him.

“And I promise I won’t go shagging the neighbor,” Harry replied with a wry grin, skirting around the comment about getting married.

“Deal,” Eggsy agreed and stuck out his hand. They shook on it, and they both laughed again. It felt good to laugh after they had been through so much. Their relationship had grown tense, but he could feel it slipping back into the easy camaraderie that they had before Venezuela.

 

“Hey, Harry?” Eggsy asked after they had returned to the kitchen.

“Mmm?” he looked over at him.

“You haven’t kissed me since I left for my mission...I mean I know we had some rough spots, but I just...you haven’t…I don’t know...lost interest?” Eggsy shuffled his feet, looking a bit put out.

“No Eggsy,” Harry admonished, “I most certainly have not lost interest. I just know what you’ve been through. I didn’t want to push you into anything. Plus, I didn’t want to hurt you. You are still healing.”

“Oh,” is all Eggsy replied with.

Harry swept to his side and placed a light kiss on the corner of his mouth, on the side without the stitches. He felt Eggsy’s lips twitch into a half smile as he did so, and then Eggsy turned his head into the kiss. It was careful, and tentative, but no less enjoyable. When they broke apart he let his forehead fall against Eggsy’s. His eyes slipped shut.

 

“Will you stay tonight? Just to sleep, nothing more if you don’t want to. I won’t push you into anything Eggsy,” Harry breathed softly.

“What if I want you to push, Harry?” Eggsy asked, that edge of petulant teasing in his tone.

“Then you’ll have to ask nicely,” Harry told him.

“I think I can manage that,” Eggsy replied and then kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fairly long chapter for you guys for waiting so long. :)
> 
> The more I write ARC, the happier I am with how he's turning out. So enjoyable to write!


	23. Broken Silence

In the end, Harry was right. He simply wasn’t ready for more intense stages of intimacy just yet. It wasn’t for lack of trying. He desperately wanted to, but his body wouldn’t cooperate, even with Harry’s easy assurance that it wasn’t a problem. The events of Venezuela were still too fresh in mind and body. So he lay naked in Harry’s bed, covered by the sheet, unfulfilled and frustrated.

 

“I wasn’t just saying things to placate you Eggsy, I mean it. If you’re not ready you aren’t ready,” Harry had soothed him with kind eyes and an understanding kiss to his hand. Eggsy was eternally grateful for his consideration, but it still left a sour taste in his mouth. He felt inadequate.

“It’s just shit, this is,” he grumbled bitterly.

“It’s perfectly normal Eggsy.”

“It isn’t though. I’m not…I just…damn it I want to make you happy Harry,” Eggsy cried as he looked away from his bedmate.

“Eggsy,” Harry reached over and lightly put a hand under his chin, bringing his gaze back to him, “I don’t need sex to be happy. Just having you here is enough.”

“You just…deserve so much more,” Eggsy sighed, wishing things were the way they had been before he had been shipped off to South America. Harry deserved the vibrant, eager thing he had been less than a month ago.

 

“I’m a patient man Eggsy, I can wait.”

“Yeah? And what if I’m never ready? What if I never get over…this?” he motioned to his unresponsive bits.

“Then you’re never ready,” Harry shrugged, as if it was that simple.

“And you’re fine with that?” Eggsy glared at him.

 

Harry made a humming noise and looked back at him, thoughtful. He didn’t speak for a long time, and Eggsy’s heart dropped a bit. He never wished he could just evaporate on the spot before, but today was apparently a day for new experiences.

 

“I’m not fine with that, for your sake not mine,” Harry answered carefully, “you are young and should be able to enjoy the perks that come with it. It isn’t fair that you had to go through what you did, and it’s more unfair that it followed you back into your own bed where you should be able to make your own choices. Still, it doesn’t change how I feel for you Eggsy. It would take a lot more than this to dissuade me from being in a relationship with you.”

 

Eggsy looked at Harry, and he could see the truth behind the statement. Harry didn’t look disappointed or put off. He looked a little concerned but mostly he just looked like Harry, comfortable in his own skin and certain of the things that he wanted. The only clue that he was even remotely uncomfortable was the fact that he was still hard beneath the sheet. That made Eggsy feel three feet tall. If he couldn’t manage, the least he could do was make sure Harry didn’t go without. He reached under the sheet to take matters into his own hand (literally) but Harry clamped down hard on his wrist before he even got halfway there.

 

“No, Eggsy,” he shook his head.

“Why not? Why should you have to suffer ‘cause I can’t get it up?” Eggsy snapped, angry at how unfair the situation was.

“I won’t have you service me like a whore!” Harry exclaimed, voice sharp. Eggsy recoiled as if he had been slapped. He watched as Harry clenched his jaw and took a deep breath to calm down. When he spoke again, his voice had lost the edge.

 

“I won’t use you Eggsy. You’re a person, not a tool to be used as I see fit. If you get nothing out of this, I will get nothing out of this. I’m not an animal who can’t control his urges,” Harry explained.

“Sometimes I wish you weren’t so damned proper,” Eggsy sighed.

“Do you want me to use you Eggsy? Is that really what you want?” Harry asked, exasperated.

“I don’t want it to be all about what I want. Sometimes I’d like to just do somethin’ for you,” Eggsy replied.

“There may be a time for that Eggsy, but it isn’t now. Please understand that. It wouldn’t do either of us any good right now,” Harry ran a hand through his hair and pulled him close, kissing his forehead. Eggsy sighed and gave in to Harry’s wishes.

“Alright. But I’ll fix this Harry I swear,” he promised.

“There’s nothing to fix,” Harry assured him with another kiss.

 

Eggsy wanted to call bullshit on that, but he didn’t feel like another patronizing conversation right now. They stayed pressed together for a while longer, just enjoying sharing the warmth of each other. Eggsy traced patterns on Harry’s chest as Harry lightly carded his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp with each pass. It felt delightful, and it wasn’t long before he found himself starting to doze off.

 

“Mm, we should probably get ready,” Harry mumbled against his forehead.

“Probably,” Eggsy agreed with a reluctant sigh. He didn’t want to get up, but they had to. Merlin had insisted that he come over to get ARC fixed, and had invited Harry along as well, as long as he brought over his favorite scotch.

 

They got dressed slowly, often invading each other’s space on purpose, leaving lingering touches and warm looks in their wake. Sometimes Eggsy wondered if Harry had something stronger in his cologne, because he often felt intoxicated by Harry’s presence.

 

When they got downstairs, Harry pulled a bottle of scotch from under his cabinet. Eggsy caught a glimpse of several more and wondered how often that Merlin required a bottle for Harry to have his own personal stash. Harry caught his look.

“His favorite scotch also happens to be one of mine as well. I don’t keep it on hand just to please Merlin,” Harry explained, not quite meeting Eggsy’s eyes in the process. Eggsy didn’t call him on the lie, and let him believe that he had fallen for it. He wondered just how often Merlin needed bribing.  

 

Harry had already called them a taxi which was helpfully waiting for them as they stepped out of the house. The drive didn’t take as long as Eggsy had expected. When the taxi stopped in front of a modern apartment complex he gave Harry an unsure look.

“Merlin lives here? Really?”

“Where did you expect him to live?” Harry asked.

“I dunno. Some oversized mansion off the beaten path or somethin’?” Eggsy guessed.

“Just because we come from money doesn’t mean we feel the need to surround ourselves with extravagance,” Harry tutted.

“I know, I just…didn’t expect it,” Eggsy admitted.

“Well, why don’t you wait until you’re inside to make judgements?” Harry suggested as he paid the taxi driver.

“Fair enough,” Eggsy agreed. They took the lift to the tenth floor, which was the top floor of the complex. The building was nice and clean, one of the nicer ones he’d ever been in, and the lift was quiet and sturdy. The door opened and they stepped out onto the black tile floor. There was only one door on this floor.

“He’s got the whole floor, yeah?” Eggsy asked, understanding dawning slowly. Harry grinned and nodded as they approached the door. Harry pressed the small buzzer and there was a pleasant chime from within. Eggsy heard a noise from above and noticed the dark spot in the otherwise white ceiling. A camera, he assumed. The door unlocked and swung inward. Merlin held out a hand for the scotch, and Harry handed it over, then Merlin motioned them inside.

Eggsy could hardly stop staring. He’d never seen Merlin dressed down before, and it was strange. He wore jeans and a simple grey T-shirt. He was barefoot and looked more relaxed than Eggsy had ever seen him. Eggsy followed Harry’s example and removed his shoes, placing them neatly by the front door.

“Would either of you care to join me for a drink?” Merlin asked as he led the way into the apartment.

“Yes please,” Eggsy replied.

“I’ll pass, thank you,” Harry refused politely.

 

Harry hadn’t been wrong about him not making snap judgements. The flat could hardly even be considered one. It was enormous. The floors were made of some sort of dark, matte tile that was surprisingly warm beneath his feet. The walls were light grey, and the ceiling was lighter still. The foyer branched off into three directions. Merlin swerved into one of the offshoots, but Harry went straight. It was the living room that Harry went into and Eggsy followed him.

“Bleeding christ Merlin!” Eggsy exclaimed in wonder as he wandered into the living room. He could hear Merlin chuckle from the hallway he had gone down, and Harry just sat down and watched him take in the view.

 

Merlin’s taste in furniture wasn’t what he was expecting. It leaned towards the modern, and minimalistic style of living, unlike Harry’s taste which was more old-fashioned and comfortable. There was an L-shaped sofa in one corner, a simple black table in the center, and a few comfortable looking arm chairs spaced throughout. The lights in the room were recessed into the ceiling, and there were two end tables, also black, which held a lamp, and coasters. The three walls weren’t walls at all, but giant panes of glass. As he inspected the large window at the end he saw that it could be unlatched and folded back, so you could go out onto the balcony.

Harry motioned for him to go ahead and Eggsy opened the window with an almost childish glee. He stepped onto the balcony which overlooked Hyde Park, and wrapped around half of the upper floor. He wasn’t up on his real estate, but he was pretty sure this flat cost more than anything he could even conceive of.

 

Merlin joined him on the balcony a moment later, and handed him a drink. He took it and motioned out to the view.

“Tell you what mate, you live in a place like this I’m amazed you spend so much time at the Kingsman manor. I mean, this…” Eggsy blew his breath out in a rush.

“You approve?” Merlin looked amused.

“It’s top!” Eggsy exclaimed, “Show me the rest, yeah?” he asked, eager to see what the rest of the place looked like.

“Well, alright,” Merlin agreed, looking caught between being amused and embarrassed.

Harry had managed to get a remote from somewhere and had turned on the TV, which had descended from a spot in the ceiling that Eggsy had missed. He felt slightly giddy, as he had when Harry had showed him the secret room in the tailor shop with all the weapons. On one hand he shouldn’t have been surprised. Merlin was the Quartermaster, after all. It only made sense that the tech he worked with wouldn’t only apply to Kingsman.

“If you mess up my Netflix queue again Harry I’ll have your head,” Merlin threatened as they left the room. Harry just waved him off.

“Has plenty of money to get his own account, and he won’t use the profile I made for him. Insists on using mine. Leech,” Merlin growled as he led Eggsy into the offshoot he had gone down earlier.

 

It led to the kitchen, which was entirely too sparse to be used much. The countertops were light colored granite, and the cabinetry looked like dark mahogany. All the metal was stainless steel, from the microwave to the sinks, to even the cabinet handles. There was a bar, with four stools, and on the far wall was a large stand with a multitude of alcohol on it. He wandered over to the refrigerator which had a lot more buttons on it than any refrigerator had should have. He pointed at it with a quirked eyebrow.

“Coke machine, with any flavor of syrup you want to add to it too,” Merlin explained.

“Shut up,” Eggsy breathed, eyes lighting up at the explanation. Merlin sighed and got him another glass. Eggsy took it with glee, feeling like a kid in a candy shop.

“Didn’t take you for sugary drinks, mate!” He exclaimed as he experimented with a few buttons and then pushed the button to make it dispense.

“I don’t, not really. My guests, however, enjoy it more than I do,” Merlin gave him a pointed look. He tried the drink, careful as to not let it touch the bad side of his mouth. It was an explosion of strawberry, sugary goodness.

“That’s fantastic,” he pointed at the drink and Merlin laughed.

“Come on, I’ll show you the rest,” he walked out of the kitchen into a dining room that had a small fireplace in one wall. This too looked like it wasn’t used often, which was a shame. It was beautiful, if a bit impersonal. There was a panel on the wall that Eggsy wasn’t sure about and when Merlin caught him looking at it he let out a long suffering sigh and pushed a few buttons. Some of the panels on the wall shifted and light music began to play from the speakers. The acoustics in the room was impressive.

“If you keep grinning like that you’ll split your stitches,” Merlin eyed him.

“Bugger the stitches, this is just...bloody fantastic!” Eggsy crowed. Merlin made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat and led Eggsy out of the room, turning off the stereo with a wave of his hand.

The last two rooms at the end of the hall were a bathroom, and a guest bedroom. The bedroom had thick, plush carpet, two beds that could easily fit a small family into each of them, with matching black and grey sheets. There were simple dressers and two desks. Eggsy spied another section of the ceiling with a TV in it. The bathroom was attached, and that was just as impressive as the rest of the house. The walls were offset stone, which gave the room a nice textured look. The mirrors had lights recessed behind them which made the room seem to glow. The counters were black marble, and both sinks were stainless steel. The shower was hidden behind a small stone wall, tucked in the back corner, and it had no tub, just a large nozzle in the ceiling, and again, what looked like a hundred dials.

“Remind me to stay here if I ever need a place to crash, yeah?” Eggsy asked as he eyed the shower.

“You should see the one in my room,” Merlin suggested, but when Eggsy motioned for him to lead the way Merlin laughed.

“Nope, that one’s mine. Man needs a space of his own. You’ve seen the important bits,” Merlin said with a final nod.

“What, not even a huge tech lab with all sorts of computers and gadgets?” Eggsy asked, a bit disappointed. Merlin gave him a condescending look and then led the way down the other hall and into the first room.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Eggsy spun as he entered the room, not knowing what to look at first. His eyes settled on the computer desk which rivaled the one at Kingsman HQ. There were no less than seven monitors, all hooked up together. On the opposite side of the room was various items that Eggsy couldn’t identify, although some looked like motherboards. The far wall had one computer and four screens hooked up. That one was active, and in the bottom screen he could see ARC’s program booted up. That brought him crashing back to reality, and why he was here in the first place.

“Merlin, I’m not so sure about this,” he backpedaled.

“You’ve been avoiding this for some time Eggsy, and I know you’re not telling me the whole story. Out with it, lad. I don’t have all day,” Merlin instructed, not unkindly, motioning to one of the chairs.

Eggsy sighed and sat, wondering how to begin.

 

“ARC’s AI system activated when I was smashed in the back of the head, and he’s been talking to me in my head ever since,” Eggsy expelled the words in a rush as he abandoned all thought of poise and storytelling, and simply went with the facts. He watched as Merlin’s face spasmed through a few emotions before settling on curious. He pulled out his desk chair and took a seat in it, then pulled a tablet off the table next to him and started typing into it.

“ARC’s AI system wasn’t implemented yet. It’s a dormant program,” Merlin started.

“Yeah he told me that, and that he activated it when the transmissions system went down. He...turned the functionality on so I’d have a better success rate with the mission,” Eggsy admitted. Merlin stared at him blinking a few times. Eggsy began to grow uncomfortable with the way Merlin was looking at him.

“You can ask him yourself. I’ll tell you what he says. Ask him something I wouldn’t know,” Eggsy suggested.

“How long have I been developing ARC?” Merlin asked.

 

||Twenty three years from inception until today. Development is an ongoing process.||

“Says you’ve been working on it for 23 years...shit you’d be what? My age? Did they even have that type of tech back then?” Eggsy asked with a frown.

“It was the nineties, not the fifties, and it was just a pipedream at the start!” Merlin snapped and then looked suddenly excited, leaning forward on his knees.

“Alright, that was good, but you might have known that. Let’s see, oh, the first programming language I attempted with ARC?” Merlin asked.

 

||SH-34||

“SH-34?” Eggsy replied, unsure what that even was.

“There’s no way you would have known that…” Merlin leaned back in his chair, looking impressed and thoughtful.

Eggsy got a sudden idea.

“Hey ARC, what’s Harry’s middle name?”

||That information is classified.||

“You cheeky bastard!” Eggsy cried, irritated.

“Did he tell you?” Merlin asked leaning forward, face intent.

“No. Classified. Prick,” Eggsy sulked. Merlin’s face lit up in excitement again.

“This is so much more than I expected to be dealing with! I have to get a closer look, to see what processes are running and getting him booted back into the system again,” Merlin typed into his tablet as he spoke, but looked up as Eggsy sighed.

“Are you gonna take him away now?” Eggsy asked, unable to contain the heaviness in his voice and not being able to look at the Scot. He felt, rather than saw Merlin staring at him.

 

“Oh,” Merlin said softly, a moment later as realization dawned. Eggsy felt a warm hand on his knee and he met Merlin’s gaze at last.

“You’re fond of him?” Merlin asked.

“Yeah, a bit. Stupid, right?” Eggsy admitted.

“Not at all. You’ve been through a lot, and if he was helping you through that, it’s only normal that you’d develop a feeling of attachment. Happens a lot to partners in the field for particularly difficult missions, they bond deeper.”

“Yeah, but it’s a program, not a person. I know that. Who grows fond of a program? It’s daft!” Eggsy exclaimed, feeling like a fool.

“Well, I’m fond of him too. Are you calling me daft Eggsy?” Merlin asked, voice still soft, but sharper.

“No!” Eggsy waved his hands, not wanting Merlin to get the wrong idea.

“Good. Now. I won’t do anything to damage your ARC device. I promise. I’ll deliver him back to you once he’s back up and running,” Merlin assured him.

“You won’t...change nothin’ right? Just fix the transmissions?” Eggsy asked.

“And do some studying of the processes running to get to the bottom of what caused this to happen...but no, I won’t change any functionality if you don’t want me to.”

 

Eggsy felt himself relax a little at Merlin’s words. He felt a bit lighter, but still a bit anxious at the thought of losing ARC. It was weird how fast he had gotten used to him. He watched as Merlin retrieved the same device he had used to implant ARC originally. Eggsy heaved a sigh and leaned forward so Merlin had better access.

 

“See you soon ARC, yeah?” he asked.

||Unable to assess approximate timeframe of removal and repair.||

Eggsy sighed, aware that Merlin was watching him. There was that ticking sound again as ARC thought.

||Analysis concludes you wished for an appropriate farewell message, not a timeframe. Apologies for the miscalculation.||

“It’s okay,” Eggsy replied and the ticking sound repeated.

||See you soon Eggsy.||

Eggsy felt sudden tears in his eyes as ARC used his name for the first time, and was grateful Merlin couldn’t see his face. He motioned for Merlin to get on with it, and tried to pretend that the burning sensation in his neck didn’t feel like he had just lost a friend, instead of a complex piece of technology. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's so short! I wanted to get something out today though, and I've kept you all waiting long enough! Life's been...hectic to say the least. 
> 
> The good news is that I finally figured out how many chapters I have left in this beast! I think I can wrap it up at 30 or 31 total chapters. So that leaves us with...7 at the least. I have most of them planned out to know the big things that go down in each, so my outline is doing well. 
> 
> Now comes the hard part. I'm going to have to do some time skipping. I'm going to try to do it gently, but there is no way around it. I hope it isn't too jarring for anyone!


	24. Repairs

Harry sat on the loveseat and regarded his new therapist, Brandi Taylor. She was in her early forties, with dark hair and sharp, green eyes. She sat at her desk, legs crossed and frame relaxed. Her office was comfortable, not too sterile or too personal.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve had counseling, is it?” Brandi peered over her glasses at him.

“No. I was sent to a psychiatrist when I was younger,” he replied, shifting in his seat a little.

“Your last psychiatrist was a male. Do you have any problem with the fact that I am female or would you simply prefer a male?” she asked.

“Are you good at your job Dr. Taylor?” Harry asked.

“Yes. I am very good at my job Mr. Hart,” Brandi replied.

“Then I don’t suppose it doesn’t matter what gender you are as long as I see results,” Harry admitted and watched as she wrote something down on her notepad. She didn’t use a tablet, or a laptop which was surprising.

“Be that as it may, if you dislike anything about our sessions, feel free to switch to a different psychiatrist. We have quite a few at our disposal, and you don’t have to be worried about hurting my feelings, I won’t take it personally. It’s important to have a connection between psychiatrist and client, and if you don’t have one with me, you’re wasting both of our time,” Brandi’s tone was curt and professional. She was a no nonsense type, he was certain of it.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said.

“Good. I’ll also remind you that anything said in this room is strictly confidential. Anything you say to me will not leave this room, or be divulged to anyone…” she glanced up as he scoffed, “you don’t believe that Mr. Hart?”

“Not considering who you work for. I have no doubt that everything is being monitored and will be documented,” he gave her a pointed look.

“If that were the case Mr. Hart, I wouldn’t be working here. Even Kingsman can’t breech my contract of confidentiality. If you don’t believe me you can have a look around the room for camera’s and devices. There are none. I don’t even have a computer, and my cellphone is left in a locker down the hall,” she motioned for him to look around the room.

Harry took her up on it. He strolled around the room, looking in all the likely places and coming up empty. When he was satisfied he sat down again, but said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

“Do you often feel like you’re being watched Mr. Hart?” Brandi asked.

“It would be foolish not to,” he touched his glasses with one hand.

“When not on a mission, I mean,” she amended.

“No. Not particularly. I don’t have much to hide regardless,” he shrugged.

“You just don’t want our sessions recorded?”

“Doctor, are you aware of my situation?” Harry ignored her question.

“I am aware only of what you tell me, so no. I am not aware of why you’re here other than for seeking counseling. Would you like to tell me your situation?” she asked, watching him carefully. If she were an animal, it would be a hawk. She didn’t seem to miss a single movement he made. Whatever conclusions she drew from them, he wasn’t certain.

“If I don’t pass my psych evaluation I am to be terminated,” Harry replied.

“That’s not something to be taken lightly,” she replied and he nodded in agreement. She made a note on the paper then met his gaze.

“What is the reason that you’re being given the evaluation?” she asked.

“It’s a long story,” he replied with a sigh.

“We have one hour and forty minutes. Can you tell it in that amount of time?” she asked and he let out a wry chuckle.

“I suppose I can,” he took a deep breath and wondered where to begin.

 

* * *

 

He stepped out of Brandi’s office on a first name basis and feeling a little less like the world was on his shoulders. Therapy hadn’t been something he had ever warmed to, although he knew many people benefitted from it. It might have been because he had been young and bullheaded when he had gone as a younger man, or maybe he was more tolerant in his old age, but he didn’t hate the session. Brandi also seemed competent, and he found that he liked her, despite her analytical way of getting information out of him. He wasn’t entirely sure that she could help him, but he didn’t come away with the feeling that he was wasting his time either.

Glancing at his watch he noted the time. Eggsy wouldn’t be back at his house for another three hours at least. He was still at the zoo with Sophie and Michelle. Merlin was still suspended from the Kingsman estate for another four days, so he wouldn’t be anywhere to be found either. Harry decided to go see how the recruits were doing under Percival’s ministrations. Technically he was suspended as well, but he hadn’t been banned from the estate, as Merlin had. Mostly this was because if Merlin was in the building, he’d find a way to do work, come hell or high water.

 

“Come in,” came the reply as he knocked.

“Hello Alex,” Harry nodded at the man slumped in Merlin’s chair. He looked unusually disheveled as he watched the screens. There were dark purple rings under his eyes and at least three disposable coffee cups in the trash bin.

“Hello Harry. Are you supposed to be here?” Alexander asked with a minute pinching of his face as he glanced over at him.

“I’m allowed to be, if that’s what you’re asking,” Harry replied and he watched the younger man relax.

“Sorry, Harry. I don’t know how Merlin keeps up with all this. It’s exhausting,” he waved at the screens.

“I think he’s part robot,” Harry joked. Alexander blinked at him and then went back to the screens. Harry sighed inwardly. He had never known Percival to have much of a sense of humor. The only one who had ever been able to put even a small grin on his face had been James, the previous Lancelot. Harry grimaced at the thought as it struck a particularly deep nerve. James had been a good friend to them all, he was a very likeable man. It was still hard to believe he was gone, even after all this time.

 

Harry leaned forward looking at the screens. The recruits were still going at it, this time they were on the weapons range, overseen by Tia who walked by, adjusting them as she saw fit.

“How are they doing, Alex?” Harry asked, and he gave a long suffering sigh.

“The ones that are left are doing fine, considering,” he sighed.

“Considering?” Harry frowned.

“Considering they just had their parachute test,” Alexander didn’t meet his eyes and Harry figured the worst had happened.

“Oh...who?” Harry asked.

“Lucas, the boy from Argentina. Nathan, from Australia had grabbed him, but when he pulled his chute Lucas didn’t have a tight enough grip. He was torn off. Never even tried to pull his chute, even when I told him to. It took me four hours to...clean him off the logo,” Alex sighed.

“Jesus Alex, that isn’t something you’re supposed to handle!” Harry frowned.

“No, I...volunteered for it. I should have done more, tried to get through to him faster,” Alexander looked dismayed.

“There isn’t anything you could have done. The test is designed that way for a reason, it isn’t your fault Alex,” Harry assured him.

“I know, but it doesn’t make it sting any less. Nathan’s out too. Quit. After Lucas. Blammed himself for not having a good enough grip, for not being a team player. Said he wasn’t good enough and he wasn’t going to let anyone else down. Not that it matters much, he didn’t hit the logo anyway. Something about landing on his dead friend…” Alexander stopped talking and gave a hopeless sigh.

“Shit,” Harry breathed, not envying what any of them had gone through the past few days.

“Agreed...but, we have to move forward. We have nine recruits left, and only three months of training left. There are four spots, Bors, Bedivere, Tristan, and whatever spot opens up for Arthur. I hope we have four that make it, after the loyalty and the dog tests,” Alexander looked worried.

“Do you think we’ll have four?” Harry asked.

“I think we’ll have at least two. I can’t say for the rest,” Alexander shrugged.

“Who do you think will make it? Ezra? He’s one of yours right? You’ve had good candidates thus far,” Harry reminded him.

“He’s stupid for that dog,” he grumbled. Harry couldn’t stop the grin that made the corner of his mouth twitch at the thought of his own recruit, who was also stupid for his dog.

“Who do you think then?” Harry asked.

“The twins are both incredible candidates, despite being American’s. I think Ava has a better chance than Adam, but they’re both talented enough to make it, if they keep at it. Not sure how their train test will go though, as their mentor was Nevada,” Alex sniffed.

“We haven’t had a good string of luck lately, have we?” Harry sighed.

“No. We haven’t,” Alex looked back at him, “but you survived a bullet to the head. Maybe you used up our luck allotment for the year?”

“Touché Percival.”

“I’m going to have to go give them their scores for the day. Need anything else Galahad?”

“Anything else of interest happening?” Harry asked.

“Lamorak’s been put on the arson case from the abandoned factory in Bromley. Kay’s gathering intel for a drug ring in South Korea. Lancelot’s on desk duty until her arm heals. Gawain’s on a honeypot mission in Japan trying to get data on what might be leftover sim technology from Valentine. Tia and I are on temporary recruit assignment until Merlin returns. I don’t know what Kentucky is working on. You know the rest. Anything else?” Alex gave him a quick rundown, sticking to the facts.

“No, thanks for indulging me,” Harry thanked him. Percival gave a small nod and then vacated the room to go tend the recruits.

Harry checked his watch again, and decided he had enough time to go and see Merlin. They had some things to talk about, and most of them had to do with Eggsy.

 

* * *

 

“You really need to get it up and running as fast as you can Merlin,” Harry advised as Merlin tinkered with Eggsy’s ARC device.

“I can’t rush it Harry. It’s fascinating all the data that he acquired! You wouldn’t even belie-”

“Merlin. Please,” Harry pleaded, and Merlin turned towards him for the first time since sitting down to resume work on ARC.

“What’s the problem then?” Merlin asked.

“Eggsy’s...not doing terribly well,” Harry admitted. Merlin simply looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

“He had three panic attacks last night alone. His first since waking up in the hospital. We both thought he wouldn’t have any more, but since you removed ARC, he’s been having them more. Having more nightmares too, although I think he might have those regardless.”

“You think it’s because he doesn’t have ARC that he’s having the panic attacks?” Merlin asked.

“I think so. He was very hesitant to give it up,” Harry said.

“Yes, he was hesitant with me as well...but I can’t just shove another device into his head. He was very specific that he gets this one back, and until I fix it, I can’t do anything for him. I won’t be rushed because he’s uncomfortable. I won’t risk another incident like before, and there’s no telling what type of psychological effects this will have on him either. I hadn’t tested the AI system on humans yet, Harry. It wasn’t even supposed to be fully integrated yet. It was a prototype!” Merlin looked as dismayed as he did excited. It was a strange combination.

He felt foolish for even showing up. Of course Merlin wasn’t going to rush through this just to make sure Eggsy was comfortable. It was his tech that had almost cost them the mission, and several lives, in South America, the least he could do was ensure that it didn’t happen again. He wouldn’t put anyone at risk like that if he could help it.

“You’re right of course. I’m just being overprotective,” Harry dismissed the thought with a wave of his hand.

“So am I,” Merlin assured him. They were silent for some time before Merlin spoke again, eyes still on his work.

 

“Don’t you have a therapist now?” Merlin asked.

“I do,” Harry agreed.

“What does she charge?”

“I don’t know. The company pays for it,” Harry shrugged.

“I should find out,’ Merlin said.

“Why? Looking for one?” Harry frowned.

“It’s so I know how much I should start charging you for advice,” Merlin grinned.

“Prick,” Harry spat.

“Always,” Merlin replied then looked back at him. “Well, out with it. You obviously still have things to talk about. I don’t have all day.”

“I have nothing else that warrants your particular brand of sarcasm today,” Harry exclaimed.

“Sure you do. Don’t make me drag it out of you,” Merlin leveled his gaze at him.

“Do you think that ARC might be able to help me? With my memory problems?” Harry asked.

Merlin blew the air out of his lungs in a rush, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his chin with one hand. Harry watched him as he thought about it carefully, covering all angles before speaking.

“I’m not a neurologist Harry. There’s a lot more about what’s going on in your head than I’m comfortable dealing with. It was hard enough programming ARC to interface directly with people who hadn’t suffered brain damage. I’m not sure of all the variables that would go into it, or if it could possibly even help you if I could manage it,” Merlin admitted, keeping his answer honest and to the point. Harry sighed, but wasn’t surprised. It had been a long shot anyway.

“I could, however, try to get a prototype ready. I can get in contact with Dr. Hannigan, see if he can make some suggestions. You’d have to go in for some more tests, get fully checked out and the like,” Merlin tapped his fingers on his knee as he thought, “it would take some time, most likely more than a year, but it might be possible once the recruits are done with their training. I’ll have more time to work on it then….but even if I can put the time in, I can’t make promises that it will work for you. There’s even the chance it could make things worse. Is that a risk you’re willing to take?”

“I’m a Kingsman, Merlin. There aren’t many risks I’m not willing to take,” Harry replied.

“Then I’ll get started on it as soon as I can. You’ll need to get those neurological scans before I can start work on it though,” Merlin said.

“Great. More scans,” Harry sighed.

“Beats the alternative,” Merlin shrugged, then frowned. “What does Eggsy think about it?”

“I haven’t told him about the memory loss yet. He knows about the migraines though,” Harry put up a hand to stop Merlin’s next sentence. “Yes, I’m well aware that I have to tell him. I just don’t want him worrying more than he has to. I have enough on my plate right now without having him hover over me like a mother hen. After the tests...after I pass. I’ll tell him then.”

“You better pass. I can’t change your scores this time Harry,” Merlin said.

“I thought something was off when you told me I passed. You’re lucky it just got you suspended,” Harry grimaced.

“If the mission had failed, I’m sure I wouldn’t have been so lucky,” Merlin replied as he turned back to his work on ARC.

“Well it didn’t fail...and I’ll pass my tests,” Harry assured him.

“Of course you will. You’re too damned stubborn to fail,” Merlin responded and Harry could hear the grin in his voice. He hoped Merlin was right.

 

* * *

 

Eggsy sat in Merlin’s lab, trying desperately not to show how antsy he was. It had taken Merlin a week and a half to fix his ARC device, but it had seemed much longer. Now he was waiting on the final tweaks to the system before ARC was returned. He wondered how different things would be once ARC was back with him.

 

“Now, I’ve given him a more sturdy casing system, so if you have anything unfortunate happen to the back of your head, he won’t lose functionality again. Still, try to protect the area, it’s not foolproof,” Merlin tutted as he loaded ARC into the implant device, “the transmissions system is back online, so I’ll be able to talk to you through ARC again. I didn’t touch the AI system other than to study it a bit. ARC’s database has grown an incredible amount in a very short time. The more you interact with ARC, the more data he gathers, and the more accurate his readings grow.”

“Sounds fine to me, can we get on with it then?” Eggsy asked as he eyed the device.

“Don’t rush me boy,” Merlin snapped and Eggsy sighed. Merlin shuffled through the items on his desk until he found what he was looking for. He handed the glasses over. They were standard Kingsman issue, but there was a little more metal on the sides.

“What’s the difference?” Eggsy asked as he put them on.

“They interface with ARC now, so you don’t need the contacts unless you’re on a mission that you might lose the glasses. ARC can receive the transmission directly from the glasses now, so he’ll be able to make more accurate readings of the situations you’re in. He can also send information to the glasses, pointing out escape routes, dangerous situations, and helpful waypoints if needed,” Merlin informed him as he moved around his desk.

“That’s pretty sweet Merlin! You’ve been busy, yeah?” Eggsy asked.

“It’s amazing what I can get done when I don’t have to oversee everyone else, although I’m sure Percival is happy that I’m back,” Merlin shook his head and then raised the implant device. “Ready?”

“Yeah, sure,” Eggsy nodded. The metal was cold as it pressed into his neck, but was rapidly replaced by a familiar, stinging heat. There was almost an unwrapping sensation in the back of his head and he was momentarily disoriented. He shook his head as Merlin moved back to his front.

“How’s it feel?” Merlin asked.

“Weird. Weirder than last time,” Eggsy answered.

“I did make some modifications to the system, but the disorientation shouldn’t last long,” Merlin replied.

Eggsy waited a few more minutes and finally the strangeness subsided. He told Merlin when it did, and Merlin booted up the system on his end. Eggsy went into the room next door and they went through the same tests they had when he had first used ARC. He could hear Merlin fine, and with the aid of the glasses, Merlin could now hear him as well. When they were done, Merlin called him back into his office.

“Alright, everything looks good. Back online and working properly. Has he spoken to you yet?” Merlin asked.

“Uhh, no. He’s been quiet,” Eggsy tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

“I left the AI system alone, like you asked. It might just take some directness. Ask him something?” Merlin suggested.

“Okay um, ARC, can you hear me?” Eggsy tried.

||Affirmative.||

Eggsy grinned wide. It made his cheek hurt, but he didn’t care. It had worked. ARC hadn’t been lost after all. He knew he shouldn’t have doubted Merlin’s abilities, but he had been skeptical of it working.

 

“I assume it’s working then?” Merlin asked.

“Oh, sorry mate, yeah. He answered!” Eggsy exclaimed.

“Good. Keep speaking with him throughout the day, get him used to you again, and vice versa. If you feel anything that doesn’t seem right, let me know immediately. Pain, discomfort, further disorientation...those can be causes for concern,” Merlin advised.

“Sure thing Merlin, I’ll let you know. I can’t wait to tell Harry!” Eggsy bounced to his feet.

“Eggsy?” Merlin gave him a look.

“Yeah?”

“How is he doing?” Merlin asked.

“Harry?” Eggsy frowned.

“Yes, Harry. How is he doing?” Merlin repeated.

“Well, alright I suppose. I’ve been helpin’ him with the trainin’. Runnin’ with him, swimmin’ and liftin’. Can’t do much but keep him company, you know? He’s doin’ better. I think he’ll do fine on the field test,” Eggsy replied.

“How is he doing mentally?” Merlin asked, eyes steady and unwavering.

“Well, he’s got a psychiatrist, like. He says he likes her, and I think he’s been sleepin’ okay at night. Seems happy most of the time. Has some dark spots sometimes, but I think that’s pretty normal. Why, are you worried about him?” Eggsy asked the older man.

“We’re all worried about him Eggsy. We all just want him to pass his tests so we can go back to some semblance of normal Kingsman routine,” Merlin replied.

“Yeah, Delaware and the others will be gone soon. Back to the States, yeah?” Eggsy asked.

“Yes, after we elect a new Arthur,” Merlin answered.

“Who do you think it’ll be?” Eggsy asked.

“Harry, if he passes his tests. No one else has his experience or talent,” Merlin replied immediately.

“Yeah, he’d be a much better Arthur than the last shithead,” Eggsy spat.

“Agreed. Now go get reaquainted with ARC, and that’s an order,” Merlin stated.

“Alright, alright. Thanks Merlin, for fixin’ ARC,” Eggsy thanked him as earnestly as he knew how.

“You’re welcome,” Merlin replied as he turned back to his desk, eyes on the recruits.

 

Eggsy practically skipped into the hallway, buzzing with excitement and feeling a lot more at ease than he had in a long time.

“Hey ARC, I heard you got some new upgrades, yeah?” Eggsy asked.

||Affirmative.||

“What, do you only give one word answers now?” Eggsy frowned. There was a very soft clicking sound before ARC answered.

||Negative.||

“Are you havin’ a laugh?” Eggsy asked, startled.

||Humor is not a part of my programming.||

Eggsy grinned, pleased that ARC was still capable of replying in sentences, and that he hadn’t lost the very rare dry humor that he totally possessed, programmed in or not. It was a familiar feeling, a comforting one to have the little voice back in his head again. He had almost forgotten how the voice seemed to come from everywhere and no where all at the same time. It was a little strange at first, but it was also like riding a bike. You never really forgot how.

 

||Your wounds have healed nicely.||

 

Eggsy stopped walking as ARC spoke of his own accord. He couldn’t help the grin on his face when he replied.

“Still stings a bit, but I can eat a lot better now. In another week I can get some of the reconstruction done, if I want. Not sure I want to though, surgery sucks,” Eggsy replied.

||Affirmative.||

“Yeah, I guess you know. You kinda went through some too, right?” Eggsy asked.

||Negative. The lack of pain receptors indicates that the two experiences are not similar.||

“Guess not, but you still needed a bit of work. Merlin says that you’ll be harder to break now,” Eggsy told him.

||You should still take precautions to not allow damage to occur to my local device.||

“Of course,” Eggsy grinned and then started walking again. Harry would get a kick out of the conversation, he was certain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6 chapters to go! I hope you're all enjoying this, and thank's again for all the comments and support. I love you guys!


	25. Tests

“If you don’t stop pacing, I may kill you,” Roxy snapped, glaring at him as she did so. He stopped pacing and gave her a sheepish look.

“Sorry Rox, I just hate waiting,” he admitted.

“He’s going to pass. The field test was never the part he was worried about,” Roxy said. Eggsy gave an exaggerated sigh and plopped heavily into the seat next to her.

“You ever get tired of being the voice of reason?” he asked.

“Someone has to be. It certainly isn’t you,” Roxy teased, a small grin at the corner of her mouth.

“I know I shouldn’t be nervous...but I am. It went so fast Rox. Time I mean. Feels like just yesterday we were getting news that he had these tests to take, and now it’s here. Couple months later. The final test’ll be in seven days for the recruits, which gives Harry his psych evaluation in six. How did it go by so fast?” he groaned.

“Because we’ve all been busy, us with our missions, Harry with his training, Merlin with his unending work on upgrading ARC. I think he’s almost ready to give Harry his own local device. He’s been talking about it non stop since Harry brought it up to him a few months ago,” Roxy grimaced.

“Yeah, that’s all he’s really talked about to me too. Well, that and how my version of ARC is doing,” Eggsy replied.

“I still can’t believe that yours talks to you,” Roxy scoffed.

“Are you jealous?” Eggsy exclaimed, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. He watched as Roxy bristled.

“I most certainly am not jealous. I don’t need any voices in my head,” she responded, just a tad too quickly for him to buy it.

“You can try to see if Merlin will activate the AI...or maybe just start talking to ARC and see if he responds? Mine was kind of a fluke, but yours doesn’t have to be!” Eggsy encouraged.

“I don’t know. I’ve seen too many movies where AI units go rogue to feel comfortable enough to use it. Especially after Valentine and seeing what his SIM cards did, and that wasn’t even a sentient being, just normal tech,” she shrugged.

“Didn’t take you for a sci-fi lady,” Eggsy admitted.

“Didn’t take you for a chick flick man,” Roxy countered. They gave each other looks and then cracked at the same time and laughed.

“Well, regardless I think you’re a bit paranoid. ARC’s a good...guy? Program?” Eggsy ended lamely.

“Maybe. I’ll think about it,” she gave in a little and he grinned. He’d take what he could get.

“How’s your arm doing?” he asked and she groaned.

“I lost so much muscle in this arm it’s absurd. It is good to have the cast off though. It itched and I missed taking easy showers. It’s a bit sore still, but with a little extra care and work I’ll be back to normal in no time. Doesn’t slow me down if that’s what you’re worried about,” she added.

“Oh I’d never insinuate that,” he put both hands up and shook his head. She laughed again.

“Yeah, you’re not that dumb,” she agreed amicably.

“Gee thanks,” he muttered.

They fell back into silence and he found himself pacing again. The light banter with Roxy had taken his mind off of Harry for a few minutes, but his thoughts were never far from the man. He had to pass this test. He just had to.

 

_What if he doesn’t? If he fails and they try to get rid of him...what will you do then? Do you do whatever it takes to save Harry and abandon Kingsman...or do you abandon Harry and stick with Kingsman? Could you live with yourself if you had to make that choice?_

 

He simply wasn’t certain. The easy answer was to choose Harry, because Harry was, well, Harry. His Harry. Kingsman was a job. A very rare and amazing job...but still a job. But Harry had also put his faith in him to become a Kingsman. Would he throw Harry’s wishes away to save him? That wasn’t ideal either.

“Eggsy! Will you stop _pacing_?!” Roxy snapped again, exasperated beyond the point of normal speaking. She was trying to write a report from her last mission and he kept bothering her.

“Sorry Rox. Damn it, I’ll just go pace in the hall,” Eggsy excused himself and went for the door. There was a knock before he could get there though and he leapt to open it. Harry stood at the door, looking a bit startled at how fast he had gotten to the door, but his face smoothed into relaxation fast enough.

“Well?” Eggsy asked, a bit too loudly.

“Passed,” Harry barely got the word out before Eggsy threw himself into his arms. Harry grunted as Eggsy smacked into his chest, but he returned the hug. He kept it brief and cleared his throat when Eggsy lingered too long.

“Sorry, I’m just happy. I knew you would pass. I told you so,” Eggsy grinned ear to ear. He felt Roxy rolling her eyes behind him, but didn’t acknowledge it.

“Yes well, my scores weren’t my best, but they were all passing. Two were even above average. I’ll take it. So will Delaware,” Harry explained.

“Congratulations Harry. You’re almost back,” Roxy stood and held out a hand so he could shake it. Roxy wasn’t the hugging type, and they all knew it. Harry took her hand, giving her a warm smile as he did so.

“Thank you Roxy, I appreciate it. Unfortunately, this was the easy part. The hardest part will be in a few days,” Harry straightened his suit jacket when he took his hand back.

“I’m certain you’ll pass that as well,” Roxy assured him, then looked between them, “and not to be rude, but I have to get these reports to Delaware. Eggsy, take Harry for a drink for me, will you?”

“That’s not a bad idea!” Eggsy agreed.

“We’ll get out of your hair. Have a good night Roxy,” Harry gave her a professional nod which she returned, and Eggsy joined him in the hall as the door shut behind him. He felt a lot lighter, having the weight of the field test off his shoulders.

“Knew you’d do it,” Eggsy repeated and he leaned up and pulled Harry in for a kiss, now that they were alone. It was short, but it lingered long after they had pulled apart. Harry chuckled.

“I’m glad you have faith in me Eggsy. Now how about that drink?”

Eggsy led the way down the halls, towards the exit, debating on where he should take Harry for drinks. He stilled suddenly as he felt warmth spread through his head, ARC activating. Harry stopped walking when he saw Eggsy had paused.

||Excalibur, can you and Galahad meet me in my office as soon as you can please?|| Merlin’s voice came in the place of ARC’s.

“Oh, uh, sure thing Merlin,” Eggsy replied, glad that he was able to actually speak back to the handlers on the other end of ARC. The warmth receded as quickly as it had washed over him. It was disconcerting how fast it could ebb and flow.

“Let me guess, Merlin wants to see us?” Harry asked.

“Good guess,” Eggsy agreed. “What do you think he wants?”

“Let’s go find out,” Harry took the lead as they made their way to Merlin’s office.

 

* * *

 

They weren’t the only two people in the room when Merlin urged them to come in. Dr. Hannigan sat in one of the nearby chairs and got up when they entered. He shook both their hands, looking a bit out of sorts.

“Good to see you both again. Harry, you’re looking much better than the last time we spoke. Happier too, I trust that you’re feeling better as well?” he asked.

“It’s a slow process, but yes, I am doing much better. Thank you,” Harry replied.

 

“Oi, Merlin...you been gettin’ enough sleep, mate?” Eggsy asked as he caught a glimpse of Merlin. Harry didn’t blame him, Merlin looked wrung out. The dark circles under his eyes were only enhanced by the deep lines in his forehead as he frowned.

“No, but who is?” Merlin snapped. There was truth in his statement, none of them had been having very fruitful nights lately. Harry’s anxiety about his tests had been keeping him awake, Eggsy had his panic attacks (although they had died down in intensity and frequency since the return of ARC), and Merlin had the unending tasks that came with being the Kingsman’s quartermaster.

“What is it you need from us Merlin?” Harry asked.

“Yeah. Sounded important,” Eggsy chimed in.

“It’s business related. It was requested of me by the powers that be to expedite some...processes. It works in your favor, actually,” Merlin nodded towards Harry.

“Well don’t keep me in the dark,” Harry motioned for Merlin to continue.

Merlin reached behind him and pulled out a small device that looked a bit like a staple gun. When Eggsy caught sight of it, he practically thrummed in excitement.

“Merlin! You never told me Harry was getting an ARC implant!” Eggsy exclaimed, shifting from one foot to the other.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen for a month yet, but I was persuaded to take extra measures to ensure that Harry got one sooner,” Merlin looked less than pleased as he and Dr. Hannigan exchanged glances.

“Is it safe?” Harry asked with a concerned frown.

“We’re going to find out the hard way,” Merlin growled.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Eggsy bristled, good mood dying as quickly as it had been kindled.

“It means I have no way of knowing how Harry will react to the device and I was given two days notice to try and make sure that this won’t kill him the moment it’s switched on, alright?” Merlin snarled.

Eggsy visibly recoiled from Merlin’s outburst. Dr. Hannigan shifted uncomfortably, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here. Harry watched Merlin carefully, not saying anything. Eggsy took a step forward, getting over his initial shock, ready to retaliate but Harry reached out and put a hand on his chest, gently steering him back from Merlin.

 “Easy, Eggsy,” he soothed and Eggsy relaxed a little, rolling his shoulders and straightening up. He was still on edge, but no longer in attack mode. “This decision doesn’t come from Merlin,” he explained, and watched as Merlin gave an almost imperceptible nod.

“Who the fu...oh. Delaware,” Eggsy put the pieces together.

“Oh, aye. She has no notion of how dangerous this could be. I told her my concerns, but she just said that if ARC is the new system to be implemented throughout Kingsman, that all agents should receive a device. Including ones still not cleared for field duty,” Merlin spat.

“She’s trying to kill him, isn’t she?” Eggsy breathed, eyes wide in dismay.

“No, she isn’t,” Harry assured Eggsy, although he wasn’t entirely sure that wasn’t the case. He wondered if he had done something to her personally that he couldn't remember.

“I don’t know what her thoughts are, but she made a demand and I have to follow it. I called Dr. Hannigan here just in case it goes tits up,” Merlin sighed and then rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“I got your scans back early, Harry, and I’ve been through them with Dr. Hannigan. We’ve covered all the bases we could think of but there’s just no knowing how it’ll turn out until we try,” Merlin gave a helpless motion with his hands.

“Then let’s get it over with,” Harry replied.

“What!? You can’t be serious Harry!” Eggsy exploded.

“I can, and I am. If I don’t do this, she won’t let me back into Kingsman, will she Merlin?” Harry asked. Merlin shook his head.

“So I have to go all in,” Harry concluded.

“What if it kills you? What the hell am I supposed to do then?” Eggsy hissed.

“If it helps, I’m pretty sure the chances are slim,” Merlin replied weakly.

“Eggsy this is my choice. I asked for the device earlier in the month anyway, and Merlin was already working on trying to get one specifically designed for me,” he reasoned.

“You’re gonna do it regardless of what I say, so why the hell should I argue. Fine, do it,” Eggsy spat and then stormed out of the room. Harry sighed as he watched him go. An awkward silence fell over the room.

 

“Well? Are you going to do it or not?” Harry asked.

“Do you trust me Harry?” Merlin asked in return.

“If I said with my life, would you test me on that today?” Harry replied.

“I sure as hell hope not,” Merlin returned and then raised the device. Harry obediently put his head down and took a deep breath. The pain was instantaneous, but brief.

 

* * *

 

“What if that had been the last conversation we ever had Harry? Me losin’ my cool and stormin’ off as you go and do somethin’ stupid. Is Kingsman worth your life?” Eggsy asked, voice unnaturally calm. He had a tenuous hold on his emotions, and Harry could hear it running as a deep undercurrent in the boy’s voice.

“You know the answer to that already. It’s the same answer you gave when a train was barreling down upon you,” Harry replied softly, then added, “and it wasn’t the last conversation. You should put a little more faith in Merlin’s abilities.”

“I don’t doubt his _abilities_ Harry!” Eggsy replied through clenched teeth, “I doubt that he’s under a lot of god damned pressure and he isn’t getting enough sleep and you know that can fuck with someone’s ability to do the job. I know he’s good, and I know he’s smart, but he’s only human Harry! I don’t want him...or anyone playing games with your life!”

“Eggsy-”

“No, shut up!” Eggsy interrupted, face red and full of emotion, “Ever since you went to Kentucky it’s been a constant fight to keep you in this stupid world. Gunshots, and memory loss, and suicidal thoughts...throwing yourself into that mess in Venezuela...now this upcoming test, and the bullshit with ARC. Christ Harry sometimes I think you’re just _trying_ to find the fastest way to throw your life away.”

Harry didn’t trust himself to speak. Eggsy wasn’t wrong. He had been reckless with his life, incredibly reckless if he was being honest. What Eggsy didn’t understand is that he had always been reckless with his own life. From the moment he had joined Kingsman he had always known that it would be the eventual death of him. It was the nature of the job, and that was just how things were. When other agents were concerned, however, he took the utmost care in keeping them safe. Lee Unwin had been the first, and last Kingsman casualty under his watch. Now, however, he had another thing to think about.

“You’re right,” Harry replied, “I’ve been...careless. Not just with myself, but with you. I’m not used to having someone to hold me accountable for my own life and the actions I take. It’s one of the many reasons that I’ve been single for so long Eggsy. I’m selfish, and I’m stubborn, and I don’t always think things through as much as I should, but I’ve never had anyone that would care if I was killed or not. It’s...new for me,” Harry admitted.

“You can’t think like that. You don’t think that if you died, that Merlin would be utterly destroyed by it? He’s your best mate! He’d care. How do you think he felt tonight, knowing that he might be killing you? Not just killing you, but doing it with his own project. The one he takes the most joy in? You think if you had died he’d just brush it under the rug? No big deal?” Eggsy cried.

“I...never thought about it,” Harry admitted, feeling suddenly very old, and very tired. He hadn’t considered how Merlin had felt about the situation, but Merlin also knew what would happen if he didn’t follow orders.

“Maybe you should start. It’s _killin_ ’ me Harry. Losing you would kill me. Don’t you get that? I feel like you’re slipping through my fingers and the harder I grab at you, the faster you slide away,” Eggsy’s voice broke and he gave the most hopeless look that Harry had ever seen on his face.

Harry moved over to Eggsy, sitting beside him. He held out a hand and Eggsy took it after a moment, which was a relief. He had thought that Eggsy would just ignore him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Harry soothed.

“Promise?” Eggsy asked, looking impossibly young in his heartbreak.

“I promise. I’m going to pass the psych test, the same as I passed my field test, and then I’m going to be reinstated along with the recruits. Delaware will go back to her own branch, and things will go back to normal. As they should be. You’ll be a Kingsman, and I’ll be a Kingsman...and maybe one day my ARC will talk to me too and we’ll have something else in common,” Harry promised. The tension flooded out of Eggsy’s shoulder and he slumped against him.

“Alright. I’ll take it,” he grumbled. “I just wish it didn’t feel like you were always keeping things from me,” Eggsy admitted.

“I’m a spy, Eggsy. Aren’t I entitled to some secrets?” Harry asked, eyebrows raising.

“Not from me,” Eggsy whined and gave a small pout.

“What, and you don’t have any secrets?” Harry asked, skeptical.

“Not from you Harry. Never from you,” Eggsy assured him with such open honesty it made his heart hurt.

“Eggsy...I’m not sure I can...give up all my secrets,” Harry admitted, even though it hurt.

“I don’t want them all. I just want you to be honest with me when I ask you to be. Can you do that?” Eggsy asked.

“I can do that,” Harry replied, feeling like a heavy stone had been shifted off of his heart.

“Alright. I mean, it’s still shitty, but I can work with it,” Eggsy gave in.

“Thank you,” Harry meant it.

“Yeah, alright. Can we go to bed now?” he asked.

“Yes, yes we can,” Harry leaned over and placed a light kiss on Eggsy’s forehead.

 

* * *

 

He woke up before the alarm went off, feeling a bit disoriented. It was early still, the room still dark and quiet. Harry was pressed against him, arm draped across his waist, face nestled in the nape of his neck. He shifted, but stilled when Harry pressed into him from behind. Harry was hard against his ass, and Eggsy thought for a moment that he was making a move but the deep breathing he heard suggested that Harry was still asleep.

Eggsy shifted again and Harry’s breathing stuttered in his sleep, a small moan escaping his parted lips. Harry’s cock gave a heavy twitch and Eggsy felt his own respond for the first time in almost two months. Elated he pushed back into Harry, getting another breathy groan for his efforts. Harry pushed his hips forward, meeting him and nuzzling deeper into his neck as he slowly came into wakefulness.

Eggsy let out a groan of his own as Harry slid his hand down Eggsy’s body and pressed firmly on his erection. He hummed in approval and pushed the edge of Eggsy’s pants down, giving him easier access. Eggsy swore as Harry’s hand came in contact with his skin, grasping him firmly and giving a long, lazy stroke. He felt his eyes roll in the back of his head as he pushed back against Harry, making him hum again from the pleasure it caused.

 

“Will you indulge me?” Harry breathed soft against his ear, sending chills down his spine.

“Whatever you want Harry,” Eggsy replied, and he meant it.

“I want you to take me tonight,” Harry requested and Eggsy frowned and looked back at him.

“But, you’re the top?” he questioned and was rewarded with another slow stroke, which almost pushed the thought out of his mind completely.

“You’ve never switched it up before?” Harry asked.

“I’ve…well I’ve always been a bottom,” he admitted.

“You’ve had some selfish lovers then,” Harry tutted against his neck, kissing a line down his shoulder blades.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Eggsy breathed and his hips jerked as Harry stroked him a  little harder, a little faster.

“Just take your time,” Harry instructed, reaching behind him with his free hand to open the drawer beside the bed and removed the bottle of lube. Eggsy took it from him and pushed Harry off of him. Harry moved higher on the bed, and slid out of his clothing, with a bit of help from Eggsy. Once he was naked, he spread his legs like a two bit whore, inviting and exposed. Eggsy coated his fingers in lube, and took a shaky breath.

“Tell me if I hurt you, yeah?” Eggsy asked, feeling unnaturally nervous.

“You won’t, but I will tell you,” Harry promised.

Eggsy took it slow, enjoying the new sensation of pressing into Harry with his finger. He wondered if it felt the same as when Harry did it to him, and he thought that he might enjoy this quite a bit, if Harry kept making those small gasping sounds. He had done this twice before, but both times had been with women. This was vastly different, although the mechanics were the same. There was a connection here that he hadn’t had with his other lovers, and that seemed to make all the difference.

Harry motioned for him to give another finger and Eggsy obliged, watching in fascination as Harry opened up for him, eager and willing. His gasps were a little sharper, a little more ragged, and it sent bolts of fire through his veins at the sounds. He was a little surprised at how much he wanted to do this. When Harry seemed ready he added a third finger without prompting, after a bit of extra lube. Harry’s breath caught in his throat and he arched his back a little. Eggsy saw that his erection was flagging a bit, so he reached over with his other hand and gave it a few jerks which caused Harry to gasp and twitch with each upward stroke.

He took his time, moving his fingers in and out slowly, spreading them a little when he was all the way in, searching for the spot that made Harry gasp. It took a bit of searching, but he found it. Harry swore when he hit it. Grinning, Eggsy slowly pressed into the spot again, stroking lightly until Harry was a gasping mess against the sheets, precum leaking onto his stomach as he twitched and moaned.

“Eggsy, please,” Harry grabbed for his hand, pupils blown wide, and hair falling onto his forehead. Eggsy grinned and removed his fingers slowly. He poured a generous amount of lube onto himself, and then positioned himself at Harry’s entrance. He hesitated a moment, but Harry pushed up to meet him. Taking his cue, Eggsy eased himself into Harry.

“Oh Jesus, Harry,” he breathed as he hit the furthest point he could, buried into his lover and just trying not to lose control. Harry felt amazing, tight and perfect. He could feel his muscles tightening around him as he got used to the feeling. Eggsy looked up at him, and Harry gave a small grin, and then an encouraging nod. Eggsy took it slow, finding the right rhythm, learning what Harry liked, or didn’t like. He watched Harry’s face as he fucked him, enjoying the emotions that played across his face as Eggsy tried different things.

 

“Eggsy, I won’t break,” Harry growled, his voice deeper and less refined than Eggsy was used to hearing it.

“Alright, then get on your knees,” Eggsy demanded as he pulled out. Harry obeyed immediately, which made his cock twitch hard. When Harry was on his hand and knees, he looked back at him and Eggsy thought he’d lose it right there, just seeing Harry disheveled and waiting for it...waiting for him.

He pushed in again, hands digging into Harry’s hips. He started slow, but with an impatient glare from Harry he picked up the pace. When they had started, he had intended to go slow and wreck Harry like that, but as he continued he lost all semblance of control. All the anger and the pain and the stress of the past few months seemed to crash down on him all at once. He slammed into Harry, rough enough to cause him to cry out into the pillows. It was a glorious sound, and Harry didn’t tell him to stop so he kept going.

They were both groaning now, voices mingling together as Eggsy plowed into Harry, hard and fast, hands digging into his hips, keeping him in place. He was getting close to the edge of his orgasm, so he reached down and grabbed Harry’s cock, which he hadn’t attended to since he flipped over. Harry gave a strangled noise as Eggsy did so. He didn’t think he could go any faster, but he pushed himself anyway, slamming into Harry, making him whimper as he pounded him from behind, and stroked him from the front.

Harry clenched around him suddenly, crying out hoarsely as he came. The extra tightness pushed him over the edge and he came hard, hips stuttering, cries leaving his throat he wasn’t even aware he was making. He stilled, but stayed where he was, just feeling Harry around him as he came down from his orgasm. Eventually he pulled out and dropped heavily to the bed next to Harry, panting hard. He glanced up at Harry, who had rolled on his side, and had his head propped up on one hand. His face was red, his hair was everywhere, but he also looked satisfied.

 

“I hurt you,” Eggsy whispered.

“A little,” Harry agreed, but his expression was more interested than angry.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, I shouldn’t have gone so hard,” Eggsy admitted.

“No. You don’t get to be sorry for that. It’s what we both wanted...and needed,” Harry replied, running a hand over Eggsy’s shoulder. His touch was warm, solid, and reassuring.

“God Harry, I never had sex like that,” Eggsy admitted.

“Me either,” Harry grinned.

“You should always bottom,” Eggsy teased.

“If that’s what you want,” Harry replied, serious. Eggsy gave him a surprised look at his words, but then shook his head.

“Nah. I like switching it up,” he decided at last.

“Me too,” Harry agreed, “Now, get up and help me change the sheets. I’m not sleeping in the wet spot, thank you very much.”

 

* * *

 

The next few days flew by at record speed, and although it was getting closer and closer to his psych evaluation, he had rarely been happier. Things has returned almost to normal after Eggsy had woken him in the middle of the night to have sex. It seemed to him, that that event had opened up the floodgates for Eggsy again. The younger man’s sex drive had returned and he seemed to want to make up for lost time. Not that Harry minded, but he was still hesitant to top again for Eggsy. He didn’t want to bring back any bad memories from his time as a sex slave. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Eggsy any more than he already had.

In tandem with the return of Eggsy’s sex drive, he found that he was more open with what was going on in his head as well. He opened up a little quicker when Eggsy would ask how he was doing, and his answers were more honest. Harry had given up trying to stop telling Eggsy things that would cause him to worry, because Eggsy would worry anyway. They both felt better because of it.

Things within Kingsman seemed to improve as well. Merlin had actually taken a day off to recuperate from trying to get Harry’s ARC developed properly. Roxy had left and returned from a mission in half the time it was expected, with twice the results. This left Delaware in a good mood, even though they still had no leads on the arsonist running rampant in London. Gawain had debunked the rumor that Japan had received Valentine sim cards, and had confiscated the knock-offs to have them destroyed, which had put everyone more at ease.

The recruits had taken their loyalty test yesterday, and were spending today with their mentor’s. Of the nine that had been left, only six of them had passed the train test. Both twins, Ava and Adam, one of the German lads named Ira, Roxy’s brother Ezra, Lucretia the Russian girl, and Edana the Scot. It was anyone’s game now that there was only one test left. If more than four passed (or five, if Harry didn’t pass his own test), then they’d take the ones with the best overall scores.

 

Harry stood at the doorway of the exam room with Eggsy at his side. Both of them were anxious and hadn’t spoken much.

“Hey Harry?” Eggsy asked and he turned to look at him.

“Yes Eggsy?” Harry inquired.

“I might --” Eggsy was cut off as Harry leaned in to kiss him, swallowing his words. He pulled back after a moment, staying close.

“You might?” Harry prompted.

“I might -” Eggsy began again, and Harry leaned in to kiss him again, cutting him off a second time, and kissing him a little deeper, a little more insistently.

“You might what?” Harry asked softly as he pulled back, barely an inch from Eggsy’s face.

“I mig-” Eggsy tried again, but allowed himself to be interrupted by another kiss, long, deep and almost desperate. Harry pulled back after a little, letting his thumb linger over Eggsy’s chin as he did so.

“I might have forgotten what I was gonna bloody say,” Eggsy managed, face flushed and looking a bit dazed.

“Good. I don’t need you to say anything. It shouldn’t take more than a few hours. Go do something, anything? I don’t want you sitting out here waiting all day, okay?” Harry requested.

“Nice try, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be waiting right here for you when you’re done, yeah?” Eggsy looked up at him with such earnestness in his eyes that it made Harry’s heart clench.

“Say some prayers for me okay? I need all the help I can get,” Harry asked.

“Didn’t think you were religious Harry,” Eggsy frowned.

“I’m not. That being said, there are no atheists in foxholes,” Harry sighed.

“You better come back out of that room Harry Hart,” Eggsy growled.

“I will,” Harry promised, giving Eggsy one more kiss and then walking into the room before he lost his nerve.

 

_One way, or the other, I will._

 

* * *

 

Harry stood in Delaware’s office, resisting the urge to pace as he waited for the results that would determine if he would continue to be a Kingsman...or otherwise. Merlin had been called into the room and he stood nearby, also not pacing, looking just as stressed as Harry felt. It was strange to see Merlin visibly stressed, and Harry took it as a bad sign. He met Merlin’s gaze and gave a small frown. Merlin just gave a small shrug and looked back at Delaware who sat at her desk, going over the results in silence. When she finally spoke, Harry almost jumped in surprise.

“I’m most impressed with your performance Harry, you’ve managed to pass both your field test, and your psych evaluation. You have glowing reviews from your peers, and your therapist says you’re on the right track. I admit that I didn’t think you were capable, but you clearly are. I rarely misjudge someone so poorly,” Delaware gave a small smile, which he returned as relief flooded through his system.

“Before you’re admitted back into Kingsman for active duty, you do have one final thing that you must do,” she added, and the relief faded as fast as it had washed over him. She pulled a gun from inside her suit jacket and held it out to him. He took it. It was heavy, fully loaded.

 

“Shoot Merlin,” she demanded.

“What?” he asked, thinking he had to have misheard her.

“I said, shoot Merlin,” she repeated.

“Is that an order?” he growled.

“Yes. It is,” she snipped, words clear and firm.

He looked over at Merlin, who didn’t look surprised, just resigned. He had no expression on his face that Harry could get a reading from. Damn him. Harry looked at the gun, moved it a little in his hand. There were no blanks in the gun, he would know if there were. These were real bullets. If he pulled the trigger, Merlin would be dead.

“Sometime before noon, please,” Delaware spat, impatient.

His hands felt numb as he switched off the safety and aimed the gun at Merlin, who met his gaze. They stared each other down for what seemed like an eternity as Harry fought with himself. He made up his mind with cold certainty, praying to a God he didn’t believe in that he was making the right decision.

  
He pulled the trigger. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me!
> 
> Also, thanks again to everyone who reads and leaves comments. I love you all! :)
> 
> Also also, if anyone catches any big mistakes, let me know so I can fix them. As I said before, this has no beta. (so I can get it to you faster!)


	26. Deception and Ascension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **See the end for an important note!**

The world went momentarily white as the gun clattered to the floor. There was an incredibly strange warmth in the back of his head that extended down his whole right side, leaving an unpleasant, almost electric feeling that started from the base of his neck and extended to his fingertips. It faded quickly, leaving him shaken as he stared uncomprehendingly at the gun on the floor. He straightened, and looked up at Merlin. Merlin was regarding him with a curious look on his face. A face that was miraculously whole.  

“Congratulations. You’re both to be reinstated tomorrow, alongside the recruits,” Delaware gave a rare smile, and held out her hand, first to Merlin, who shook it without a word, and then to Harry, who shook it as well, still wondering what was going on.

“What is going on?” Harry asked, voice much calmer than he felt.

“Your final test was to follow my orders,” Delaware started, “Merlin’s final test was to create a function of ARC that made it impossible for one agent to turn on another.”

“I thought Merlin was already reinstated?” Harry asked.

“Only mostly reinstated. Constantly monitored until I could develop ARC further. Now the restrictions will be lifted, correct?” Merlin looked at Delaware and she nodded.

“Yes, they will be lifted. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a meeting with Kay to discuss his lack of progress on his last case. Please excuse me,” she gathered her items and then left the office. Harry could hear Eggsy speaking to her in the hallway, but couldn’t catch the words.

“Are you alright Harry? Did the effect wear off?” Merlin asked.

“No, I’m not alright Merlin. She tried to...I would have...I was…” Harry stopped talking, at a loss for words.

“Well, you didn’t. I asked you if you trusted me a few days ago. You said you did. Thankfully I trust me too, although I would have liked more time to test the damned functionality before having it tested on me. The device only activates for murderous intentions. If you had tried to wing me, it wouldn’t have worked, and I would be bleeding...and you wouldn’t be here,” Merlin explained.

“...and if it hadn’t worked?” Harry managed.

“Then you’d be a Kingsman, and I’d be dead,” Merlin said so matter of factly that Harry wanted to strangle him.

“Merlin-” Harry started.

“Oh stop it. Don’t get sentimental. We both knew it wouldn’t be as simple as she made it out to be. This is the job Harry,” Merlin reminded him.

“Bugger the job!” Harry growled. A low beat pulsed in his temple, the sign of an impending headache.

“I don’t know why you’re so held up on what if’s. That’s not like you Harry. Don’t tell me you’re going soft?” Merlin frowned at him.

“Prick,” Harry grumbled.

“Tosser,” Merlin countered, but there was no venom in it.

Harry sighed. All in all, Merlin was right. He had passed his test, Merlin had passed his own, no one had been shot, ARC had worked and Delaware would be off their backs for the foreseeable future. He’d return to work and life would go on.

“I think you better go out and tell Eggsy how you did. Keeping him waiting is a bit cruel, no?” Merlin motioned towards the door with his head.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you, Merlin. Really. I couldn’t have done this without you,” Harry thanked him.

“Yes you could have, but you’re welcome anyway.”

Merlin opened the door and they both exited into the hallway. Eggsy was waiting, lines carved into his forehead from grimacing, worry hunching his frame as he sat awkwardly on the windowsill. He straightened as he caught sight of them.

“Well?” Eggsy asked, anxiety tightening his features.

“I passed,” Harry assured him, and then staggered backward as Eggsy threw himself into his arms. Harry chuckled and hugged him back. Eggsy pulled back a moment later. Harry couldn’t help but smile at the pure, unadulterated joy on Eggsy’s face. It was a good look on him. His grin widened as Eggsy went to give a hug to Merlin too, who looked like the last thing in the world he wanted was to be embraced.

“Oi, if you passed then why the hell do you two look so...off?” Eggsy asked suspiciously as he looked between them both.

“It doesn’t matter, the test is over,” Merlin sighed.

“The fuck did I miss?” Eggsy asked, frowning.

“Nothing Eggsy. Let’s go celebrate. I need a drink,” Harry replied.

“That makes two of us,” Merlin replied.

“Three,” Eggsy agreed, and the three of them left the Kingsman estate behind to go enjoy a pint, and to try to forget the trials and tribulations of the last few months.

* * *

“The first order of business is the reinstatement of Merlin and Galahad. Welcome back to Kingsman, both of you,” Delaware gave the formal announcement around the table. There was polite applause from most, and slightly more exuberant applause from Eggsy and Roxy at the news. Harry gave a polite nod of his head in their direction and took his seat in his normal spot, next to the head of the table. Merlin took a seat off to the side, not able to vote on any proceedings, but included in the meeting anyway.

“The second order of business is to welcome our newest agents, and saying goodbye to their fill-ins. Ohio, Kentucky, thank you for your service. You’re dismissed from your duties here. Return home, and take Nevada’s ashes with you so he can go home as well,” Delaware handed an urn to Tia, who took it with sad reverence. They both nodded to the group, and then exited the room. Delaware then motioned for the new recruits to come forward.

“Edana McDermot, we welcome you into our ranks as a fellow Kingsman agent and bestow upon you the codename of Tristan. Congratulations,” Delaware motioned for Edana to take a seat in Tristan’s old spot at the table. There was light applause.

“Adam Carter, we welcome you into our ranks as a fellow Kingsman agent and bestow upon you the codename of Bors. Congratulations,” Delaware clapped as Adam took his seat to more applause.

“Ava Carter, we welcome you into our ranks as a fellow Kingsman agent and bestow upon you the codename of Bedivere. Congratulations.” Ava took her seat quickly, next to her brother, grinning from ear to ear.

“The final spot goes to Ezra Morton. Ezra, I do apologize but you will have to wait for your code name until our final business is concluded. Please remain in the room until such time,” Delaware motioned for him to have a seat and he sat down next to Merlin, looking anxious.

“Our final bit of business is choosing the new Arthur. Any agent can be nominated, and you can nominate yourself. You may also turn down a nomination if you do not wish to become Arthur. I will not be voting, as this is not my division. Ezra, you will get to vote, despite not being granted a codename. Once the nominations are complete, we will vote on the new Arthur. Majority rules. Any questions?” When she received no answers she nodded. “Good. You may now nominate any potential candidates.”

“I nominate Galahad,” Eggsy replied immediately.

“I thank you Excalibur, but I turn down the nomination,” Harry replied, almost as quickly as Eggsy had spoken up. The room went silent, lots of surprised glances were exchanged. Eggsy’s mouth had fallen open, but he shut it quickly and made no other reply.

“I nominate Percival,” Roxy added, breaking the silence.

“I accept your nomination,” Percival replied.

“I nominate Kay,” Edana spoke up, diving right into politics, despite being new.

“I accept your nomination,” Kay grinned.

In the end only Percival and Kay were nominated. Voting commenced. It was a brief affair. Percival was voted into office getting all votes but two.

“Ezra Morton, we welcome you into our ranks as a fellow Kingsman agent and bestow upon you the codename of Percival. Congratulations.”

“Alexander Harris, we welcome you into our ranks as a fellow Kingsman agent and bestow upon you the codename of Arthur. I step down from my temporary position. The room is yours to command, sir,” Delaware stepped back, hands behind her back, awaiting orders.

“Thank you for your efforts. We are in your debt. Should ever the American branch need assistance, do not hesitate to contact us. You are dismissed. Join your agents, and go home. Give my regards and my thanks to DC,” Arthur shook her hand, and just like that Delaware was gone, and Kingsman was back on it’s feet.

* * *

“Why the fuck did you turn down a nomination Harry? Are you mad? You’re the most qualified person, and they all know it!” Eggsy exploded the moment they had entered Harry’s bedroom. Harry sighed, knowing that this outburst was inevitable. He had known it the moment he had turned the position down and had seen Eggsy’s lips draw into that thin line of irritation. He had honestly expected Eggsy’s outburst much earlier, but he had waited until they had gotten to a place where they could shout in private.

“I have my reasons Eggsy,” Harry started, and held up a hand as Eggsy tried to interrupt him. He’d break him of that habit yet, “I don’t know how good of a job I can do with the remaining symptoms from my injury.”

“Bollocks. You’d be fine and we both know it. Stop bullshitting me Harry! Why’d you really turn it down?” Eggsy cried.

“Because I’m losing my memories,” Harry replied, and just like that his last secret slipped out. He hadn’t intended it to come out like that, and by the shocked look on Eggsy’s face he wished he had broached the subject more delicately.

 

“How long have you been losing them?” Eggsy managed, voice soft, making him sound impossibly young.

“Not long. I seem to...lose moments after I have my migraines. Things I know I recalled recently but are now lost. I can’t remember them no matter how hard I try. So far it’s been trivial things. Early childhood that was mostly forgotten anyway, names of people from my early twenties, I don’t remember anything about my schooling anymore,” Harry admitted. He walked over to the far side of his room and opened the door to the balcony, letting the fresh air in. It made the tightness in his chest a little less tight. He leaned against the cool stone and sighed. Eggsy followed him in silence. They stood for a while as Eggsy processed the information.

“I started a journal, to try and write down everything I never want to forget. I wrote in it a good deal when you were away. I went back a few nights ago and read the early entries...and I when I read it...it seems familiar, but I don’t remember it in my mind anymore. It’s like reading about someone elses’ life,” Harry marveled with a helpless shrug.

“Is it getting worse?” Eggsy asked at length.

“It seems to be about the same. Every migraine I lose...a few more pieces of myself,” Harry wished it didn’t sound so dramatic, but it was the way he felt. He had told Eggsy he’d work on being honest, and here was the honesty. He was terrified of what was happening, but he was also trying to hold himself together.

“So I turned down the position because I honestly don’t know how much longer I have to still be me. How many headaches does it take to lose yourself completely? I don’t have that answer. Neither does Doctor Hannigan, and yes I did go to see him to get some neurological scans to see if he could find a reason for it,” Harry added.

“Why...why didn’t you tell me?” Eggsy questioned.

“You had enough to worry about...and I hoped it was a one time thing, honestly. I thought it might just go away,” Harry shrugged helplessly and then rubbed his face with one hand, “but it doesn’t seem to be going away, and I fear it’s just going to get worse.”

Eggsy reached over and took his hand, squeezing tightly. Harry looked over at him. Eggsy looked tired, and hurt, but he could tell that Eggsy was trying to be understanding and it broke his heart all over again. He didn’t deserve to have someone be so good to him. Not after all he had done.

“I’d understand if you don’t want anything to do with me Eggsy. You shouldn’t be saddled with an old man who’s losing his mind. You should be with someone your own age, someone who can keep up. Someone...who isn’t just a jumble of broken pieces that can never be put back together the same way,” Harry stopped, unable to spit out anymore words along that line of thought. A life without Eggsy in it would be barely a life. Now that he’d had him, the hole he’d leave behind could never be filled.

“Shut up Harry. Just shut up, yeah?” Eggsy choked as he squeezed his hand so hard Harry felt his knuckles grind together painfully. Harry watched as the emotion spasmed across Eggsy’s face. His cheeks flushed red, making the scar stand out in vivid relief.

“I’m not going to just walk away from you. Haven’t you figured that out yet? I didn’t just leave the first time you didn’t remember things did I? Why would I leave now? Especially now? After all we’ve been through? God, you are daft sometimes Harry!” Eggsy cried, fighting the tears in his eyes and winning.

“I just want what’s best for you, I don’t want you to feel obligat-” Harry started.

Eggsy was on him before he could finish his sentence. Harry grunted as he was pushed into his room, and up against the closest wall. Eggsy pinned him there, hands fisted into his suit jacket, teeth clenched and muscles in his throat working.

“I’m. Not. Fucking. Leaving. You.” he growled, annunciating each word carefully and fiercely. Harry had rarely seen such ferocity in Eggsy’s eyes, and he realized for the first time just how dangerous Eggsy could potentially be when backed into a corner. And that’s what he had just done, although it hadn’t been his intention.

“You think you’re just expendable Harry? That I can just go out and find someone that’s even half the man you are? I’ll tell you the same I told Arthur when that bloody prick told me that I could choose to live in Valentine’s new world with him. I’d rather be with you, thanks,” Eggsy’s voice grew softer, but the fire hadn’t left his eyes.

“That’s a stupid decision Eggsy,” Harry sighed.

“Wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t full of stupid decisions, yeah?” Eggsy let out a humorless laugh, and Harry could see how heavily this weighed on him. He wished he could have done this with more tact, although there was probably no way to make the news any less harsh. Harry reached up and laid a hand gently on Eggsy’s scarred cheek, brushing a thumb over the edge of the scar.

“I don’t half love you Eggsy,” he breathed as he leaned his head forward and pressed his forehead against Eggsy’s. He felt the tension go out of his lover as he sighed.

“Yeah, I love you too old man,” Eggsy replied.

“Hey now, I’m not that old,” Harry protested.

“Losin’ memories...that’s old man shit Harry,” Eggsy reasoned.

“Ouch,” Harry asked, putting a hand over his heart as if he was wounded.

“Too soon?” Eggsy gave a half hearted grin.

“Never,” Harry replied and pulled Eggsy in for a kiss.

Eggsy was pliable at first, but the kiss swiftly turned desperate and needy. All teeth and tongue, rough hands and rolling hips. It wasn’t just from Eggsy either, Harry felt just as desperate to touch and to feel, to let the emotions, the worry, and the pain slip away into the void for just a while. To lose himself in the way Eggsy pushed him against the wall, keeping him in place. To the way their clothing seemed to melt off of them into puddles on the floor until there was nothing left but skin on skin, flushed and hot to the touch. He relished each whimper and moan, the tensing and relaxing of muscles under his hands, and the way Eggsy looked at him, a combination of lust, desperation, and love mixed just right.

They made it to the bed where Harry tipped Eggsy into the sheets, ravishing him with his mouth, trying to memorize every inch of skin, every taste, every texture. It wasn’t long before Eggsy was pleading for what he wanted, and Harry obliged. He doubted there was anything as sweet as Eggsy sinking down on him from the top, the first time in months, and just as perfect as he remembered. Harry watched Eggsy’s face as he moved into him, the mingled pleasure spiked with a twinge of pain which soon turned to pure bliss as Eggsy moved against him, taking control and gasping his name over and over again like the prayer of a dying man.

Neither of them lasted long, the fervor of their desperation pushing them towards the edge faster than either anticipated. They lay spent afterwards, curled together in a tangle of limbs, neither saying anything, just listening to each other as their breathing evened out and they came to their senses. Harry traced light patterns into Eggsy’s skin as Eggsy sat with his head on Harry’s chest, listening to his slowing heartbeat.

When they both grew too uncomfortable they took a long shower together, which was the opposite of their desperate copulation. This was slow, lingering touches, the light brush of lips against bruises, and warm words softly falling between them. Promises and reassurances were exchanged for doubts and fear. By the time their skin was wrinkled from the water there were no more words to be exchanged and the touches had grown heavy with weariness. They eased into bed the second time, fitting together like the world’s strangest puzzle, taking and giving comfort in turns until words faded into steady breathing and dreams.

* * *

Eggsy woke sometime in the early morning, having reached over in his sleep to find no one sharing the bed with him. He sat up, wiping sleep from his eyes, frowning against the light filtering into the room from the open window.

“Harry?” he called.

“Mm? Oh, I’m sorry if the light woke you,” Harry replied from the balcony. Eggsy gave a groan and then pushed himself out of bed and trudged outside, shivering a little against the chill in the air. He leaned on the railing, mirroring Harry, and gazed out at the horizon. The sun was just coming up, painting the clouds with vibrant pink, orange, and yellow hues.

“I don’t often catch the sunrise, but it’s my favorite time of day,” Harry admitted, voice soft as if he was afraid that the sun would go back into hiding if he was too loud.

“Mine too, but I sleep through it usually,” Eggsy agreed.

“I like the quiet. It feels like the whole world is asleep and at peace. I think it’s the only time the world feels like it’s at peace,” Harry mused.

“Then let’s not disturb it, yeah?” Eggsy asked, slipping his hand into Harry’s.

They stood together, hand-in-hand on Harry’s balcony, ready for whatever life was going to throw at them, and watched the sun come up over the silent horizon.

**  
**  
  
**Please see the endnotes for more information.** 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to thank everyone for reading and commenting and being wonderful people. I loved writing every inch of this story, and though it was difficult at times, it was great fun. I really appreciate everything everyone has added and helped me with, from plot holes to translations, to just general encouragement and fun comments!
> 
> That being said, this story is not over. This is NOT the end. I have more content, quite a bit more, but it's going to be written in a different manner than this story and I felt like it would get way too disjointed if I put them together in the same story. It would be too jarring. So, I'll be having a new story posted at some point later this month (hopefully later this week actually) and it will pick up where this one left off. 
> 
> THAT BEING SAID. 
> 
> If you like happy endings, do yourself a favor and leave the story here. Leave Harry and Eggsy on the balcony where they're happy and content, ready to face what comes next. 
> 
> If you're a glutton for punishment, like me, then feel free to read the next part when it comes out. It will be titled "Voices Among The Ashes".


End file.
